Thursday, November 25, 2004          Edition: #2917
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY Uma Thurman is donating the yellow shoes she wore in the “Kill Bill” films to the Burlesque Ball charity auction in London in aid of Amnesty International . . . TONIGHT NBC-TV airs ”The Seinfeld Story” reunion special, hosted by Jerry Seinfeld and featuring clips & interviews with former co-stars Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jason Alexander & Michael Richards . . . TONIGHT PBS airs a tribute to country legend George Jones, featuring performances by Alan Jackson, Martina McBride & Kenny Chesney . . . 55-year-old actress Sigourney Weaver is one of the latest to ask “Rebel Billionaire” Richard Branson to book her a $200,000 seat on his Virgin Galactic spacecraft when it’s ready for take off for space in 2008 (joining William Shatner, Dave Navarro and some 7,000 others who’ve signed up) . . . Word has it Rio de Janeiro is the new hot spot for gay celebrities looking to get away from it all, including designer Calvin Klein, singer George Michael & actor Rupert Everett . . . Jennifer Lopez is building a new wing at hubby Marc Anthony’s New York estate in preparation for a baby as she continues her efforts to get pregnant . . . Actor Leonardo DiCaprio is campaigning for a law to limit where pictures of celebrities can be taken (hey, make up your mind – do you wanna be famous or not?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Dido – Her new beau is said to be British soccer star Sol Campbell who plays for the Arsenal club. He’s previously been linked to singer Christina Milian.
• Jessica Simpson – She’s been signed to star in “Room Service”, a movie based on the novel by Beverly Brandt about a pampered heiress who has to take a job at a hotel when her father disinherits her.
• Rachael Yamagata – “Worn Me Down” is from the Chicago singer/songwriter’s debut album “Happenstance”. If it doesn’t hit,” she says, “that will just inspire me to have worse relationships and write a better album.”
• Shania Twain – Word is she and Toby Keith are still talking about recording a duet.
• SHeDaisy – They’re partnering with the Red Cross to raise awareness and money for military personnel and their families.
• Toby Keith – He says he’s definitely interested in acting. Possibly in the works, a movie project with actor Robert Duvall about rodeo life.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
11 years after the Robin Williams drag comedy “Mrs. Doubtfire” appeared on the bigscreen, a sequel is in the works, with Williams in early talks to reprise his role and comedian/actress Bonnie Hunt in talks to write the screenplay . . .  A sequel to the 1995 hit Kevin Spacey film “The Usual Suspects” is in development, with the working title “Searching For Keyser Soze” . . . Catherine Zeta-Jones and “Ocean’s 12″ producer Jerry Weintraub are teaming up again for “The Ivy Chronicles”, in which she’ll star as a Wall Street mover-n’-shaker who starts up a – huh? – kindergarten referral service . . . Bob Dylan is threatening to sue producers of “Factory Girl”, a new movie about Andy Warhol’s protegée Edie Sedgwick – because he’s unhappy with the way he is portrayed.

MILITARY LINGO:
Military slang that’s made its way into everyday speech …
• ‘Hair on Fire’ – Believed to have originated with US Navy aviators describing hair-raising urgency.
• ‘Bought the Farm’ – Originated during WWI when families of soldiers killed in combat were given a ‘death benefit’ large enough to buy a parcel of farmland.
• ‘Called on the Carpet’ – At one time only top officers had carpet in their offices and being called before one, generally for a reprimand, was referred to this way.
• ‘Bang for the Buck’ – First used during the Cold War when the Air Force was making the case for ballistic missiles, arguing they could do more damage than an aircraft carrier.
– “Baltimore Sun”

SNOW IN FLORIDA:
The latest marketing ploy by Florida malls to draw in shoppers during the holiday season is – falling snow. Two shopping centers in Tampa are offering visitors ‘snow falling nightly’ near holiday displays to get warm-blooded Floridians into the gift-giving spirit. At the Channelside Shopping Complex, the faux snow is created by feeding a bubble bath solution into artificial snow machines. What comes out isn’t cold, is really foamy and can’t be packed. (Sounds about as authentic as the ‘beach’ at West Edmonton Mall.)
– “Globe & Mail”

KITCHEN CUPBOARD SPA:
Model-turned-fashion-writer Diane Irons reveals sneaky little secrets to looking your best, some of them tipped off by fashion models. A few highlights …
• Many models use toothbrushes to clean their lips. The bristles help slough off dead skin.
• Pepto Bismol makes the ultimate cleansing mask, especially for women with sensitive skin.
• Squeezing a capsule of vitamin E into your shampoo helps make hair healthier.
• Crisco makes a perfectly good makeup remover because it’s so easy on the skin.
• Birthday candles can be used to get a stuck zipper zipping again.
• Massaging coffee grounds on skin is an inexpensive way to make it suppler.
• Hydrogen peroxide and mild detergent will rescue a shirt scorched by your iron.
• Kitty Litter can be used as the base for a facial treatment. Just add mayonnaise and stir!
• Hemorrhoid cream is also a good facial cream because it reduces the puffiness under eyes and leaves a smoother, refreshed appearance.
– “The World’s Best-Kept Beauty Secrets”

NEXT TIME TRY SNAIL MAIL:
A 26-year-old Kitchener ON man has pleaded guilty to e-mailing death threats to Michael Jackson. He sent them to the Santa Monica CA courthouse in AUGUST, while Jackson was appearing on child molestation charges. The e-mails caused sufficient concern for the Santa Barbara Sheriff’s Office to trace them to Bell Canada’s Sympatico Internet service, which then revealed the subscriber’s details. He’s been given a year’s probation and a conditional discharge. And oh, he’s also banned from using e-mail from now on. (Which do you find creepier: a guy threatening Michael Jackson – or the fact ‘Big Brother’ can track you down via your online connection?)
– BBC Online

