Friday, January 7, 2000 Edition: #1716
BS RULES TO LIVE BY:
• Never accept a drink from a urologist.
• Don’t live in the past or for the future. By living life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life. Unless your life sucks — then live in the past.
• If you’re applying for a job at UPS, don’t send your résumé by FedEx.
• Be tolerant of those who disagree with you. After all, they have a right to their ridiculous opinions.
• Learn to recognize the inconsequential from the consequential, then ignore them both.
• War doesn’t determine who’s right, just who’s left.
• When you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose — it’s how drunk you get.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TV game show mania continues — another Dick Clark production, “Winning Lines”, debuts tomorrow night on CBS, and Maury Povich begins testing knowledge for big bucks Sunday on NBC’s resurrected quiz show “Twenty One” . . . There’s speculation that ‘Scary Spice’ Mel G might have to quit the band in order to keep custody of her 10-month-old daughter Phoenix Chi (and then there were 3) . . . Word is Brad Pitt wants galpal Jennifer Aniston to give up show biz for a new role as wife and mother.
MOVIES OPENING TODAY:
3 pics that have already been out in limited release – Ethan Hawke stars as a WW2-era reporter assigned to cover the trial of a Japanese man accused of the murder of a Pacific Northwest fisherman in “Snow Falling on Cedars” . . . Tobey Maguire sets out to explore the world after spending his entire youth in an orphanage in “The Cider House Rules” . . . There’s already Oscar buzz about Tom Cruise in “Magnolia”, a comedic tale of intersecting stories involving a boy genius, a game show host, a dying man, and a police officer in love – and, they say, it all makes sense the end!
FIZZLED FIREWORKS:
Critics are calling Ottawa’s “Year 2000″ bash an embarrassment. The $800,000-plus party was plagued with technical glitches including a speaker system that cut out and a giant clock that botched the millennium countdown. (A million-dollar screw-up on Parliament Hill – gee, what a surprise!)
THIS REALLY IS BS!
The African kingdom of Swaziland has asked its Speaker of the House to resign because he had the nerve to actually remove cow dung from the yard of the royal palace. (As we all know, politicians don’t TAKE crap – they hand it out!)
POKEMON ALERT:
• Burger King is recalling 25 million “Pokemon” containers because toddlers can suffocate if they stick them over their noses. They’re exchanging them for orders of fries. (Which toddlers will stick UP their noses.)
• Can you stand the excitement? Tomorrow kids across the continent will be lining up to try and catch a copy of ‘Mew’, a new English-language version of the “Pokemon” trading card previously found only in Japanese. For the uneducated, ‘Mew’ is the elusive 151st “Pokemon”. (Be still my heart.)
THE BULL SHEET 01.07.00
TODAY’S CELEB BIRTHDAYS . . .
1939 [61] Maury Povich, Washington DC, TV game show host (Twenty One)/Mr Connie Chung
1952 [48] Sammo Hung, Hong Kong CHI, TV actor (Sammo Law-Martial Law)
1957 [43] Katie Couric, Arlington VA, perky TV host (The Today Show, since 1991)
1964 [36] Nicolas Cage, Long Beach CA, movie actor (9MM, Oscar-Leaving Las Vegas)
1970 [30] Denny Lambert, Wawa ON, NHL LW (Atlanta Thrashers)
1972 [28] Donald Brashear, Bedford IN, NHL LW (Vancouver Canucks)
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [53] David Bowie (Jones), Brixton ENG, classic rock singer (Changes, China Girl)
1969 [30] R Kelly, R&B/pop singer (If I Could Turn Back the Hands of Time, I Believe I Can Fly)
SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1935 [65] Bob Denver, New Rochelle NY, former TV actor (Gilligan-Gilligan’s Island)
1944 [56] Jimmy Page, Heston ENG, classic rock musician (Led Zeppelin-Stairway to Heaven)
1967 [33] Dave Matthews, Johannesburg SA, rock singer (Dave Matthews Band-Crash)
1978 [22] AJ (Alexander James) McLean, West Palm Beach FL, pop singer (Backstreet Boys-Larger Than Life)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
3 days of celebrations commemorating the anniversary of the birth of Elvis Presley begin today at Graceland. “The King” would have been (or IS, according to some) 65 tomorrow. (I got real close to seeing Elvis, but my shovel broke.)
The end of the month-long Ramadan fasting by Muslims worldwide is celebrated beginning today with “Eid-Al-Fitr”, a festival which usually lasts several days.
Monday is the annual “Egg Balancing Day” (as declared by BS), the day that eggs stand up for themselves. Take an average egg, gently place it on it’s fat end and ta-da! — it stands!. So be sure to bring eggs into the studio, and encourage listeners join the eggs-periment.
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1998 Hockey lawyer Alan Eagleson pleads guilty to fraud charges and is sentenced to 18 months
1998 Canadian “SNL” comic Norm MacDonald is fired from his “Weekend Update” job by NBC
1999 President Bill Clinton’s impeachment trial begins (only the 2nd in American history)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1955 [45] 1st telecast of opening of Canadian Parliament
1958 [42] 1st ‘ant farm’ is sold
1992 [08] 1st ‘video-telephone’ goes on sale ($1499)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] Man Watcher’s Day
[Sun] Play God Day
Fat Free Living Month
THE LAST WORD: Chicken — the egg’s way of making more eggs.
SALUT! A tip of da Bull’s horns to some of our latest subscribers – Logan Davis at KISN, Salt Lake City UT and Mike Storr of Energy 98, Ft St John BC. Welcome to the pasture!
