Tuesday, June 17, 2003        Edition: #2565
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY Britain’s BBC announces the results of an online poll asking “Who is the greatest American?” (‘Homer Simpson’ has been leading with over 40% of the votes) . . . Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum in London is working on a new figure of Britney Spears that will have ‘heaving breasts’ (activated whenever you whisper the word ‘Justin’ in her ear) . . . Metallica wants the US military to stop using its songs to terrify Iraqis during interrogations (they’d rather have them played during bombing runs) . . . Nicole Kidman will be the new face of Chanel beauty products in return for a little stipend of – whoa! – $7.5 million . . . Meantime, Madonna has a new deal to join Missy Elliott in a series of TV ads for The Gap for an undisclosed but likely equally obscene amount of money . . . More proof TV’s top interior design show is a mega-hit – over 500 people flocked into a new furniture store in Honolulu just to get a glimpse of “Trading Spaces” sometime designer Vern Yip . . . Seems Bruce Willis & John Travolta are battling it out to play the part of ‘JR Ewing’ in a bigscreen remake of 80s TV soap “Dallas” . . . Publicists for cradle-robbing actor Harrison Ford & girlfriend Calista Flockhart are scrambling to play down reports they’ll wed in SEPTEMBER, but insiders insist their matrimonial bash will be  the biggest show biz event of the fall.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
Ashton Kutcher & Brittany Murphy star in the romantic comedy “Just Married” (DVD) as mismatched lovers who return from their disastrous European honeymoon ready to hit divorce court . . . Ray Liotta & Jason Patric star in the crime drama “Narc” (DVD) as rogue cops trying to find the truth behind a fellow officer’s murder . . . LL Cool J & Gabrielle Union in the romantic comedy “Deliver Us From Eva” (DVD), about 3 men who plot to free themselves of their wives’ unattached and interfering older sister . . . Michelle Williams & Anna Friel star in the Brit drama “Me Without You” (DVD), about 2 best friends growing up on the outskirts of London in the 1970s & 1980s . . . And there are also DVD compilations of TV’s “Stargate: SG1 (3rd Season) and Jimmy Kimmel’s old Comedy Central series “The Man Show” (1st Season).

NEW POKER FACE:
A few years back, IBM developed ‘Deep Blue’, the chess-playing computer that eventually beat world champion chess-master Garry Kasparov. Now a team of computer scientists at the University of Alberta is working to develop an unbeatable poker program. When tested against one of the world’s best players, the most recent version of ‘PsOpti’ (‘Pseudo-Optimal Poker Program’) came up a little short after 7,000 hands. But co-developer Dr Jonathan Schaeffer says he and his colleagues are now working on a ‘maximal strategy version’ of the program that will watch for and exploit human opponents’ weaknesses. (George Clooney may be using this when he shoots “Oceans 19″.)

WARMING UP FOR WORK:
A recent study finds that the average employee wastes 2.5 weeks per year getting ready to start and stop work. We spend 36 hours a year starting in the morning, 14 hours getting ready for lunch, 16 hours getting started after lunch, and 28 hours getting ready to go home after work. And what’s more, once we DO start working, we spend about 34% of the time goofing off. (That’s why this show always sounds best around a quarter to 10.)

GREAT-GRANDMA’S PREGGERS:
A Pakistani woman is reportedly 4 months pregnant with her 2nd child – at the age of 80! “The Daily Times” reports she was found to be pregnant after having ultrasound tests to find the cause of her persistent abdominal pain. She and her 85-year-old husband had their first child back in 1951. Their doctor says the delivery could be complicated due to her advanced age. (Eww, I’m just trying to get rid of the mental picture of these two having sex.)

SAWING LOGS SHAVES MARKS:
According to a new study by German scientists, children who snore perform worse at school. In fact, the study shows that snoring children are 3 to 4 times more likely to get poor marks in math, spelling and sciences. Why? Likely because snorers wake up more tired than other children, making it harder for them to concentrate. ([Co-host] can relate. As a kid she always snored … in class.)

NEANDERTHAL’S BEST FRIEND TOO:
Dogs may have been ‘man’s best friend’ for longer than we thought. Recent studies of dog DNA published in the journal “Science” show that canines may have been domesticated 100,000 years ago … or more. (Apparently they found a fossilized slipper with teeth marks.)

