Wednesday, April 30, 2003        Edition: #2530

The name ‘Wednesday’ was originally ‘Wens-it-gonna-be-Friday?’ Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ: After being snubbed by the Baseball Hall of Fame due to their anti-war views, Susan Sarandon & Tim Robbins will attend a 15th anniversary screening of their classic baseball movie “Bull Durham” TONIGHT at the Brooklyn Academy Of Music, where a proper bash will be held . . . 17-year-old Jack Osbourne is reportedly in rehab at a private clinic in Pasadena CA that specializes in drug addiction & psychiatric care, much to the dismay of pop Ozzy & mom Sharon (however, they did need some new material for their upcoming TV season) . . . 18-year-old heiress Athina Roussel (granddaughter of Aristotle Onassis) celebrated her older lover’s 30th birthday – by getting liposuction in Brazil (that sucks) . . . A new ranking of ‘Best Celebrity Butts’ by an LA fitness trainer lists Tobey Maguire & Vin Diesel as the top tushes among males, and Leeann Tweeden (“The Best Damn Sports Show Period”) & Beyonce Knowles as having the finest femme fannies . . . Home-wrecking actress Liz Hurley’s still-married Indian boyfriend, millionaire playboy Arun Nayer, has been nicknamed the ‘Bombay Bonker’ and the ‘Him-a-layer’ due to his reputation as a skirt-chaser . . . Word is Tom Cruise & Nicole Kidman are ditching their differences following their divorce 2 years ago by appearing together on an upcoming episode of “Friends” – but their roles will be filmed separately . . . Jennifer Lopez has reportedly instructed her lawyers to draw up an extensive pre-nuptial agreement ready for her summer wedding to Ben Affleck that will demand – him handing over half his fortune if he ever cheats, her keeping their jointly-owned homes if they split, and him agreeing to never again see any children they may have together if he’s to blame for their break-up (no wonder UK bookmakers Ladbrokes has posted odds of 3-1 that their marriage will end in divorce by December 31st – of this year). BS NEW JARGON WATCH: • ‘Text Message Injury’ – Not surprising considering the tiny buttons involved, this is a painful new finger malady caused by excessive text-messaging. (As it involves text messages, it will no doubt quickly be shortened to ‘TMI’.) • ‘Filther’ – Any system used to filter out e-mail filth or block access to porn Websites. (“It’s OK for Justin to surf now, I put a filther on his PC.”) • ‘Clark Kent’ – To change into a suit. In these days of ‘business casual’, corporate types are increasingly keeping suits in the office so they can quickly change when the situation demands. (“Give me 15 minutes while I Clark Kent for the annual meeting in the board room.”) • ‘Englasian’ – A blend of pidgin English, Chinese and other languages that’s becoming prevalent in the Orient. For example – in Japan ‘let’s beer’ means to go out to a bar, in Singapore ‘everything also I want’ means go shopping, and in Malaysia ‘aiskrim’ is ice cream. It’s the Asian equivalent of ‘Frenglish’ (French bastardized with English as in ‘le hot dog’). OH, DEM GOLDEN SLIPPERS: A pair of shoes on display at the upscale Harrods department store in London is being billed as the ‘World’s Most Expensive Footwear’, priced at a cool $1.6 million. Inspired by the ruby slippers from “The Wizard of Oz”, designer Stuart Weitzman had the shoes woven from platinum thread and set with rubies – exactly 642 of them! To keep them safe, they’re being displayed in a bulletproof case. ([Co-host] is interested, but wants to know – do they come with Odor Eaters?) LIGHT BULB CUISINE: For his new book “Easy-Bake Oven Gourmet”, David Hoffman collected recipes from gourmet chefs specifically for the little toy oven that every young girl (or boy) covets. Why would your 7-year-old mess with boring old chocolate brownies when she could be whipping up ‘Roasted Quail Breast with Wild Mushrooms & Pommes Anna’, ‘Queso Fundido with Roasted Poblano Vinaigrette’ or perhaps ‘Deep Dish Truffle Lobster Pie’? For those without an Easy-Bake, the dishes can be cooked in a conventional oven at 375 F – the same heat as the toy oven’s light bulb. (Will there be a show on the Food Network?) FROM THE BS POLL VAULT: • MAY is “Moving Month”, the most popular month to move households. So what would you unpack first? According to a new SBC poll, the telephone is the first item out of the box, followed by the microwave and the TV. (That’s what do you do after a move – call the pizza joint, heat up the pie, then kick back and watch a movie.) • A new poll of theater-goers finds that