March 16, 2005

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Wednesday, March 16, 2005        Edition: #2991
Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

TODAY a controversial movie called “Dead Girl” starring Val Kilmer, Anne Parillaud & Amanda Plummer becomes available for free online rental from, after failing to be released in theaters for 9 years, perhaps because the theme is – necrophilia (hey, at least you don’t have to cuddle afterward!) . . . Not for the first time, tabloids are reporting that 42-year-old Demi Moore is preggers with 27-year-old Ashton Kutcher’s child, but this time they have a due date – sometime in OCTOBER (could it be she’s been ‘Spunk’d’?) . . . A $27-million musical version of “The Lord of the Rings” will take to the stage in Toronto in MARCH 2006, then move to London’s West End 6 months later, but producer Kevin Wallace promises there’ll be ‘no singing and dancing Hobbits’ (damn, how ‘bout topless Elven?) . . . “American Idol” host Ryan Seacrest has sicced his lawyer on a XXX gay spoof production called “American Porn Star” hosted by one ‘Jason Seacrest’, and convinced producers to change both the name and format (or else!) . . . Kiefer Sutherland’s acting pop Donald Sutherland will star opposite Geena Davis in the ABC-TV drama pilot “Commander in Chief”, about the 1st female US President (it’s unclear whether he’ll be Vice-President or First Lady) . . . Martha Stewart says she doesn’t think the electronic monitoring bracelet she has to wear for the next 5 months fits very well (and it also clashes with her stylish poncho!) . . . Looks like Nicole Kidman & movie producer Steve Bing’s on-and-off romance is back on – he’s been spotted Down Under at her Sydney home (have some taste, girl!) . . . Rome, Italy is considering launching a major international film festival that will compete with the likes of Cannes, Venice, Toronto and other big cinema fests (it takes years to build up prestige as a film festival – after all, Cannes wasn’t built in a day).

• Billy Joel – He’s back in rehab again, following what his publicist calls ‘a recent bout of severe gastro-intestinal distress’. (Translated: He fell off the wagon … hard.)
• Christina Aguilera – She’s working on a retrospective album of blues, jazz and soul and says she’s been listening to Billie Holiday and Lena Horne for inspiration. (Good, maybe she’ll quit yelling.)
• Emerson Drive – They blew out both generators on their tour bus on a trip back to Canada from Florida. The first failure caused the bus to spew smoke, the second left them with no heat.
• LeAnn Rimes – TONIGHT she’s on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Rod Stewart – His pending marriage to Penny Lancaster this Christmas at his home in Florida means he must first divorce estranged wife Rachel Hunter. She allegedly signed a pre-nup before marrying him in 1989 that entitles her to some $9.5 million of his fortune. Hey no probs – he’d still have about $180 million left over!
• Terri Clark – TODAY she announces the finalists for the “2005 CMT Music Awards” at a news conference in Nashville. Country music’s only fan-voted awards will be handed out APRIL 11th.
• U2 – Bono is going ahead with a new clothing line called ‘Edun’ with wife Ali Hewson, even though he admits another line of celeb fashions is about the last thing the world needs..
• Who – Roger Daltrey will play the villain in a drama pilot for the WB called “Mermaid”.

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Stealth Parenting’ – Performing childcare duties while pretending to be at a business meeting or other work-related function, ie: lying about a breakfast meeting while taking a kid to school or about client appointments when sneaking home to look after a sick kid.
• ‘Cyberbangers’ – Online gangsters who turn Websites into their own virtual turf by uploading their numbers and neighborhood names and threatening anyone who dissents. (“The city rec department had to take down its Website thanks to cyberbangers throwing up tags all over it.”)
• ‘Facebooking’ – What college students are doing when they post their profiles and photos at, then choose the amount of access they want to give other students who attend the same institution. You need an email address with the .edu suffix to register. (“Dude, I facebooked you last night online. Wow, hot you’re not in person.”)

According to a study by the Kaiser Family Foundation, the new generation of kids (the so-called ‘Generation M’ for ‘millennium’, people born in one millennium but growing up in another), spends more hours playing video games, watching TV, surfing the Web and chatting on cellphones than many of their parents spend at work. The average Gen-M-er is exposed to 8.5 hours a day of all types of media. But here’s the real difference with this group – they pack that into just 6 hours and 21 minutes, because they are so good at multi-tasking. And researchers say there’s no sign they’re sacrificing school work, sleep or physical activity in order to do it. (So keep that in mind next time you feel the urge to yell at your kid for doing homework on the PC while downloading tunes, listening to an iPod, watching MuchMusic, and instant messaging friends … the ones that aren’t on the cell phone.)
– “San Jose Mercury News”

University of Cincinnati anthropologist Joseph Foster says the easiest new language to learn is the one most similar to the learner’s native language. Therefore for a Turk, Japanese is easier to learn than English. But for a Spaniard, English is easier than Japanese. The British Foreign Office reports that its staffers find Japanese the second-most-difficult language to learn right after Hungarian. (And this just in, the most difficult mother language of all is – Grade 10 Latin.)
– “Sydney Morning Herald”

• A so-called ‘lucky tree’ in China is supposed to have the power to grant your wishes. But LAST WEEK, a 62-year-old man and his 4-year-old grandson were sent to hospital by the ‘lucky tree’ after a branch broke off and pinned them to the ground, giving them both minor head injuries. (Well, you’re lucky it didn’t kill you …)
• Malaysia’s Education Ministry is urging schoolchildren to watch more English-language TV programs – even cartoons – to improve their science and math marks. Huh? Yep, they need to improve their English because that’s the language in which science and math are taught. (Science and math in English? It was all Greek to me!)
• Dutch growers have been called in to plant hundreds-of-thousands of tulips at Amsterdam’s Schipol Airport to deter mice. Authorities hope the smell of the flowers will drive away the mice, which have been attracting birds such as buzzards and herons. Airport bosses are also using dog patrols, alarm pistols and audio tapes with shouting noises to get rid of the mice. (Uh folks, have you considered a mousetrap? So far, no one has managed to build a better one!)

