Friday, March 31, 2006        Edition: #3251
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
SATURDAY actor Jack Black hosts Nickelodeon’s 19th “Kids’ Choice Awards”, which will pick pint-size people’s faves in 16 categories including movies, TV, music & sports (“And the ‘Best Non-Drugged Athlete Who Isn’t an Overpaid, Self-Centered Misogynist’ goes to …) . . . Actor George Clooney’s ‘goodie bag’ of high-end freebies handed out at the “Academy Awards” has generated $45,100 in an online auction for the United Way (yet another reason to like the guy) . . . 80-year-old blues legend BB Kings says he’s not the best guitarist in the world – that would be Eric Clapton (how much did ol’ ‘Slow Hand’ pay for that compliment?) . . . George Lucas’ Industrial Light & Magic is developing a new “Indiana Jones” video game for both Xbox 360 and Sony’s PlayStation 3, due to hit shelves in NOVEMBER (so there really IS another movie on the way?) . . . Latest word on the repeatedly predicted Angelina Jolie-Brad Pitt wedding is that it’s been planned for some time but Angelina has backed out at the last minute – at least twice . . . Despite rumors she was getting the old heave-ho, Paula Abdul has been signed to continue her dippy comments on “American Idol” for 3 more seasons (Quote: “[The contestants] truly inspire and amaze me each week” – gag!) . . . THIS WEEK’s “Us Weekly” has published pics of “American Idol” host Ryan Seacrest & “Desperate Housewives” star Teri Hatcher locking lips on a Malibu beach after a lunch of lobster & oysters at a nearby restaurant (looks awfully staged to many observers) . . . Also vying for the title of Hollywood’s new ‘it’ couple are former TV stars Matthew Perry (“Friends”) & Kristin Davis (“Sex & The City”), at least according to nosy “Life & Style” magazine . . . In-a-family-way actress Gwyneth Paltrow has been spotted committing 2 big pregnancy no-nos at a single NYC dinner with hubby Chris Martin – eating raw-fish sushi & drinking beer (this is the same type of living-on-the-edge insanity that leads you to name your kid ‘Apple’) . . . Tony Danza’s lame ABC-TV talk show will be replaced by a new one featuring Rachel Ray (this is shocking – Tony Danza still has a TV show?) . . . And Brtiney Spears’ wannabe-something Kevin Federline has announced that he wants to do more charity (we’re betting ‘Charity’ is a dancer at some Vegas strip club).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Death Cab For Cutie – TOMORROW they’re the musical guest on NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live”, hosted by actress Scarlett Johansson.
• Kid Rock – TONIGHT he’s on ABC-TV’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.
• Mariah Carey – She’s confirmed that plans are underway to produce a Broadway musical based on her 1994 album “Merry Christmas”. And, she claims, it may get made into a movie even before it hits the stage.
• Rod Stewart – His divorce from model Rachel Hunter is expected to be final within days, perhaps even TODAY. They were married for 9 years, then involved in a legal battle for 7 more.
• Tim McGraw – TODAY he performs on “The Today Show” on NBC-TV.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “ATL” ( PG-13 Drama ): Rapper T.I. (Clifford Harris Jr) stars in this story of 4 friends preparing for life after high school while hanging out a local rollerskating rink, ‘Jellybeans’. TLC’s T-Boz & producer Dallas Austin came up with the story idea and recruited veteran music video director Chris Robinson, who’s making his feature film debut. Interestingly, for such a music-related film, no official soundtrack is being released. Filmed entirely in Atlanta GA.
NET: http://www2.warnerbros.com/atl
• “Basic Instinct 2″ ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): Just-turned-48 Sharon Stone has been working her aging butt off promoting this sequel to her 1992 hit (likely realizing it’s her last kick at the sex kitten). This time her character ‘Catherine Tramell’ gets in trouble in the UK, with Brit actor David Morrissey playing a psychiatrist appointed to investigate. Guess what? Like others before him, he becomes lured into a seductive game. Stone had to threaten a lawsuit to get this film back into production after it was shelved years ago.
NET: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/basicinstinct2/index.html
• “Ice Age: The Meltdown” ( PG Animated Family Comedy ): In this sequel to the 2002 film, the Ice Age is nearing its end and the little sloth & his pals fear that melting ice will destroy their valley, so they take it upon themselves to warn everyone. Sort of an animated “Day After Tomorrow”. Voices provided by Ray Romano, John Leguizamo, Denis Leary & others.
NET: http://www.iceagemovie.com
• “Slither” ( R-Rated Horror Comedy ): Edmonton-born actor Nathan Fillion stars in this story of a small town infected with an alien plague that transforms residents into zombies and mutants. Writer/director James Gunn pays subtle homage to previous classic horror/invasion flicks but only the most dedicated fans of the genre are likely to clue in. Shot entirely in suburban Vancouver.
NET: http://www.slithermovie.net

