Friday, May 17, 2002 Edition: #2299
Seen it, done it, been there, can’t remember most of it.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT the 10 surviving cast members of the classic TV series “M*A*S*H” reunite for a 30th anniversary special on FOX-TV, even though the show originally aired on CBS (don’t all these reunion shows just make people feel old?) . . . TONIGHT Bob Barker (is he still kickin’?) hosts the “29th Daytime Emmy Awards” and daytime drama “All My Children” leads the pack with 21 nominations (“All My Children” stars Kelly Ripa & Mark Consuelos, married on-screen and off, have ‘Best Supporting Actor’ nominations and Susan Lucci, who’s been a nominee 20 times but a winner only once, is again up for ‘Best Actress’) . . . . Jennifer Lopez, Christina Aguilera and Shakira lead the nominees for TOMORROW’S “ALMA Awards” in Los Angeles, honoring the top Latino entertainers . . . TOMORROW is Will Ferrell’s final appearance on “Saturday Night Live” after 7 seasons . . . SUNDAY night TV features the 2-hour series finale of “The X-Files” with David Duchovny back to reprise his role as ‘Agent Fox Mulder’, the 2-hour “Cosby Show” reunion, and the 3-hour wrap-up of “Survivor: Marquesas” in which the sole survivor will be revealed live from NYC’s Central Park . . . And if you think all the weird reality shows have already been tried, check this out — a show called “The Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” being considered by Bravo follows the make-over of a ‘crude and uncultured straight guy into a hip and happening Renaissance man at the hands of five fabulously trendy gay men’ (gads, where do I sign up?).
OPENING IN THEATERS TODAY:
“About A Boy”, a comedy-drama starring Hugh Grant as a rich, child-free and irresponsible Londoner in his 30s who, in search of available women, invents an imaginary son and starts attending single parent meetings. As a result of one of his liaisons, he befriends a 12-year-old boy who finally helps him grow up. (Hugh Grant + getting in touch with feelings = CHICK FLICK!!!!)
AND YOU THOUGHT GREEN KETCHUP WAS WEIRD:
UK food company Isleham Fresh Produce predicts their new purple carrots (orange on the inside) will be a hit with consumers when they go on sale in JULY. In fact, the violet vegetables are not unnatural — that was actually their original hue before the Dutch decided to cultivate them in their national color of orange back in the 1700s. Carrots also come in white and black varieties, and the company is now looking into developing a ‘rainbow bunch’. (Will stand-up comedian Carrot Top have to change his name?)
WHO’S NAUGHTY AND WHO’S NICE:
Website velvetrope.com has compiled a list of the nicest and the not-so-nice music stars as voted on by people in the music industry and journalists. Among the ‘nice guys’ – Willie Nelson, Pete Townshend, Billy Idol, Eddie Van Halen, Bruce Springsteen, and surprisingly, Yoko One. The ‘most unpleasant’ list includes Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich, Paul Simon, Neil Young, Marilyn Manson, Gene Simmons, and Fred Durst. David Crosby is described as ‘the smelliest and dirtiest rock star’ with ‘a nasty crust on every part of his exposed skin’.
LAW & DISORDER:
• 42-year-old Generik Broderick of Mount Horeb WI has been charged in Sault Ste Marie ON with possession of marijuana, ecstasy and LSD. His defence? He claims he’s an ordained minister with the ‘Assembly of the Church of the Universe’ which considers marijuana a sacrament and uses drugs in religious ceremonies. The case will likely go to court NEXT MONTH. (I’m a deacon with ‘The Good Church of the Gooey Death & Discount House of Salvation’.)
• 13-year-old Jeffrey Figueroa of Walnut Creek CA is facing 8 years in juvenile prison for shooting a SPITWAD at school and hitting another student in the eye. (Jeffy, you should have listened to your mom when she said, “It’s all fun and games until somebody gets poked in the eye. . .”)
• An Australian driver has been convicted in Frankston Magistrates Court in Victoria of ‘sneezing from close range in a police officer’s face’. 35-year-old April Whitelaw was fined $600 for ASSAULT after ‘deliberately sneezing two or three times’. She’s appealing the verdict.
