Friday, November 24, 2006                 Edition: #3416
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
THIS MORNING 33-year-old magician David Blaine is scheduled to make his escape after spending some 64 hours inside a gyroscope spinning 4-stories-high above NYC’s Times Square (the stunt is intended to publicize the charitable work of the Salvation Army) . . . Reports out of the UK say that Paris Hilton has been asked to check out of a hotel for hosting a late night party in her room – a Hilton hotel no less – the swanky Hilton on Park Lane (couldn’t she just call daddy?) . . . OJ Simpson claims he still got paid even though his controversial book and FOX-TV special “If I Did It” were scrapped, and goes on to admit that the reported $3.5 million fee is already gone (to the Cayman Islands) . . . Despite sagging ratings, CBS News president Sean McManus says he’s giving news anchor Katie Couric at least a year to prove herself and the network will further promote her during the “Super Bowl” broadcast FEBRUARY 4th (in the halftime “Lingerie Bowl” maybe?) . . . Online scam artists have been sending unsolicited e-mails asking gullible people to verify financial info, send in personal facts, and even to wire money in return for – tickets to the “Oprah Winfrey Show” (which – duh – is totally free) . . . CBS-TV has confirmed that the 11th edition of its round-the-world reality show “The Amazing Race”, which began filming LAST WEEK in Miami FL, will be an ‘All-Stars’ edition featuring previous competitors like Rob Mariano & his wife, former “Survivor” champ Amber Brkich (the series debuts early NEXT YEAR) . . . NBC-TV is spinning off the indie pic “Thank You for Smoking” into a small-screen series which will pick up where the movie left off, with former tobacco industry lobbyist ‘Nick Naylor’ running his own PR firm . . . In his ongoing attempt at mea culpa penitence, comedian/actor Michael Richards (formerly ‘Kramer’ on “Seinfeld”) has phoned civil rights leaders Jesse Jackson & Al Sharpton in an effort to make amends for his racist outburst LAST WEEK (should he get off the hook … or just go away?) . . . And Brit fashion model Kate Moss & her loser boyfriend Pete Doherty have told friends they want to have children and raise them in Italy (if daddy’s out of rehab at the time).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Barry Manilow – TONIGHT he guests on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Beck – TOMORROW he’s the musical guest on “Saturday Night Live” (NBC), hosted by “House” star Hugh Laurie.
• Bowling For Soup – TONIGHT they’re on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Kenny Rogers – TONIGHT he kicks off his 25th annual Christmas tour in South Bend IN.
• Killers – They’ve put together a holiday season tune called “A Great Big Sleigh” to be released NEXT MONTH as an Internet download only.
• Madonna – TODAY through Sunday she makes her TV shopping debut on the Home Shopping Network, pushing her children’s book “The English Roses: Too Good To Be True”. Proceeds go to ‘Raising Malawi’, a charity group she formed to help orphans.
• Martina McBride – TONIGHT the “Anyway” singer launches her 4th annual “Joy of Christmas” holiday tour in the Chicago suburb of Rosemont IL. The show will play 17 dates in 16 cities.
• Ricky Martin – THIS MORNING he’s on “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV).

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A selection of movies in the making …
• “Bonzai Shadowhands”: In this upcoming comedy, actor Rainn Wilson, who plays the company suck-up ‘Dwight’ on “The Office” (NBC), will star as a former ninja now living a life of mediocrity. It’s also his first screenplay, to be directed by Jason Reitman (“Thank You For Smoking”), who describes the movie as “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” meets “Midnight Cowboy”. Alrighty then.
• “Lions for Lambs”: This upcoming drama will be newlywed Tom Cruise’s first venture for United Artists since he and his biz partner Paula Wagner took over the studio. Robert Redford is directing and also co-starring. Meryl Streep has the female lead. The story is about a platoon of US soldiers stationed in Afghanistan. Shooting is scheduled to get underway in JANUARY.
• “Play Misty for Me”: Thanks to a career resurgence spawned by his  acclaimed performance in “Hollywoodland”, actor Ben Affleck is in talks to produce and direct a remake of Clint Eastwood’s 1971 classic “Play Misty for Me”. Jason Smilovic (“Lucky Number Slevin”) is expected to write the update, and Eastwood himself may also produce. The story is about a brief fling between a radio DJ and an obsessed female fan. Geez, would that ever happen?
 • “Untitled Mandela Movie”: Morgan Freeman has been getting tips from former South African president Nelson Mandela before he plays him in this bigscreen biopic. Freeman has become friends with Mandela, who was imprisoned in South Africa for 27 years, and has made regular visits to his home in order to make note of the ex-leader’s speech patterns and mannerisms. The 69-year-old actor was handpicked to play the role by director Shekhar Kapur.