A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 53% of men and 27% of women say sitting next to someone good looking makes flying in an airplane much more interesting.
• 40% of moms use their child’s full name when scolding them.
• 25% of kids say that if mom wasn’t looking, they’d put chocolate sauce on their hot dog.
• 22% of us have broken up with 6-to-10 romantic interests in our lives.
• 20% of guys admit they’ve called in sick because they were having a bad hair day.
• 13% of us wear clothes that were designed for members of the opposite sex.

In 1848, Niagara Falls stopped flowing for 30 hours because of an ice jam blocking the Niagara River.


1926 [79] Jerry Lewis (Levitch), Newark NJ, movie actor (“Nutty Professor”)/MD fund raiser

1949 [56] Victor Garber, London ON, TV actor (‘Jack Bristow’ on “Alias” since 2001)/Broadway actor (“Damn Yankees”)/movie actor (“Legally Blonde”, “Titanic”)

1950 [55] Kate Nelligan, London ON, movie actress (“Cider House Rules”, Oscar nomination-“Prince of Tides”)

1954 [51] Nancy Wilson, San Francisco CA, classic rock singer (Heart-“Barracuda”, “Magic Man”)

1967 [38] Lauren Graham, Honolulu HI, TV actress (‘Lorelai Gilmore’ on “The Gilmore Girls” since 2000)

1971 [34] Greg Johnson, Thunder Bay ON, NHL center (Nashville Predators)

TODAY is “Lips Appreciation Day”, when we’re encouraged to do something nice for our lips … kiss somebody. (Go ahead, pick someone at random and see what happens.)

TODAY is also –
• “Everything You Do Is Right Day” … honey.
• “Freedom of Information Day”, celebrating the idea that all citizens in a democracy can access government information, if they have a lawyer, a dozen years to burn … and a gazillion bucks.

1971 [34] 1st televised “Grammy Awards” (Simon & Garfunkel’s “Bridge Over Troubled Water” named ‘Best Song’, ‘Best Album’ and ‘Record of the Year’)

1876 [129] 1st women’s boxing match (Nelly Saunders & Rose Harland in NYC)

1996 [09] 1st NHL game in Montreal’s new Molson Centre (Canadiens win 4-2 vs Rangers)

2000 [05] Dow Jones scores largest daily gain in history – 499.19 points (them was the days)

[Thus] St Patrick’s Day
[Thus] World Maritime Day
[Fri] Forgive Mom & Dad Day
[Sat] 2nd AIDS Awareness Concert (South Africa)
[Sun] Palm Sunday (Christian)
[Sun] Great American Meat Out
[Sun] Spring begins (7:34 am EST)
[Mon] 25th “Genie Awards”
This Week Is . . . Agriculture Week / Spring Fever Week
This Month Is . . . Collision Awareness Month / Eye Donor Month

Here’s a couple of argument starters …
As chosen by the editors of “Premiere” magazine …
1. Cary Grant
2. Marilyn Monroe
3. Tom Cruise
4. John Wayne
5. Ingrid Bergman
– “Premiere”, APRIL issue.

1. Gwen Stefani
2. Uma Thurman
3. Jennifer Lopez  
4. Cameron Diaz
5. Fergie (Black Eyed Peas)
6. Tina Turner
7. Britney Spears
8. Anna Kournikova
9. Hilary Swank
10. Liz Hurley
– Just-released “In Touch” magazine poll.

• Thomas Wilby & FV Haney were the first Canadians to drive across the country in 1912. Within 10 days, how long did it take them? [52 days because some parts of the country didn’t even have roads back then.]
• True or false? Canadians once patrolled the Atlantic Ocean in Corvettes. [True. A corvette was a class of ship used in World War 2.]
• What are cute little baby beavers called – cubs, kits, or pups? [Kits.]
• Henry Woodward of Toronto invented the electric light bulb in 1874, but Thomas Edison got all the credit. How come? [Woodward sold the patent to Edison because he couldn’t raise funding to develop his invention.]
• What color is a grizzly bear – black, brown, white, or a variety of colors? [Mostly brown but it  has fur that ranges from cream to silver to almost black. Some is tipped in lighter colors than the rest of the fur. This gives the fur a ‘grizzled’ look and is how the bear got its name.]
– “Canadian Facts” / “All Canadian Trivia Board Game”

• Alaska is the northernmost US state. Is it also the farthest east, west or both? [Everyone will say west. But it’s also the furthest east – some of Alaska’s Aleutian Islands are on the far side of longitude 180 degrees, the line that separates west from east.]
• Which US state, known for its lovely beaches, lies farthest south? [Hawaii, not Florida.]
• Is Reno NV east or west of Los Angeles? [West. Look at a map.]
• Which goes further north, Maine or Idaho? [Idaho stretches a lot further north than most people realize – about 60 miles further north than Maine.]
• Going from the Atlantic to the Pacific, through the Panama Canal, in which direction are you traveling – east or west? [Due to the way the isthmus of Panama curves, it’s actually east.]
– “Weekly World News”

• If you could travel into the future, how far would you want to go?
• If you could have a big front porch with a relaxing porch swing overlooking any place or thing in the world, what would it overlook?

Today’s Question: Just 1 in 5 married guys have done THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Proposed on one knee.

A little too late … is much too late.

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