Monday, June 19, 2006 Edition: #3308
There’s a Difference Between Sheet and Crapola!
WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• An unidentified man was killed FRIDAY night when he was hit by Ricky Skaggs’ tour bus near the site of the “Bonnaroo Music Festival” in Manchester TN. He apparently left the concert by jumping a chain-link fence, then walked in front of the bus on Interstate 24, says “USA Today”. Don’t feel too bad Ricky, there’s a hurtin’ bluegrass tune in there somewhere.
• “E!” reports that “American Idol 2″ winner Ruben Studdard has been awarded $2 million in a lawsuit against his former manager, Ronald W Edwards, for misappropriating his credit cards and cash. What we wanna know is – how the heck did the virtually invisible Ruben ever generate that kinda dough?
• Celebrities are jumping on the headband-wagon, making the headband THE ‘good-girl accessory’ THIS SUMMER, according to “In Style”. The mag reports sales of headbands on eBay have jumped 100% in the past 2-and-half months. How retro-‘60s!
• Actresses Jennifer Aniston, Ashley Judd & Sharon Stone have the ‘World’s Greatest Hair’, at least according to celebrity stylist Frederic Fekkai. The celebrated hairdresser tells “Contact Music” that’s because they embrace the challenge of looking how they feel. If only radio had pictures, you’d be able to see that [co-host] is NOT in a good mood this morning!
• “Grey’s Anatomy” actress Katherine Heigl has become engaged to singer-songwriter Josh Kelley. Seems they met and fell in love when she appeared in the video for his song “Only You”. According to “People” magazine, there’s no wedding date yet. Funny how he proposed as soon as her show hit #1.
• LAST NIGHT Paul McCartney’s grandchildren played their own recording of The Beatles tune “When I’m 64“ at an intimate family gathering for his 64th birthday at his estate in East Sussex, England. The kids apparently laid down the track at the iconic Abbey Road studio in London with the help of the son of Beatles’ producer George Martin. “The Sun” says it was a bid to cheer up Mac after his split from wife Heather Mills. In that case, maybe they should have re-recorded “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer”?.
• And actress Scarlett Johansson has the ‘Best Boobs in Hollywood’, according to a new ranking in celeb mag “In Touch Weekly”. Jessica Simpson, on the other hand, is ranked one of the biggest boobs in Hollywood.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beyoncé Knowles – After winning a dinner date with her on eBay, sneaky PETA activists used it as an opportunity to grill her on the use of fur in her clothing line, the House of Dereon.
• Britney Spears – Her rep denies a Namibian official’s claim that she’s considering giving birth to Sean Preston’s sibling in Namibia á la Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. Like Britney even knows where Namibia is.
• Dixie Chicks – Natalie Maines is quoted in the “London Telegraph” asking “Why do you have to be a patriot? About what? You can like where you live and like your life, but as for loving the whole country … I don’t see why people care about patriotism.” Is she a closet Canadian or something?
• Keith Urban – He’s country music’s hottest man, according to a new reader poll in “Country Weekly” magazine, followed by Toby Keith, Trace Adkins, Tim McGraw & Kenny Chesney.
• Korn – TODAY their new DVD “Korn: Live on the Other Side” gets screened in some 100 movie theaters ahead of its official release TOMORROW. That’s one way to get at least a few diehard fans to the movies on a Monday.
• Mariah Carey – TONIGHT she guests on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• Rolling Stones – They’re still planning to recommence their “Bigger Bang” tour in Italy NEXT MONTH even though Ron Wood is now reportedly in alcohol rehab. What can possibly happen next … Mick gets hip replacement surgery?
• U2 – “Blender” magazine notes that Bono once had a hat flown to him from London to Italy on British Airways … in 1st class … for $1,700. Dude, that’s enough to feed an entire African nation for like 12 years.
TO WAKE UP, TAKE A SLEEPING PILL:
At a hospital in Britain, Dr Ralf Clauss has made the chance discovery that sleeping pills can sometimes wake patients from a coma. He accidentally made the discovery after administering a sleeping pill to a restless comatose patient, who surprisingly woke up to talk to family & friends for several hours before the effect wore off. The odd occurrence has now been documented on 3 semi-comatose patients. Researchers hope that a new slow-release formula can be created which would allow patients to remain permanently aware. (Or at least until a signed codicil revising grandpa’s will can be arranged.)
