Friday, November 1, 2002 Edition: #2412
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s BS!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT ABC-TV’s Diane Sawyer was supposed to be doing a jailhouse interview with accused murderer Robert Blake, but it’s been banned by the LA County Sheriff . . . TONIGHT prima ballerina Karen Kain and The Guess Who are among the recipients of the Governor General’s Performing Arts Awards in Ottawa . . . SUNDAY Backstreet Boy Nick Carter does a guest shot on the NBC-TV drama “American Dreams” as the lead singer of Jay & the Americans . . . Britney Spears is in London working on a new track called “Sacred” which will reportedly take her in an even raunchier direction and – horror of horrors – includes the F-word! . . . The first “Survivor” millionaire, Richard Hatch, has bought up 17 parcels of land at a Cape Breton Island sale for a total of $13,800 . . . Coldplay singer Chris Martin & actress Gwyneth Paltrow have been spotted cuddling up backstage at the band’s Dublin concert and ‘looking very much like a couple’ . . . There’s a hot rumor circulating that before pop singer and self-professed Christian Jessica Simpson married 98 Degrees singer Nick Lachey LAST WEEKEND, she had a wild bachelorette party in Austin TX that included a midget male stripper named ‘Napoleon’ (it’s OK, he’s a ‘born-again’ midget stripper) . . . Several online fansites are accusing Avril Lavigne of stealing Bif Naked’s tough-girl act and poppy rock sound . . . “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” creator & star Nia Vardalos has now been offered a TV series, Broadway musical, board game and movie sequel, a run of luck he says came to when she bought a pair of crushed-velvet shoes in England . . . Hard to believe after all those hate-filled lyrics, but word is Eminem’s ex-, Kim Mathers, is back living with him in his Detroit-area mansion (gee, what will he write about now?) . . . And because you really need to know – Christina Aguilera tells “Rolling Stone” magazine she just recently slept with her first ‘white man’ and didn’t much care for the experience.
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
Tim Allen returns in the holiday comedy sequel “The Santa Clause 2″, in which Santa discovers there’s a ‘marriage clause’ (it isn’t quite ‘the season’ yet, but Disney’s trying to beat the rush of a crowded holiday slate of films) . . . The action comedy “I Spy”, loosely based on the 1960s TV show, stars Eddie Murphy & Owen Wilson as mismatched CIA partners trying to recover a stealth bomber . . . Michael Moore’s controversial documentary “Bowling for Columbine” opens wider, an examination of gun culture in America . . . Another documentary getting wider release, “Comedian”, follows Jerry Seinfeld on the road as he tests out new material over the course of 18 months . . . And a digitally remastered version of “Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones” opens on 40 of the huge IMAX screens in Canada & the US, some of which are 8 stories tall and 100 ft wide.
MINI-MONSTERS:
Kids a little wired this morning after pigging out on wads of Halloween candy last night? Chicago nutritionist Linaya Hahn says that’s due to a yeast called ‘candida’ which feeds on sugar and produces toxins in the body which can cause a kid to suffer everything from hyperactivity to a runny nose. And the effects could last through the weekend unless you find an antidote. Hahn recommends yogurt or garlic which contain ‘acidophilus’, an ingredient that displaces the evil candida.
ART ATTACK:
Britain’s $30,000 “Turner Prize” is supposed to be a showcase for cutting edge art but every year it seems to cause controversy. This year’s exhibition of nominees just opened and includes a work called “Arsewoman in Wonderland”, a huge billboard with artist Fiona Banner’s description of the action in a porn film written in shocking pink letters.
CRUEL ALARM:
THIS WEEK at an exhibition of inventions in Nuremburg, Germany, 16-year-old high schooler Iris Koser unveiled what she calls a ‘merciless bed’ that’s guaranteed to get you up in the morning. When the bed’s alarm rings the mattress gradually begins to tilt. After 5 minutes, the sleepyheaded occupant is unceremoniously dumped onto the floor.
MALE VS FEMALE:
Highlights from a survey of hotel guest habits –
• Men are more likely to sleep through wake-up calls, use laundry services, lock themselves out of their rooms and complain about a no-smoking policy. They also tip better than women and drink more beer from the mini-bar.
• Women are messier, more light-fingered when it comes to taking things out of a hotel room, drink more wine from the mini-bar and are involved in 69% of hotel parking accidents. Women are starting to catch up to men in watching adult movies, maybe part of the reason they make more noise during love making.
Source: Novotel hotel chain poll
THE AVERAGE DRIVER:
• The average driver will have sex in a car 6 times in their life.
• They will spend around 2 hours and 14 minutes kissing in a vehicle.
• The average driver will swear 32,025 times behind the wheel.
• They will nod off at the wheel 11 times and jump 181 red lights.
• The average driver will honk the horn 15,250 times in a lifetime.
