Wednesday, June 26, 2002 Edition: #2327
The following program has earned the Canadian Association of Broadcasters ‘Seal of Apology’.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
YESTERDAY for the first time, North Korean television finally revealed to its viewers that South Korea is hosting the World Cup (cutting edge TV) . . . Boy George has been banned from a London nightclub for punching out a guy (even more humiliating than that, there’s now some guy in London that got his ass kicked by Boy George) . . . Tennis magazine “Ace” says Slovakian teenager Daniela Hantuchova has replaced Anna Kournikova as the ‘Sexiest Woman in Tennis’ (”Penthouse” magazine is already searching for a naked look-alike) . . . Former “NYPD Blue” star Kim Delaney will join former cast-mate David Caruso on CBS-TV’s spinoff series “CSI: Miami” THIS FALL (the original show is great, so why water it down with another? Oh yeah — $) . . . Newlyweds Charlie Sheen & Denise Richards are getting their names tattooed on each other, hers on his wrist, his on her ankle (about as permanent as a Hollywood marriage gets) . . . Actor/pilot John Travolta has signed on as a spokesman for Australia’s Qantas Airways (with the extra weight and furry back, he’s starting to look like a koala) . . . While on location in Romania NEXT MONTH to film the movie “Cold Mountain”, Nicole Kidman will use a bus formerly owned by Communist dictator Nicolae Ceausescu as her makeup truck (saves money — it’s a war movie and the truck’s already loaded with bloodstains) . . . And just a warning, former Spice Girl Mel B is planning to relaunch her solo career — with the help of Prince (they found each other in the ‘MuchMusic Book of Has-Beens’).
21ST CENTURY TERMINOLOGY:
• ‘Geocaching’ — A hot new game that didn’t even exist 3 years ago, sort of a hi-tech treasure hunt in which players use Global Positioning System equipment to find caches of trinkets hidden anywhere on Earth. Players go online to get map co-ordinates to input into their GPS, then set off to find the prize. There are now over 20,000 caches worldwide and players in some 125 countries.
NET: http://www.geocaching.com
• ‘Employee Internet Management Software’ — Thousands of companies are now buying new software designed to control how their employees use the Internet. Unbridled Web surfing not only wastes man-hours, but clogs up a company’s limited bandwidth. For as little as $15 per employee per year, corporations can now limit the number of distractions available on the Internet, whether it be gambling, auctions, or porn.
• ‘INSET’ — Standing for ‘Integrated National Security Enforcement Team’, it’s Canada’s elite anti-terrorist squad that’s super-secret – that’s why we can tell you about it.
CLOTHES MAKE THE MAN, BUT ONLY IF YOU HELP:
The book “How To Make Your Man Look Good (Without Making Him Feel Bad)” gives advice on how to get your man to dress well. Among the tips offered by a poll of women –
• Start with sweet talk, then manipulate.
• Try to think about how you’d want him to tell you if you’re outfit didn’t work.
• Sometimes you have to just throw out something he has worn to death.
• Compare him to other men.
• Don’t nag.
• Bribe him with whatever works….usually sex.
MEN ARE SO SUPERFLUOUS:
‘Man Not Included’, the first online sperm donor service for lesbians will be launched NEXT MONTH, matching sperm donors with lesbian couples wishing to have children. The new Website is intended to eliminate the difficulties of using an identified donor or dealing with fertility clinics that are reluctant to help same-sex couples. ([Your co-host] is thrilled he can now turn his ‘hobby’ into cold hard cash.)
NET: http://mannotincluded.com
MAYBE I’LL STAY ANOTHER DAY:
New University of Toronto research reported in “New Scientist” magazine shows that patients discharged from a hospital on a Friday are more likely to die within a month than those who leave mid-week. Unfortunately, the study also shows that Friday is the most common discharge day, when 20% of patients are released. (In related news, [local funeral home] has just announced its new weekly ‘TGIF Sales Event’.)