– The journal “Nature”
SHOPPING RAGE:
A recent survey finds the average consumer spends 73 hours a year in line-ups and at checkouts. More than half of those polled say they have walked out of a store because of unsatisfactory service at least once. 20% admit to becoming aggressive and losing their temper because of line-ups, crowds or poor service. 1 in 12 consumers says shopping is a source of arguments with their partner. (Best way to avoid the prob – do things at times when most other people don’t.)
– AFP
STRANGEST GADGETS OF THE FUTURE:
• ‘On-Target Video Game Urinal’ – its pressure-sensitive display activates an interactive game when used. It will most likely be used in airports and schools with the functional purpose of improving hygiene.
• ‘Origami DVD Player’ – uses an ‘e-paper screen’ which, when not in use, folds up neatly back into the tiny carrying case. It would make a convenient way for travelers to watch DVD movies.
• ‘Self Cooling Beer Can’ – looks like a normal 500-ml can, but features an integrated self-cooling device that reduces the temperature of the contents to 30 F (17 C) in just 3 minutes.
• ‘Scarpar’ – an all-terrain motorized board that combines the best of snowboarding, surfing, skating and motocross. It’s slated for a 2007 release. Followed by 238,452 broken legs.
• ‘Transparent Toaster’ – uses special ‘heating glass’ so you can watch your bread, thereby offering a the chance to get your toast exactly how you like it. No word if this concept will actually go into production.
– TechEBlog.com
STAR POWER ‘06:
The most powerful people in show biz in 2006, based on web references, press clippings, TV/radio mentions (and income over the past year) …
10. “Da Vinci Code” author Dan Brown ($88 million)
9. Cast of “The Sopranos” ($52 million)
8. 50 Cent ($41 million)
7. Howard Stern ($302 million)
6. Steven Spielberg ($332 million)
5. Tiger Woods ($90 million)
4. U2 ($110 million)
3. Oprah Winfrey ($225 million)
2. Rolling Stones ($90 million)
1. Tom Cruise ($67 million)
In a related celeb list, Elvis Presley remains the ‘Top-Earning Dead Celebrity’, earning a whopping $52 million from beyond the grave during the past 12 months.
– “Forbes” magazine
THE FATHERHOOD CLOCK:
According to a new UC Berkeley study, along with women, men also have a so-called ‘biological clock’ that causes their ability to father healthy children to decrease with time. But what seems to be different is that men have a gradual rather than abrupt change in fertility and in the potential ability to produce healthy offspring. (So guys, if you wanna weepy card in time for next “Father’s Day” – better git ‘er done!)
– ANI
ROOKIE MISTAKES ON-THE-JOB:
According to Michael Ball, author of the book “You’re Too Smart For This: Beating the 100 Big Lies About Your First Job”, here are a few of the goof-ups newbies make in their first attempt at a career …
• Thinking a college degree actually means something.
• Blending in with the crowd instead of developing a personal style.
• Expecting management to trust them.
• Playing politics.
• Getting too close to co-workers.
• Believing they’re too smart for grunt work.
• Quitting when things get tough.
– “Minneapolis Star-Tribune”
FOR THE RECORD:
31-year-old Winnipeg MB factory worker Don McPhail is awaiting confirmation from the “Guinness Book of World Records” that he has the – ‘World’s Longest Nipple Hair’. London ON college student Tyler Ing holds the current world record at 8.89 cm (3.5 ins), but McPhail is claiming a humongous hair measuring 11.43 cm (4.5 ins). Makes you wonder – who gets the stimulating job of verifying these things?
– “Winnipeg Sun”
SHE SAID IT:
“I will never do another reality TV show. Been there, done that.”
– Jessica Simpson, telling “Maxim” magazine her “Newlyweds” days are truly over. But then, Nick already knew that.
THE BULL SHEET 06.19.2K6
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1950 [56] Ann Wilson, San Diego CA, classic rock singer (Heart-“What About Love”, “Barracuda”)
1954 [52] Kathleen Turner, Springfield MO, movie actress (“Romancing the Stone”, “Body Heat”)/stage actress (“The Graduate”)
1962 [44] Paula Abdul, Van Nuys CA, incoherent TV personality (“American Idol” judge since 2002)/has-been pop singer (1988 Grammy Award-“Opposites Attract”)/sometime choreographer
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Juneteenth”, marking the day in 1865 that slaves in several Southern states heard they had been emancipated. It’s a state holiday in Texas and at least 3 other states.
• “Martini Day”. Recipe for a very dry martini: First, take 1 bottle of gin.
