BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ “Orange Is the New Black” star Dascha Polanco (‘Dayanara Diaz’) has had assault charges against her dismissed. Michelle Cardona filed a police report suggesting the 33-year-old  actress violently attacked her in July. A judge has now issued a conditional dismissal of assault, attempted assault, and harassment charges provided the actress stays out of trouble for 6 months. At that point the charges will be expunged.
– “New York Daily News”
★ Frances Bean Cobain has reportedly filed for divorce from Isaiah Silva after less than 6 months of marriage. The 23-year-old daughter of Kurt Cobain & Courtney Love secretly tied the knot with the 31-year-old musician in September. Legal documents indicate Cobain is open to paying her estranged husband spousal support, however the fortune left by her dad’s estate is completely off limits. The late Nirvana rocker’s riches are reportedly valued at $450 million.
– TMZ.com,
★ And in a new interview, David Beckham has revealed that not only has his daughter Harper seen her mom Victoria’s 1997 film “Spice World”, she knows all the moves. It seems the 4-year-old has not only perfected all the dance steps but also can sing all the songs. With Victoria shying away from a rumored upcoming 20th anniversary Spice Girls reunion, could Harper Beckham become the 5th member?
– “GQ Magazine”

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Andrew Bird (“Weather Systems”). Rerun.
• “Grease: Live” (FOX) – Sunday Summer lovers meet again as high-school seniors in a live adaptation of the classic musical. Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Flogging Molly (“Drunken Lullabies”), Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Heartless Bastards (“The Mountain”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Tonight Albert Hammond Jr (The Strokes). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Tonight Pearl Jam’s Matt Cameron. Rerun.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Tonight Take 6 (“One”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Brett Eldredge (“Illinois”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Chris Stapleton – He, Kelsea Ballerini, and Old Dominion have been named the ‘New Male’, ‘Female’, and ‘Group Of the Year’ respectively by the Academy of Country Music Awards. The main awards, co-hosted by Luke Bryan & Dierks Bentley, air live from Las Vegas on April 3rd.
• Coldplay – UK’s “The Sun” reports Chris Martin has finally signed his divorce papers from ex Gwyneth Paltrow. The 39-year-old Coldplay frontman married 43-year-old actress Gwyneth in 2003 and the pair announced their ‘conscious uncoupling’ in 2014. The report says the agreement includes joint custody of their children and an equal split of assets.
• Cole Swindell – “You Should Be Here” is projected to top the ‘Billboard Hot Country Songs’ chart next week for the 2nd week in-a-row.
• fun. – Rocker Jack Antonoff is compiling a new book detailing the history of CD store culture in the 1990s. The Bleachers and fun. frontman has inked a deal with publisher Simon & Schuster to release “Record Store”, containing essays by Antonoff as well as interviews, photos, and contributions by celeb friends. A release date has yet to be set.
• Madonna – The problem-plagued “Rebel Heart Tour” has further established her as the highest-grossing touring solo artist in the history of ‘Billboard Boxscore’, selling a career total of $1.3 billion-worth of tickets. Her just-wrapped tour earned $170 million and sold 1 million+ tickets.
• Rolling Stones – Tonight they’re lined up to play an ‘historic’ concert in Cuba that may open the doors for other renowned music acts to stop off in the country. Their free show takes place at Havana’s Ciudad Deportiva de la Habana sports complex.
• Shakira – The 39-year-old has been concentrating on her personal life since welcoming sons Milan and Sasha into the world with boyfriend Gerard Piqué. But now she says the time has come to return to her career. Quote: “Music is in the very fiber of my being. And I need to get back to it, so my kids are going to have to excuse me for a little bit.”
• The Weeknd – He’s ditched his slot on the European leg of Rihanna’s “Anti” world tour, quote, “Due to some unforeseen changes with upcoming projects.” He had been slated to open 24 dates this Summer.
• Zayn – Today he releases his debut album, “Mind of Mine”. The standard version includes 14 tracks; a deluxe version tacks on 4 more. iHeartMedia is presenting an album release party at LA’s iHeartRadio Theater today. The event features a live performance and Q&A session.

