Friday, May 30, 2003 Edition: #2553
Nothing Like a Bull in Your Radio Shop!
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s BS
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY ‘Homer Simpson’ will be made an official honorary citizen of Winnipeg, a follow-up to last year’s revelation that TV’s longest-running animated sitcom is based on a real-life Winnipeg native, the father of “The Simpsons” creator Matt Groening . . . TOMORROW Justin Timberlake & “American Pie” star Seann William Scott host the “2003 MTV Movie Awards” at a star-studded bash in LA’s Shrine Auditorium as “The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers” & “Spider-Man” lead nominations with 5 apiece (show airs next THURSDAY) . . . TOMORROW a 10-year reunion party for the cast, crew & fans of the 1993 cult film “Dazed And Confused” will be held in Austin TX, the movie that launched the careers of Matthew McConaughey, Ben Affleck & Renee Zellweger (only McConaughey will attend) . . . SUNDAY Paul McCartney wraps his year-long world tour in his hometown of Liverpool (he’ll also be celebrating the news he’ll be a daddy again later this year – at age 60) . . . SUNDAY Harrison Ford receives an honorary award at the 3rd annual “Taurus World Stunt Awards” in Los Angeles (movie fans don’t know this, but he does all his own kissing) . . . 17-year-old Jack Osbourne is reportedly out of rehab a little more than a month after parents Ozzy & Sharon checked him into Pasadena’s Las Encinas Hospital but it’s unclear if he’s cured (he looks so wonky, how can you tell?) . . . Ben Affleck will get over $1.5 million to join J-Lo as a huckster for L’Oreal shampoo – only he’ll hawk the men’s stuff (but only if she says it’s OK) . . . Angelina Jolie is officially back on the market – her divorce from Billy Bob Thornton has been finalized (interested guys form a line on the left) . . . Jim Carrey plays a TV reporter in “Bruce Almighty” and now he’s hot ‘n heavy with real-life weather reporter Maria Quiban, whom he met while shooting the film on location at an LA TV station (word is she has a warm front) . . . And “Us Weekly” reports that Adam Sandler will wed his fiancee Jackie Titone at the end of JUNE (then he’ll really begin putting his “Anger Management” to the test).
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
“Finding Nemo”, Disney’s animated underwater adventure set in Australia’s Great Barrier Reef, features the voices of Albert Brooks, Ellen DeGeneres & Geoffrey Rush . . . The heist flick “The Italian Job”, a remake of the 1969 British caper, stars Mark Wahlberg as a career criminal masterminding a massive gold bullion heist in Venice who’s double-crossed by Edward Norton with the help of a gorgeous safecracker Charlize Theron (best part of the flick is a chase scene involving a fleet of Mini Coopers) . . . In the no-name horror flick “Wrong Turn”, a group of young people get lost in the West Virginia wilderness where they are hunted by cannibalistic mountain men suffering from years of inbreeding.
HOW DO YOU SPELL IQ?
To promote the New York Hall of Science’s new exhibit “Brain: The World Inside Your Head”, the super brainy Mensa Society (members must have an IQ in the top 2% of the population) sent out a challenging 10-question quiz to celebrities the likes of Jerry Seinfeld, Donald Trump, designer Oscar De La Renta, and actors Gwyneth Paltrow and Kevin Bacon. Only Bacon’s people responded – and they misspelled the word ‘brain’ in their letter! Hey, it’s tough! You wanna try it?
NET: http://www.mensa.org/workout.html
FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• A triple-A poll asks what age group should be retested to make sure they drive safely. Most drivers under 45 say seniors should be retested, while most 65 and older say teens should be retested. Interestingly, the poll finds that the age group most likely to engage in risky driving are people 26-44. (No matter how old you are, you always think you’re the best driver.)
• According to a new CNN/Gallup Poll, public confidence in the media continues to slip. Just 36% now believe news organizations get the facts straight, down from 54% in 1989. (Or maybe it was 1979 … something like that.)
