Good Friday, March 29, 2002 Edition: #2264
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY the trailer for the next “Lord of the Rings” installment, “The Two Towers”, debuts in movie theaters (be still my heart!) . . . SUNDAY & MONDAY the much-touted CBC-TV mini-series “Trudeau” airs for the first time . . . CBS-TV has renewed “Survivor” for a 5th edition to air THIS FALL, and production crews are already scouting locations in Asia, South & Central America (c’mon make it tough – North Bay in black fly season) . . . Hard to believe but a movie about the life of “Weakest Link” host Anne Robinson is in the works, with Oscar nominee Renee Zellweger reportedly in talks to play the lead . . . Actor Ed Burns and stupormodel Christy Turlington have broken off their engagement because they are ‘going in different directions’ (apparently “She’s [NOT] the One”) . . . 58-year-old Mick Jagger’s girlfriend-of-the-month is now 26-year-old Italian heiress babe Letizia Herion . . . OK, we’re done grieving — who had Milton and Dudley in the dead pool?
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
The black comedy “Death to Smoochy”, starring Robin Williams, Edward Norton & Danny DeVito, is an R-rated film about revenge against a kids’ TV show host, a fuzzy rhino named ‘Smoochy’ (protests are expected, at least in Toronto, due to similarities with ‘Ricky The Rhino’ from a real Toronto-produced PBS kids program called “Ricky’s Room”) . . . A teenager accidentally activates a machine that enables him to make time stand still in the no-name sci-fi action film “Clockstoppers” . . . Jodie Foster stars in the thriller “Panic Room”, about a mother and daughter who hide out in a secret room when burglars invade their home . . . Dennis Quaid plays a Texas baseball coach in his 40s who makes it onto a Major League Baseball team in the “The Rookie”.
THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO BRITNEY:
As if we cared, Britney Spears has revealed her deeply pensive views on heaven and the afterlife to German entertainment magazine “Cinema”. The basic tenets of Spears theology include –
• “Everyone is at peace and happy, and they all hop around from cloud to cloud.”
• “In heaven you can see your grandparents and everyone you loved once again.”
• “An old man with a long white beard wanders around. That’s God.”
SILLY STUDIES:
• Mathematicians from Britain’s Cambridge University and Keio University in Japan have spent 6 months studying why a hard-boiled Easter egg spun on its side on a tabletop rises up on one end and whirls like a top. Now, just in time for Easter, they claim to have a solution. The long answer appears in THIS WEEK’S edition of the journal “Nature”. The short answer is simply — friction. (They’ll now conduct a study on why they get paid to investigate this kind of fluff.)
• A new study by a personnel consulting firm claims that gossip and gabbing around the office water cooler costs businesses $37 million EACH DAY. (Just a little something to discuss next time you’re around the water cooler.)
• A new study published in “New Scientist” magazine finds that fat people are more likely to be killed or seriously injured in car accidents than thin ones. In fact, porkies weighing between 220 and 262 lbs are about 2-and-a-half times more likely to die in a vehicle accident than featherweights under 130. (And once you pass the 500-lb mark, you’re more likely to total the other car.)
• New research from Israel’s Ben-Gurion University finds that fast-tempo music can make some people drive faster and break traffic laws. The study found that as tempo increased, drivers sped up, ran more red lights, changed lanes more frequently and had more accidents. (So in the interest of safety this morning, here’s Celine Dion . . .)
MANUFACTURED SPORT:
A new hybrid sport is coming to TV. ‘SlamBall’ combines elements of basketball, football,
hockey and gymnastics in a non-stop 16-minute game. It will debut in JULY as a TNN Saturday night TV series aimed at 25 to 34-year-olds. The ultimate goal is to create ‘SlamBall’
courts in parks across America and a 12-team national league. (If you’re experiencing a sense of deja vu, you probably saw that lame 1998 movie “BASEketball”.)
WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• A 60-year-old accountant is facing up to 2 years in jail and a $5,000 fine for — talking too long at a public meeting. Jim Barbe spoke for 11 minutes during a meeting of supervisors of Pennsylvania’s Salem Township – thus breaking the strict 5-minute maximum.
• A 15-year-old boy has been kicked out of St Matthew High School in suburban Ottawa for 2 days because a police dog detected marijuana on his ski jacket. Even though no drugs were found during the impromptu search and the scent was undetectable by human smell, the dog’s opinion was ruled final!