TERRIBLE TITLES:
For over 25 years, a British book-trade magazine has run a competition to find the oddest book title of the year. Past short-listed titles have included …
• “Living With Crazy Buttocks”
• “The Joy of Sex: Pocket Edition”
• “Stick Making: A Complete Course”
• “Pedagogical Lexicography: A Case Study of Arab Nurses as Dictionary Users”
• “Tractors & the Men Who Love Them”
• “The Prostate: A Guide For Men & The Women Who Love Them”
• “Infection Highlights”
• “Hot Topics in Urology”
Last year’s ‘winner’ – “The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories”. This year’s finalists should be announced shortly.
– “The Bookseller”

WHAT WE DO IN THE LOO:
We average about an hour per day or 2 weeks per year in the bathroom. A recent poll sums up some of the things we do there …
• About half of respondents say they read or ‘ponder serious issues’. (Like “Gawd, what did I eat!?!”)
• 33% daydream, sing in the shower, or – talk on the phone. (Tacky tacky tacky!)
• A 3rd of women admit they talk to themselves or ‘admire themselves’. (In the Biblical sense?)
• 22% of men claim they’ve made love in the bathroom. (Just like any other location you could name.)
– National Association for Continence

BS SHOCKING FACT:
44% of us regularly skip breakfast, according to the Fitness & Lifestyle Research Institute.

THE BULL SHEET 11.25.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [64] Percy Sledge, Leighton AL, oldie singer (“When a Man Loves a Woman”)

1940 [64] Joe Gibbs, Mocksville NC, NFL coach (Washington Redskins 2004, 3 Super Bowls-Washington 1981-93)/Pro Football Hall of Fame (1996)/NASCAR racing team owner (Joe Gibbs Racing)

1960 [44] Amy Grant, Augusta GA, country/pop/gospel singer with 5 Grammy Awards (“Baby Baby”) who’s sold over 22 million albums/Mrs Vince Gill since 2000

1969 [35] Jill Hennessy, Edmonton AB, TV actress (‘Dr Jordan Cavanaugh’ on “Crossing Jordan” since 2001)

1971 [33] Christina Applegate, Hollywood CA, movie actress (“Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy”, “View From the Top”)/ex-TV actress (“Married With Children” 1987-97)

1976 [28] Donovan McNabb, Chicago IL, NFL quarterback (Philadelphia Eagles) with all-time most lucrative NFL contract (a reported 12 years, US$113 million)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[UN] “International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women”

TODAY is American “Thanksgiving Day”, so you know what that means – don’t forget to get your NFL pool picks in before noon!

TODAY is “Shopping Reminder Day”, marking 1 month until Christmas. Just what you wanted to hear, huh?

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1949 [55] “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer” 1st appears on music charts (while Gene Autry’s rendition is the most popular, 80 different versions of the song have been recorded and over 20 million copies sold)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1972 [32] 1st commercial coin-operated ‘video game’ (“Pong”)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1977 [27] David Steed balances stationary on a bike for 9 hours, 15 minutes

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Buy Nothing Day
[Fri] Beaver Moon (Full Moon in November)
[Fri] 2004 Aboriginal Music Awards (Toronto)
[Sat] 2004 Vanier Cup university football final (Hamilton)
[Tues] Electronic Greetings Day
This Week Is . . . Travellers With Disabilities Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Vegan Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BIZARRE PATRONS:
TODAY is “St Catherine’s Day”, patron saint of mechanics, philosophers, and those who work with wheels. Here’s a few other (real) saints that are perhaps lesser known …
• St Gengulf – Patron saint of unhappy marriages.
• St Apollonia – Patron saint of toothaches.
• St Fiacre – Patron saint of venereal disease and taxi drivers.
• St Vitus – Patron saint of comedians and mental illness.
• St Matthew – Patron saint of accountants.
• St Bernardino of Siena – Patron saint of advertising executives.
• St Luke – Patron saint of butchers.
• St Marin de Porres – Patron saint of hairdressers.
• St Joseph of Arimathea – Patron saint of funeral directors.
• St Bernard of Clairvaux – Patron saint of beekeepers.
• St Sebastian – Patron saint of Neighborhood Watch.

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• Should Yukon, the Northwest Territories and Nunavut become provinces?
• Which would you choose – more money or more time?

THE GREATEST CANADIAN:
CBC-TV’s “Greatest Canadian” series seems to be dragging on forever. We can do better. In fact, let’s make a decision THIS MORNING on the ‘Greatest Canadian … Invention’. Is it …
• Instant Mashed Potatoes (Edward Asselbergs, 1962)
• Telephone (Alexander Graham Bell, 1876)
• TV Camera (FCP Henroteau, 1934)
• Snowblower (Arthur Sicard, 1925)
• 5-Pin Bowling (TE Ryan of Toronto, 1909)
• Canada Dry Ginger Ale (John A McLaughlin, 1907)
• McIntosh Apples (John McIntosh, 1796)
• Hockey (origins in dispute)
• Zipper (Gideon Sundback, 1913)
• Plastic Garbage Bag (Harry Wasylyk, 1950)
Have each member of the crew argue on behalf of one. Then invent listeners to vote now or call in your own candidate!

BS BRAIN BUSTER:
If you were to write out numbers as words, how far would you have to count up to until you got to a number containing the letter ‘a’? [One thousand.]

BS BLATANT JOKE:
The difference between the US Senate and the Canadian Senate is in the US, you have to win an election to get in. In Canada, you have to lose one.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS children’s book character was first named ‘Reginald’, then ‘Rollo’ before a final name was chosen.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: ‘Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer’.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.