March 23, 2005

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Wednesday, March 23, 2005        Edition: #2996
BS You Can Actually Look Forward To In the Morning!

Harry Keane of Irving TX has lost in court again, this time a US Appeals Court failing to agree that he invented the “American Idol” concept back in 1994 and then had it stolen (dude, the idea for an amateur talent show on TV goes back way further than that!) . . . How come it never snows on “Corner Gas”? . . . “An Authentic One of a Kind Denim & Canadian Lynx Fur Jacket”, supposedly custom-made for Sean ‘P Diddy’ Combs by his company Sean John, has failed to attract a single bidder on eBay – let alone the reserve bid of $2,999 (are we anti-fur or just anti-Diddy?) . . . Martin Scorsese’s “The Aviator” has finally made it to blockbuster status, crossing the magic $100-million box office threshold . . . “West Wing” actor Martin Sheen is said to be attempting to negotiate a reconciliation between son Charlie Sheen & his estranged wife Denise Richards (wouldn’t you rather have her at a family reunion than him?) . . . Tears, sweat, vomit … what other bodily fluids will Michael Jackson reveal in court? . . . Rumor has it Brad Pitt is so sick of his reclusive lifestyle that he’s contemplating moving away from Hollywood in search of a simpler life (worked for Julia Roberts in New Mexico and David Letterman in Montana – for awhile) . . . Former “Sex & the City” star Sarah Jessica Parker was reportedly shocked to find out The Gap had dropped her as ad spokesperson in favor of Brit singer Joss Stone (she can take solace in her other multi-gazillion-dollar endorsements) . . . Did “Insider” host Pat O’Brien check into rehab to avoid the release of several sexually-explicit voice-mail messages that purportedly feature him lusting after an unidentified woman? . . . Director Peter Jackson has thrown a wrap party for his $145-million remake of “King Kong” with a spectacular bash that included giant fairytale characters, a Ferris wheel, a merry-go-round – and an endless supply of bananas for everyone!

• Amy Grant – She’s set to host the new NBC-TV reality series “Three Wishes”, leading a team that will grant wishes to deserving people.
• Janet Jackson – Word has it she bailed out quickly-going-broke brother Michael LAST WEEK by giving him $150,000 so he could pay the Neverland Ranch staff. The money was reportedly a one-off gift.
• Jesse McCartney – The 17-year-old “Summerland” star claims his debut single “Beautiful Soul” is a great car song that makes you want to roll down the windows, tap your foot and bob your head.
• John Mellencamp – TONIGHT his first North American tour in 3 years, “ Words & Music Tour”, kicks off in Savannah GA. Oddly, ‘60s singer Donovan is billed as ‘special guest’.
• Kenny Chesney – TONIGHT his “Somewhere in the Sun Tour” finally kicks off in Green Bay WI after a delay due to his ankle injury. Staging the show requires 160 sound cabinets, 89 crew members, 16 trucks, a mile of speaker cable, and one 230-lb stuffed marlin.
• OutKast – After honing his acting chops in “Be Cool”, Andre 3000 is fighting an uphill battle to get a movie he wants to make about guitar legend Jimi Hendrix into development. So far, it’s been stalled due to disputes with Hendrix’s family over the use of his songs.
• Red Hot Chili Peppers – Anthony Kiedis has been involved in a shoving match after a fashion show in LA. Seems he tried to get backstage to congratulate the designer but security had been instructed to keep everyone out until $10-million-worth of jewels could be collected from models. It apparently took 8 security guards to hold Kiedis down until he finally chilled.
• Rod Stewart – He wants Queen Elizabeth II’s bagpiper to play at his upcoming wedding to Penny Lancaster but is reportedly balking at paying the piper’s normal $3,800-fee. Hey, he’s Scottish … what do you expect?

