Thursday, July 8, 2004        Edition: #2818
Sweet Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
French movie actor Olivier Martinez has plopped down circa $300,000 to buy pop-singer girlfriend Kylie Minogue a vintage 50-foot sailing boat called ‘White Wings’ after she fell in love with it during a test drive in the Mediterranean . . . 65-year-old country crooner Kenny Rogers has become a father again – to identical twin boys (wife Wanda is also an identical twin) . . . Britney Spears has put fiancé Kevin Federline on her permanent payroll because he has no money of his own, and she’s reportedly resisting pressure from her parents to force him to sign a prenuptial agreement (she’s worth an estimated $100 million) . . .  Cameron Diaz is the latest celebrity to get full ‘exposure’ on the Internet as a kinky S&M video featuring a much younger Diaz is now available for download – for $39.95 (it sure ain’t “Shrek 2″!) . . . And rumors are flying that Paris Hilton & Nick Carter are engaged after she was spotted flashing a huge pear-shaped diamond ring on her left hand (we bet she’s just jerkin’ our chain again).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Scissor Sisters – Ana Matronic found out her father was gay when she was 6-years-old, 3 years after he’d split with her mother. He died of AIDS when she was 14.
• Emerson Drive – David Pichette says what he misses most about Canada while the group is touring America is Tim Horton’s coffee because you can’t find it in the US unless you’re in Ohio. (Actually there are now close to 200 Tim Horton’s doughnut shops throughout the northeastern US.)
• Sheryl Crow – She’s in France to cheer on cyclist-boyfriend Lance Armstrong, who’s currently attempting to win a record 6th “Tour de France”.
• Cher – She’s added another dozen dates to her seemingly endless “Farewell Tour” which began in June 2002 and now entails over 200 concerts. The latest North American segment kicks off JULY 23rd in Calgary.
• Alicia Keys – She’ll perform at the “Wall of Hope China 2004″ concert SEPTEMBER 25th, the first international pop concert to be held at the Great Wall of China.
• Outkast – TONIGHT they do “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Los Lonely Boys – TONIGHT they’re on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.

MOVIES GETTIN’ MADE:
Russell Crowe has agreed to star in a follow-up to “Master & Commander: The Far Side Of The World” called “Post Captain”, also based on a novel in the Aubrey-Maturin series by Patrick O’Brian . . . A&E has cast Austrian actor Roland Kickinger to play a young Arnold Schwarzenegger in a bio-pic about the bodybuilder-turned-actor-turned-governor . . . Naomi Watts has landed her first action role in the upcoming spy movie “Daisy Scarlett”, about a British agent who investigates the deaths of high-profile people whose vital organs have been removed . . . Denzel Washington has signed on to direct & produce a bio-pic about late entertainer Sammy Davis Jr but has no plans to take on a role in the film . . . And Jessica Simpson is being considered for the role of a ‘Bond’ girl in the next ‘007’ movie, reportedly playing one of Bond’s lovers (she’d be 24 when they shoot it NEXT YEAR … and Pierce Brosnan 52!).

SPAM TO SCRAM?
Robert Shaw, an Internet strategy expert with the International Telecommunications Union, has told a UN meeting in Geneva that the battle against spam can be won within 2 years. But governments and software companies will have to join forces to make it happen. If they don’t, Shaw warns, millions may simply abandon the Internet out of frustration and disgust. It’s estimated that spam costs the global economy as much as $100 billion a year. How so? Lost productivity and time wasted clearing e-mail boxes.
– Reuters

R-RATED SCRABBLE:
Among the 45,000 additions to the new UK edition of the “Collins Scrabble Words Dictionary”: ‘arsed’, ‘bumfluff’, ‘shagtastic’ and ‘sparrowfart’. (Huh, is this English?)
– “Sun”

NOT BIG FISH:
Scientists at the Australian Museum in Sydney think they’ve discovered the world’s smallest and lightest fish. The microscopic ‘Stout Infantfish’ is so minuscule it would take a million of them to weigh a kilo. Males of the species are just 7 mm-long (about a quarter-inch). The wormlike fish that features comparatively large eyes but no scales or pigmentation has only been found near one island off Australia’s east coast. The world’s current acknowledged smallest vertebrate is the ‘Dwarf Goby Fish’ … an 8.6 mm-long monster.
– CNEWS

COUGH MEDICINES HAVE NO BENEFIT?
A research team at Penn State Children’s Hospital has found that the so-called ‘active ingredients’ in cough medicines do little to speed recovery. In experiments, night-time cough and sleep quality were no better with cough mixtures than with a simple, non-medicated syrup. Their conclusion – cough medicines don’t do any harm to people who take them, but neither do they have any medical benefits beyond those of non-medicated syrup. (Yeah, but after you swallow a mouthful of Buckley’s Mixture you immediately feel better – hey, I survived that so I must be OK!)
– “Pediatrics”

GENTLE BOYS MAKE BETTER MEN:
According to UK child psychologist Dr Sebastian Kraemer, encouraging young boys to behave ‘like men’ is a mistake. In fact, trying to ‘toughen up’ boys actually increases their chances of developing behavioral disorders in childhood and mental illness in adult life. So what’s the alternative? Parents should help boys build self-confidence that isn’t based on bluster and doesn’t need to be constantly asserted. A more confident but less aggressive male will turn out to be better adjusted. (I agree. Just the other day I was saying to young Jason, “C’mon now put down the gun and let’s talk.”)
– ANI