• The average driver will be locked out of the car 9 times.
• The average driver believes their driving is better than 87% of other drivers.
• In a lifetime of driving, the average woman driver will throw two-thirds of her body weight in trash out the window, while men throw their entire body weight out.
• The average driver emits more than 912 pints of ‘wind’ inside a vehicle in a lifetime.
Source: “Top Gear” magazine
THE BULL SHEET 11.01.2K2
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [60] Larry Flynt, Salyersville KY, sleazy magazine publisher (“Hustler”)
1957 [45] Lyle Lovett, Klein TX, strange pseudo-country singer best known for brief marriage to Julia Roberts/sometime movie actor (“Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas”, “The Player”)
1962 [40] Anthony Kiedes, MI, rock singer (Red Hot Chili Peppers-“The Zephyr Song”, “By the Way”, “Californication”)
1969 [33] Tie Domi, Windsor ON, NHL tough-guy winger (Toronto Maple Leafs)
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1961 [41] kd (Katherine Dawn) lang, Consort AB, pop singer (“Summerfling”, “Constant Craving”)
1966 [36] David Schwimmer, NYC, TV actor (Ross Geller-“Friends” since 1994, “Band of Brothers”)/movie actor (“Six Days Seven Nights”) NOTE: Many sources list 11/12/66 as his birthday but NBC’s “Friends” Website says its this date.
1978 [24] Nelly (Cornell Haynes Jr), Austin TX [raised in Spain & St Louis], hip-hop artist (featuring Kelly Rowland-“Dilemma”, “Hot in Herre”, 2002 Grammy-“Ride Wit Me” )/2002 American Music Award for ‘Favorite Rap/Hip-Hop Artist’
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY and tomorrow dancing dogs and their masters compete in the “Musical Canine Freestyle Championship” in Davisburg MI. The World Canine Freestyle Organization (yup, there is one) estimates 100 doggy dancers will show up for the competition, which was won last year by an engineer from Altoona PA and his golden retriever, Ashley. Patie Ventre, the event’s founder says the key to the ‘sport’ is finding music with beats your pooch can dance to. (How hard up do you have to be to dance with your dog?)
TODAY is “All Hallows” or “All Saints’ Day” (begun in 835 AD), a Roman Catholic ‘Holy Day of Obligation’ (aren’t they all?). It’s a national holiday in the Philippines when families gather to honor the dead – sometimes getting out of control. Filipino police are cracking down on drunkenness and gambling in graveyards.
TODAY is “Dia de los Muertos” (“Day of the Dead”) in Mexico. Actually the observance covers 2 days – TODAY, “All Saints Day”, is set aside for remembrance of deceased infants and children (‘angelitos’). TOMORROW, “All Soul’s Day”, is for those who died as adults. For a memorial observance it’s pretty festive, with colorful adornments, lively reunions at family burial plots, fireworks & special food. Departed souls are remembered with ‘Dead Men’s Bread’, decorated with sugar skulls.
TOMORROW, Sunday & Monday Canada’s TV awards, the 17th annual “Gemini Awards”, will be handed out in Toronto, with “Made in Canada”, “Da Vinci’s Inquest” and “Cold Squad” all receiving multiple nominations. Comedian Sean Cullen (who?) hosts the final gala live on CBC-TV MONDAY night. CBC’s Peter Mansbridge, CTV’s Lloyd Robertson and Global’s Kevin Newman are vying for ‘Best News Anchor’. The CBC has a total of 159 nominations (wouldn’t that pretty much be one for everybody?).
