Friday, November 29, 2002 Edition: #2432
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT CBS-TV airs U2’s “Beautiful Day”, a special featuring the band’s tour-closing performance at Ireland’s Slane Castle . . . SUNDAY MTV airs its “Staying Alive Concerts” taped in Cape Town SA and Seattle to create awareness of “World Aids Day”, and featuring, among others, Alicia Keys, P Diddy, Missy Elliott & Dave Matthews (SUNDAY is the 14th annual “World AIDS Day”, a day of AIDS awareness and education first declared by the UN’s World Health Organization in 1988) . . . Word has it P Diddy has taken to carrying a cordless microphone with him at all times so he can ‘tune into the sound system of whatever club he is attending and add vocal interjections’ . . . What’s “Vogue” magazine to do? Nicolas Cage & Lisa Marie Presley shot a big spread for the FEBRUARY issue just before their split! . . . Michael Jackson has agreed to an upcoming ‘tell-all’ interview with BBC journalist Martin Bashir because he reportedly wants to ‘show what a great dad he is’ (Mikey is planning a quiet weekend – just hanging out with his kids) . . . According to a new toothpaste poll, the British celebs with the best teeth are Pierce Brosnan & Liz Hurley, and the Brits with the worst teeth (so many to pick from, so little time) are Ozzy Osbourne & former Spice Girl Melanie C (who isn’t allowed near industrial magnets) . . . Now that Harry Connick Jr’s character ‘Leo’ has married ‘Grace’ on the sitcom “Will & Grace”, Connick is negotiating to become a full-time cast member . . . Former ice skater Tonya Harding has turned pro – boxer, that is (after appearing on that trashy “Celebrity Boxing” special) . . . Christina Aguilera is in talks to pose for “Playboy” magazine and would reportedly be the first-ever NON-NUDE celebrity featured (what, she’s gonna put some clothes on?).
THE ULTIMATE I.D.:
”New Scientist” magazine reports that British firm Genomics, which specializes in collecting DNA samples for drug companies and paternity cases, has come up with a sideline business – designer items featuring the personalized pattern of human DNA. To give a so-called ‘DesigNAgift’, you take a saliva swab from the mouth of the recipient and send if off to the company, which can then use the DNA pattern on jewelry, rugs or even champagne flutes. (Now when you’re invited to a wedding, you’ll need some of the bride’s spit to send in where she registered.)
SOAKING IN SUDS:
German brewer Klosterbrauerei is now marketing its dark brown brew – as a bath additive. The brewery says beer has restorative powers and softens skin by opening up pores and allowing the yeast to penetrate. Wow, beer in the bathtub is good for you! And they discovered this just as Europe’s beer market was slumping. What a coincidence.
HARD TO SWALLOW:
[DISCRETION] TODAY Santa Monica CA porn star Kim Kelly begins a 30-day diet which she hopes will help her shed 10 to 20 lbs. What’s unusual, to say the least, is it’s an ‘all-semen diet’ or as she calls it – ‘man juice’. She’s shooting for at least 6 square meals a day and over 800 men have offered to supply the protein. Man juice is apparently high in zinc and other nutrients, but just to be sure her diet has some balance, Kim plans to drink plenty of banana smoothies in between ‘meals’.
IN A RUT:
British wildlife expert Dr Shaun Wilkins-Doel claims THIS WEEKEND marks the start of the 2-week mating season for the Yeti (or Abominable Snowman) that he’s studying (but never actually seen) in Nepal. Yeti rutting supposedly occurs every 7 years. (The doc also says he’s come up with another nickname besides ‘BigFOOT’.)
PUPPY PRESENTS:
Looking for that perfect gift for the family pooch? London’s top shop Harrod’s has available a ‘Classic Kennel’ finished in gold leaf and fitted velvet cushions for a mere $40,000. There’s also a $180 jewelled collar, a $100 solid silver dog bowl, and for $60 – spray-on ‘Dog Cologne’. (Who the hell would wanna smell like a dog?)
