Monday, March 5, 2001                                                          Edition: #2004

When Will Shakespeare wrote about a ‘noted weed’ in his Sonnet 76, he may have been referring to marijuana. A new study has found that clay pipes from Stratford-upon-Avon at the time contain traces of various drugs. There is no evidence Shakespeare used, but the discovery may explain these . . .
BS ORIGINAL TITLES OF SHAKESPEARE WORKS:
• “Two Dudes From Verona”
• “Romeo and Mary Jane”
• “Titus and Cannibis”
• “Much Ado About Nothing, So Chill Out”
• “A Midsummer Night’s Snack”
• “Henry the . . . Which Henry Are You Again, Man?
• “The Merchant of Venice Beach”
• “MacSpliff”

BS TABLOID TRASH:
• “Time” confirms that best-selling horror writer Stephen King will begin showcasing 3,000-word installments from his new novel “Dreamcatcher” on the magazine’s time.com Website TODAY. You might remember he pulled the plug on his first Internet experiment a few months back. That was the first major ‘online novel’, while this is just publicity for his new novel’s ‘treeware’ release MARCH 20.
• “Survivor I” winner Richard Hatch tells the latest edition of “Us Weekly” he will be ‘least-least’ surprised if Jeff Varner, the computer guy, wins “Survivor II” (if our instincts are right, they would have more in common than just winning). By the way, since the premiere of the “Survivor” sequel JANUARY 28, its official Website at cbs.com has posted more than 60 million hits and more than 350,000 chat room log-ins.
• The romance rumors surrounding Jennifer Lopez and Cris Judd have been confirmed. “Star” has exclusive photos of J-Lo and the dancer who stole her from Puff Daddy hugging while watching an Aussie sunset. (Jennifer’s people are playing it down saying, “Hugs Don’t Cost A Thing”)
• “National Enquirer” claims to have uncovered a telling secret behind Bill Clinton’s controversial pardon of Denise Rich’s fugitive ex-husband Marc — she was having an affair with Willy in the White House! (As evidence, they uncovered a tag in her purse marked ‘4689′ from the former president’s ‘take a number’ system.)
• “Sun” reports rap star Eminem and wife Kim Mathers are calling it quits again just 2 months after they reconciled. Kim’s astute lawyer says, “This is a marriage that apparently just isn’t going to work” and has asked that the court freeze all assets until a divorce settlement is reached. (Main reason for the split – Em needs subject material for a new hit!)
• According to “Star”, Robert Downey Jr is looking to further develop a singing career by collaborating on a single with his new pal, Brit pop star Robbie Williams. The two apparently became friends after they met at – get this – an AA meeting.

“I UN-DO”:
A group of churches in Germany are looking to soon offer special ‘divorce services’ for those who want to end their marriages in a religious way. As part of the ceremony, couples will have to admit joint responsibility for the marriage break-up. (Then the bride walks backwards up the aisle before everyone gathers at a really, really quiet reception.)

THE BULL SHEET 03.05.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1936     [65] Dean Stockwell, Hollywood CA, movie actor (“The Rainmaker”, “Air Force One”)
1952    [49] Alan Clark, Durham ENG, classic rock musician (Dire Straits-“Money for Nothing”, “Sultans of Swing”)
1955    [46] Penn Jillette, Greenfield MA, slightly warped magician (Penn & Teller)
1970    [31] John Frusciante, NYC, rock musician (Red Hot Chili Peppers-“Californication”, “Under the Bridge”)
1975    [26] Niki Taylor, Fort Lauderdale FL, model who’s appeared in over 160 magazines
1989    [12] Jake Lloyd, Fort Collins CO, film actor (Anakin Skywalker-“Star Wars: Phantom Menace”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
MARCH is “National On-Hold Month”. A couple of bits —
• Conduct a search for the worst (or best) on-hold music.
• Put a listener on-hold for your entire show. If they’re singing every time you go to them, they win!

TODAY is “Multiple Personalities Day”, saluting the adage ‘We have only one person to blame, and that’s each other.’ (Can you deduct multiple personalities as dependents on your income tax?)

ON THIS DAY . . .
1993    [08] Canadian sprinter Ben Johnson is banned for life from track competition for doping

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1868    [133] 1st ‘stapler’ (the next day, the 1st necktie is accidentally attached to a report)
1972    [29] 1st breeding of a Great Dane and a Dachshund to create a ‘Great Dachshund’ (makes an interesting visual picture does it not?)
2000    [01] World’s 1st ‘cloned pigs’, produced by US subsidiary of Scottish company that cloned ‘Dolly the sheep’

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1985    [16] 1st NHL player to score 50 goals in 8 consecutive seasons (Mike Bossy-NY Islanders)
1994    [07] World’s largest milkshake contains 1,955 gallons of chocolate (Nelspruit, South Africa)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] National Frozen Food Day
[Thurs] International Women’s Day
Autograph Collecting Week (who turned down your request for an autograph?)
National Procrastination Week (or maybe next week)
International Listening Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS ‘DOUBLE-M GAME’: (Both words in the 2-word answers begin with the letter ‘M’)
• The part of the week everyone hates most. (Monday morning.)
• A dead blonde bombshell. (Marilyn Monroe)
• A film in the afternoon. (Matinee movie)
• Disney’s first star. (Mickey Mouse)
• A centre with the Dallas Stars. (Mike Modano)
• The shock-rocker every parent hates. (Marilyn Manson)
• Baseball legend who died in ‘95 after a liver transplant. (Mickey Mantle)

BS TAG LINE: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.