• In a new Crown Computing office employee poll, fully a third of respondents say taking a bogus sick day is OK. And 60% of those surveyed say they’ve used the #1 reason for doing it – a hangover. (Oh well that’s legit then, isn’t it?)
• A new Remington poll of women finds that fully 48% like their men clean shaven. Only 16% prefer bearded men, and just 14% like their male with a mustache. (A growing number like their guy with no hair anywhere.)
• According to a new poll by lawnmower maker Briggs & Stratton, 74% of women think they would do a better job on lawn maintenance than the man of the house. (Cool. I’ll be at the golf course if you need me.)
SHOW US YOUR DEWEY DECIMALS:
There’s a steamy new photo calendar coming out for 2004 featuring – librarians! 16 men and women working in libraries across Alberta will be featured in the 2004 ‘Hot Picks@Your Library” calendar. In addition to raising funds, the idea is to quash the bookish, nerdy image librarians have. And this oughta do it – pics of librarians in lingerie between the sheets, sprawled on a Harley, belly dancing, even in a bubble bath. The idea was hatched by Calgary librarians Rosemary Griebel & Jennifer Cook Bobrovitz, who are featured together as ‘Ms December’, showing off tattoos that say ‘Born to Read’ and ‘Search Engine’.
PHONER: 877-522-5550/403-284-5818 (Library Association of Alberta)
NET: http://www.laa.ab.ca
“THE OLDER PERSON AND THE WATER”:
In her new book “The Language Police”, New York University education professor Dianne Ravitch includes a 500-word list of words that are now banned from school textbooks in America. Words have been dumped for being elitist (like ‘polo’ and ‘yacht’), sexist (‘babe’, ‘boyish figure’), offensive (‘blind’, ‘bookworm’), ageist (‘biddy’), or just too strong (‘hell’ which is replaced with ‘darn’ or ‘heck’). ‘God’ is also banned for being too religious. Ravitch claims the rules have become so silly the title of Ernest Hemingway’s classic, “The Old Man and the Sea”, has problems with every word except ‘the’ and ‘and’. After all, ‘old’ is ageist, ‘man’ is sexist, and ‘sea’ can’t be used in case a student lives inland and doesn’t grasp the concept of a large body of water.
BORN ON THE RUN:
A recent study finds that 1 in 300 births occurs in a vehicle, usually because of traffic congestion, bad weather – or just bad timing. The number fluctuates according to the number of hospitals nearby and the economic condition of the mother. (Funny, 1 in 20 pregnancies occur in vehicles too!)
CASH-STRIPPED:
Sad news, peeler fans – the stripper hall of fame is running out of money. “The Exotic World Museum of Burlesque & Striptease Hall of Fame” halfway between LA and Las Vegas in Helendale CA is being forced to spend thousands to fix a slew of building code violations. The museum opened in 1991 with photos of famous dancers plus exhibits of gowns, G-strings and pasties from the ‘golden age of burlesque’. Owner Charles Arroyo says it’s tough to stay afloat with only about 15 visitors a day, but he’s hoping for a windfall from the annual “Striptease Reunion & Miss Exotic World Pageant” scheduled for JUNE 7th.
PHONER: 760-243-5261
NET: http://www.museumstuff.com/details/org_20020201_12370.html
BS AMAZING FACT:
The average food molecule in Canada travels 2,000 km from its point of origin before hitting a grocery cart. That means a typical summer barbecue supplies just one-tenth as much energy – in food calories – as was used to transport the ingredients.
