May 13 2021

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Thursday, May 13, 2021 — Edition: #6986

If You Can’t Dazzle Them with Brilliance, Baffle Them With Bull!


★ Ellen DeGeneres is signing off. She’s decided her upcoming season, the show’s 19th, will be the last. “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” has been a major fixture of the talk show landscape throughout its run and has even inspired a number of spinoffs. Those include “Ellen’s Game of Games,” “The Masked Dancer,” “Family Game Fight,” and “Ellen’s Greatest Night of Giveaways.” The decision, which fell to DeGeneres, is said to have been several years in the making. Discussing the move publicly for the first time, she told The Hollywood Reporter: “When you’re a creative person, you constantly need to be challenged – and as great as this show is, and as fun as it is, it’s just not a challenge anymore.” The final episode is slated to air in Spring 2022. Sources say that her slot may be filled by Kelly Clarkson, whose own talk show airs after DeGeneres’ spot.
-HollywoodReporter, PageSix
★ Grimes has revealed she was hospitalized for a panic attack this week, following partner Elon Musk’s “Saturday Night Live” debut. She posted backstage photos, and wrote: “Forgot to post these cuz I somehow caused myself to have a panic attack and went to the hospital yesterday which tbh was quite scary and I suppose it’s a good time to start therapy.” The pics were of her dressed as ‘Princess Peach’ alongside musical guest Miley Cyrus.
★ Comedian John Mulaney has split from wife Anna Marie Tendler, the artist he married in July 2014, following a stint in rehab. The end of their marriage comes just after Mulaney spent another 60 days in rehab, where he was treated for addiction to drugs, including cocaine, and alcohol. He entered outpatient treatment in February. A spokesman for the comedian confirmed the news, saying: “John will not have any further comment as he continues to focus on his recovery and getting back to work.”
★ Demi Lovato will find out if the ‘truth is out there’ in a new limited unscripted series about UFOs. In “Unidentified with Demi Lovato,” she and her skeptical best friend Matthew, and her sister Dallas attempt to uncover the truth about the UFO phenomena. While consulting with leading experts, the trio will investigate recent eyewitness encounters, uncover secret government reports, and conduct tests at known UFO hot spots.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Chris Rock, Samira Wiley, Morray
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Keegan-Michael Key, Zoey Deutch, Conway the Machine featuring Ludacris & J.I.D
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Seth Rogen, Jack Ingram, Miranda Lambert, Jon Randall
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Anthony Mackie, Jean Smart
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Ben Platt
• “Conan” (TBS): Andy Cohen
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Busy Philipps, Amber Ruffin
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Dr. Sanjay Gupta
• “The Talk” (CBS): Barbara Corcoran, guest co-host Jerry O’Connell
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Chris Rock, Jillian Michaels
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Oprah Winfrey
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Lauren Graham, Jimmie Johnson, Luna Blaise, Noga Erez
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Julianna Margulies, Chase Stokes, Eitan Bernath
• “Young Sheldon” (CBS): Season 4 finale
• “Mom” (CBS): Season 8 finale
• “B Positive” (CBS): Season 1 finale