• A 37-year-old confessed sex offender has asked a Miami judge for SURGICAL CASTRATION. Florida’s 1997 castration law makes chemical castration mandatory for repeat sex offenders, but a judge cannot order surgical castration. Defendants must request it.
BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• Bone chips removed from Seattle Mariner relief pitcher Jeff Nelson’s elbow were briefly put up for bid in an online auction this week. The sale was quickly nixed by eBay, citing its policy against peddling body parts. (Too bad, cuz there’s this guy in Florida who’ll soon have a pair of parts available.)
• People in Thailand looking for a little extra cash can now earn money from hunting — dogs. The Bangkok city government is paying an 8-baht bounty (about 19 cents) for every stray turned in. (Local restaurants are reporting a shortage or what?)
• A 9-month-old giraffe named ‘Taiyo’ at Omoriyama Zoo in Akita, Japan has been given an artificial leg. This week a dangerously infected leg was removed and replaced with a prosthetic made of bamboo. The replacement ‘hoof’, fashioned from the bottom of a rubber boot, is held in place with — DUCT TAPE. (The giraffe is happy — now he gets the parking spots closest to the trees.)
THE BULL SHEET 05.17.2K2
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1936 [66] Dennis Hopper, Dodge City KS, TV actor (Victor Drazen-“24″)/movie actor (“Speed”, “Easy Rider”)
1950 [52] Christian Lacroix, Arles FRA, Paris fashion designer
1955 [47] Bill Paxton, Fort Worth TX, film actor (“Titanic”, “Twister”) NEXT MOVIE: “Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams”
1961 [41] Enya (Eithne Ni Bhraonain, named after a Celtic goddess), Gweedore IRE, pop/new age jazz singer (“Only Time” from top-selling album “A Day Without Rain”, “Watermark”) NOTE: Next to U2, Ireland’s biggest selling recording artist worldwide with over 44 million albums
1974 [28] Andrea Corr, Dundalk IRE, pop/rock/Celtic singer (The Corrs-“Would You Be Happier”, “In Blue”)
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1920 [82] Pope John Paul II (Karol Wojtyla), Wadowice POL, 264th RC Pope, since 1978 (1st non-Italian in 456 years, 1st Polish pope ever) NOTE: Though he suffers from Parkinson’s disease, knee and hip ailments, he’s made it clear he has no intention of stepping down. However, a possible candidate to be the next pontiff, Cardinal Oscar Rodriguez Maradiaga of Honduras, says he thinks JP II will ‘have the courage’ to resign if poor health leaves him unable to carry out his responsibilities. (Would you call that a ‘nudge’?)
1952 [50] George Strait, Pearsall TX, country singer (“Living And Living Well”, “If You Can Do Anything Else”)
1955 [47] Chow Yun-Fat, Hong Kong, movie actor (“Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon”, “Anna and the King”) NEXT MOVIE: Plays a mysterious monk who travels the globe to protect an ancient scroll that holds the key to unlimited power in “Bulletproof Monk”, now shooting in Toronto
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “World Telecommunications Day” as declared by the UN. (Yeah, just what we need – something to encourage people to get on a bloody cell phone more often or send more asinine text messages or page each other even more incessantly. Why not just embed a freakin’ chip in everybody’s head so every little thought, no matter how dumb or trivial, is transmitted directly to someone else to clutter up what’s left of their brain . . . oh, sorry. Am I ranting?)
TODAY is “Bike to Work Day”, although many communities have scheduled it on other dates during MAY, “National Bike Month”. Whenever yours is, it’s a day to ease the hassles of commuting by cycling to work and to improve the environment by creating less smog. If each person in a community of 100,000 replaced a car trip with a bike trip just once a month, it would cut carbon dioxide emissions by 3,764 tons per year.
NET: http://www.bikeleague.org
“Pack Rat Day”, celebrating people who squirrel away all kinds of ‘stuff’. Ask for nominations for the greatest pack rat, then call the winner and see how many of each item they have from your list of generic junk (dead watches, old mousepads, empty pens, dead batteries, pennies, empty breath-mint containers, margarine lids, etc). Or you could just ask them to tell you what’s in their junk drawer.
