Wednesday, June 28, 2006        Edition: #3315
Ahhh, the Sweet Smell of BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Just as one court case is being adjourned to a later date, model Naomi Campbell is being accused of beating on yet another maid, who claims the catwalker also called her abusive names (by now the only reason anyone takes a job working for her is – profiting from the lawsuit) . . . Mega-selling author JK Rowling has revealed that in the final instalment of her best-selling “Harry Potter” series, 2 characters die that she didn’t intend to die (she lost control of her pen or what?) . . . Lawyers for Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie have warned media outlets they’ll be sued if they publish pics of a private baby shower & other personal photos taken from a stolen digital camera memory card (what is it with celebs always losing private pics?) . . . Meantime, word has it a photo shoot with Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes’ baby Suri was put up for offer, but the highest bid was $3 million, which Cruise’s camp turned down (gee, wonder which ‘charity’ was set to profit from that sale?) . . . Actor Bruce Willis says he’s interested in taking a stab at stage acting because he ‘wants to connect directly with his audience’ (translated from Hollywoodese: not many movie roles left for a 51-year-old bald guy who only plays tough cops) . . . Hip-hop impresario Pharrell Williams has apologized after his bodyguard tossed a man out of a VIP party during “Fashion Week” in Milan, Italy to make room for more women, not realizing it was David Furnish – Mr Elton John (hell hath no fury) . . . And a “PR Week” magazine poll of over 250 marketing execs finds that nearly half have paid to have products mentioned in magazines, newspaper articles or on TV (after watching this week’s episode, it seems most of these product placements occurred in a single episode of NBC-TV’s “Treasure Hunters”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – Steven Tyler does supporting vocals on country rookie Keith Anderson’s new single, “Three Chord Country and American Rock & Roll”. The idea came up because there’s a reference to Aerosmith in the song’s lyrics.
• Alicia Keys – TODAY she’s a guest on the syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Arcade Fire – They’re finishing up the follow-up to their 2004 album “Funeral”, which is mainly being recorded in a Montréal church they purchased LAST YEAR and converted into a studio.
• Beyoncé Knowles – Buzz has it she’s tiring of boyfriend Jay-Z’s devotion to his work and the New Jersey Nets basketball team of which he’s a part-owner. Better buy some flowers, Jay.
• Blue October – TONIGHT they perform on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Guns N’ Roses – Axl Rose has been arrested in Stockholm, Sweden for allegedly causing damage to the Berns Hotel and repeatedly biting a security guard … on the leg.
• Jessica Simpson – Critics note her new single “A Public Affair” sounds suspiciously like Madonna’s early hit “Holiday”. Jess’ reps say comparisons to retro Madonna are ‘flattering’.
• Rascal Flatts – They’re the top-selling artist of any genre so far THIS YEAR. Their “Me & My Gang” album has reached double-platinum status for shipments of 2 million copies.
• Rolling Stones – Producer Jerry Bruckheimer has confirmed that Keith Richards will play Johnny Depp’s father in the 3rd and final installment of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” series due in Summer 2007. As long as he doesn’t fall out of any more trees, that is.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:
“Superman Returns” ( PG-13 Fantasy Adventure ): After a long visit to the lost remains of the planet Krypton, the ‘Man of Steel’ returns to Earth and finds that the woman he loves has moved on with her life and his longtime nemesis is out of prison with another scheme up his sleeve. Stars Brandon Routh as ‘Clark Kent/Superman’, Kate Bosworth as ‘Lois Lane’, and Kevin Spacey as the evil ‘Lex Luthor’. In a hi-tech trick the late Marlon Brando, who appeared in the 1978 original film, is revived through archive footage. Shot entirely in Australia. As a marketing gimmick, the ‘S’-shield logo is being projected onto popular landmarks, including Niagara Falls, Chicago’s Sears Tower and the Time Warner Center in NYC. Theme music, clips and interviews here …
NET: http://supermanreturns.warnerbros.com

BS CUTTING-EDGE VOCAB:
• ‘Ringxiety’ – The confusion experienced by a group of people when a cellphone rings and no one is sure whose it is. Or it can be mistaking a faint sound for the ringing of one’s cellphone.
• ‘Stockalypse’ – The sinking feeling you get as the stock market drops precipitously, along with your retirement savings, thanks to some corporate genius’ innovative accounting. (“Maybe it’s just stockalypse, but our retirement villa is starting to look a lot more like a seniors’ home.”)
• ‘Vacation Deprivation’ – Giving up vacation days because work is just too busy.