OPENING TODAY IN MOVIE THEATERS:
• “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice” ( PG-13 Action Adventure ): With ‘Batman’ and ‘Superman’ fighting each other, a new threat, ‘Doomsday’, is created by ‘Lex Luthor’. The superheroes must set aside their differences and, with the help of ‘Wonder Woman’, ‘Doomsday’ from destroying ‘Metropolis’. Stars Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams.
NET: https://www.facebook.com/batmanvsuperman
• “My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2” ( PG-13 Romantic Comedy ): In this sequel to the surprise 2002 hit comedy, a ‘Portokalos’ family secret brings the beloved characters back together for an even bigger and Greeker wedding. Written by and starring Nia Vardalos. Co-stars John Corbett, Michael Constantine, Lainie Kazan.
NET: http://www.mybigfatgreekweddingmovie.com
• Opening in limited release: “Born to Be Blue” (Musical Biography); “I Saw the Light” (Musical Biography); and “They’re Watching” (Horror Comedy).

FOR PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEIR BED TOO MUCH:
Make every day a duvet day with the new ‘Suvet’ suit. Yep, it’s a suit fashioned from a duvet. It’s the perfect office attire for people who struggle to get out of bed in the morning, allowing the wearer to experience 24/7 comfort while on-the-go. The distinctive white 2-piece suit has a padded collar, which handily doubles as a pillow. Plus, the over-sized shoulders are ideal for securing a little extra personal space during the morning commute. The spoof invention has been hatched by the UK’s Jurys Inn Hotel Group as a promotional stunt ahead of the change to ‘British Summer Time’ (Daylight Saving Time) this Sunday. (Seems to have worked!)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/h9hqlor
– Metro.co.uk

OFFICE PEEVES:
What do your co-workers do that drives you crazy? A poll of office workers is topped by …
• Clogging up email with personal comments and stupid jokes.
• Spending more time gabbing than working.
• Letting the copier run out of paper.
• Not returning messages.
• Not cleaning up the microwave after using it.
• Taking the last coffee without making more.
– MJN Consulting

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Silencers only quieten gunshots to the level of a pneumatic drill and are rarely used in murders.
– Reuters.com
• Vanilla yoghurt makes people happy.
– BBC News
• Viruses can get infected by other viruses.
– List25.com

BS CHRONOMETER 03.25.16

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [74] Aretha Franklin, Memphis TN, ‘Queen of Soul’ with 20 Grammy Awards (“Respect”, “Chain of Fools”)/1st woman in Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame (1987)

1947 [69] (Sir) Elton John (Reginald Dwight), Pinner UK, pop singer (“Candle In the Wind”, “Your Song”) who’s sold over 250 million albums & 100 million singles/Songwriters Hall of Fame (1992)/Hollywood Walk of Fame (1975)

1965 [51] Sarah Jessica Parker, Nelsonville OH, movie actress (“Sex & The City: The Movie”)/TV actress (“Sex & The City” 1998-2004)/wed to actor Matthew Broderick (1997)

1982 [34] Danica Patrick, Beloit WI, auto racing driver (“Indianapolis 500” & IndyCar Series ‘Rookie Of the Year’ 2005)/1st woman to win an Indy car race (2008 Indy Japan 300)

1984 [32] Katharine McPhee, LA CA, TV actress (“Scorpion” since 2014, “Smash” 2012-13)/pop singer (“American Idol” 2006)

1988 [28] Ryan Lewis, Spokane WA, DJ/producer (Macklemore & Ryan Lewis-“Same Love”, “Thrift Shop”)

SATURDAY –
Rock/country singer Steven Tyler (Aerosmith) is 68; Comedian/actor Martin Short (“Father Of the Bride”) is 66; Country singer Kenny Chesney (“Noise”) is 48; Internet billionaire Larry Page (Google) is 43; Movie actress Keira Knightley (“The Imitation Game”) is 31.

SUNDAY –
Movie director Quentin Tarantino (“The Hateful Eight”) is 53; TV actress Pauley Perrette (“NCIS”) is 47; Pop singer Mariah Carey (“We Belong Together”) is 46; TV actor Nathan Fillion (“Castle”) is 45; Pop singer Fergie (Black Eyed Peas) is 41; Pop singer Jessie J (“Price Tag”) is 28.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Good Friday”, observed since about 100 AD. There are few explanations as to why it’s known as ‘Good’ Friday since it commemorates a sorrowful time in Christianity. It’s a national holiday in Australia, Canada, New Zealand, and the UK, but not in the USA where it varies state-by-state.
• “International Day of Remembrance Of the Victims of Slavery & The Transatlantic Slave Trade”. Okay it’s a worthwhile effort and all … but wearing the button will give you a hernia!
• “International Waffle Day” (“Vaffeldagen”), a holiday that originated in Sweden to coincide with the Christian “Feast Of the Annunciation”. It was also considered the start of Spring so it became a custom for Swedish families to celebrate both events by making waffles on this day.
• “Pecan Day”, an annual salute to the only nut tree native to North America. The word comes from Algonquian language, meaning a nut requiring a stone to crack. The proper pronunciation is ‘peh-CAHN’ not ‘PEE-can’.
• “Tolkien Reading Day”, an annual event launched by the Tolkien Society in 2003 with the aim of encouraging the reading of the works of JRR Tolkien. The March 25th date was chosen in honor of the fall of ‘Sauron’ in “Lord Of the Rings”.