Source: “Canadian Geographic”
THE BULL SHEET 05.30.2K3
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [57] Don Ferguson, Montreal QC, radio/TV comic (the ‘youngster’-“Royal Canadian Air Farce”)
1964 [39] Wynonna [Judd] (Christina Ciminella), Ashland KY, country singer (“What The World Needs”, Grammy Awards with mother Naomi as The Judds for “Mama He’s Crazy”, “Why Not Me”, “Grandpa Tell Me ’Bout the Good Old Days”, “Give a Little Love”, “Love Can Build a Bridge”)/sister of actress Ashley Judd
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1923 [80] Prince Rainier III (Louis Henri Maxence Bertrand), ruler of Monaco since 1949/Grace Kelly’s widower NOTE: He became monarch because his mother was Charlotte Grimaldi, the ILLEGITIMATE daughter of Monaco’s Prince Louis.
1930 [73] Clint Eastwood, San Francisco CA, movie director (Oscar-“Unforgiven”)/movie actor (“Blood Work”)/1995 Irving G Thalberg Memorial Academy Award/1996 American Film Institute Life Achievement Award
1965 [38] Brooke Shields, NYC, ex-TV actress (ex-“Suddenly Susan”)/ex-movie actress (“The Blue Lagoon”)/ex-model/ex-Mrs Andre Agassi
1976 [27] Colin Farrell, Dublin IRE, wildman movie actor (“Phone Booth”, “Daredevil”, “The Recruit”) UP NEXT: The crime thriller “SWAT” (Special Weapons & Tactics), opening AUGUST 8.
SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1937 [66] Morgan Freeman, Memphis TN, movie actor (“The Sum of All Fears“, “The Shawshank Redemption”, “Driving Mrs Daisy”)
1947 [56] Ron Wood, Hillingdon ENG, rock guitarist (the ‘youngster’ in the Rolling Stones, since 1975-“Start Me Up”)
1953 [50] Ronnie Dunn, Coleman TX, country singer/guitarist (Brooks & Dunn-“Red Dirt Road”, “Ain’t Nothing ‘Bout You”)
1974 [29] Alanis Morissette, Ottawa ON, rock singer (“Hands Clean”, “Jagged Little Pill” album which over 30 million copies worldwide, making it the biggest-selling female album all-time)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY there is an annular “Solar Eclipse” right on the horizon just as the Sun is rising. The path of an ‘annular’ eclipse just grazes the Earth, resulting in a small eclipse lasting 1-2 minutes and best viewed in the far north of Scotland. Well actually, you’d get the ultimate view on Northwest Airlines flight NW34 from Seattle to Amsterdam, which will fly nonstop over Canada, Baffin Island, Greenland, Iceland, and Scotland directly into the eclipse.
TODAY is “Joan of Arc Feast Day” in France, honoring the ‘Maid of Orleans’ who was condemned as a heretic and burned at the stake at age 19 in 1431 (to celebrate, burn a steak on the grill!).
TOMORROW is “World No-Tobacco Day”, as declared by the UN’s World Health Organization to encourage people to butt out. The European Union is using the occasion to launch a new campaign against smoking in movies and in fashion ads with the slogan – “Die Another Day”.
TOMORROW the 8th annual “Wienerschnitzel Wiener Nationals” runs at Los Alamitos Race Course in California, a 50-yard doggie dash that opens the 7-month Dachshund racing season. Owners stand at the finish line and encourage the stubby-legged pooches with whistles, toys & treats. Total purse is $1000. Last year’s wiener … er, winner did the deed in 3.91 seconds. (Biggest problem racing a wiener dog is – the jockey’s feet drag on the ground.)
TOMORROW is “National Macaroon Day”, honoring those ooey-gooey coconut cookies that stick to your fillings. (A red letter day for dentists everywhere.)