• Here’s a new term leaking into our lingo: ‘Carbon-Neutral’, a new environmental strategy that involves planting trees to offset greenhouse gas emissions that contribute to global warming. For instance, the NFL intends to plant several acres of small trees before NEXT YEAR’S “Superbowl” in Detroit, to offset the big game’s traffic and energy use.
• Show biz trade paper “Variety” will publish “The Hollywood Dictionary” this AUGUST, listing, among other things, the slang terms the paper has coined since it began publishing in 1905. Among them – ‘punch line’ (1921), ‘payola’ (1938), ‘strip-tease’ (1936), ‘shoot-’em-up’ (1953) and the very term ‘show biz’ itself (1945).
• A new definition of the word ‘wedgie’ will finally appear in the new edition of “Webster’s New World College Dictionary” coming in MAY. As well as the traditional definition as ‘a type of shoe’, the following will also appear – ‘Noun. A prank in which the victim’s undershorts are jerked upward so as to become wedged between the buttocks.’

According to new research, Robert Louis Stevenson’s famous story “The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde” was written while he was under the influence of – a hallucinogenic drug. Researchers now believe the Scottish author wrote the classic exploration of good and evil while being treated with a derivative of ‘ergot’, a potentially deadly hallucinogenic fungus. The mold, which affects rye and wheat, has been known to cause hallucinations, convulsions and even death. (While they’re at it, why don’t they check into what Lewis Carroll was smoking when he wrote “Alice in Wonderland”?)
– “Times Online”

New research at the UK’s Bristol University has found that farm animals are much more intelligent and emotional than commonly thought. Testing carried out on cows, pigs, goats and chickens found that all of these animals are remarkably similar to humans when it comes to socialization, and all have complex mental lives which include the ability to nurture long-term friendships and become excited by intellectual challenges. For example, they found that cows actually form cliques with their friends and are able to bear a grudge against another cow for several years. (“Don’t be inviting Bossy to graze with us, she’s a little too big for her udder!”)
– “The Australian”

The latest and most unlikely new adrenaline sport is said to be – ‘Extreme Accounting’. To participate, accountants attempt to complete their work in challenging locations such as mountain tops, seabeds, caves and roller coasters. The goofy pastime is apparently inspired by the ‘Extreme Ironing‘ craze that became popular in Europe. A spokesman for the Chartered Institute of Management Accounting says it’s a phenomenon that pushes accountants to their limits and beyond. By the way, South African Keet Van Zyl is the sport’s reigning champion.
– “The Sun”

A candy industry survey of kids aged 6-to-11 finds this is how you do it …
• 74% say ears-first.
• 13% devour feet-first.
• 10% begin with the tail.
– American Boxed Chocolate Manufacturers

• North Korea’s wack dictator Kim Jong Il has ordered that citizens may no longer watch imported videotapes, particularly any from South Korea. To crack down on home viewing, police encircle an entire neighborhood, cut off electricity, then go door-to-door inspecting tape players to find what videos are inside.
• THIS SUMMER in an effort to stop glaciers from melting, Swiss authorities are planning to wrap them – in tin foil. Some 30,000 square feet of the Gurschen glacier will be covered as a test at the beginning of MAY.
• A badly injured ‘alien’ was rushed to hospital in Aracruz, Brazil after locals witnessed a fireball falling from the sky. Many people were terrified that an alien invasion was taking place. Emergency room doctors quickly confirmed the ‘alien’ was – a burnt rubber doll.
• A sleep-walking British man has been discovered by his wife mowing the lawn … at 2 am … naked. Since she’d been told it’s dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, she just unplugged the electric mower, went back to bed and let him get on with it. Her 34-year-old husband later returned to bed and remembered nothing about the incident in the morning.

• The just-opened Emirates Palace in Abu Dhabi is said to be the most expensive hotel ever built. It offers the services of ‘bath butlers’ who will prepare 1 of 7 baths on the ‘Bath Menu’ for you, or if you choose to order off-menu, will fill your tub with champagne for a few thousand dollars.
– “Chicago Tribune”
• New stats show that worldwide sales of recorded music dropped 1.3% LAST YEAR, the 5th straight year of falling sales … but it’s still a $33.6-billion-a-year biz!
– “USA Today”


1949 [56] Ric Ocasek, Baltimore MD, classic rock musician (The Cars-“Drive”, “My Best Friend’s Girl”)/Mr Paulina Porizkova since 1989