popcorn-eaters are more likely to cry during movies than non-popcorn eaters. (Well, duh – they started crying when they saw how much they had to pay for the popcorn!) • A new poll by the American Pet Products Manufacturers Association finds that 41% of pet dogs are now allowed to sleep with their owners. (As a matter of act, [co-host] slept with a dog on the weekend.) • Ow, the truth hurts! A survey of 1,000 women by “She” magazine finds that 36% regularly lie – about their partner’s sexual performance. (“Oh honey, you were great! Y’know, maybe we should paint the ceiling …”) FIT FOR A PRINCE: Prince Charles plans to open up several rooms of London’s Clarence House to the public, the home of Britain’s beloved Queen Mother for 50 years until her death LAST YEAR at age 101. The palatial mansion across from Buckingham Palace (mommy & daddy’s house), will soon become the official residence of Charles and his sons. (When they aren’t out partying.) BS AMAZING FACT: The average person takes from 12 to 18 breaths per minute during which the right lung takes in more air than the left. (Try testing yourself – you’ll always cheat and either speed up or slow down your natural breathing rhythm.) THE BULL SHEET 04.30.2K3 TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . . 1933 [70] Willie Nelson, Abbott TX, country singer (“On the Road Again”)/songwriter (“Crazy”) whose 2-hour birthday special will air MAY 26 on USA Network/Country Music Hall of Fame 1993  FACTOID: TONIGHT he’ll play the Horseshoe Casino in Bossier City LA, one of more than 200 dates this year. 1963 [40] Michael Waltrip, Owensboro KY, NASCAR auto racer (2003 & 2001 Daytona 500 winner) 1971 [32] Carolyn Dawn Johnson, Grande Prairie AB, country singer (“Georgia”, “I Don’t Want You to Go”, “Complicated”)/5 CCMA awards in 2001 & 3 more in 2002/2003 American Music Award for ‘Favorite New Country Artist’ 1973 [30] Jeff Timmons, Canton OH, pop singer (the founding member of 98 Degrees-“The Hardest Thing”) 1982 [21] Kirsten Dunst, Point Pleasant NJ, movie actress (“Spider-Man”, “Bring It On”)  COMING UP: “Mona Lisa Smile” with Julia Roberts (DECEMBER 19), “The Amazing Spider-Man” (2004). 1984 [19] Tyler Wilkinson, Belleville ON, country singer (The Wilkinsons-“Jimmy’s Got A Girlfriend”, “26 Cents”) BS REASONS TO PARTY . . . [International] “Noise Awareness Day” (details in YESTERDAY’s “BS”) TONIGHT at midnight is the deadline for filing your 2002 income tax return with the Canadian Customs & Revenue Agency either online or via snail mail. TODAY is “National Honesty Day”, to celebrate those who are honorable in their dealings with others. Keep that in mind when you’re scrambling to get your income tax in! , on the anniversary of George Washington being inaugurated as the first US president in 1789 TODAY is “Hairstylist Appreciation Day”, honoring the great contribution snippers and coiffeurs make to our self-esteem. Back in 1994, salon owner Anne Camilleri of San Carlos CA came up with the idea to recognize her employees. So don’t forget to say ‘thanks for the good hair day!’ TODAY is “ National SpankOut Day”, initiated in 1998 to give widespread attention to the need to end corporal punishment of children and to promote non-violent ways of teaching children appropriate behavior. This year 11 countries are observing the event. After all, why should adults hit kids when they can’t hit each other? PHONER: 614-221-8829 (Nadine Block, Center for Effective Discipline, Columbus OH) NET: http://www.StopHitting.org TODAY is the beginning of “International Walk Days”, time to strap on those trainers and hit the road as we’re encouraged to walk to school or work if possible. (Gimme a break! Cripes, it’s all the way downstairs in the study!) TONIGHT is observed as “Walpurgis Night” in many parts of Northern Europe when according to legend witches ride on broomsticks to revel with the devil. The tradition is celebrated by university students in particular (at any local bar). In Sweden, it’s known as the “Feast of Valborg”. In Switzerland, it’s called simply “May Day Eve”. (At [local U], it’s called ‘Kegger’!!!!) TODAY’S FIRSTS . . . 1939 [64] 1st public demonstration of ‘television’ (New York World’s Fair) 1952 [51] 1st toy to be advertised on TV (‘Mr Potato Head’) TODAY’S RECORDS . . . 