Monday, May 21, 2007        Edition: #3535
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Paris Hilton has confirmed reports she’s halting plans to appeal her 45-day jail sentence for violating probation. She’s scheduled to begin the sentence, which could be reduced to as little as 23 days, by JUNE 5th. Meantime, related gossip says Paris is planning to write a tell-all prison memoir. That may go along way to explaining the first bit of news.
– “Star Magazine” / “Contact Music”
• Pseudo-singer/actress Jessica Simpson has dumped pop star John Mayer … at least for now. Simpson, at the “Cannes Film Festival” to promote her upcoming movie “Major Movie Star”, has confirmed the reports and says she’s ’very happy’. But it might not be permanent. Insiders say the couple has broken up and gotten back together ‘at least 10 times before’.
– “E!” / “National Enquirer “ / “People Magazine”
• Teri Hatcher has found a new use for the booze she doesn’t drink … she bathes in it. It seems a pharmacist friend advised her of the odd use for leftover wine which is said to be full of antioxidants and possess exfoliating qualities. Hatcher says she hates to waste the stuff when she’s alone and fails to finish a bottle. Okay, but what’s she doing drinking all by herself?
– World Entertainment News Network
• Mexico’s ‘3 Amigos’ of the movies, directors Alfonso Cuaron (“Children of Men”), Guillermo Del Toro (“Pan’s Labyrinth”), and Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu (“Babel”), have landed a landmark 5-film deal with Universal Pictures. Their new production partnership, Cha Cha Cha, will team with the studio for financing, international sales & distribution. It’s a first of its kind agreement.
– StarPulse News Blog
• 15 years ago, a jealous 17-year-old Amy Fisher shot her older bf Joey Buttafuoco’s then-wife Mary Jo in the head and earned infamy as the ‘Long Island Lolita’. As well as spawning countless bad made-for-TV movies, the stunt earned her 7 years in the slammer. Well now it seems that Fisher & Buttafuoco, both going through divorces, are back together again as a romantic couple. Perhaps not surprisingly, the courtship may end up as a reality TV show. Hope their ex’s are wearing Kevlar.
– TMZ.com
• It’s been officially announced there will be no new reality show for poor, sad Kevin Federline. Apparently producers just don’t think his daily routine of smoking, drinking discount beer, and wondering what that unsightly rash might be would make for good television.
– “Us Weekly”
• First he was going; then he wasn’t due to security worries; and now he’s going again. Britain’s Prince Harry (Prince Charles’ & Princess Di’s #2 son) WILL be sent off to war after all … but not in Iraq. He’s instead being assigned to strife-torn Afghanistan. To avoid him being jeopardized as a high-profile target, his movements will be kept under wraps. In fact, his entire tour of duty will be totally shrouded in secrecy. But we know how well those royals keep secrets, don’t we?
– “News of the World”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SCHED:
• A court hearing is scheduled in Los Angeles in the David Hasselhoff-Pamela Bach custody battle to decide how that leaked footage showing him incoherently drunk will affect his long-term visitation rights. He’s been banned from seeing his kids since the video first surfaced.
• Season 6 of the drama “24” wraps up with a 2-hour finale (FOX).
• TR Knight (“Grey’s Anatomy”) & Cynthia Nixon (”Sex & the City”) co-host the 52nd annual “Obie Awards”, honoring the best in off-Broadway theater and sponsored by the “Village Voice”.
• The “Kimberley Locke & Idol Friends” online charity auction begins, offering clothing & accessories worn by “American Idol” contestants with proceeds going to the ‘Clothes Off Our Back Foundation’. Locke was a contestant on “A-I’s” season 2 back in 2003.
NET: http://clothesoffourback.org/