35th ANNUAL JUNO AWARDS:
SUNDAY Pamela Anderson hosts live on CTV as the “Junos” are in Halifax for the first time, at the Metro Centre. A few highlights …
• Nickelback leads nominations with 6; Diana Krall and Michael Bublé have 5 apiece.
• Presenters include Feist, Jann Arden, “Canadian Idol” winners Melissa O’Neil & Kalan Porter, k-os, and Newfoundland’s Olympic-gold curling skip Brad Gushue.
• Performances by Bedouin Soundclash, Broken Social Scene, Bryan Adams, Coldplay, Michael Bublé, and Nickelback.
• Singer-songwriter Bruce Cockburn will receive the first ever ‘Humanitarian Award’.
• Bryan Adams will be inducted into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame.

I SUED THE SHERIFF:
Aston Barrett, former bassist in Bob Marley’s band The Wailers, has launched a $100-million royalties lawsuit claiming that, had he lived, the reggae star would have taken care of him financially as he always had when they were on tour together. The Marley family, however, claims that Barrett surrendered his right to further royalties in 1994 in exchange for a single payment of several hundred thousand dollars. Barrett has always been known as ‘the family man’ because of his – 52 children. Quote: “Bob took care of the business; I took care of the music.” (And apparently most of the groupies as well!)
– “GQ”

HOW TO KEEP PAYING AFTER YOU DIE:
The international trend-spotting think-tank Future Laboratory says more people than ever are asking to be buried or cremated with their cellphones when they die. The trend, which began in South Africa, has now spread to a number of countries, including Ireland, Australia, Ghana, and the US. The idea apparently began as an urban myth, but has quickly spread on the Web to become a fully-blown fad. One funeral biz in South Africa will even put extra batteries in the coffin just in case the dead person wakes up much later after the installed battery has run out. (Makes you wonder – are there roaming charges in hell?)
– BBC News

A BORING VIBRATOR:
MIT researchers are developing an ‘emotion sensor’ to show if someone is finding your conversation interesting or not. Its main use is intended for people with autism, who tend to be less skilled at interacting with others. Here’s how it works – a camera on a pair of glasses is linked to a hand-held computer which ‘reads’ the emotional reactions of a listener. The device uses image recognition software and emotion-reading software to decode the images. If the listener does not appear to be engaged, the software makes the hand-held computer vibrate. (Wow, what’s all that humming we keep hearing this morning?)
– “New Scientist”

WATER BY THE NUMBERS:
30-to-50 liters (8-13 gallons) of clean water is considered the basic daily need of every human for drinking, cooking & sanitation. While Africans consume 37 liters (under 10 gallons) of water a day on average, Americans consume 420 liters (111 gallons) per day. Households without plumbing spend an average 90 minutes per day hauling water for family needs. The average American tap delivers that same amount of water in 2 minutes. Women are usually responsible for fetching water when households in the undeveloped world lack plumbing. On average, they carry about 45 lbs of water at a time. (A bunch more reasons why many are saying water will be this century’s ‘oil’.)
– “Christian Science Monitor”

BS AMAZING FACT:
China makes 15 billion pairs of throwaway chopsticks a year – that’s equivalent to 10 million trees. Starting TODAY, the government is imposing a 5% consumption tax on disposable chopsticks in an attempt to help save the forests.
– “Times of London”

THE BULL SHEET 03.31.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1928 [78] Gordie Howe, Floral SK, Hall of Fame hockey legend (Detroit Red Wings)/1767 games in 26 seasons/6-time NHL MVP

1943 [63] Christopher Walken, Queens NY, movie actor (Oscar-“The Deer Hunter”).