SUNDAY is “Flip a Coin Day”, honoring the decision-making practice begun by none other than Julius Caesar (who was the ‘head’ on the head’s side). The coin flip was used in serious litigation involving property, marriage and even criminal guilt.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1889 [114] 1st ‘brassiere’ invented (next day, the 1st teen boy has trouble opening the clasp)
1896 [107] 1st ‘auto accident’ as motorist Henry Wells of Springfield MA hits bicyclist Evelyn Thomas on a NYC street, breaking her leg (she’s immediately contacted by 1st ‘personal injury attorney’)
1911 [92] 1st “Indianapolis 500″ race, won by Ray Harroun in 6 hrs, 42 mins averaging 74.59 mph (wins $14,250 … about $260,000 in today’s money)
1981 [22] ‘Compact Disc’ (CD) 1st introduced (next day, 1st consumer pitches a fit trying to open the shrinkwrap)
BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[June 1] Stand for Children Day / National Trails Day / International Mother’s Peace Day
[June 2] Rocky Road Ice Cream Day / Cancer Survivors Day
[June 3-7] North By Northeast Festival (Toronto)
[June 3] Repeat Day
[June 4] Old Maid’s Day
[June 5-8] 32nd Nashville Fan Fair
[June 5] 2003 MTV Movie Awards / Personal Computer Day / UN World Environment Day / Nursing Assistants Day
[June 6] Couple Appreciation Day / Donut Day / “2 Fast 2 Furious“ opens in theaters
[June 7] Belmont Stakes / Chocolate Ice Cream Day / Attitude Day / National Family Day
[June 7-8] Take a Kid Fishing Weekend
[June 8] 2003 Tony Awards / Name Your Poison Day / Children’s Sunday
[June 9] Donald Duck Day
[June 10] Yo-Yo Day
[June 11] Hug Holiday
[June 12] Machine Day / Taco Day / Kitchen Klutzes Day
[June 13] Friday the 13th / National Juggling Day / “From Justin to Kelly” opens in theaters
[June 14] Family History Day / Betty Picnic Day
[June 15] Fathers Day / Smile Power Day
[June 17] Eat Your Vegetables Day / International Violin Day
[June 18] International Panic Day / Splurge Day
[June 19] Garfield Day (25th birthday) / World Sauntering Day
[June 20] Take Your Dog to Work Day / World Refugee Day / “The Hulk” opens in theaters
[June 21] 1st Day of Summer / Canadian Aboriginal Day / Baby Boomers Recognition Day / Vegan World Day / World Toe Wrestling Championships (Wetton UK)
[June 23] Pink Day / Let It Go Day
[June 24] Discovery Day (NF & LB) / Fête Nationale or St-Jean-Baptiste Day (QC) / Columnists Day
[June 25] Log Cabin Day
[June 25] Canada’s Walk of Fame Enshrinement Gala (Toronto)
[June 26-July 6] 24th Montréal Jazz Festival
[June 27] Special Recreation for Disabled Day / Decide to be Married Day / National HIV Testing Day / “Charlie’s Angels 2: Full Throttle“ opens in theaters
[June 28-30] Glastonbury Music Festival (Glastonbury UK)
[June 28] Paul Bunyan Day
[June 29] Camera Day
[June 30] Meteor Day / Gay Pride Day (varies city-to-city)
[July 3] Lollapalooza rock festival tour kicks off (Grand Rapids MI)
BULL’S BITS . . .
WHAT HER DRINK PREFERENCE SAYS ABOUT HER:
Got a hot new date this weekend, guys? Pay attention to her drink order to find out more about her personality.
• Beer – Casual, low-maintenance, down-to-Earth.
• Blender Drinks (Margarita, Pina Colada, Daiquiri, etc) – Flaky, annoying and a pain in the butt.
• Mixed Highball – Older, has picky taste but knows what she wants.
• Wine – Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
• Shots – Likes to hang with guy buddies, or looking to get drunk and naked.
• Body Shots – Yeehaw, it’s a home run!
BS WEB GOODIE:
Take a 1-minute test to find out ‘Which Reality TV Show Should You Appear On?’. It only requires 5 quick answers and a mouse click.
NET: http://channels.netscape.com/ns/tv/realityquiz.jsp
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: One of THESE used to weigh about 8 lbs. Nowadays it weighs … well, just about nothing.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: A bathing suit.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.
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