• Publication of a school newspaper in Paris, France has been suspended after 5 teenage students posed for the cover – naked. The girls and boys from the snooty 200-year-old Henri IV school were all graduating students. (At least they were before the magazine came out.)
• The severed leg of a 69-year-old man killed when his van was struck by a freight train in Mississippi has been found – 700 miles away near Chicago. (Well, he always wanted to tour America.)
• Famous London department store Harrods is looking for real people to spend a week living in — its display windows. Auditions are underway to find 2 adults and 2 teens to be on display dawn to dusk in place of regular mannequins. MAY 20th-25th, the chosen ‘family’ will live out their daytime lives while being gawked at in the store windows. The public will be able to chose what they eat and wear on the Internet. (This sounds like a helluva radio promotion!)
BS AMAZING FACT:
According to a report in “Women’s World”, the average child believes in the ‘Easter Bunny’ until the age of 6. (Wait a sec, there’s no Easter Bunny?)
THE BULL SHEET 03.29.2K2
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1964 [38] Elle ‘The Body’ Macpherson (Eleanor Gow), Killara AUS, 6-ft fashion model/occasional movie actress (“Batman & Robin”, “Sirens”)/engaged to 6-year partner French-Swiss financier Arpad Busson
1967 [35] John Popper, Cleveland OH, hefty rock singer (Blues Traveler -“Run-Around”, “Hook”)
1968 [34] Lucy Lawless (Ryan), Mount Albert NZ, pregnant former TV actress (“Xena: Warrior Princess” [1995-2001])/stage actress (New Zealand production of “The Vagina Monologues”)
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1937 [65] Warren Beatty, Richmond VA, movie actor/director/producer (“Bulworth”, Oscar-“Reds”)/Irving Thalberg Award at 2000 Oscars/Mr Annette Bening NEXT FILM: Plays Uma Thurman’s husband in the next Quentin Tarantino film, “Kill Bill”
1945 [57] Eric Clapton, Ripley ENG, R&R Hall of Fame rock singer (Grammy-“Change the World”)
1950 [52] Robbie Coltrane, Rutherglen SCOT, movie actor (Gamekeeper Rubeus Hagrid-“Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone”, “The World is Not Enough”) NEXT FILM: “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets”, opening NOVEMBER 15
1968 [34] Celine Dion, Charlemagne QC, pop vocalist (“A New Day Has Come”, “That’s The Way It Is”, “My Heart Will Go On”)/mom to Rene-Charles Angelil (has a 2nd fertilized embryo in storage — a ‘bun in the fridge’)/”A New Day Has Come” TV special airs APRIL 7/has a 3-year deal beginning in 2003 to play a 4,000-seat amphitheater being built especially for her at Las Vegas’s Caesars Palace
1983 [19] Scott Moffatt, Whitehorse YT, pop singer (The Moffatts-“Bang Bang Boom”, “Until You Loved Me”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Atlanta GA] NCAA Final Four Basketball Tournament (Saturday-Monday)
TODAY is “Mom & Pop Business Owners Day”, honoring family-run small-time business operations (like Wal-Mart, CanWest Global . . .).
TOMORROW is “Doctors’ Day”, commemorating the 1st use of anaesthetic during surgery by Dr Crawford W Long in 1842. He got the idea by observing party-goers inebriated on nitrous oxide and sulfuric ether.
TOMORROW is “National Badminton Day”, honoring the sport first introduced in the early 1800s as ‘poona’. (Guess the use of the words ‘shuttlecock’ and ‘poona’ in the same sport was considered too risque.)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1848 [154] 1st time in recorded history Niagara Falls stops flowing, due to ice jam (the flow of the Falls is now controlled to prevent erosion, and is shut down by 50% each night)
1867 [135] British North America Act 1st establishes ‘Dominion of Canada’
1886 [116] Atlanta’s John S Pemberton mixes 1st batch of Coca-Cola, originally as hangover cure and stomach ache/headache remedy
1998 [04] Shania Twain kicks off 1st Canadian headlining tour in Sudbury ON (will we ever see her again?)