SHOOTING BLANKS:
An elite sperm bank in Chengdu, China has found less than 20 suitable donors in its 4 years of operation. The problem may be it’s just too damn picky – donors must pass more than 20 tests which can take 6 months or more to complete. They also must have academic degrees equal to associate professor or above, or careers as high-ranking managers, bankers, sports or entertainment stars. So far, the center has helped just 4 couples have babies. (Who would be the ideal sperm donor? Certainly not Sammy Sosa, he corks his bat.)

THE FIRST TAN-LINES:
“The Week” magazine reports that the popularity of tanning can be traced to a single moment back in 1923. After sailing into Cannes, French designer Coco Chanel stepped off a yacht with a startling suntan. Such was her influence at the time that the attendant press assumed she was making a fashion statement, but in fact Chanel may have just gotten too much sun by accident. It wasn’t long before daring women everywhere were baring their skin to the sun. (Later Coco set off the chic and trendy fashion of wearing festering melanoma.)

WHAT NOT TO PACK FOR YOUR VACATION:
• Entire bottles of shampoo, lotion and such. Bring travel-size samples, or transfer the contents to small plastic bottles.
• A different outfit for each day. Build a travel wardrobe around basic pieces in basic colors that you can mix and match.
• Hair dryer and iron. Your hotel may provide them. Call ahead to ask.
• Anything you’re in doubt about. Leave it at home. You won’t miss it!
Source: “Woman’s Day”

BS AMAZING FACT:
In the typical home, the bedroom has the greatest risk of violence. (Does biting count?)

THE BULL SHEET 06.17.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [57] Barry Manilow (Pincus), Brooklyn NY, schlocky singer (“Copacabana”, Grammy Award-“I Write the Songs”) who recently walked into a wall at his Palm Springs CA home and broke his nose

1963 [40] Greg Kinnear, Logansport IN, movie actor (“You’ve Got Mail”, “As Good As It Gets”)  UP NEXT: Co-stars with Rebecca Romijn-Stamos in the drama “Godsend”, as a couple who hopes to clone their deceased son (opening in DECEMBER).

1966 [37] Jason Patric, Queens NY, movie actor (“Narc”, “Speed 2”, “Sleepers”)  NEXT MOVIE: Plays ‘Jim Bowie’ in the historical adventure “The Alamo”, coming DECEMBER 25 (Billy Bob Thornton is ‘Davy Crockett’).

1980 [23] Venus Williams, Lynwood CA, pro tennis player with fastest recorded serve in WTA history (127 mph) who is currently ranked #4/sister of #1 player Serena Williams  FACTOID: Venus Williams & golfer Annika Sorenstam top the list of nominees for the 11th annual “ESPY Sports Awards” airing JULY 16 on ESPN.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “International Violin Day”, celebrating composer Igor Stravinsky’s birth anniversary in 1882. (A good day to pluck your G-string.)

TODAY is “Eat Your Vegetables Day”, an observance likely begun by somebody’s mom somewhere. What’s the absolute worse-tasting veggie – Broccoli? Brussels sprouts? Cabbage? Parsnips?

THIS WEEKEND in the Northwest Territories, Canada’s land of the midnight sun, the Summer Solstice will be celebrated variously as “Midnight Madness” in Inuvik, “Raven Mad Daze” in Yellowknife and “Longest Day Celebrations” in Fort Simpson. All will feature music, dance, food and sports – in 24-hour daylight. So like, how do you ever sleep?
PHONER: 877-881-4642/867-873-4262 (Northern Frontier Regional Visitor Centre)

ON THIS DAY . . .
1972 [31] Watergate Democratic Headquarters broken into in Washington DC, eventually leading to the resignation of US President Richard M Nixon

1994 [09] OJ Simpson flees in famous slow-moving ‘white Bronco chase’ as an estimated 95 million watch live on TV

1994 [09] 1st ‘World Cup’ of soccer in the USA opens (Chicago)

1997 [06] NHL Expansion Committee recommends addition of 4 new teams – Nashville, Atlanta, St Paul MN and Columbus OH by 2000

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1946 [57] 1st ‘mobile telephone service’ (St Louis MO)