MEAT THAT MELTS IN YOUR MOUTH:
Beef producers will soon be able to breed animals for tender meat thanks to new technology developed by Australian bio-tech company Genetic Solutions. Their new DNA test will identify cattle that carry a ‘tenderness gene’, allowing ranchers to selectively improve the quality of beef herds. Research shows that tenderness is more important to beef eaters than juiciness or flavor. (Yeah, but there’s nothing worse than watching a soft bull trying to stand up.)
THE BULL SHEET 11.29.2K2
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1932 [70] Jacques Chirac, Paris FRA, President of France since 1995
1954 [48] Joel Coen, Minneapolis MN, movie director/screenwriter (Coen Bros-“O Brother, Where Art Thou?”, “Fargo”)/married to actress Frances McDormand NEXT MOVIE: Writes and directs George Clooney & Catherine Zeta-Jones in the romantic comedy “Intolerable Cruelty”, coming APRIL 11
1955 [47] Howie Mandel, Toronto ON, stand-up comedian/sometime movie & TV actor
1961 [41] Kim Delaney, Philadelphia PA, TV actress (axed from “CSI: Miami” role of ‘Megan Donner’ thanks to co-star David Caruso, Emmy Award for Detective Diane Russell-“NYPD Blue” 1995-2001)
1964 [38] Don Cheadle, Kansas City MO, movie actor (“Ocean’s Eleven”, “Rush Hour 2”, “Traffic”) UP NEXT: Directs and stars in the crime caper “Tishomingo Blues”, based on the Elemore Leonard novel
1971 [31] Brad May, Toronto ON, NHL winger (Phoenix Coyotes)
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1929 [73] Dick Clark, Mt Vernon NY, TV producer (“Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”, “American Music Awards”, “Golden Globe Awards”)/TV host (he’ll do his 31st “Rockin’ New Year’s Eve” from Times Square DECEMBER 31st with Kelly Clarkson, Justin Timberlake, Nelly, Missy Elliott, Rod Stewart & Third Eye Blind)
1937 [65] Ridley Scott, South Shields ENG, movie director (“Black Hawk Down”, “Gladiator”, “Hannibal”)
1955 [47] Billy Idol (William Broad), Stanmore ENG, classic rock singer (“Mony Mony”, “White Wedding”)
1957 [45] Colin Mochrie, Kilmarnock SCOT [raised Vancouver], TV improv comedian (“Whose Line Is It Anyway?”, “This Hour Has 22 Minutes”, “Blackfly”)
1965 [37] Ben Stiller, NYC, movie actor/director (“Meet the Parents”, “There’s Something About Mary”) COMING UP: The “Meet the Parents” sequel “Meet the Fockers” and the bigscreen version of TV cop show “Starsky & Hutch”, both due in 2003.
1985 [17] Kaley Cuoco, CA, TV actress (Bridget Hennessy-“8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Jewish] Chanukah (begins at sundown)
TODAY is the 11th annual “Buy Nothing Day”, begun by Vancouver advocacy group Adbusters to raise awareness of consumerism and help reduce mindless over-consumption. The group predicts more than a million people will participate (or should that be NOT participate?). “Buy Nothing Day” is purposely scheduled the day after American Thanksgiving, traditionally the unofficial ‘opening day’ of the Christmas shopping frenzy (aka “Black Friday”).
NET: http://www.adbusters.org/campaigns/bnd/
TODAY is “What Do You Love About America Day”, a day to talk about what’s great about the good ol’ USA. Hmmm, well let’s see –
• The attitude that if it didn’t happen in America, it didn’t happen.
• When they obnoxiously chant U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A’ at international sporting events.
• The way they claim every team that wins an American sports trophy is ‘world’ champion.
• When they politely respond to your ‘thank you’ with ‘uh huh’ instead of ‘you’re welcome’.
• The way they constantly lower their own population by insisting on the ‘right to bear arms’.
TODAY is “Electronic Greetings Day”. Just what we need – another reason to junk up other people’s e-mail, page messaging, voicemail, etc with useless chaff you’d never think of writing down on a piece of paper and buying a stamp to send.