THE WAR ON TV:
In what is shaping up as an all-out price war over HDTV sets, several retailers have announced they’re slashing prices on LCD, plasma, and projection HDTV sets, with several promising extra-special savings TODAY, traditionally the biggest shopping day of the year in the US. Several of the ‘big box’ chains are discounting the sets by hundreds of dollars and will open as early as 4 am THIS MORNING to accommodate shoppers who are expected to spend $21 billion on consumer electronics this holiday season. (What all this likely means is something bigger and better than HDTV is coming NEXT YEAR.)
– “Home Media Retailing”

MAKE MOVIES, NOT WAR:
Director Steven Spielberg has begun a personal video diary project to promote Middle East peace. The program has given Israelis and Palestinians some 250 cameras to help them make films that will be swapped with ‘buddies’ to illustrate the conditions under which each lives and to banish misunderstanding. It’s hoped young people will get busy filming instead of throwing firebombs, and will eventually be able to see the other side’s point of view. (We’re betting Middle East pawn shops are soon gonna look like a Hollywood studio storeroom.)
– “GQ”    
    
HIGH LIFE ON THE HIGH SEAS:
As well as providing vacations afloat, a new $500-million ocean liner will soon sail the seas as a floating art gallery and high-class restaurant. ‘The Ventura’, due to launch in 2008, will showcase some 7,000 pieces of art and house a new restaurant run by Michelin-starred chef Marco Pierre White. The 15-deck cruise ship will also host art lectures, in order to ‘take the contemporary cruise to the next level’. (What fun! Will there be a test afterward, too?)
– PA News

LYING LOW:
A new poll has found that close to 9 out of 10 parents have passed on untruths to their children. Among the most popular white lies are those claiming the existence of Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny. Child psychologist Richard Bulkeley says not to worry, sharing these fantasies is okay. In fact, it may  stimulate children’s brains and help develop language skills. (Wait a sec, there’s no Tooth Fairy?)
– “Reader’s Digest”

HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH?
It’s the time of year to say thank-you to everyone from your hairstylist to your dog walker. But how much should you tip service workers? Here are a few tips on tipping from the ‘experts’ (be forewarned, you may need to find a second job to pay for all this) …
• Babysitter – One evening’s pay, plus a small gift from your child.
• Cleaning Person – One-to-two week’s pay, depending on length of service.
• Dog Walker/Sitter – Cost of one session or up to one-week’s pay.
• Esthetician – Cost of one session or a yearly subscription to his/her favorite magazine.
• Garbage Collector – $10-to-$20 each or an equivalent consumable gift.
• Gardener – $20-to-$50 each. If the gardener’s last job before spring is a fall cleanup, it’s best to tip at that time.
• Hairstylist – Equivalent of one session or double your normal tip.
• Nanny – One-week’s salary plus a nice gift.
• Newspaper Carrier – $15-to-$25 for daily delivery; $10-to-$15 for weekend delivery.
• Masseuse – Cost of a session. In a medical office or chiropractic clinic, cash is not customary, so think something edible or floral.
• Personal Trainer – $25, or up to one-week’s pay or cost of one session.
• Postal Worker – $5-to-$15 and a card.
• Travel Agent – Depends on how much you travel and how much you enjoyed your trips. Anything from a card to a bottle of champagne.
(By comparison, Radio Personalities are a steal … a case of beer and a chance to get lucky.)
– “Chatelaine”

AND WE QUOTE:
“When I go to Hollywood, I start at the Chateau Marmont and then I usually end up naked in David LaChapelle’s studio taking crazy pictures.”
– Pamela Anderson telling “Blender” magazine about a typical night out in Tinseltown.

THE BULL SHEET 11.24.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [64] Billy Connolly, Glasgow, Scotland, comedian/movie actor (“Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events”, “The Last Samurai”)

1977 [29] Colin Hanks, Sacramento CA, movie actor (“Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny”, “King Kong”)/TV actor (“Band of Brothers”)/son of actor Tom Hanks

1978 [28] Katherine Heigl, Washington DC, TV actress (‘Dr Izzie Stevens’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2005)

SATURDAY –
NFL coach Joe Gibbs (Washington Redskins) is 66; Pop/gospel singer Amy Grant (“Baby Baby”) is 46; Rock singer Mark Lanegan (Queens of the Stone Age) is 42; TV actress Jill Hennessy (“Crossing Jordan”) is 38; Movie actress Christina Applegate (“Anchorman”) is 35; NFL quarterback Donovan McNabb (Philadelphia Eagles) is 30.

SUNDAY –
Impressionist Rich Little is 68; Oldies singer Tina Turner (“What’s Love Got to Do With It”) is 67; Classic rocker John McVie (Fleetwood Mac) is 61; Country singer Joe Nichols (“Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off”) is 30.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Buy Nothing Day”, a 24-hour moratorium on consumer spending called for by the advocacy group Ad Busters on the traditional beginning of the holiday shopping season.
NET: http://www.adbusters.org/metas/eco/bnd/
• “Canadian Aboriginal Music Awards”, the 8th annual ceremony at Toronto’s Metro Convention Centre, kicking off the annual “Canadian Aboriginal Festival & Pow Wow”, which takes place at Roger’s Centre throughout the weekend.
NET: http://www.canab.com/mainpages/events/musicawards.html
• “Sinkie Day”, the 15th annual declared by the ‘International Association of People Who Dine Over the Kitchen Sink’. Veterans (known as ‘Sinkies’) and rookies alike are encouraged to participate in this time-honored method of casual dining.
NET: http://www.sinkie.com