TERMS COINED BY CANADIANS:
• ‘Conventional Wisdom’ – John Kenneth Galbraith in his 1958 bestseller “The Affluent Society”.
• ‘Cyberspace’ – Vancouver writer William Gibson in his 1982 short story “Burning Chrome”.
• ‘Generation X’ – Title of a 1991 novel by Vancouver’s Douglas Coupland.

A BIT SQUARE:
Tyson Mao, founder of the ‘World Cube Association’, is planning a televised Rubik’s Cube contest for fans of the ‘80s toy puzzle. Mao notes that Rubik’s Cube gatherings are certainly no place to meet girls. He estimates that only 1 in 20 cubers are female. (But 19 out of 20 have a piece of tape holding the bridge of their glasses together.)
– “GQ”

HI-TECH MIND-READING:
An ‘emotionally aware’ computer is being jointly developed by scientists at MIT and the UK’s University of Cambridge. The technology is already capable of recognizing various facial expressions captured by video cam. It’s hoped it will eventually be able to analyze other data to determine whether users are bored, interested, confused, or if they agree or disagree. Some of the projected uses …
• Advertising: Enabling websites to tailor products to the user’s mood.
• Online Teaching: Determining whether a student understands what is being explained.
• Road Safety: Analyzing if a driver is confused, bored or tired.
But what if you don’t want some nosy gizmo probing your innermost feelings? Simple, the researchers say … just turn off the camera.
– Reuters

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical breakdown of the lives we lead …
• 91% of single women would prefer not to split the bill on the first date.
• 79% of parents say if they could change one thing about their lives they would spend more time with their kids.
• 75% of Canadians do not floss their teeth.
• 65% of us tilt our heads to the right while kissing someone romantically.
• 19% of Canadian adults follow the CFL, compared to 13% for the NFL.
• 18% of pet owners consider their pet a ‘genius’.

• 43% of American households are on course to retire with less than adequate income.
• 7% of Americans claim they never bathe.

TOILET TRAINING:
Singapore is offering the world’s first lavatory-cleaning program, where successful students graduate as professional ‘Restroom Specialists’ after 3 days of intensive training. The founder of the so-called ‘World Toilet College’ says cleaners have low morale and skills, but this initiative will teach them to be proud of their jobs. (Where do you hang the diploma … over a urinal?)
– “Straits Times”

UNDERWATER UNDERTAKING:
58-year-old entrepreneur Gary Levine is spending $10 million to build a cemetery under the sea 3 miles off the coast of Key Biscayne FL. ‘Atlantis Memorial Reef’ is an underwater graveyard and scuba attraction that will open in JULY, and eventually hold the remains of up to 80,000 people whose families are willing to pay a fee ranging from $900 to $250,000. At $50,000, for example, you get a 20-sq-ft family mausoleum with 4 columns. Once it’s complete, the site will include 40 themed areas spanning 15 acres of ocean floor.
NET: http://www.afterlifeservices.com
– “Forbes”

COLORFUL STUDIES:
• According to a study by New Zealand’s University of Auckland, silver cars are 50% less likely to be involved in a crash resulting in serious injury as compared to white cars. The least safe car colors are brown, black, and green.
•  Arizona State University researchers have discovered that men only have 1 copy of the gene that allows us to see the  red-orange color spectrum, while women have 2. This may explain why she sees crimson, burgundy, ruby, scarlet, cardinal or tomato, but he just sees … red.
• A survey in 17 countries by 3 global marketing firms has found that the most popular color in the world is blue. Fully 40% pick it as tops, followed by purple (14%). The least favorite color is white.