NET: http://www.geminiawards.ca
TOMORROW-November 9 the “2002 Gay Games” compete in Sydney, Australia. Openly out Canadian singer kd lang performs at TOMORROW’S opening ceremonies. Some 13,000 registered participants will compete in about 30 sports. The Cutting Edges, an all-gay Vancouver organization, has a pair of teams competing in the hockey tournament, which also features teams from Toronto and Montréal. Montréal has already landed the “2006 Gay Games”, beating out Atlanta, Chicago and LA. (Are we missing something here? What the heck does sexual orientation have to do with an athletic competition? Isn’t discrimination rooted in the separation of people into categories? What’s the difference between this and the old ‘Negro Leagues’ in baseball? And what if you cheat and you’re NOT gay? Is there some sort of testing?)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1924 [78] 1st US-based NHL franchise founded (Boston Bruins)
1941 [61] ‘Rainbow Bridge’ opens, connecting Niagara Falls ON to Niagara Falls NY (and the 1st cheap booze is smuggled across in a spare tire well)
1946 [56] 1st ‘Basketball Association of America’ (later changed to NBA) game as NY Knickerbockers defeat Toronto Huskies 68-66 (seats go for 75 cents – a tad less than what the Raptors now charge)
1952 [50] 1st English TV play-by-play of NHL (Foster Hewitt-Boston at Toronto)
1959 [43] 1st NHL goalie to wear mask (Jacques Plante-Montréal Canadiens)
***
1913 [89] 1st ‘forward pass’ in football (Knute Rochne’s Notre Dame Fighting Irish use it to beat Army 35-13)
1914 [88] 1st modern ‘bra’ invented by Mary Jacob of NYC
1966 [36] NFL awards New Orleans Saints a franchise on “All Saints Day”
BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Nov 1] Governor General’s Performing Arts Awards / National Men Make Dinner Day (aka ‘Pizza Night’) / Plan Your Epitaph Day / All Saint’s Day
[Nov 2] National Deviled Egg Day / 17th Gemini Awards / All Soul’s Day / Sydney 2002 Gay Games begin
[Nov 10] New York City Marathon
[Nov 3] Sandwich Day / Housewife’s Day
[Nov 5] US Election Day
[Nov 6] Take Our Kids to Work Day / Country Music Association Awards / TV Hall of Fame Inductions / Saxophone Day / Ramadan begins / Halfway Point of Autumn
[Nov 6-10] Canadian Finals Rodeo (Edmonton)
[Nov 8] Dunce Day / Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day / Parents As Teachers Day
[Nov 9] Pamela Anderson/Kid Rock Wedding (Las Vegas)
[Nov 11] Remembrance Day
[Nov 14] 100th Anniversary Birthday of Teddy Bear / Operation Room Nurse Day
[Nov 15 ] Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day / Pack Your Mom’s Lunch Day
[Nov 16 ] Button Day
[Nov 17 ] Take A Hike Day / Homemade Bread Day / National Farm Joke Day
[Nov 19 ] Have A Bad Day Day / World Toilet Day
[Nov 20] Beaver Moon (Full Moon in Nov) / Absurdity Day / Name Your PC Day / Universal Children’s Day / Canadian National Child Day
[Nov 21 ] World Hello Day / False Confessions Day
[Nov 22 ] Start Your Own Country Day
[Nov 23] MTV’s HIV/AIDS Awareness Concert (Cape Town SA)
[Nov 24] 90th Grey Cup (Edmonton)
[Nov 25 ] Shopping Reminder Day / International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against
Women
[Nov 27 ] Pins & Needles Day
[Nov 28] US Thanksgiving
[Nov 29] Buy Nothing Day / Square Dance Day / Electronic Greetings Day / Chanukah (begins at sundown) / International Computer Security Day
[Nov 30] Stay Home Because You Are Well Day
[Dec 1] World Aids Day
[Dec 3] International Day of Disabled Persons
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS ‘FACT OR CRAP?’:
Just one of the following is true, the others total BS. But which one?
1. Rapper Nelly was born Cornell Hayes Jr. (TRUE)
2. Jennifer Aniston was born Jennifer Anistonopoulos. (Widely believed but BS. The original family name was Anastassakis, changed when her family moved to the US from Greece.)
3. Harrison Ford was born Henry Feldon. (BS. His screen name is his actual name.)
BS BREAKFAST BINGO:
Contestant gets 60 seconds to answer 5 questions about breakfast. The answers begin with the letters B-I-N-G-O –
• It’s flat and gooey before you cook it, crinkled and crisp after. [Bacon]
• It’s a restaurant that specializes in pancakes. [International House of Pancakes]
• It’s a leading brand of hazelnut spread that some people put on toast. [Nutella]
• It’s citrus but it isn’t orange. [Grapefruit]
• It’s what Cheerios are made from. [Oats]
BS INTERVIEW:
American funeral parlor chain Wade Funeral Homes is now offering non-traditional ‘themed’ funeral services including a sports service in which the coffin rests under a basketball basket, an angler’s service next to a fish pond with a sign saying ‘Fishing Season is Closed’, and a cook-out service with a grill in the background and the aroma of barbecued food. “We’re convinced this is the wave of the future,” says CEO and spokeswoman Slivy Edmonds Cotton.
PHONER: 314-385-3700/314-385-4800 (Wade Funeral Home, St Louis MO)
WEB GOODIE:
Can’t catch daytime TV’s new talk superstar Dr Phil? Worry not, you can get his feel-good pop psychology on-line. Yes kids, you too can sum up answers to some of life’s most perplexing problems in just 10 words or less using the tongue-in-cheek “Dr Phil Random Quote Generator”. Pick up free advice like: “You don’t need feelings to learn how to make a sandwich”, “You don’t need tap dancing lessons to cha-cha-cha all night long” or “You don’t need husky pants to drop and give me twenty” just by clicking a button.
NET: http://www.mangydog.com/games/drphil.html
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: One-third of 18 to 24-year-olds don’t know how to do this.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Boil an egg.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.