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – FRIDAY the British pop singer wed her fiancé Blake Fielder-Civil in a secret civil ceremony at the Shore Club in Miami Beach FL.
• Carrie Underwood – Her debut album “Some Hearts” has just been certified 6X platinum for shipment of 6 million copies. That makes her just the 2nd solo female country artist to reach the 6-million milestone with a debut album. LeAnn Rimes did it with “Blue” in 1996.
• Enrique Iglesias – THIS AFTERNOON he’s on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated).
• Evanescence – New band members from Dark New Day, guitarist Troy McLawhorn & drummer Will Hunt, made their debut on the weekend in Columbus OH. They replace recently dumped guitarist John LeCompt & drummer Rocky Gray, who subsequently quit.
• Gretchen Wilson – TODAY she guests on “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated).
• The Killers – Frontman Brandon Flowers has been sidelined by bronchitis since losing his voice just 2 songs into a concert in Denver CO THURSDAY.
• Ludacris – LAST NIGHT he appeared in the 400th episode of “The Simpsons” (FOX), voicing a rapping tube of toothpaste named ‘Luda-Crest’. TONIGHT he’s a guest on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• Maroon 5 – TONIGHT they perform their hit “Makes Me Wonder” on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC). As we found out on “American Idol”, it sounds a helluva lot better on the recording than it does performed live.
• Ozzy Osbourne – TONIGHT the geezer rocker is on “Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC).
• Phil Stacey – The Petty Officer 3rd Class has just been given the all-clear to extend his leave from the US Navy so he can tour with the other “American Idol” finalists THIS SUMMER.
• Shakira – Reports say the 30-year-old pop star will wed her 34-year-old lawyer fiancé Antonio de la Rua in SEPTEMBER at a lavish villa in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. She’s been dating the son of former Argentine president Fernando de la Rua since 2000.
• Spice Girls – Word has it they’re putting together a comeback CD in secret recording sessions in Brighton, England. The group split in 2001 after selling more than 50 million records.

WAR ON TOURISM:
Tourism organizations estimate America has lost approximately $94 billion and 194,000 jobs thanks to a downturn in tourism due to the difficulties many have faced entering the country since 9/11. A recent poll of international travelers found that 70% fear US border officials more than they fear terrorists or criminals, and 65% worry that they may be detained for some minor error in filling out their forms. The US has also been voted the ‘World’s Most Unfriendly Destination’ for foreign travelers due to the hassles and intimidation tourists face trying to enter the country. (Are we more safe or sorry?)
– “New Zealand Herald”

BEST TIME FOR Zs:
Sleep researchers say the best time to go to sleep is between 10 pm and midnight, due to natural body rhythms and when most people feel tired. But what’s really best is to go to bed at the same time every night, because the brain gets programmed to sleep at certain times. (Since I’ve been doing the morning show, I’ve found the best time to sleep is – whenever you freakin’ can!)
– “Ladies’ Home Journal”

PEARLS BEFORE COMMUTERS:
A recent social experiment attempted to find out if commuters would recognize musical genius if performed by a master virtuoso in the guise of an ordinary busker. One of the world’s greatest violinists, Joshua Bell, was set up in a Washington DC metro station where he played more than 40 minutes of masterpieces on his $3.5-million Stradivarius. The results were depressingly predictable: Of the thousand-plus people who rushed by, only 7 stopped to listen for more than 1 minute. Another 27 tossed money in his violin case, and the rest were completely oblivious to the spark of beauty interrupting their otherwise dull day. (Now if it was Jessica Simpson …)
– “Washington Post”

FAT CHANCE:
LAST MONTH, a suburban amusement park in Sacramento CA received so many complaints from neighbors about bloodcurdling screams that it instituted a no-shrieking rule for its new ride, the ‘Scandia Screamer’. It’s a windmill-like contraption that sends people plunging 16 stories to the ground at nearly 60 mph. (Okay, it’s quieter … now how about air sickness bags?)
– Associated Press

THE TROUBLE WITH PEOPLE:
Humans are the only species prone to ‘overthinking’ and that’s one of our biggest problems, according to Ohio State University psychologist Julian Thayer, who offers the following tips on how to cut down on your worrying …
• Schedule limited ‘overthink’ sessions; then don’t do it any other time.
• Work on forgiveness and lowering unrealistically high expectations.
• Seek out friends who try to help solve problems rather than help you indulge in hand-wringing.
• Meditate or pray regularly.
(Apparently he forgot tip #5 … Beer.)
– “Social Studies”

MELLOW YELLOW:
Yellow is said to be one of the hottest colors for THIS SPRING. For the most part, brunettes have an easier time than blondes wearing shades of yellow. Blondes need to pick a tone that matches one shade of yellow in their hair. Likely the best wearers of yellow are people with blue eyes. A good way to figure what shade works best for you is to look at a black-and-white photo of yourself. If you have a lot of contrast in your skin, hair and eyes, you can wear a stronger shade of yellow. (If you’re suffering from jaundice, wear black.)
– McClatchy News Service

BS AMAZING FACTS:
An avatar on the ‘Second Life’ website has a larger carbon footprint than the average Brazilian.
– PopBitch.com

AND WE QUOTE:
• “I didn’t have to do anything. I wear a muscle suit, and it’s a lot of CGI.”
– Actress Jessica Alba being refreshingly honest about her contribution to the upcoming movie “Fantastic Four: Rise Of the Silver Surfer”, opening JUNE 15th.
• “I don’t want to do a white-trash wedding with a big belly.”
– Pregnant actress Milla Jovovich on why she’s postponed her wedding to director Paul WS Anderson, whom she met shooting the “Resident Evil” films. Honey, you’ve already shown your class.

