Wednesday, November 26, 2003        Edition: #2674
More From the Sheethouse!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Too bad! Paris Hilton has cancelled her scheduled appearance TONIGHT on “Late Show with David Letterman” (“Cat in the Hat’s” Mike Myers will fill in), while “The Tonight Show Featuring Jay Leno” has singers Madonna & Nelly Furtado . . . CBS-TV has ‘postponed’ (translation: dumped) TONIGHT’S planned special, “Michael Jackson Number Ones” (Michael will still get lots of TV coverage, just not singing) . . . Word is 28-year-old actress Drew Barrymore has ended her 18-month romance with 22-year-old Strokes drummer Fabrizio Moretti after a series of bitter fights . . . Testing showed that has-been singer Glen Campbell’s blood alcohol content was above 0.15 when he was arrested MONDAY night in Phoenix, considered an extreme case of drunk driving (there’ll be lots of charges to choose from – he reportedly ran into another vehicle, fled the scene, then kicked a police officer, a patrol car, and the door of his holding cell) . . . Buzz is Rosie O’Donnell has a trick up her sleeve to save the upwards of $20-million she invested in the floundering Broadway musical “Taboo” – taking over the role of ‘Big Sue’ herself (hmm, would that convince you to go?) . . . Stupormodel and sometime Leo DiCaprio pal Gisele Bundchen reveals the humble news that she still hand-washes her own underwear every night . . . And because it’s soooo important that we know, rumor has it Britney Spears has had another upchuck accident while partying hearty with pals, this time at the NYC nightclub Lotus (“Yuck, she did it again …”).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “The Missing” (Western): Tommy Lee Jones & Cate Blanchett play an estranged father and daughter in 19th-century New Mexico who work together to get back her kidnapped child.
• “Bad Santa” (Crime Comedy): Billy Bob Thornton plays a sex-crazed, foul-mouthed alcoholic Santa in a seasonal story that includes a shoot-out, a murder and a police car chase. It’s already offended Disney studio bosses … imagine what it can do for a theater full of paying customers! (When reached for comment, Santa said: “This is nothing. You should see my video with Paris Hilton!”)
• “The Haunted Mansion” (Comedy): Eddie Murphy plays a workaholic who visits a haunted house where he meets a ghost that teaches him a lesson about the importance of the family that he has neglected. It’s another Disney movie about one of its favorite theme-park rides … a la “Pirates of the Caribbean”.
• “Timeline” (Sci-Fi Adventure): Paul Walker & Billy Connolly star in this story about a group of archaeological students who become trapped in the past when they go back to retrieve their professor. They must then survive in 14th-century France long enough to be rescued.

HIS ACCOUNT HAS EXPIRED:
Joseph P Williams, who’s credited with the invention of the multipurpose credit card, has died at age 88 in Atlantis FL. He was an executive with the Bank of America in 1958 when he developed the ‘BankAmericard’, the first credit card that could be used for a wide variety of purchases, then paid off in installments. (Instead of being cremated, he’ll be snipped up into little pieces by giant scissors.)

THE POLLEN PLUG:
Researchers at the Woolcock Institute of Medical Research in Australia are developing a nose plug for severe hay fever sufferers that will trap pollen and dust before they enter the nasal cavity. The device causes incoming air to be forced past a sticky surface that catches 97% of the 2 main types of pollen that cause hay fever. If tests continue positive, the filters could be on the market within 2 years. (You’ll breathe better, but people will keep thinking you’re a synchro swimmer.)

DEMENTED DWARF:
It’s a scene right out of “Bad Santa”: a teenage boy in Norway was attacked and throttled in a shopping mall by – an elf. Santa’s helper was accompanied by a wagon containing a little pig and a hen, a Norwegian tradition. When the teen and 2 friends attempted to pet the hen, the elf reportedly went berserk, grabbing the boy and strangling him. After the throttling, 13-year-old Joakim Osland was left with marks on his throat. (Merry friggin’ Christmas!)

NOTHING IN, NOTHING OUT:
After 10 days of round-the-clock surveillance, a 76-year-old Indian man has baffled 400 doctors in an Ahmedabad hospital because he seemingly exists without eating, drinking or relieving himself … and he claims he’s done it for 68 years! Prahlad Jani says he remains an ascetic (abstainer) through divine inspiration and receives the ‘elixir of life’ through a hole in his palate between his mouth and nose. Whether or not that’s a load of hooey, scientists are baffled on how he does it. (That’s nothing, I managed to hold off going to the bathroom all the way through “Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers”.)