SATURDAY –
• “International Sister Cities Day”, initiated by Sister Cities International to promote the idea of a broad-based, officially-approved, long-term partnership between 2 communities, counties, or states in 2 countries. Find your city’s sib here …
NET: http://www.sister-cities.org
• “Legal Assistants Day”, honoring all those who help lawyers with their briefs.
• “Make Up Your Own Holiday Day”. What ingredients make for a good holiday? Special foods? Parades? Costumes? Fireworks? Religious obligations? A day off from the sweatbox?
• “Medic Alert Birthday”, saluting the invention of bracelets warning of emergency medical needs. The Medic Alert Foundation was founded on this day 60 years ago (1956).
• “Purple Day”, an event begun in 2008 to raise awareness of epilepsy by wearing purple or lavender. The idea is to dispel myths about the condition by getting people talking, and to reassure those with seizures that they are not alone.
NET: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple_Day
• “Spinach Day”. What’s the best way to serve (aka disguise) it?

SUNDAY –
• “Easter Sunday”, the most important holiday in Christianity. The ‘moveable feast’ falls on the Sunday following the Full Moon on or after the Vernal Equinox. Since 326 AD, it’s been marked on one of the 35 dates between March 22nd and April 25th.
• “Joe Day”, when people who hate their names are to be given a break and simply called ‘Joe’. Ask listeners for the most horrific given names they’ve come across.
• “Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day “, a la “Thank God and Greyhound You’re Gone”. A listing of hundreds more here (scroll down to ‘The Best Of the Worst Country Song Titles’) …
NET: http://www.downstream.ca
• “Urinal Day”, celebrating the ever useful men’s room receptacle. The urinal was patented 150 years ago on this day (1866) by one Andrew Rankin.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2002 [14] “The Bachelor” premieres on ABC-TV (paving the way for “The Bachelorette”, “Joe Millionaire”, “Average Joe”, “My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé”, etc)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2006 [10] Country Music Hall of Fame legend Buck Owens (over 20 #1 hits; longtime co-host of TV’s “Hee Haw”) dies at home in Bakersfield, California at age 76

2014 [02] Chris Martin & Gwyneth Paltrow announce their intention to divorce after 11 years of marriage

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1934 [82] 1st ‘Masters’ golf tournament wraps up in Augusta GA (Horton Smith wins $1,500)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2014 [02] American Girl Scout Katie Francis breaks the record for selling cookies for the organization’s annual fundraiser, selling 18,107 boxes over a 7-week period (then Chris Rock came along …)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Be Mad Day
[Mon] Weed Appreciation Day
[Tues] Mom & Pop Business Owners Day
[Wed] “Empire” season debut (FOX)
[Wed] Doctors Day
[Thurs] David Bowie Tribute Concert (NYC)
[Fri] April Fools Day
This Week Is … RV Lifestyle Week
This Month Is … Peanut Month

BULL’S BITS

BS REASONS THE EASTER BUNNY BRINGS EGGS:
• Secret plan to eliminate human race via cholesterol overdose.
• Pressure from the Egg Marketing Board.
• Otherwise companies that make that fake grass would be forced to lay off thousands.
• Because if he brought turkeys he’d be the ‘Thanksgiving Bunny’.
• Would you want to hunt for waffles?
• Thinks guys should get chicks at least once a year.
• Because the Energizer Bunny got the good job.

PHONE STARTER:
☎ If you could travel into the future, how far would you want to go?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.

BS WEB GOODIE:
Here’s one for your website … who is this man? Believe it or not, it’s retiree David Letterman.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/jzj5oh7

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Where did the ‘Easter Lily’ plant originally come from?
a. Japan [CORRECT. The Easter Lily or Bermuda Lily is native to the Ryukyu Islands of Japan.]
b. Mexico
c. Indonesia
– “Green Mountain Gardener”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Given the choice of any color of THESE, most of us pick a red one.
Answer: Jellybean.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Character is built through many acts but can be lost by only one.