CHEESY DECISION:
YESTERDAY the European Court of Justice in Luxembourg ruled that the trademark ‘Parmesan cheese’ is protected. The ruling means that Italy can now move to prohibit the marketing of inauthentic, often processed knock-off products as ‘Parmesan’. In the same way that authentic ‘Champagne’ must come from that region of France, authentic ‘Parmesan’ (Parmigiana Reggiano in Italian) will only be the hard, salty cheese from the Parma region of Italy. (Authenticity will be measured by the resemblance of its aroma to dirty socks.)
BS PROTECTION:
A Hindu nationalist organization is urging people in India to smear themselves in cow dung in the event of nuclear war with Pakistan. They claim it will protect against radiation burns. The Uttar Pradesh Cow Protection Commission also recommends daubing buildings in cow dung to protect them against nuclear fallout. (We suggest you totally immerse yourself in BS to protect against sagging ratings.)
FURRIEST FEMMES:
Women in Germany and Austria are the hairiest in Europe! A Gillette poll finds that only 33% of German and Austrian women regularly shave their legs. And in both countries, 67% of women say they don’t remove underarm hair. (No wonder Andre Agassi married Steffi Graff. He doesn’t have any, and she has lots!)
WHAT YOU ENTREE SAYS ABOUT YOU:
According to “Men’s Health” magazine, two things matter on a first date — what you pull out of your wallet and what you put in your mouth. When he orders dinner in a restaurant, she’s deciding what it says about his personality. The mag polled women to find out what they thought the following menu choices signal about a man –
• Filet mignon. [Classy, likes to indulge.]
• Burger and fries. [The guy can be himself.]
• Chicken with rice. [Too healthy.]
• Curry. [Sexy and dangerous.]
• Pasta prima vera. [Dull guy, dull choice.]
• Lobster. [Confident and classy. This man’s a keeper.]
• Meat and potatoes. [Boring. Definitely the missionary style.]
• Pasta with tomato sauce. [Safe, simple.]
• T-bone steak. [Something a ‘big’ man would eat.]
THE BULL SHEET 06.26.2K2
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [47] Gedde Watanabe, Ogden UT, TV actor (male nurse Yosh Takata-“ER”) NOTE: Not a really big star, but it sure is fun saying ‘Gedde Watanabe’
1956 [46] Chris Isaak, Stockton CA, TV actor (“The Chris Isaak Show”, shot in Vancouver for Showtime)/movie actor (“That Thing You Do!”, “The Silence of the Lambs”)/pop singer (“Wicked Game”)
1959 [43] Mark McKinney, Ottawa ON, TV comic (“Kids In The Hall”, “SNL”)/movie actor (the one he’ll never live down is “Spice World”)
1969 [33] Colin Greenwood, Oxford ENG, rock bassist (Radiohead-“Amnesiac”, “OK Computer”)
1970 [32] Chris O’Donnell, Winnetka IL, movie actor (“Vertical Limit”, “Batman & Robin”)
1970 [32] Sean Hayes, Glen Ellyn IL, TV actor (Jack McFarland-“Will and Grace”)
1974 [28] Derek Jeter, Pequannock NJ, $14.6-million-per-season All-Star MLB shortstop (NY Yankees)/first player chosen World Series and All-Star Game MVP in the same season (2000)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY and tomorrow the annual “G-8 Summit” of the leaders of the world’s most industrialized nations takes place in the Rocky Mountain resort of Kananaskis AB. All tourists have been politely kicked out of hotels and campgrounds in the area, as the RCMP and Canadian Armed Forces mount ‘Operation Grizzly’, Canada’s largest-ever security operation. Some 5,000 military personnel are in place to protect the world leaders. From whom? Among the organized protest groups expected are the ‘Revolutionary Knitting Circle’, the ‘Raging Grannies’, and the ‘G-8 Bicycle Brigade’. Activist rockers Bono and Bob Geldof will also be there, pushing for aid to struggling African nations.
TODAY is “United Nations International Day Against Drug Abuse & Illicit Trafficking“, established in 1987 as an expression of determination to achieve the goal of an international society free of drug abuse. So far, what they’ve done to achieve this goal is declare “UN Day Against Drug Abuse”.