1955 [51] Angus Young, Glasgow, Scotland, short-panted rock guitarist (AC/DC- “Moneytalks”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2003)

1971 [35] Ewan McGregor, Crieff, Scotland, movie actor (“Star Wars: Episodes 1-3″)

SATURDAY –
Movie actress Debbie Reynolds (“Singin’ in the Rain”) is 74; Movie producer/director Barry Sonnenfeld (“Men in Black”) is 53.

SUNDAY –
Country singer Emmylou Harris (“Crescent City”) is 59; TV actor Christopher Meloni (“Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”) is 45; Country singer Buddy Jewell (“Sweet Southern Comfort”) is 45; Country singer Billy Dean (“Real Man”) is 44; Pop musician Greg Camp (Smash Mouth) is 39; Alt-rock guitarist Tony Fredianelli (Third Eye Blind) is 37; Pop musician Jesse Carmichael (Maroon 5) is 27; TV actress Bethany Joy Lenz (“One Tree Hill”) is 25.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Alcohol Free Weekend”, thanks to the National Council on Alcoholism & Drug Dependence … who apparently won’t be going to any Final Four parties.
• “Bunsen Burner Day”, honoring the 1811 birth date of its inventor, Robert Wilhelm Eberhard von Bunsen of Germany. Thanks to him, hundreds of high school labs have been blown up!
• “Clams-on-the-Half-Shell Day”. Tonight is ‘Pass-the-Fear-Factor-Bucket Night’.
• “Fun At Work Day”, the 11th annual observance of an official day to lighten up at the office.

SATURDAY –
• “April Fool’s Day”, a custom of playing practical jokes that goes back to ancient Rome. The modern observance originated with the reform of the calendar when “New Year’s Day” was moved from APRIL 1 to JANUARY 1. Those who clung to the old “New Year’s Day” were scoffed at as ‘fools’ and sent fake party invitations and prank gifts. That tradition began in France around 1564, where an ‘April Fool’ is called a ‘poisson d’avril’ (April fish).
• “NCAA Final Four” basketball championship in Indianapolis IN. Winners of SATURDAY’s semis go on to the championship game MONDAY night.
• “One Cent Day”, celebrating the world’s most useless currency.
• “Repot Your Plant Day” … or is it “Replant Your Pot Day”? We can never get it straight.
• “Sleep Day”, to encourage the sleep-deprived to get ‘8 Zs, please’.
• “Spamarama”, the 28th annual festival honoring the pandemonious potted pork in Austin TX, featuring the ‘Spam Cook-off‘, the ‘Spamalympics Competition’ & the ‘Spam Jam Concert’.
NET: http://www.spamarama.org

SUNDAY –
• “Australian Grand Prix” in Melbourne, the kick-off of the Formula 1 racing season.
• “Check Your Batteries Day”, because the switch to Daylight Time is a good time to check all your smoke alarm batteries.
• “International Children’s Book Day”, celebrated on the birthday of one of the most famous children’s authors, Hans Christian Andersen, born in Denmark in 1805.
• “Peanut Butter & Jelly Day”, celebrating what may be the world’s most popular sandwich.
• “Reconciliation Day”, a day to write a letter or make a phone call in order to mend broken relationships.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1994 [12] Madonna uses the ‘F-bomb’ 13 times on “Late Show With David Letterman”

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1918 [88] 1st ‘Daylight Saving Time’ (set those clocks forward this SUNDAY at 2 am)