• Drake — will receive the Artist of the Decade Award at the 2021 Billboard Music Awards. He’s the most awarded artist in the show’s history, with 27 in total, and has scored eight #1 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, plus 9 #1 albums on the Billboard 200 chart, the latter being the most of any artist over the past decade. The BBMAs, hosted by Nick Jonas, will air live on May 23.
• Usher – will host and perform on the 2021 iHeartRadio Music Awards, which will air Thursday, May 27 Fox. Other artists set to perform include The Weeknd with special guest Ariana Grande, Silk Sonic (Bruno Mars & Anderson .Paak), Dan + Shay, and Doja Cat. The show will also include appearances from Taylor Swift, Dua Lipa, Roddy Ricch, Twenty One Pilots, Megan Thee Stallion, and more.
• Rag’n’Bone Man and Pink – have released a charity version of their duet ‘Anywhere Away From Here’, following their performance of the song on the BRIT Awards on Tuesday. Money raised will go to the Lewisham and Greenwich National Health Service Trust and NHS Charities Together, who represent the charities of all NHS Trusts in the UK.
• Tina Turner — is on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees list for 2021. Also up for honors: Todd Rundgren, Carole King, The Go-Go’s, JAY-Z and Foo Fighters, plus LL Cool J, Randy Rhoads and Billy Preston for musical excellence awards, and Kraftwerk as an early influence. This year’s ceremony is set for Oct. 30 at Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse in Cleveland.
• ABBA — Bjorn Ulvaleus says the group will “definitely” be putting out new music in 2021, 40 years after the release of their last studio album, “The Visitors”, in 1981. In an interview, he said: “There will be new music this year, that is definite, it’s not a case anymore of it might happen, it will happen.”
• Bob Dylan — The largest-ever collection of his artwork will go on display at Miami’s Patricia & Phillip Frost Art Museum. “Retrospectrum” spans 6 decades of Dylan’s art, featuring more than 120 paintings, drawings and sculptures. It will be on display from Nov. 30 through April 17, 2022.
• Iron Maiden – will launch their latest beer this fall. The India Pale Ale lager was created in partnership with the craft-brewing company BrewDog. ‘Iron Maiden Hellcat’ “rages with a citrus-forward flavor with a no less aggressive malty backbone,” according to a release.
• Blake Shelton — is teaming up with the Country Music Association Foundation to help raise money for food banks in need through CMA’s new partnership with Feeding America. Blake quote: “People are going to bed hungry at night now more than ever, and I just can’t live with that. I’ve been passionate for a long time about helping folks get the food they need.”
• Little Big Town — have revealed the new dates for their 2021 “Nightfall Tour”, which have been rescheduled from 2020 due to the pandemic. The Nightfall Tour is now slated to begin on Sept. 3 with a string of three dates at the Paramount Theater in Denver, and run through Nov. 5, when it wraps in Greensboro, N.C.
• Old Dominion — lead singer Matthew Ramsey shared a hospital selfie on social media, with the words: “How many OD members does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, after a broken rib, collapsed lung, and various scrapes & bruises, I found out the answer is ‘More than one.’” He indicated he is now back home, and reminded fans to “get someone to hold ur ladder.”


It turns out that the old saying, “Age is just a number”, is true. And that one about, “You’re as young as you feel”? That’s true too. According to a new study conducted by researchers at the University of Heidelberg in Germany, those who psychologically feel younger than they are, are more likely to maintain their health into old age. More specifically, they found that stress levels significantly contribute to one’s subjective age, which is whether they experience themselves as younger or older than their actual age. The Scientists analyzed the health data of over 5,000 people, and found that those who reported more stress in their lives demonstrated a more drastic decline in overall health as they aged. This correlation was present among every age group examined, but it was much more pronounced for older participants. The researchers suggest that programs aimed at helping people feel younger could reduce the harm caused by stress and improve health among older adults.
(Everyone should aim to be like my Grandmother. She aged like a fine wine….15% alcohol by volume!)
(I’ve always lived by the saying that “You’re only young once…but you can always be immature!”)
(Or just put fewer candles on their birthday cake…)

Microsoft is finally updating its 25-year-old Windows icons. Yes, Windows has seen periodic visual updates, with constantly changing recycling bins, Start menu colors, task bar icons and other prominent items that PC users look at every day. But some of the less-used icons haven’t been seriously updated since Bill Gates paid the Rolling Stones $3 million to use ‘Start Me Up’ in the commercials for Windows 95. For those keeping track, Bill Clinton was in his first term of office then. The redesign is part of a major visual overhaul of Windows 10 coming in October. A preview shows updates to some icons to better reflect current technology. Old-school CRT monitors have been replaced with flat screens, and trackball mice are now touchscreens, for example. It’s part of a full-scale Windows 10 redesign that will include an all-new Start Menu, File Explorer, Action Center and taskbar. What’s weird about the update? ‘Floppy disk’ icons remain.
(OK, Boomer!)
(Maybe Melinda got that part of the re-design in the settlement…)
(I hope they’ve come up with a new “blue screen of death”, because man, I’m sick of seeing that!)