TODAY is officially “Square Dance Day”. So swing your partner ‘round and ‘round, pick ‘er on up and throw ‘er on the ground. Yee haw!
TODAY is the 11th annual “Sinkie Day”, as declared by the ‘International Association of People Who Dine Over the Kitchen Sink’. Veterans (known as ‘Sinkies’) and rookies alike are encouraged to participate in this time-honored method of casual dining.
NET: http://www.sinkie.com/
TOMORROW is “St Andrew’s Day”, honoring the patron saint of Scotland who hurled his last haggis in 60 AD. (Be sure to dust off your sporran!)
TOMORROW is “Computer Security Day”, to remind us to protect our computers, programs and data at home and work. (Remember, always practice ‘safe surfin’!)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1775 [227] 1st ‘invisible ink’ invented by Sir James Jay (but it was invisible – how can we be sure?)
1924 [78] 1st NHL game in Montréal Forum (Canadiens 7, Leafs 1)
BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Dec 1] World AIDS Awareness Day / National Pie Day / Bifocals at the Monitor Day / Day Without Art / Advent Sunday
[Dec 2] National Fritters Day / Pan American Health Day
[Dec 3] International Day of Disabled Persons / Bad Sex in Fiction Awards / Bath Tub Party Day / National Roof-Over-Your-Head Day
[Dec 4] Extraordinary Work Team Recognition Day / National Cookie Day / Wear Brown Shoes Day
[Dec 5] VH1 Big In 2002 Awards / International Volunteer Day
[Dec 6] National Day of Remembrance & Action on Violence Against Women / St Nicholas Day / Pawnbrokers Day
[Dec 7] Miss World (take 2) / Pearl Harbor Day
[Dec 8] 2002 Kennedy Center Honors / Bad Hair Day
[Dec 9] 2002 Billboard Music Awards
[Dec 10] International Human Rights Day / Nobel Peace Prize awarded / Dewey Decimal Day / National Children’s Memorial Day
[Dec 11] Nobel Peace Prize Concert
[Dec 12] Poinsettia Day / National Ding-A-Ling Day
[Dec 13] Friday the 13th / Jennifer Lopez movie “Maid in Manhattan” & “Star Trek Nemesis” open
[Dec 14] National Bouillabaisse Day
[Dec 16] National Chocolate Covered Anything Day
[Dec 18] “Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers” opens
[Dec 20] Martin Scorsese’s “Gangs of New York” opens / Underdog Day
[Dec 21] Humbug Day / Look at the Bright Side Day / National Flashlight Day
[Dec 22] First Day of Winter
[Dec 24] Christmas Eve / National Egg Nog Day
[Dec 25] Christmas Day / A’ Phabet Day (No ‘L’) / Movies “Catch Me If You Can”, “Chicago” and “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind” open
[Dec 26] Boxing Day (Canada, UK, Australia, NZ / Kwanzaa begins / National Whiner’s Day / Recyclable Packaging Day / Awful Tie Day
[Dec 27] National Fruitcake Day
[Dec 28] Card Playing Day
[Dec 31] New Year’s Eve / Make Up Your Mind Day
BULL’S BITS . . .
MOST COMMON MURDER METHODS IN CANADA:
1. Shooting
2. Stabbing
3. Beating
4. Strangulation
5. Shaken Baby Syndrome
(You just never see a good old-fashioned poisoning anymore!)
Source: Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics
BS CANADIANA:
Q: What is currently the tallest building in Canada? (That’s ‘building’, NOT ‘world’s tallest free-standing structure’.)
A: First Canadian Place in Toronto, with 72 floors and a total height of 978 ft (298 m).
Q: What city was home to Canada’s first skyscraper?
A: Montréal, where the Sun Life Tower was completed in 1933 after 20 years of construction. Its 24 floors and 390 ft (119 m) seem shrimpy nowadays.