BS CHRONOMETER 05.21.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1941 [66] Bobby Cox, Tulsa OK, MLB baseball manager (Atlanta Braves 1978-81 and 1990-present)

1951 [56] Al Franken, NYC, 2008 US Senate candidate (Minnesota)/former talk show host (Air America Radio)/author (“Lies & the Lying Liars Who Tell Them”)/comedian (“Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot”)/former “Saturday Night Live” writer/performer (1975-80, 1985-95)

1957 [50] Judge Reinhold, Wilmington DE, movie actor (“The Santa Clause 1-3”, “Beverly Hills Cop”)

1967 [40] Lisa Edelstein, Boston MA, TV actress (‘Dr Lisa Cuddy’ on “House” since 2004)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Memo Day”, a day for office workers who are tired of memos from bosses’ to post their own. The ultimate act is to post a memo complaining about too many memos. (Then clean out your desk and go home.)

• “Pickle Week”, recognizing the ‘World’s Most Humorous Vegetable’. (Broccoli, zucchini, and squash are demanding a recount.)

• “Victoria Day” holiday in Canada, begun in 1845 as a celebration of national unity. It commemorates the birth of Queen Victoria on May 24, 1819, who became Britain’s longest-reigning monarch (1837-1901).

• “Wait Staff Day”, set aside for restaurant managers and patrons to show appreciation for the efforts of servers. It’s interesting how tipping varies by geography: In Australia, China, Japan & New Zealand, tipping is basically non-existent. In Egypt & Mexico you are expected to tip, it’s a way of life. In Britain you have to decide if an establishment is a pub that serves food (don’t tip) or a restaurant with a bar (do tip). In the US & Canada a 15-20% tip is expected, depending on the level of service. What we wanna know is why restaurant owners get away with paying minimum wages and expect customers to supplement servers’ incomes.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1819 [188] 1st ‘Swift Walkers’ in America are introduced in NYC, what we now call ‘bicycles’

1914 [93] ‘Greyhound Bus Co’ begins operation

1994 [13] World’s 1st ‘Genetically-Engineered Tomatoes’ go on sale, priced at $2.79/lb

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1927 [80] Charles Lindbergh arrives in Paris, France after crossing the Atlantic aboard ‘Spirit of St Louis’ (66 other aviators had already completed trans-Atlantic flights but ‘Lucky Lindy’ is first to do it alone)

1997 [10] Then Toronto Blue Jay pitcher Roger Clemens notches his 200th career win by beating NY Yankees 4-1 (now he’s back with the Yanks … again)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] “Dancing With the Stars” finalé (ABC)
[Tues] Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day
[Tues] Smashing Pumpkins “Zeitgeist” tour opens (Paris, France)
[Wed] World Turtle Day
[Thurs] Brothers Day
[Thurs] Morning Radio Wise Guy Day
[Fri] “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” opens in movie theaters

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Backyard Games Week / Design Drafting Week / Dog Bite Prevention Week / Effectiveness Week / Etiquette Week / Frozen Yogurt Week / New Friends, Old Friends Week / Poetry Week / Poppy Week / Safe Boating Week / Surgical Technologists Week / World Trade Week

BULL’S BITS

BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit nobody ever puts out a sign that says ‘Nice Dog’?
• Whyzit you can find a gas station that sells junk food on just about any highway but you can’t find one anywhere that will fix a flat tire anymore?
• Whyzit nothing good ever comes after the words: “Sit down, we have to talk”?
• Whyzit no matter how much manure you put on the strawberry plant, it still tastes like a strawberry?
• Whyzit women like silent men? Do they think they’re listening?

BS PHONE STARTER:
What annoys you most in business meetings? (In a new Opinion Research poll the top peeves are: ‘People who fall asleep’; ‘long meetings without refreshments’; and ‘meetings without bathroom breaks’. ‘People constantly checking their BlackBerry’ ranks a surprisingly low #9.)

BS PROMOTION:
Here’s a hi-tech update on the old ‘Cow Patty Bingo’ game used by many radio stations at fairs and festivals. British cellphone service/ISP Orange has outfitted a bull with a GPS tracking device then set it loose in a field superimposed online with a letter/number grid. Contestants must guess which square the bull is in at mid-day each day in order to win concert tickets.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half-full or half-empty. Either way, it’s twice as large as it needs to be.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Women are twice as likely as men to have a back-up plan to get out of THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A bad date.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Only one diet has ever worked: Exercise.

HOW TO CHANGE SETTINGS FOR MORE RELIABLE E-MAIL:
NET: http://radiobullsheet.blogspot.com/