1950 [53] 1st ‘kidney transplant’ (Chicago IL)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1871 [132] 7 foot-5.5 inch Anne Swan of Nova Scotia weds 7 foot-2.5 inch Martin Buren of Kentucky to become ‘world’s tallest couple’ (she calls him ‘li’l man’)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] International Panic Day
[Thurs] World Sauntering Day
[Fri] Take Your Dog to Work Day
[Sat] Canadian Aboriginal Day
[Sat] Britain’s Prince William turns 21
[Sat] Baby Boomers Recognition Day
This Week Is . . . Amateur Radio Week (and [co-host] is the poster boy!)
This Month Is . . . Dairy Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
ASTROLOGICAL GUIDE TO MEN & SEX:
• The Capricorn Man … is a ‘leg man’. He likes to walk, run and jog. He also likes looking at and touching women’s legs.
• The Aquarius Man … is an ‘ankle man’. He loves money, loves to gamble and loves the color blue. He doesn’t like to make commitments. He is fussy about women and cleanliness.
• The Pisces Man … is a good provider. He loves water, is romantic and very lovable. He loves women’s feet. He is not good with endurance during love-making.
• The Aries Man … is a ‘grey matter man’. He enjoys in-depth discussions about important issues and admires a woman for how she thinks, not how she looks. He’s very romantic and treats women well.
• The Taurus Man – is a ‘neck man’. He is very stubborn, even when it comes to sex. He takes relationships seriously, sex alone is not enough. He enjoys the outdoors and enjoys sex outdoors.
• The Gemini Man … is an ‘arm man’. He is very daring in life and during sex, but he’s also undependable because he has the two sides of Gemini. He is moody, hard to satisfy and often doesn’t care about what a woman thinks.
• The Cancer Man … is a ‘stomach man’. He’s a very good guy but he gets ulcers. He’s hard working and always on the move. He is tight with money except with those he loves. Cancer men tend to be ‘mama’s boys’. They make good husbands and fathers but sex is not a big part of their lives.
• The Leo Man … is a ‘chest’ man. He is highly emotional and prone to indigestion. He is honest in business, but spends a lot of money and likes to gamble. He is prone to addictions. He loves women but cannot be trusted.
• The Virgo Man … is the ‘bowel man’. He knows what he likes and dislikes. He often has a good career and enjoys going out with the guys. Sex is not too important. He needs a little push sometimes to be motivated in anything. He would make a good DJ.
• The Libra Man … is a ‘lower back man’. He’s into art and music. He’s very romantic and loves to entertain. He is a good letter writer and loves wild sex. Lust is always present and he loves ‘hard-to-get’ women.
• The Scorpio Man … is a ‘sex organ man’. He’s a born leader. Sex is always on his mind. He works hard, plays hard and likes rough sex. Scorpio men make good doctors and lawyers, but they are prone to depression.
• The Sagittarius Man … is a ‘knee man’. You can’t fool this guy but he can fool you. He’s good at cards. He makes women wait for sex, but sex is not a big part of his life.

BS MALE VOCABULARY GUIDE:
What he says (and what it means) –
• “I had a wonderful time last night.” (“Who the hell are you?”)
• “I have something to tell you.” (“Get yourself tested.”)
• “I’ve been thinking a lot.” (“You’re not as attractive as when I was drunk.”)
• “Honey, we don’t need material things to prove our love.” (“I forgot our anniversary again.”)
• “Will you marry me?” (“Both my roommates have moved out, I can’t find the dishwasher, and there is no more peanut butter.”)
• “You look terrific.” (“Oh, please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.”)
• “This relationship is getting too serious.” (“I like you more than my truck.”)
• “Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful!” (“Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?”)

BS PHONE STARTER:
TOMORROW is “National Splurge Day”, when we’re encouraged to go out and do something indulgent. If money was no object, what would that be?

Ford Motor Company’s 100th anniversary celebration was YESTERDAY.  Here’s a look at …
THE WORLD’S BEST-SELLING CARS EVER:
1. Volkswagen Beetle (first manufactured 1937) – 21 million made
2. Toyota Corolla (1963) – 20 million
3. Ford Model T (1908) – 15.5 million
4. Volkswagen Golf/Rabbit (1974) – 15 million
5. Lada Riva (1970) – 13.5 million
Source: “Top 10 of Everything”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: June is wedding month! 14% of brides say they wore THIS underneath their wedding dress.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Perfume.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.