Source for both: “Top 10 of Everything 2003 [Canadian Edition]”
1890 [112] 1st ‘Army-Navy football game’ (this year’s edition is SATURDAY)
1934 [68] 1st traditional ‘Thanksgiving Day NFL game’ in Detroit
BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Dec 1] World AIDS Awareness Day / National Pie Day / Rosa Parks Day / Bifocals at the Monitor Day / Day Without Art / Advent Sunday
[Dec 2] National Fritters Day / Pan American Health Day
[Dec 3] International Day of Disabled Persons / Bad Sex in Fiction Awards / Bath Tub Party Day / National Roof-Over-Your-Head Day
[Dec 4] Extraordinary Work Team Recognition Day / National Cookie Day / Wear Brown Shoes Day
[Dec 5] VH1 Big In 2002 Awards / International Volunteer Day
[Dec 6] National Day of Remembrance & Action on Violence Against Women / St Nicholas Day / Pawnbrokers Day
[Dec 7] Miss World (take 2) / Pearl Harbor Day
[Dec 8] 2002 Kennedy Center Honors / Bad Hair Day
[Dec 9] 2002 Billboard Music Awards
[Dec 10] International Human Rights Day / Nobel Peace Prize awarded / Dewey Decimal Day / National Children’s Memorial Day
[Dec 11] Nobel Peace Prize Concert
[Dec 12] Poinsettia Day / National Ding-A-Ling Day
[Dec 13] Friday the 13th / Jennifer Lopez movie “Maid in Manhattan” & “Star Trek Nemesis” open
[Dec 14] National Bouillabaisse Day
[Dec 15] Christmas in Washington Concert / US Bill of Rights Day
[Dec 16] National Chocolate Covered Anything Day
[Dec 17] Wright Brothers’ Day
[Dec 18] “Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers” opens
[Dec 20] Martin Scorsese’s “Gangs of New York” opens / Underdog Day
[Dec 21] Humbug Day / Look at the Bright Side Day / National Flashlight Day
[Dec 22] First Day of Winter / Los Posadas (Mexico)
[Dec 24] Christmas Eve / National Egg Nog Day
[Dec 25] Christmas Day / A’ Phabet Day (No ‘L’) / Movies “Catch Me If You Can”, “Chicago” and “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind” open
[Dec 26] Kwanzaa begins / National Whiner’s Day / Recyclable Packaging Day / Awful Tie Day
[Dec 27] National Fruitcake Day
[Dec 28] Card Playing Day
[Dec 31] New Year’s Eve / Make Up Your Mind Day
BULL’S BITS . . .
ALL-TIME TOP 5 ‘JAMES BOND’ THEMES:
Can Madonna’s theme from “Die Another Day” top these?
1. “A View to a Kill”-Duran Duran (reached #3 in summer, 1985)
2. “Live & Let Die”-Paul McCartney (1973)
3. “Nobody Does It Better” (from “The Spy Who Loved Me”)-Carly Simon (1977)
4. “Goldfinger”-Shirley Bassey/John Barry (1965)
5. “For Your Eyes Only”-Sheena Easton (1981)
Source: Music Data Research
WEB GOODIE:
For a fee of $10 per word (5 word minimum), AfterLife Telegrams promises to attempt to deliver your message to someone who has passed away. Howzat? This is done with the help of terminally Ill volunteers who memorize the messages before passing away, then deliver them afterward. Of course, there’s no guarantee your message will arrive (especially if the messenger isn’t going to the same place your loved one did!). Nice scam, huh?
NET: http://www.afterlifetelegrams.com/AFTERLIFE/
BS FACT OR CRAP?
Two of the following are facts, the other one total BS. But which one?
1. Before fame, Madonna sold donuts at a Dunkin’ Donuts.
2. Before fame, Julia Roberts sold ice cream.
3. Before fame, Jennifer Aniston was a manicurist. (BS. But she did work in a burger joint.)
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The average woman spends 25.7 minutes doing this, only on days that she does this of course.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Sitting in the bath.
BS DEEP THOUGHTS:
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not!