According to a new study, nearly 1 in 2 people believe they’re the best person they know. In a survey of 2,000 US residents, 81% said they believe that people are inherently good. Three-quarters believe that they themselves are fundamentally a good person. And when asked how they would compare themselves to others in their lives, 46% went a step further, saying that (in their eyes) they’re “better” than everyone else they know. Females were less likely to think of themselves as “good” (67% vs. 86% of men). Age-wise, respondents between 25 and 39 (“Millennials”) were least likely to claim they are a good person (68%).
(We millennials may not be “good”, but at least we’re honest!)
(Most of us may be nice, but we’re definitely not modest!)
(I used to think I was “better than everyone else”. Then I tried drywalling…)

⇒ kinda wild that cats just stay home all day, every day being mad at nothing – Ella Zee
⇒ Thank you to all the people who gave their lives figuring out which mushrooms we can and can’t eat. – Abbi Crutchfield
⇒ Required Tenant Info: social security number, bank statements, paystubs, references, credit check, background check, job history, income history. Required Landlord Info: my name is Tony – Nori Reed
⇒ My mom just asked me if I have “finished that paper for school yet”, by which she meant my PhD dissertation – Julie Milton
⇒ April 2020: working from home sucks. April 2021: if we have to go back to the office full-time I will quit. – Sophie Vershbow
⇒ He dumped me so I’m dating his landlord. We increasing the rent tomorrow. – Price
⇒ To me he is ‘Willem Dafriend’ – Naomi Skwarna

Jeff Bezos’ new superyacht is so big it has its own yacht. The Amazon founder has purchased a modest 100-foot schooner. Fair enough. But that’s simply a “support boat” for a new 417-foot superyacht that’s so massive it requires its own “support yacht”, which itself is large enough to feature a helipad. The estimated cost of the bigger boat, not including the support boat, is $500 million. Half a billion bucks is an inconceivable amount of money for most people, but it’s a small fraction of the $75 billion that Bezos gained in 2020 alone. His total net worth stands just shy of $200 billion, according to Bloomberg.


1939 [82] Harvey Keitel, Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“Reservoir Dogs’, “Pulp Fiction”, “From Dusk till Dawn”)

1950 [71] Stevie Wonder (Steveland Morris), Saginaw MI, singer-songwriter (‘Superstition’, ‘I Just Called to Say I Love You’)/25 Grammys and over 30 top 10 hits/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, 1989

1961 [60] Dennis Rodman, Trenton NJ, retired pro basketball player (5-time NBA champion/2-time all-star with the Detroit Pistons and Chicago Bulls)/retired wrestler and actor/friend and visitor of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un

1964 [57] Stephen Colbert, Washington DC, TV host (“The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” since 2015, “The Colbert Report” 2005-14)/comedy writer-reporter (“Daily Show” 1997-2005)

1966 [55] Darius Rucker, Charleston SC, country singer (‘Wagon Wheel’)/rock singer (Hootie & the Blowfish-‘Only Wanna Be With You’)

1979 [42] Mickey Madden, Austin TX, pop bassist (Maroon 5-‘Moves Like Jagger’)

1985 [36] Iwan Rheon, Carmarthen Wales, TV actor (‘Mick Mars’ In “The Dirt” 2019, “Game of Thrones” 2013-16)

1986 [35] Lena Dunham, NYC, TV comedy creator-writer-actress (‘Hannah Horvath’ on “Girls” 2012-17, ‘Valerie Solanas’ in “American Horror Story: Cult”, 2017)

1986 [35] Robert Pattinson, London UK, movie actor (“Twilight Saga”) COMING UP…”The Batman”, 2022

1993 [28] Morgan Wallen, Sneedville TN, country singer (“More Than My Hometown”, “Whiskey Glasses”)

• “Tulip Day”, celebrated in several countries to welcome Spring. It’s a good excuse to drop by your favorite florist and pick up a tulip bouquet — but don’t expect their floral scent to enhance your home … tulips are virtually fragrance-free.