Yee haw! It’s “Victoria Day” weekend, a truly Canadian holiday begun in 1845 as a celebration of national unity. It commemorates the birth of Queen Victoria on May 24, 1819, the source of the holiday’s nickname ‘May 2-4′. She was Britain’s longest-reigning monarch (1837-1901).
THIS WEEKEND the “World Championship Barbecue Cooking Contest” sizzles in Memphis TN. Over 250 teams break out their best barbecue in an attempt to claim a chunk of over $40,000 in prizes. Certified by Guinness as the world’s largest barbecue contest, this ‘Super Bowl of Swine’ will use up over 30 tons of pork and draw upwards of 100,000 visitors.
PHONER: 901-525-4611
NET: http://www.memphisinmay.org
THIS WEEKEND the annual “Jumping Frog Jubilee” hops at the Calaveras fairgrounds in California with more than 3,000 frogs entered from around-the-world. The world record frog jump of 21 ft, 5.75 ins was set in 1986 by ‘Rosie the Ribiter’ jockeyed by Lee Giudici of Santa Clara CA. So how do you train a frog to do the big hop?
PHONER: 209-736-2561
NET: http://www.frogtown.org
TOMORROW is “Visit Your Relatives Day”, a day to renew family ties with seldom-seen relatives. (Uh, maybe there’s a reason they’re ‘seldom seen’?)
TOMORROW is “International Museum Day”, a tribute to all the museums of the world, no matter how small, how large — or how strange. Here’s a few of the weirdest —
• The Spam Museum (Austin MN)
• Bata Shoe Museum (Toronto ON)
• The Museum of Questionable Medical Devices (Minneapolis MN)
• The Museum of Sex (NYC)
• Barney Smith’s Toilet Seat Art Museum (San Antonio TX)
SUNDAY through May 27th stunt artists from all over the world will be gathering in Russia for “The Moscow International Festival Of Stunt Art & Cinematography”. Visitors will be able to watch burning car jumps, somersaults, extreme rollerblading and flying motorbikes. It’s the only festival of its kind. (Sort of a party version of “Fear Factor”.)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1845 [157] 1st ‘rubber band’
1875 [127] 1st ‘Kentucky Derby’ (Aristides wins $2,800 purse)
1920 [82] 1st ‘passenger airline’ begins service (Holland’s ‘KLM’)
1939 [63] 1st Canadian visit by a reigning British monarch (George VI)
1993 [09] 1st computers using ‘Pentium’ chips unveiled (immediately making your $4000 PC a piece of junk)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1980 [22] Kumar Anandan sets record of balancing on 1 foot for 33 hrs (think that’s easy? – try and make 3 minutes!)
1989 [13] Longest cab ride travels 14,000 miles and costs $16,000 (and man, what a tip!)
1996 [06] 2,000 Swedish protestors stage mass urination on “Pee Outdoors Day” to protest construction of a sewage plant
1999 [03] Largest criminal compensation package in Canadian history as David Milgaard accepts $10 million in compensation from Saskatchewan for wrongful conviction and 23 years of imprisonment in 1969 sex slaying
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] 127th Running of the Preakness Stakes (Baltimore MD)
[Sat] US Armed Forces Day
[Sun] International Peace Day
[Mon] “Ally McBeal” series finale
Running & Fitness Week
National Golf Week
National Moving Month
National Water Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
Q: Is the urban legend true — do we ingest spiders in our sleep?
A: The average person eats 8 spiders while sleeping during their lifetime, according to the makers of Raid Spider Blaster.
BS PHONE STARTER:
“What’s the first thing you think of when you get up in the morning?” (According to a new survey, coffee beats sex as most people’s first thought of the day. 62% of men and 80% of women say coffee, compared to a 21% of men and 12% of women who say sex. Sex? I can’t even think of my own name for the first half-hour!)
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to “Mademoiselle” magazine, 2% of couples forget to do this on their wedding day.
Answer to Give Out Monday: The kiss.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
In one year, THE BULL SHEET gives you an unbelievable 2,500 lifestyle and entertainment stories, 1,000 unusual verified facts, 750 interesting phone numbers, and at least 500 trivia questions!