SATURDAY –
• “Fish House Parade”, Aitken MN’s 15th annual showcase of fancy decorated fish huts used for ice fishing during the winter. Almost as smelly as the Yukon’s ‘Outhouse Parade’.
NET: http://www.aitkin.com/fhp.htm
• “International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women”, observed by women’s activists since 1981 and declared an official UN observance in 1999.
NET: http://www.un.org/depts/dhl/violence/
• “Shopping Reminder Day”, marking 1 month until Christmas. Just what you wanted to hear, huh?
• “Vanier Cup”, the annual Canadian university football championship, being played this year at Griffiths Stadium in Saskatoon between the University of Saskatchewan and Laval. BTW, this year’s game is sponsored so it’s officially called the … “PotashCorp Vanier Cup”.
NET: http://www.cisport.ca/e/championships/vaniercup/2006/

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1991 [15] The charismatic lead singer of the rock group Queen, Freddie Mercury, dies in his sleep at age 45, just one day after publicly announcing he was suffering from AIDS

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1976 [30] The Band announces to a stunned San Francisco audience that they are playing their last concert

1998 [08] Cher’s career is revived as mega-hit single “Believe” is released

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1874 [132] 1st ‘Barbed Wire’ patented by Joseph Glidden of DeKalb IL (collecting various kinds of barbed wire is now a serious hobby for many)

1954 [52] 1st US presidential plane is christened “Air Force One”

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Pins & Needles Day
[Wed] Electronic Greetings Day
[Wed] Square Dance Day
[Thurs] International Computer Security Day
[Thurs] Stay Home Because You Are Well Day
This Week Is … Cookie Week
This Month Is … Family Stories Month

BULL’S BITS

ACTUAL BS TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “French Diet Secrets Revealed: Swallow Consonants, Feel Full All Day!”
• “Tornado in Texas Attributed to Malicious Butterflies in Brazil!
• “Earth Will Be a Wasteland in Just 5 Years, Scientists Warn!”
• “Archaeologists Discover Stone-Age X-Ray Scanner!”
• “Gym Poltergeist In Terrific Shape!”

BS NAME GAME:
In each group of 3 names, which one is NOT one of the 5,000 most popular in North America?
• Maple, Sugar, Honey [Sugar]
• November, September, January [November]
• Alpha, Beta, Omega [Beta]
• Dakota, Nevada, California [California]
– Census Bureau

BS SIGNS YOU ATE TOO MUCH TURKEY YESTERDAY:
• Your keyboard and mouse are just a tad outta reach this morning.
• When you plopped onto the couch your spouse flew through the window.
• You’ve been assigned a probation officer … by Weight Watchers.
• Your family sent you outside because you wouldn’t fit in the living room.
• You’re suffering from ‘Dunlap’s Disease’ …  your gut has dunlapped over your belt.
• For the first time ever, there are no leftovers.
• A thermometer pops out your butt
• They had to use the Jaws of Life to remove you from your chair.
• You’re sweating gravy … and you’re farting feathers.

BS RANDOM JOKES:
• Just how deep was the hole Katie Holmes stood in for the photos with Tom at their wedding?
• A social worker visits an elderly woman in a retirement home. As he sits on the couch, he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. “Mind if I have a few?” he asks. “Not at all,” the woman replies. They chat for a half-hour and as he stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he’s emptied most of the bowl. “Sorry for eating all your peanuts,” he says. “I only meant to have a few.” “Oh that’s all right,” the woman says. “Ever since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them anyway.”

IT PAYS TO BE IGERNANT:
Listener must answer rapid-fire, and must get all questions WRONG to win. The trick is to answer with something so outrageous, it couldn’t possibly be correct. [The correct answer that CAN NOT be used is in brackets.] It’s way tougher than it seems!
• What’s the dot over the letter ‘I’ called? [A tittle.]
• ‘Tonsurphobia’ is the fear of what? [Haircuts.]
• What’s the national animal of Mexico? [Golden Eagle.]
• Which is the only planet in the solar system not named after a god? [Earth.]
• Who was Bill Cosby’s stand-in on “The Cosby Show” from 1985-89? [Samuel L Jackson.]
• What’s common household dust mostly composed of? [Discarded human skin, dead insect parts and bits of fabric.]
• Each year, an average of 100 people choke on one of these. [Ballpoint pen.]
• If they can’t find any food, some worms will eat this. [Themselves.]
• Which Canadian Prime Minister once dated Barbra Streisand? [Pierre Trudeau.]
• What is the capital of Saskatchewan. [Regina]
• What color is the Canadian flag. [Red & white.]
• This present-day snack food is thought to have been served at the first Thanksgiving feast. [Popcorn.]
• What color is the American flag. [Red, white & blue.]
• What’s the most delicious part of a turkey? [You decide.]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Retail studies show that doing THIS helps deter shoplifting.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Greeting customers within 6 seconds after they arrive.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
People seem to get nostalgic about a lot of things they weren’t so crazy about the first time around.