EARLY TO RISE, THE BETTER TO SLEEP:
Scientists at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center in Seattle WA have found that women who exercise in the morning have fewer complaints about a bad night’s sleep. Women who exercise in the evening, on the other hand, are more likely to be up at night. The study, published in the latest issue of the journal “Sleep”, also finds that not a lot of morning activity is needed to get the benefit. A brisk walk will apparently do the trick. (“So honey, are you up for a little ‘morning exercise’?”)

YOICHI ON THE ROCKS:
THIS WEEK the Japanese Canadian Cultural Center in Toronto hosted a blindfolded taste-test of single-malt whiskies pitting Japan vs Scotland. The surprising winner – 20-year-old ‘Nikka Yoichi’, a single-malt distilled in Hokkaido, Japan. It seems the Japanese, who have for years imported massive quantities of Scotch, have once again taken a product from another culture, studied it, improved it, and produced something better. There’s one thing about Scotland’s traditional drink that remains protected, however – the name. International trade laws prevent the Japanese malts from being called ‘Scotch’, similar to any Champagne made outside of France. (Right now in Edinburgh, bitter distillers are working on making saki drinkable.)

MEN V WOMEN – SHOPPING:
A British study shows there’s a real difference between the sexes when it comes to shopping. When monitored while shopping, 70% of the men participating in experiments experienced soaring stress levels, causing an increase in blood pressure and heart rate. Only 1 in 4 women recorded similar symptoms. A predictable side-effect – almost all of the women said they regretted taking their partners shopping with them. (Hooray … no holiday shopping!!!)

SPACE JUNK:
Increasingly, the space about Earth is getting cluttered up with junk, and it’s not just messy – it’s dangerous! Even small pieces, such as a space glove zipping around at 17,000 mph can puncture space suits or cripple satellites. In all, some 2,200 tons of debris is orbiting within 1,200 miles of Earth, of which more than 9,000 objects larger than 4 inches have been catalogued. A few notables –
• Oldest Debris in Orbit: The US ‘Vanguard 1′ satellite, launched March 17, 1958 and worked for just 6 years.
• Biggest Garbage Disposal: Russia’s ‘Mir’ space station, from which cosmonauts jettisoned more than 200 objects, most of them bags full of garbage, during the 1st 10 years of operation.
• Most Heavily Shielded Spacecraft in History: The International Space Station (with good reason!).
Source: European Space Agency

THE BULL SHEET 11.26.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1938 [65] Rich Little, Ottawa ON, impressionist who had perfected over 200 characterizations at the peak of his career (former DJ at CJET Smith’s Falls ON)

1939 [64] Tina Turner (Anna Mae Bullock), Nutbush TN, retired classic rock singer (“What’s Love Got to Do With It”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1991)

1945 [58] John McVie, London ENG, classic rock musician (Fleetwood Mac-“Rumours”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1998)

1966 [37] Garcelle Beauvais, St Marc HAITI, TV actress (Assistant District Attorney Valerie Heywood-“NYPD Blue”)

1972 [31] Chris Osgood, Peace River AB, NHL goalie (St Louis Blues, ex-NY Islanders)

1976 [27] Joe Nichols, Rogers AR, country singer (“Cool To Be A Fool”, “Brokenheartsville”)

1985 [18] Lil Fizz (Druex Pierre Fredericks), LA CA, hip-hop artist (B2K-f/Fabolous-“Bada Boom”, “Bump Bump Bump”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY the world’s top competitive eaters are in NYC for the International Federation of Competitive Eating’s “2003 Thanksgiving Meal Invitational”, which this year will feature ‘turducken’, a semi-boneless turkey stuffed with a boneless chicken, stuffed with duck breast and layers of sausage stuffing. The competition runs just 12 minutes, during which ‘gurgitators’ will consume as many 1-pound plates of turducken with all the trimmings as possible.
PHONER: 212.627.5766 (IFOCE-NYC)
NET: http://www.ifoce.com/index.php