CANADA’S BEST SUMMER OUTDOOR ADVENTURES:
• Cycling Cape Breton’s Cabot Trail.
• Boating the Rideau Canal.
• Hiking Newfoundland’s Gros Morne National Park.
• Mountain biking PEI’s Confederation Trail.
• Fly fishing for Great Slave Lake’s grayling.
• Canoeing Ontario’s Algonquin Park.
• Cycling the Icefield Parkway from Jasper to Banff.
– GORP Travel

WORK IS GOOD FOR YOU:
A team of economists finds that Americans aged 50-to-75 who retire experience a 29% increase in difficulties associated with mobility and daily activities, an 11% decline in mental health, and an 8% increase in illness, as compared with those who don’t stop working. (Well, this explains Florida.)
– “Social Studies”

AMERICA’S BEST BEACHES:
Based on 50 criteria including beauty, swimming & other facilities, plus management & ecological factors …
5. Hanalei Beach on the Hawaiian island of Kauai.
4. Coopers Beach in Southampton, New York.
3. Ocracoke Island on the Outer Banks of North Carolina.
2. Caladesi Island State Park in Dunedin, Florida.
1. Fleming Beach on the island of Maui in Hawaii.
– Netscape Travel

THE BULL SHEET 06.28.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [80] Mel Brooks (Kaminsky), Brooklyn NY, really rich Broadway producer (“The Producers”)/movie director (“Blazing Saddles”)/widower of actress Anne Bancroft

1948 [58] Kathy Bates, Memphis TN, movie actress (“Failure to Launch”, Academy Award-“Misery”)

1966 [40] John Cusack, Evanston IL, movie actor (“The Ice Harvest”, “Must Love Dogs”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Columnists Day”, because even newspaper columnists deserve their own day. (Well, a few.)

• “Handshake Day”, a day to offer your hand in friendly greeting. And make it firm – no one likes a wimpy handshake. (Yeah. Pass those germs on with authority!)

• “Tapioca Day”, honoring that stuff you put in pudding. (That looks like fish eyes.)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1998 [08] 1st TV ratings week in which more viewers watch cable/satellite channels than broadcast channels (that Home & Garden channel is rivetting, isn’t it?)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1994 [12] 1st ‘UV Index’ reading, measuring daily ultraviolet exposure from the sun’s rays (aka the ‘Melanoma Factor’)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1984 [22] England’s Melvyn Switzer sets ‘Loudness Record for Snoring’ at 85.5 decibels (a level that can damage your ears over time)

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Camera Day
[Thurs-July 9] Montréal Jazz Festival
[Fri] Meteor Day
[Sat] Canada Day
[Sat] World Wife Carrying Championships (Sonkajarvi, Finland)
[Tues] Independence Day (USA)
This Week Is … Helen Keller Deaf-Blindness Awareness Week
This Month Is … Soul Food Month

BULL’S BITS

WOULD YOU RATHER?
You run down the list while your guest or phone caller decides which choice is more palatable. Would you rather …
• Be gossiped about OR never talked about at all?
• Have sand in your shorts OR have water in your ear?
• End hunger OR end hatred?
• Forget your sunscreen OR forget your sunglasses?
• Publish your diary OR make a movie about your most embarrassing moment?
• Date someone with bad breath OR date someone with body odor?
• Live in a box in downtown Toronto OR live in a palace in Baghdad?
• Get even OR get over it?
• Be the sand castle OR be the wave?
• Always lose OR never play?

BS QUICK-PICK CANADA QUIZ:
• About how many known species of insects are found in Canada?
a. 340
b. 3,400
c. 34,000 [CORRECT]

• Approximately what percentage of the world’s freshwater supply spills over Niagara Falls?
a. 2%
b. 7%
c. 20% [CORRECT]

• Which community is considered Edmonton’s Saskatchewan counterpart as ‘Gateway to the North’?
a. La Ronge
b. Prince Albert [CORRECT]
c. Saskatoon

BS RANDOM JOKES:
• If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport.
• Weird hair today, dude. You whizzed on an electric fence, didn’t you?

BS ARGUMENT STARTER:
Where is Canada’s best beach?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 3 out of 4 women say they have witnessed a guy doing THIS while watching sports at home.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Hugging another guy.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Families aren’t necessarily biological.