TODAY is “National Chocolate Pudding Day”. (Or, as your 3-year-old knows it, ‘National Wall Mural Supplies Day’.)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1498 [504] 1st ‘toothbrush’ is invented in China (yet to catch on in Britain)
1974 [28] 1st supermarket ‘bar code scanner’ installed (Marsh’s Supermarket in Troy, Ohio where a pack of chewing gum becomes the 1st item scanned at a checkout) NOTE: New ‘grid’ bar codes are being developed that will allow scanners to read up to 7,000 pieces of information, including photos, signatures & fingerprints.
1976 [26] Toronto’s $63-million ‘CN Tower’ 1st opens to the public, ‘world’s tallest free-standing structure’ at 553.33 meters featuring ‘world’s highest public observation deck’, ‘world’s highest and largest revolving restaurant’
1985 [17] 1st ORGANIST ejected from a baseball game (Wilbur Snapp gets tossed for playing “Three Blind Mice” following a call by umpire Keith O’Connor in a Class A League game at Jack Russell Stadium in Clearwater FL)
2000 [02] Scientists complete the 1st rough map of the ‘human genetic code’
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1981 [21] Likely the greatest-ever use of coupons in a single purchase as Virginia Campbell of Mountain Home, Idaho buys $24,460 worth of groceries in a supermarket and uses clipped coupons and rebates to cover all but 67 cents of the bill!
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Special Recreation for Disabled Day
[Thurs] Decide to be Married Day
[Fri] Paul Bunyan Day
[Sat] Camera Day
[Sun] Meteor Day
[Sun] World Cup final
[Sun] Gay Pride Day (varies city-to-city)
[Mon] Canada Day (no BS service)
Deaf & Blindness Awareness Week
National Iced Tea Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS FACT OR CRAP?
One of the following is total BS, but which one?
1. The term ‘boogey man’ comes from an early comic book villain who was notorious for picking his nose. (BS. It comes from the Boogey people, who still inhabit an area of Indonesia and still act as pirates, attacking ships that pass. Thus the warning spread ‘If you don’t watch out, the Boogey man will get you.’)
2. The word ‘gymnasium’ comes from the Greek word ‘gymnazein’ which means ‘to exercise
naked’.
3.The clinical term for a hairy buttocks is ‘daysypgal’.
DATE DITCHING EXCUSES:
Have listeners call in with the best and most believable excuses to get out of an unwanted date. The ‘Breaking Dates’ Web page has 100 inventive ones to prime the pump, ie: “I’m really sorry I can’t go out with you tonight, but the Mother Ship only visits once every 25 years.”
NET: http://madtbone.tripod.com/breaking.htm
BS ‘IT PAYS TO BE IGNORANT’:
Your contestant must answer the questions WRONG to win. It’s more difficult than it seems!
GAME #1 —
• Let’s start of with any easy one — what’s the capital of Canada? (Obviously, can NOT say Ottawa.)
• What are you 3 favorite things to do on ‘Girls’ [Guys’] Night Out’? (Must be obscure to win.)
• Name the 8 countries now participating in the “G-8 Summit” (Can NOT say any of Canada, US, Germany, Italy, France, Britain, Japan, or Russia.)
GAME #2 —
• Name 4 items commonly put on top of pizza. (None of the normal add-ons count.)
• Name two of Pamela Anderson’s best qualities. (Obvious, no?)
• Name the 5 Great Lakes. (Can NOT say any of Superior, Michigan, Huron, Erie or Ontario.)
GAME #3 —
• Name the 4 food groups. (Can NOT say meat & proteins, dairy, grains, or fruits & vegetables.)
• Name the Seven Dwarfs from “Snow White”. (Can NOT say Grumpy, Doc, Bashful, Sleepy, Sneezy, Happy or Dopey.)
• What’s the best show on radio? (If they say yours, you figger it out.)
BULL’S EYE:
We recommend you take a moment to read an editorial piece by AP writer Larry McShane on the current state of radio. He raises some thought-provoking questions.
NET: http://CANADA.COM/entertainment/story.asp?id={00AAC8CE-3EE5-4C4B-9AB1-574D2B72ACF5}
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 1 in 5 women do this on a daily basis but only 5% of men will admit to doing it.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Sleeping with a stuffed animal.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Summer vacation is the time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.
BS BOUNTY HUNTERS!
Refer a friend to BS and get a FREE MONTH of service.