1949 [57] Newfoundland officially joins Confederation to become Canada’s 10th province (bringing us cod tongues, figgy duff and a wonderful sense of humor)

1923 [83] 1st ‘Dance Marathon’ (Alma Cummings sets endurance record of 27 hrs in NYC)

1932 [74] 1st ‘V-8 Engine’ (Ford Motor Co)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1990 [16] 1st NHL player to score 100 points in a season with a last-place team (Québec Nordiques’ Joe Sakic, who also becomes the youngest player to do it, at age 20)

1997 [09] Martina Hingis becomes youngest-ever #1-ranked women’s tennis player at age 16

BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Apr 3] Armenian Appreciation Day / Don’t Go To Work Unless It’s Fun Day
[Apr 4] Toronto Blue Jays home opener / Tell-A-Lie Day / “Brokeback Mountain” released on DVD
[Apr 5] “2006 Gospel Music Awards” (Nashville TN) / Equal Pay Day / Road Map Day
[Apr 6] Plan Your Epitaph Day
[Apr 6-9] The Masters Golf Tournament (Augusta GA)
[Apr 7] Tartan Day / Hug Your Newsman Day / No Housework Day / World Health Day / Walk to Work Day
[Apr 9] Chicken Little Awareness Day / Name Yourself Day / Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day / Palm Sunday (Christian)
[Apr 10] “2006 CMT Music Awards” (Nashville TN) / Siblings Day / Salvation Army Founders Day / Golfers Day
[Apr 11] Barbershop Quartet Day / Muhammad’s Birthday (Islamic)
[Apr 12] Vote Lawyers Out of Office Day / Teens Against Zits Day / Thank You School Librarian Day
[Apr 13] Scrabble Day
[Apr 13-20] Passover (Jewish)
[Apr 14] Good Friday / Audubon Day / Ex-Spouse’s Day
[Apr 16] Easter Sunday / Stress Awareness Day
[Apr 17] Canadian Equality Day / Blah Blah Blah Day / International Ford Mustang Day / 110th Boston Marathon / Easter Monday
[Apr 18] Pet Owners Independence Day / Teach Children To Save Day / International Jugglers Day
[Apr 19] Garlic Day
[Apr 20] Astronomy Day / First Day of Summer (Iceland)
[Apr 21] Kindergarten Day / Clergy Day
[Apr 22] Earth Day / Jelly Bean Day / NBA playoffs begin
[Apr 23] World Lab Animal Day / Orthodox Easter
[Apr 24] St George’s Day Holiday (NL) / Full ‘Pink’ Moon
[Apr 24-30] 12th TV-Turnoff Week
[Apr 25] Anzac Day (Australia/NZ) / Hug an Australian Day
[Apr 26] Administrative Professionals Day / Richter Scale Day / Pretzel Day
[Apr 27] Child Care Professionals Day / Hairball Awareness Day / Sense of Smell Day
[Apr 28] “2006 Daytime Emmy Awards” / Kiss Your Mate Day / Great Poetry Reading Day / Day of Remembrance for Persons Killed or Injured in the Workplace / Bird Day
[Apr 29] Zipper Day / Puppetry Day / Arbor Day
[Apr 29-30] NFL draft
[Apr 30] Hairstylist Appreciation Day / Honesty Day / International Walk Day
[May 1] Canadian Income Tax deadline
[May 14] Mothers Day

BULL’S BITS     

SEXIEST WOMEN IN HDTV:
Crystal-clear HDTV can find flaws in just about anyone, but experts say these honeys look hottest in hi-def …
5. Alexis Dziena (“Invasion”)
4. Jennifer Garner (“Alias”)
3. Nikki Cox (“Vegas”)
2. Mischa Barton (“The OC”)
1. Eva Longoria (“Desperate Housewives”)
– TVPredictions.com

BS BLATANT JOKE:
Long ago when people cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.
 
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS is what most of us say we hate most about the change to Daylight Saving Time.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Resetting the clock on the VCR.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.