• “World Sauntering Day”, a day to ‘revive the art of Victorian sauntering, and discourage jogging, lollygagging, sashaying, fast walking and trotting’.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1954 [52] WB cartoon character ‘Tasmanian Devil’ (aka ‘Taz’), who sounds like a buzzsaw when he goes into a whirlwind, debuts in “Devil May Hare” starring Bugs Bunny
1978 [28] Jim Davis’ fat cat comic strip “Garfield” debuts in newspapers (what can we say but ‘big fat hairy deal’?) FACTOID: “Garfield’s A Tale of Two Kitties” opened in movie theaters on the weekend.
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1981 [25] 13-year-old singing phenom Celine Dion makes her TV debut in Québec (back when future husband Rene was 72)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1917 [89] By order of King George V, British royal family dispenses with German titles and surnames and takes on the inoffensive name ‘Windsor’
1941 [65] Breakfast cereal ‘Cheerios’ are 1st sold, under the name ‘Cheerie Oats’
1983 [23] Opening of Canada’s 1st ‘Domed Stadium’, Vancouver’s ‘BC Place’
1846 [160] 1st ‘Baseball Fine’ as umpire levies a 6-cent fine against a Hoboken NJ player for swearing
1978 [28] ‘Hurricane Bud’ hits Southern US, the 1st male-named hurricane
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1981 [25] World’s ‘Largest Hamburger’ weighs in at 3,020 lbs (Towner ND)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] World Refugee Day
[Wed] Summer arrives (8:26 am EDT)
[Wed] Canadian Aboriginal Day
[Wed] Baby Boomers Recognition Day
[Wed] Vegan World Day
[Fri] Take Your Dog to Work Day
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Forgiveness Week / Nursing Assistants Week / Appreciate Your Plumbing, Heating & Cooling Professionals Week / Carpenter Ant Awareness Week / Universal Father’s Week
BULL’S BITS
SEARCH ENGINE RATINGS:
You can get a ranking of just about anything, rate something’s popularity, or even make predictions for the future simply by placing 2 search terms in Google or Yahoo! and then noting the total number of hits. For instance, when you enter ‘2006 World Cup winner’ and ‘England’, you get 9.26 million hits, while ‘2006 World Cup winner’ and ‘USA’ nets just 8.12 million. ‘Hollywood’s best boobs w/Scarlett Johansson’ … 194,000. ‘Hollywood’s best boobs w/Will Ferrell’ … 43,000. Gosh, what fun! ‘2006 Stanley Cup Winner w/Edmonton’ … 843,000. 2006 Stanley Cup Winner/Carolina … 1.07 million. Oh oh!
TRUTH OR BS?
Which of the following are true and which are a load o’ balderdash?
• Approximately one-sixth of your life is spent on Mondays. [BS. How about one-seventh?]
• A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s. [TRUE]
• The ‘G’ in ‘G-String’ stands for ‘Girly’. [BS. It stands for ‘Groin’.]
• An egg will float in water to which sugar has been added. [TRUE]
• Polar bears can eat as many as 8 penguins in a single sitting. [BS. That would be difficult as they live at opposite poles.]
• Tug o’ War was an official Olympic event between 1900 and 1920. [TRUE]
• Legislation passed by Prime Minister Robert L Borden’s Conservatives during WWI made it illegal to say ‘gesundheit’ to someone who sneezed. [BS]
• 26% of the Netherlands lies below sea level. [TRUE]
• Ben & Jerry’s ice cream has a ‘flavor graveyard’ behind it’s factory with 56 ‘dead flavors’. [TRUE]
• Togo’s 1976 World Cup team could not afford proper equipment so they practised using a soccer ball made out of balled-up duct tape. [BS]
• The state motto of Alaska is ‘Always Keep Warm’. [BS. Alaska is the only state without a state motto.]
BS PHONE STARTERS:
• Not every Canadian is a hockey fan. What will you be doing instead of watching Game 7 of the Stanley Cup TONIGHT … you unpatriotic, hockey-hating slime?
• What have you had to cover up when moving out of an apartment in order to get back your security deposit?
• What’s the strangest thing you’ve found in your kid’s bedroom?
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Today’s program is brought to you by money! For fast relief you can’t beat money – recommended by more doctors than everything else combined.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: When people were asked what item has been in their refrigerator longer than any other, THIS was the #1 answer.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Baking soda, to absorb odors.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The things that come to those who wait are what’s left behind by those who got there first.
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