1986 [17] Ashrita Furman covers 12 miles in 10 hrs, 40 mins – while doing somersaults! (Massachusetts) 1988 [15] ‘Largest banana split’ measures 4.55 miles long (Pennsylvania) 1999 [04] Frenchman Fabrice Gropaiz skates up to the Arc de Triomphe 28 months and 17,000 miles after leaving Paris to become 1st to circle the globe – on in-line skates BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . . [May 1] May Day / National Law Day / Mother Goose Day / School Principal’s Day / National Teen Day / New Homeowner’s Day / Save the Rhino Day / Project ACES (All Children Exercise Simultaneously) / Space Day / Couple Appreciation Day / Dixie Chicks North American tour begins (Greenville SC) [May 2] “X2: X-Men United” opens worldwide / Sibling Appreciation Day / International Tuba Day / Masturbate-a-thon (San Francisco) [May 3] Kentucky Derby 129 / Lumpy Rug Day / Hug Your Cat Day / Inaugural Flight of Naked-Air (Miami-Cancun) [May 4] Relationship Renewal Day / Scrapbook Day / Weather Observer’s Day / International UNmothers Day [May 5] Cinco de Mayo / National Cartoonist Day / No Diet Day / Melanoma Monday [May 6] Israel’s 55th Independence Day / National Teacher Day / National Nurses Week begins [May 7] Fleetwood Mac tour begins (Columbus OH) [May 8] No Socks Day / World Red Cross Day [May 9] Lost Sock Memorial Day / National Receptionists Day / National Small Business Day / The Eagles farewell tour begins (Richmond VA) [May 10] Clean Up Your Room Day / Child Care Provider Appreciation Day / Trust Your Intuition Day [May 11] Mother’s Day / Eat What You Want Day [May 12] Limerick Day / National Kite Day / International Nurse’s Day (Florence Nightingale’s birthday) / NBC’s Jay Leno & Katie Couric trade jobs for a day [May 14] Dance Like A Chicken Day / National Receptionist Day / Third Shift Workers Day / “Dawson’s Creek” 2-hour series finale / Cannes Film Festival opens (through 25th) [May 15] “Matrix Reloaded” opens / Bike to Work Day / Lunar Eclipse [May 16] 30th Daytime Emmy Awards / National Biographers Day / Employee Health & Fitness Day / Wear Purple For Peace Day [May 17] Pack Rat Day / The Preakness [May 18] Visit Your Relatives Day / International Museum Day [May 19] Victoria Day / International Peace Day [May 20] Senior Citizens Day / Eliza Doolittle Day / “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” season (series?) finale [May 21] National Wait Staff Day / National Memo Day / 38th Academy of Country Music (ACM) Awards / National Playday for Health [May 22] Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day / VH1 Divas Concert (Las Vegas) [May 23] World Turtle Day [May 24] International Jazz Day / Brothers Day / Morning Radio Wise Guy Day / National Escargot Day [May 25] National Tap Dance Day / Indianapolis 500 [May 26] Stratford ON Shakespearean Festival opens [May 27] National Ancestor Honor Day [May 28] National Hamburger Day / Great American Grump Out / Senior Health & Fitness Day [May 29] Bob Hope’s 100th birthday [May 30] Solar Eclipse [May 31] National Macaroon Day / Save Your Hearing Day / 2003 MTV Movie Awards (airing June 5) [June 5-8] 32nd Nashville Fan Fair [June 7] Belmont Stakes [June 8] 2003 Tony Awards BULL’S BITS . . . HOTTEST TEENAGE CELEBS ON THE NET: 1. Hilary Duff (her “Lizzie McGuire Movie” opens FRIDAY) 2. Avril Lavigne (her San Jose CA concert is TONIGHT) 3. Bow Wow (he’s 16 – not so Lil’ anymore) 4. Amanda Bynes (star of “What a Girl Wants”) 5. Olsen Twins (they’re not just siblings, they’re a corporation!) Source: “Hot Searches” BS PHONE STARTER: “How far are you willing you go to stay in style?” (According to “Men’s Journal”, shaving the pubic area is becoming increasingly popular with men.) BS INTERVIEWS: • Retired Idaho pastor Al Holm runs a drive-thru espresso place cleverly called ‘Sacred Grounds’ in the back of a convenience store. You can order up a mochachino or any other concoction offered by coffee purveyors, but what makes this coffee shop unusual is you can also get – married. Yup, the good rev’ will perform the ceremony on-the-spot with other customers serving as witnesses. It’s likely the world’s only caffeine & commitment emporium! PHONER: 208-769-7136 (A&D Mini Mart, Coeur D’Alene ID) • Vocal instructor Rosanne Simunovic has some pretty strong opinions on who should win “American Idol”. She gives Ruben Studdard & Kimberly Locke the best shot, and she oughta know – one of her former students is Shania Twain. Ask her to critique the other “Idol” contestants. PHONER: 705-264-0358 (Timmins ON) BS WATER COOLER QUESTION: Today’s Question: Sometime in their life 40% of women have done THIS, but no guy ever has. Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Joined the Girl Guides. BS DEEP THOUGHT: If two people agree all the time, one of them is unnecessary. We Bonus You One Free Month for Each & Every New “BS” Subscriber You Refer!