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• Villagers in the Mexican state of Veracruz swarmed all over James Caviezel during his recent visit. No, they’re not star-struck, they just wanted the “The Passion of the Christ” actor to heal the sick and perform other miracles.
• A man in Chonqing, China suffered 2 broken legs when he leapt out a window because he thought his microwave oven was about to explode. His second mistake – trying to use an umbrella as a parachute, which he thought would help him land safely like ‘Mary Poppins’.
• Nikolav Kozlov of Yekaterinburg, Russia is suing his ex-girlfriend for the return of gifts he gave her while they were dating. Among the items he’s demanding that she return – Swiss chocolates, nuts, 7 lbs of bananas … and ‘a bright red apple’.

BS SHOCKING FACT:
Gilbert Parent, Canada’s Ottawa-based Ambassador for the Environment, has racked up $34,286 in travel expenses … for the first half of 2004.
– Department of Foreign Affairs

THE BULL SHEET 07.08.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1944 [60] Jeffrey Tambor, San Francisco CA, TV actor (‘George Bluth Sr’ on “Arrested Development”)  COMING UP: Voices ‘King Neptune’ in “The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie” opening NOVEMBER 19th.

1948 [56] Raffi (Cavoukian), Cairo, Egypt (raised Toronto), children’s singer (“Baby Beluga”, “Wheels on the Bus”)/Order of Canada (1983)

1951 [53] Anjelica Huston, Santa Monica CA, movie actress (“Daddy Daycare”, Oscar-“Prizzi’s Honor”)

1958 [46] Kevin Bacon, Philadelphia PA, movie actor (“Mystic River”, “Apollo 13″)/Hollywood Walk of Fame (2003)  COMING UP: The Atom Egoyan film noir “Somebody Loves You” for which principal photography begins AUGUST 30th in Toronto, Los Angeles & London.

1961 [43] Toby Keith, Clinton OK, country singer (“Whiskey Girl”, “I Wanna Talk About Me”)

1968 [36] Billy Crudup, Manhasset NY, movie actor (“Big Fish”, “Almost Famous”)

1970 [34] Beck (Hansen), LA CA, alt-rock singer (“Devil’s Haircut”, “Loser”)

1970 [34] Drew Womack, country singer (Sons of the Desert-“Whatever Comes First”, “Change”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Video Games Day”, a day for kids to appreciate both the games … and the parents who buy them. Actually, one of the fastest growing segments of the video games market is now – adult women.

TOMORROW through July 18 is the “Calgary Stampede”, a tradition in ‘cow-town’ since 1912 and famous in the rodeo world for the $50,000 prize money in each rodeo event final. THIS YEAR the Stampede is boasting it’s the first $1-million regular season professional rodeo.
PHONER: 403.261.0101 (Media Department)
NET: http://calgarystampede.com

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1990 [14] 1st TV broadcast to generate 1 BILLION viewers (World Cup)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1881 [123] ‘Ice Cream Sundae’ invented (Edward Berner, Two Rivers WI)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Intern Appreciation Day
[Sat] Don’t Step on a Bee Day
[Sun] Cheer Up the Lonely Day
[Mon] Town Criers Day
[Tues] 75th Major League Baseball All-Star Game
This Week Is . . . Music For Life Week / Character Counts Week / Be Kind To New Jersey Week
This Month Is . . . Blueberry Month / Hay Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Where does the sky begin? Are tall people walking around in it?
• Is the sun considered a carcinogen?
• If rugs could talk, would they just lie?
• If you eat soup in the rain, how do you know when you’re done?
• If you have to push a button, is it really automatic?
• Do masochists enjoy dying?
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to?

MOST DEMANDING DIVAS:
1. Jennifer Lopez
2. Mariah Carey
3. Madonna
4. Christina Aguilera
5. Victoria Beckham
– New Flaunt TV survey.

IS IT LOVE, LUST OR MARRIAGE?
Love … When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
Lust … When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
Marriage … When your belt won’t meet around your waist and you don’t care.
Love … When intercourse is called making love.
Lust … All other times.
Marriage … What’s intercourse?
Love … When you share everything you own.
Lust … When you think twice about giving your partner bus money.
Marriage … When the bank owns everything.
Love … When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
Lust  … When you only ever see each other in the bedroom.
Marriage … When you never see each other awake.
 
BS IMPONDERABLES:
Q: Why do clocks run ‘clockwise’?
A: To mimic their predecessor, the sun dial. Had clocks been invented south of the equator, they’d probably run in the other direction.

Q: Why do clean things squeak more than dirty ones?
A: Squeaks come from the vibrations caused by the friction of two things rubbing against each other. Dirt acts as a lubricant.

Q: How come mole hairs are darker than other body hairs?
A: Moles have more pigment than surrounding skin. Therefore, mole hairs contain more pigment than other hairs.
– “Imponderables”

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• This is “Nude Recreation Week”. What would be the most dangerous sport to play naked?
• What’s the oddest summer job you ever had?
• Will we see our pets in heaven?

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• You know, the only thing worse than being unemployed is having a job.
• You should never use a big word when a diminutive one will suffice.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The average person has 7 of THESE and they keep them together in the same place.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Keys on a key chain.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Don’t judge, you idiot.