Friday, May 4, 2001 Edition: #2048
BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Why do tourists travel 2,000 kms just to get their picture taken beside their car?
• If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?
• If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?
• If a pizza joint only sells slices, is there a guy in the back tossing triangles in the air?
• Howz come you see an awful lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy?
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT, just in case you still haven’t screamed ‘Uncle!’, “E! True Hollywood Story” has a special on the original “Survivor” series cast (airs on Canada’s Star! channel) . . . In overall ratings, “Survivor 2: The Australian Outback “ was 27% more popular than the original “Survivor” series in Canada . . . SUNDAY another round of “Celebrity Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” begins, featuring Martin Short, Ben Stiller, Dennis Franz, Edie Falco (“The Sopranos”) and former “Seinfeld” star Jason Alexander (who’s touted as the one to beat) . . . Word is Britney Spears and ‘N Sync bf Justin Timberlake will co-author a book of poetry, love letters and diary entries about their relationship (comes with pop-up barf bag) . . . Angelina Jolie & Billy Bob Thornton are telling friends they’re ‘hard at work’ trying to make a baby to celebrate their 1-year wedding anniversary and she keeps a vial of his blood around her neck (are they doing it the right way?).
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:
Brendon Fraser, Rachel Weisz & WWF wrestler The Rock in “The Mummy Returns”, the sequel to 1999’s surprise hit “The Mummy”. (Short on plot, long on FX.)
STYLE STATEMENTS:
• “NY Times” reports feminists are shocked at the popularity of new white-ribbed tank tops nicknamed ‘Wifebeaters’ after the similarly-styled t-shirt Marlon Brando made famous in “A Streetcar Named Desire”. (Not to be confused with the Dixie Chicks’ new line of spiked heels called ‘Earl Killers’.)
• The new ‘Brava’ bra purportedly makes use of computer technology to stimulate growth cells and enhance breast size. (Warning: power surges may lead to looking like Grandma!)
• Here’s a new alternative to navel piercing – ‘Belly Lights Flashing Navel Charms’, tiny battery-operated blinking strobes that temporarily attach to the navel. Inventor Gary Kellmann claims he ‘researched over 200 navels’ to develop the product. (Coming soon from the same maker – ‘Butt Beepers’ for when you want to back up!)
PHONER: 785-842-8909 (Spread The News)
NET: www.flipo.com
BELLY UP:
TONIGHT Roots Air’s last flight will travel from Vancouver to Toronto. The discount airline is ceasing operations and selling 50% of its shares to rival Air Canada after just 5 weeks in business. (It’s also expected to recoup some its losses by selling off its flight attendants’ flashy red Olympic berets.)
BS BOUNTY HUNTERS!
Refer a friend to BS and get a FREE MONTH of service.THE BULL SHEET 05.04.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1959 [42] Randy Travis (Traywick), Marshville NC, country singer (“Forever & Ever Amen”)/movie actor (“Texas Rangers”, “The Rainmaker”)
1972 [29] Mike Dirnt, Berkeley CA, rock musician (Green Day-“Time of Your Life”)
1979 [22] Lance Bass, Laurel MS, pop singer (‘N Sync-“Bye Bye Bye”)/movie actor (just finished shooting “On the L” in Toronto on which he’s a co-producer)
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [58] Michael Palin, Sheffield ENG, TV personality (“Hemingway Adventure”, “Pole to Pole”)/movie actor (“A Fish Called Wanda”)/ex-Monty Python’s Flying Circus comedy troupe
SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAY’S . . .
1945 [56] Bob Seger, Dearborn MI, classic rock singer (“Against the Wind”, “Night Moves”)
1953 [48] Tony Blair, Edinburgh SCOT, British Prime Minister since 1997 who’s expected to easily win re-electon in JUNE
1960 [41] Roma Downey, Derry N IRE, TV actress (Monica-“Touched By An Angel”, since 1994)
1961 [40] George Clooney, Lexington KY, movie actor (“Spy Kids”, The Perfect Storm”, O Brother Where Art Thou”) NEXT FILM: Stars as Danny Ocean in the casino heist flick “Ocean’s 11″ NOTE: A few years ago, he made a $20,000 bet with Michelle Pfeiffer and Nicole Kidman that he’d remain childless until he was 40 — will he collect today?
1972 [29] Martin Brodeur, Montreal PQ, NHL goaltender (New Jersey Devils)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• TODAY is “Weather Observers’ Day”, recognizing both pros and amateurs who follow the elements. (Hmm, which would [local TV weather reporter] qualify as?)
• TODAY is “International Telecommuting Day”, to encourage employers to develop programs for employees to work at home at least part of the time. (aka ‘Work in Your Pajamas Day’.)
• SUNDAY is the 10th annual “International No Diet Day” co-sponsored the Canadian Association for Size Acceptance, to convince us to stop being obsessed with weight.
NET: http://www.eskimo.com/~largesse/INDD/
• SUNDAY is 6th annual “International Unmothers Day”, a day for women who’ve chosen NOT to bloat up like a blimp, NOT to wear goofy pants with a Lycra panel, and NOT to have stretch marks. A day to recognize that ‘a woman’s worth is not determined by motherhood alone’.
ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2000 “ILOVEYOU” e-mail virus infects computer networks and hard drives worldwide
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] 127th Kentucky Derby (http://www.kentuckyderby.com/kderby/2001/)
[Tues] No Socks Day
National Welding Week
Better Sleep Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
Q: What Canadian football team did “Mummy Returns” star The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) once play for?
A: He spent half the 1995 season on the Calgary Stampeders taxi squad while living flat broke in a squalid apartment with other fringe players.
BS TAG LINE: Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