• “Hummus Day”, celebrated since 2012 to salute the spread made from cooked, mashed chickpeas blended with tahini, olive oil, lemon juice, salt, and garlic. (The stuff also makes a good wall spackling.)

• “Leprechaun Day”, dedicated to the wee elves of Ireland. According to folklore, if you catch one, he has to give you his pot of gold. (We just hope it’s not full of sham rocks!)

• “Apple Pie Day”, The first apple pie recipe was printed in England in 1381. Ingredients included good apples, good spices, figs, raisins, pears, saffron and cofyn (a type of pastry crust).

• “Cough Drop Day”, they’re sometimes known as throat lozenges because they were originally shaped like lozenges, or diamonds. They have also been called troches, cachous, and cough sweets. Today, have a couple, whether you’re sick or not!

• “Frog Jumping Day”, dedicated to frogs that jump, to jumping like a frog, to frog jumping contests, and Mark Twain’s short story “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County,” which appears to be the inspiration for the day.

[Fri] Dance Like a Chicken Day
[Fri] Buttermilk Biscuit Day
[Sat] Bring Flowers to Someone Day
[Sat] Chocolate Chip Day

2004 [17] After 11 seasons, the final episode of “Frasier” is watched by 33 million people

2013 [08] Angelina Jolie reveals in an op-ed piece in “New York Times” that she’s undergone a double mastectomy to reduce her risk of breast cancer

2019 [02] Felicity Huffman pleads guilty for her part in the US college admissions scandal. She is sentenced to 14 days in jail, a $30,000 fine, and community service

1996 [25] Oasis become the fastest selling group in UK history after all 330,000 tickets for their summer shows sell out in just 9 hours

1958 [63] The trademark “Velcro” is registered

2012 [09] Following a record $207 million opening the week before, “The Avengers” pulls in another $103.2 million, making it the first film to surpass $100 million in its second weekend


✓ Earth spins at a speed of about 1,000 mph (1,609 km/h).
✓ Earth travels around the sun at a speed of 67,000 mph (107,826 km/h).
✓ In the script, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s classic “Terminator” line was “I’ll come back.”
✓ Overly tight ponytails (and manbuns) can cause bald spots.
✓ Rabbits can growl, hiss, and purr like a cat.
✓ Depending on who is sniffing, a man’s sweat can smell like urine, flowers, vanilla…or sweat.
-BathroomReadersInstitute, How Come?

Best of BS . . .
Only guys named ‘Stanley’ get to wear a cup.
• New snack bar item … players’ missing teeth dipped in fudge.
• Make players dress up as their favorite ‘Disney’ character.
• Goalie gloves full of angry hornets.
• Sharpen players’ sticks to a point.
• Zamboni cleans ice DURING the 3rd period.
• Naked penalty shots.
-First published in ‘BS’ 1998

➠ Apollo Global Management Group has just purchased AOL and Yahoo from Verizon for $5 billion. (It’s part of Apollo’s master plan to become the most powerful communications company of 2002.)
➠ NBC announced it has cancelled airing next year’s Golden Globes due to lack of diversity. (Unfortunately, nobody heard the news yet, since it was aired on NBC.)
➠ Stephen Colbert turns 57 today. (He’ll celebrate by having a party that’s not nearly as good as the one David Letterman would have had…)
➠ Former “Sex and the City” star Cynthia Nixon, says that no one should be able to ‘define’ her gayness.  (Personally, I define MY gayness by how much I know about “Sex and the City”…)
➠ Fact of the Day: If you pass an average amount of gas for 6 years and 9 months, it’s enough to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (I don’t know about an atomic bomb, but you can definitely drown out a full church choir. Found that out on Sunday.)

Awesome…for about one second:

What were you most unprepared for when you first moved out on your own?

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it, as when you are in it.

Question:  The last time the average person did THIS chore at their house was 5 months ago. What is it?
Answer: Clean out the fridge

Friends and good manners will carry you where money won’t go.


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