Thursday, May 4, 2000 Edition: #1800 Thank you!!
WHY THERE SHOULD BE A DAY BETWEEN WEDNESDAY AND THURSDAY:
• Women feel there should be a day of cuddling right after ‘Hump Day’.
• Would finally validate the song “Eight Days a Week”.
• Need more than 24 hours to recover from “Dawson’s Creek” finale before tuning in to “ER”.
• You could squeeze in an extra day of sinning before going to confession each week.
• The people who work at the 7-11 could finally take a shower.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Cape Breton fiddler Ashley MacIsaac was scheduled to meet creditors in Halifax yesterday to resolve his declared bankruptcy (c’mon toss him a few cents – play “Sleepy Maggie”) . . . 76-year-old Bob Barker’s contract to host CBS-TV game show “The Price Is Right” has been extended for a 29th year and today they’ll tape the 5,400th episode since the debut in 1972 (longest-running game show in TV history) . . . Today driver-of-the-year candidate Halle Berry is scheduled to appear in LA court to face misdemeanor hit-and-run charges from that February car accident (maximum penalty — 1 year in jail and $10,000 fine, her penalty — an autograph for the judge) . . . Word is since “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” has hit it big, Regis Philbin has stepped up his daily exercise program to include a treadmill, weight machine, wind sprints and stomach crunches (geez, no wonder the guy’s got heart trouble. Relax Reg!).
Who’s prettier — Cameron Diaz or Leonardo DiCaprio? You can decide when they co-star in Martin Scorsese’s “Gangs of New York”, set to begin shooting in Rome this summer . . . Christopher Plummer will play a London antique dealer who tries to save his daughter from a vampire in “Wes Craven Presents: Dracula 2000”, described as ‘a modern re-telling of Bram Stoker’s classic horror story’ (instead of biting necks, he pierces nipples) . . . Courtney Love will star opposite Ice Cube in the sci-fi thriller “John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars”, about human space colonists who need rescuing (we always knew she was from another planet).
BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• The Chinese government has issued a strict ban against eating watermelon in public after more than 10,000 people were injured by slipping on discarded rinds in a single month. Outdoor watermelon munching can now cost you 3 years in prison! (Man, that’s the pits.)
• A woman dining in one of Europe’s ritziest restaurants in Paris was recently startled when the monster lobster she was digging into suddenly raised a king-size claw and got a death grip on her left breast. (The wedding’s this Saturday.)
• That Australian man who received the world’s first hand transplant a year-and-half ago is being treated with antibiotics because his body began to reject the hand. (You know you have NO sex life when even your hand rejects you!)
• A group of naturists from France plans to travel around the world in 80 days — butt naked! The team of 13 men and women will use trains, hot-air balloons and other means of transport to reach their goal. (Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.)
THE BULL SHEET 05.04.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1928  Maynard Ferguson, Verdun PQ, jazz trumpeter (Roulette)
1959  Randy Travis (Traywick), Marshville NC, country singer (Forever & Ever Amen)
1972  Mike Dirnt, Berkeley CA, rock musician (Green Day-Time of Your Life)
1973  Matthew Barnaby, Ottawa ON, NHL winger (Pittsburgh Penguins)
1979  Lance Bass, Clinton MS, pop singer (‘N Sync-Bye Bye Bye)/”Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” celebrity contestant this week
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• Today is the 4th annual “Space Day” celebration. Schools, museums, planetariums and other venues will focus on this year’s theme ‘Living & Working in Space’. (Whitney Houston is spokesperson?)
• Today is “International Relationship Renewal Day”, saluting relationships that’ve made it through another year. Couples are encouraged to celebrate and congratulate one another and each other.
• Today is “Weather Observers’ Day”, to recognize both amateurs and pros who follow the elements.
• Today is “International Telecommuting Day”, to encourage employers to develop a program for employees to work at home at least part of the time. (This program is commonly called ‘faking sick’.)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1715  1st ‘folding umbrella’ pops open in Paris (before that it was hell storing one in your pocket)
1968  1st McDonald’s ‘Big Mac’ served (what is it that makes that sauce ‘special’?)
1988  1st ad on Russian TV (giant line-ups form for Pepsi Cola)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1973  World record 83 hamburgers eaten in 2½ hours (Bob Matern-University of Rhode Island)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] No Diet Day (http://www.eskimo.com/~largesse/INDD/)
Antique Bottle Collecting Week (“Wow man, look at that old Labatt stubby!”)
Revise Your Work Schedule Month (by adding 6 weeks vacation)
BULL’S BITS . . .
• “Where would be your ideal location to ‘make a baby’?” (In a new survey of 1,000 adults, the top scenario for both men and women was “a quiet candlelit evening at home”. Second choice for women was “a tropical paradise”, and for men “a log cabin warmed by a cozy fire”. [3rd choice for men was “Here, now!”])
• “Which are you more afraid of – looking old or being fat?” (In a new “Redbook” magazine online poll, 80% say they’re more afraid of being fat than getting wrinkles.)
TRUTH OR BS?
• It used to be illegal to smoke a cigar in a Newfoundland outhouse. (T. Too many explosions?)
• Babe Ruth was the first baseball player to have his number retired. (BS. It was his NY Yankee teammate Lou Gehrig in 1939.)
• Coffee beans aren’t beans at all. (True. They’re actually the pits of a red berry.)
• Cats spend up to 30% of their waking hours bathing themselves. (True, as opposed to [your co-host].)
• The Canadian Lacrosse Hall of Fame is located in Whitby ON. (BS. It’s in New Westminster BC)
• There are more plastic pink flamingos in North America than real ones. (Sad, but true.)
THE LAST WORD: If at first you don’t succeed, try Vaseline.