2000 [02] MLB season opens outside North America for the 1st time as Chicago Cubs play NY Mets in Tokyo (this season opens SUNDAY with Cleveland Indians @ Anaheim Angels)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1987 [15] Largest-ever indoor sports promotion as Hulk Hogan defeats Andre the Giant before 93,136 fans at “Wrestlemania III” in Pontiac Silverdome (2.5 million watch on pay-per-view)
BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Apr 1] April Fool’s Day / One Cent Day / National Drafting Week / Golden Rule Week / National Library Week / Laugh at Work Week / Testicular Cancer Awareness Week / Public Health Week / National Egg Salad Week / National Birth Parents Week / Reading a Road Map Week / Publicity Stunt Week / Week of the Young Child
[Apr 2] International Children’s Book Day / Reconciliation Day / Equal Pay Day / National Peanut Butter & Jelly Day
[Apr 3] Armenian Appreciation Day / Don’t Go To Work Unless It’s Fun Day
[Apr 4] Tell-A-Lie Day / Canadian Comedy Awards
[Apr 5] Alcohol Free Weekend / National Equal Pay Day / Fun At Work Day
[Apr 6] Plan Your Epitaph Day
[Apr 7] Daylight Saving Time begins / Tartan Day / Hug Your Newsman Day / No Housework Day / World Health Day / Check Your Batteries Day / Be Kind to Animals Week / National Library Week / National Building Safety Week / National Garden Week / National Guitar Week / National Home Safety Week / National Medical Laboratory Week
[Apr 8] Week of the Ocean / Women’s Nutrition Week / Pan American Week
[Apr 9] Yom Ha Shoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day) / Chicken Little Awareness Day / Name Yourself Day
[Apr 10] Siblings Day / Salvation Army Founders Day / Golfers Day
[Apr 11] National Barbershop Quartet Day
[Apr 12] Vote Lawyers Out of Office Day / Teens Against Zits Day / Audubon Day / Thank You School Librarian Day
[Apr 14] Juno Awards
[Apr 15] Boston Marathon / National Infant Immunization Week / Reading is Fun Week / Families Laughing Through Stories Week / National Credit Union Week / Consumer Awareness Week / National Explore Your Career Options Week / Organ Tissue Donor Awareness Week / Organize Your Files Week / Bike Safety Week / Crime Victims Rights Week / Lefty Awareness Week / National Bubblegum Week / National Coin Week
[Apr 16] Stress Awareness Day
[Apr 17] Canadian Equality Day / National Blah Blah Blah Day
[Apr 18] Pet Owners Independence Day / Teach Children To Save Day / International Jugglers Day
[Apr 19] Garlic Day
[Apr 20] Astronomy Day
[Apr 21] Administrative Professionals Week / National Kindergarten Day/ Clergy Day
[Apr 22] Earth Day / National Jelly Bean Day / St George’s Day (Newfoundland) / Jewish Heritage Week / Wildlife Week / National Karaoke Week / National Volunteer Week / Sky Awareness Week / National Astronomy Week / Playground Safety Week / National Science & Technology Week / TV Turn-Off Week / Big Brothers & Big Sisters Appreciation Week / Canada-US Goodwill Week / National Lingerie Week
[Apr 23] World Lab Animal Day
[Apr 24] Administrative Professionals Day (formerly Secretaries Day)
[Apr 25] First Day of Summer (Iceland)
[Apr 26] Hug an Australian Day / Richter Scale Day / National Pretzel Day
[Apr 27] Child Care Professionals Day / Hairball Awareness Day / Sense of Smell Day
[Apr 28] Kiss Your Mate Day / Great Poetry Reading Day
[Apr 29] Teacher Appreciation Week / Zipper Day / National Puppetry Day
[Apr 30] Canadian Income Tax deadline / Hairstylist Appreciation Day / National Walk Days / National Honesty Day
[May 12] Mother’s Day
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS SIGNS THE EASTER BUNNY’S NUTS:
• Neighbor bunnies describe him as ‘a quiet loner’.
• Just — can’t — stop — washing — his — paws.
• Loves to bite the heads off chocolate bunnies.
• Hides all the eggs in his pants.
• Had the words ‘bite me’ shaved into the fur on his back.
• Keeps rubbing himself for good luck.
BS EASTER QUIZ:
Q: At Easter, rabbits were originally used to symbolize what?
A: Fertility.
Q: In what country would you find an ancient Easter tradition called ‘Smingus-Dyngus’ — a custom of people pouring or splashing water on each other?
A: Poland.
Q: What country had an armed uprising called the ‘Easter Rebellion’ which started on Easter in 1916?
A: Ireland.
Source: Quizland.com
BS TAG LINE:
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
BS BOUNTY HUNTERS:
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