TOMORROW is American “Thanksgiving Day” (don’t forget to get your NFL pool picks in!). The 77th annual “Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade” in NYC will feature appearances by Ruben Studdard, Clay Aiken,  Hilary Duff, Mya and Aaron Carter. An Indiana marching band has dumped Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” from their parade repertoire due to the latest allegations against him.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1956 [47] 1st edition of (still-running) TV game show “The Price is Right” (back when Bob Barker was in his 40s)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1789 [213] 1st official US holiday – a day of thanksgiving to observe the adoption of the Constitution

1825 [177] 1st ‘college fraternity’ (Kappa Alpha) forms at Union College in Schenectady NY (next day, 1st house full of grown men begins chanting “Boola, Boola!”)

1896 [107] 1st ‘football huddle’ (University of Chicago players gather to discuss the blond babe in the 4th row)

1991 [12] 1st female player in major junior hockey (Manon Rheaume-Trois-Riviéres Draveurs goalie)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Buy Nothing Day
[Sat] AIDS Awareness Concert (Capetown SA)
[Sat] Square Dance Day
[Sun] International Computer Security Day
[Mon] “Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King” world premiere (Wellington NZ)
[Mon] World AIDS Day
This Week Is . . . Family Caregivers Week
This Month Is . . . Alzheimer’s Disease Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
ONLINE DATING DON’TS:
• When conversing through e-mail, don’t write your entire life story.
• Don’t initiate sexual talk. You’ll look crass, and even worse, too eager!
• Don’t lie if you hope that anything worthwhile will develop from the encounter.
• Don’t appear needy by sending too many e-mails or IM messages.
• Don’t spread yourself too thin by corresponding with too many matches.
Source: AskMen.com

BS TRIVIA:
Q: Who was the #1 Hollywood movie star from 1935-1938?
a) Clark Gable
b) Rin Tin Tin
c) Shirley Temple
A: Shirley Temple.

Q: Who normally lays a larger egg … an old hen or a young hen?
A: Practise makes perfect. An old hen lays larger eggs.

Q: What time of the day are your feet largest?
A: They’re largest after they’ve taken a pounding all day. So to avoid buying shoes that are too tight, you should shoe shop late in the day, advises the Podiatric Medical Association.

TURKEY DAY FACTS –
• The original Thanksgiving festivities date back 2,000 years to Celtic priests, the Druids, who celebrated a harvest festival.
• “Thanksgiving” was declared a US national holiday in 1863, following an intense campaign by Sarah Josepha Hale, editor of a women’s magazine. President Abraham Lincoln officially set the date as the last Thursday of November. The date was moved up a week by President Franklin D Roosevelt in 1939, to stimulate the Depression economy. 2 years of public protest followed. Congress then passed a law establishing the 4th Thursday in November as the official holiday.
• The term ‘turkey’ was used by New England pilgrims to mean any sort of wild fowl. It could actually have been seagull. (Yum!)

WEB GOODIE:
Some one clever has come up with “Twas the night before Thanksgiving”, a humorous twist on the Christmas poem.
NET: http://www.geocities.com/EnchantedForest/Dell/5806/thanksgiving/joke.html
BS BLATANT JOKE:
On Thanksgiving Day all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment, halftime.

BS THANKSGIVING TRIVIA:
Q: Within 5 lbs, what’s the biggest-ever turkey to tip the scales?
A: The biggest turkey ever recorded was raised in the UK and weighed in at a phenomenal 86 lbs!. Most domesticated turkeys weigh 14 to 45 lbs live. They weigh less once they’re ‘dressed’ (how ironic!).

Q: What do you call the bright red thing that hangs under a turkey’s chin?
A: The loose skin that hangs below a turkey’s beak is called the ‘wattle’. If you thought ‘snood’, you would have been close. It’s also red, but starts at the base of the turkey’s beak and hangs over the top. (The part my little brother always got stuck with at Thanksgiving dinner.)

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “What’s the worst break-up excuse anyone ever laid on you?” (I want to spend more time with my dog?)
• “What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done?” (62 items in the supermarket express lane?)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If you have the stamina, doing THIS for 90 minutes burns 429 calories.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Raking and bagging leaves.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life’s simple – fill what’s empty, empty what’s full and scratch where it itches.