1953 [52] Chaka Khan (Yvette Stevens), Great Lakes IL, classic rock singer (“I’m Every Woman”, “I Feel For You”)

1960 [45] George Fox, Cochrane AB, country singer with 4 CCMA Awards, 3 Junos and 23 top 10 hits (“I Give You My Word”, “Time Of My Life”)

1971 [34] Yasmeen Ghauri, Montréal QC, model (Victoria’s Secret, Valentino Perfume)

1976 [29] Keri Russell, Fountain Valley CA, movie actress (“The Upside of Anger”)/former TV actress (“Felicity” 1998-2002)

TODAY is “Organize Your Home Office Day”, which could involve shovelling off your desk, buying new slippers, and/or mapping out the shortest route to the fridge. Ask people with home offices to call in the coolest things about working at home.

TODAY is “UN World Meteorological Day”, honoring everyone’s favorite topic of conversation … the weather. What overused weather clichés should be dumped? How about – “Mild, isn’t it?” (meaningless), “It’s nice out” (ditto), “Nice weather for the ducks”, “It’s raining cats and dogs”, and the ever annoying “Hot [cold] enough for ya?”.

TODAY is “National Chip & Dip Day”. While North Americans might pick ‘Sour Cream & Onion’ or ‘Salt & Vinegar’ chips, the top flavors of ‘crisps’ in the UK include ‘Roast Beef & Mustard’ and ‘Smoked Ham & Pickle’. The Swiss like ‘Paprika’, while Thais choose ‘Prawn’ and in Egypt, ‘Kebab’ is popular. The best dip? ‘Hot Bean with Jalapenos’ … or is it?

1743 [262] King George II invents the ‘Standing Ovation’ as he rises to his feet in appreciation of the first London performance of Handel’s “Messiah” (actually he was just suffering from a case of numb-bum)

1998 [07] “Titanic” wins a record-tying 11 Oscars at the 70th annual “Academy Awards”

1912 [93] 1st ‘Dixie Cup’ (next day the 1st dentist says, “Take this, rinse and spit …”)

[Thurs] No Homework Day
[Thurs] “Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Good Friday (Christian)
[Fri] “Guess Who?” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] Legal Assistants Day
[Sun] Photography Day
[Sun] Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day
[Sun] Summer Time begins in Europe
This Week Is . . . Poison Prevention Week
This Month Is . . . International Listening Awareness Month


Odd things people did to celebrate Easter in olden days …
• Sweden – Pictures of witches on Easter cards.
• Russia – Picking pussy willows for good luck.
• Finland – Watching the Sun rise.
• Ireland – Watching the Sun’s reflection in a bowl of water.
• Britain – Egg throwing … in church!

1. What’s the most widely-used, truly American word around-the-world? A few clues …
• 165 years ago TODAY (1840), this now-common expression first appeared in print.
• It was originally a nickname for US President Martin Van Buren of Kinderhook NY.
• It became the rallying cry of Democrats supporting his re-election.
• It’s an acronym standing for ‘Old Kinderhook’.
[The answer is ‘OK’, which evolved into the word ‘okay’.]

2. When someone shouts ‘House’ in the UK, what just happened?
• There’s a fire.
• They’ve just bought a round at the pub.
• They just won at Bingo.
[That’s what Brits yell instead of ‘Bingo!’]

If beer is your religion, the online ‘Beer Church’ is a good pace for you to worship. In fact, you can not only join this church, but become an ordained minister – for only 20 bucks. As a member of the beer cloth, you must devote yourself to promoting the ‘goodness of beer with the spirit of unity, peace, goodwill and charity’. Oh yeah, you also have to ‘drink beer and like it’. This is no splinter group – at last count the Beer Church had over 100,000 registered members from 26 different countries around the world.

Today’s Question: We often have to buy THIS twice, because many of us just can’t resist the temptation.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Easter candy. About 75% of people polled admit they eat some or all of their Easter chocolate before the holiday.

Never invest in anything that eats.


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