Monday, November 28, 2016 – Edition: #5860

Another Sheetload of Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ A Hackney UK resident has made an appearance in court on charges of stalking movie star Keira Knightley. The defendant admitted to sending Knightley pictures of cats winking, compiling a USB mix-tape of ‘cat-themed’ music, and creeping up to her front door to make meowing noises through her letter slot … forcing her husband to open the door and chase him off down the road. Now that’s a stalk on the wild side!
– PopBitch.com
★ Marvel has announced it is bringing “The Inhumans” to TV next year. Based on a comic book series created by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby in 1965, “The Inhumans” are a race of superhumans with unique powers. Members of “The Inhumans” have appeared on Marvel’s “Agents of SHIELD” TV show. They were originally slated to be part of Phase 3 of Marvel’s film series. Before its debut on ABC-TV next Fall, the first 2 episodes of the series screen exclusively in IMAX theaters for a 2-week period. It’s the first network series to be shot with IMAX digital cameras.
– PostMedia Network
★ And Scotland’s giant T in the Park music festival has been canceled for next year … due to a birdnest. A statement on the festival’s website says that the presence of an osprey’s nest on the site in Perthshire has led to a change in planning requirements, making it unworkable for the event to go ahead in 2017. Ospreys are a protected species and it is against the law to disturb them during breeding season. Over its 23-year history T in the Park has attracted big-name acts like Beyoncé, Coldplay, Eminem, and Rihanna.
– “The Telegraph”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “CMA Country Christmas” (ABC) – A 2-hour seasonal special hosted for the 7th year by Jennifer Nettles. Among the performers: Brad Paisley, Brett Eldredge, Chris Young, Idina Menzel, Kelsea Ballerini, Kelly Clarkson, Loretta Lynn, Rascal Flatts, and Sarah McLachlan.
• “Ellen” (syndicated/CTV2) – The Weeknd (“Starboy”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Hunter Hayes (“Yesterday’s Song”); Justin Moore (“Kinda Don’t Care”); Willie Nelson (“Willie Nelson & Friends”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – !!! (“As If”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV) – Lady Gaga (“Joanne”). Rerun.
• “The Real” (syndicated) – DJ Mustard (“Cold Summer”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – David Gray (“The Best of David Gray”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The top 10 artists perform for the judges; Maroon 5 performs.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Bruno Mars – He’s now expanded his “24K Magic World Tour” with additional dates in London, Los Angeles, and NYC. The tour now encompasses a total of 100 shows throughout the new year.
• Chance the Rapper – He’s cut short his European tour, with the last 3 dates scrapped. The concert promoter has announced that refunds are available, but doesn’t offer much of an excuse: “He sends his apologies for this and looks forward to returning to Europe in 2017.”
• Dawes – They’ve announced an extensive 2017 tour in support of their latest album, “We’re All Gonna Die”. The “An Evening with Dawes” trek begins in San Diego CA on January 10th and winds up in Charlotte NC on May 3rd.
• George Strait – He’s returning to Las Vegas for 4 additional weekends at T-Mobile Arena in 2017. Billed as “2 Nights of Number 1’s”, the limited engagement with back-to-back nights showcases live performances of Strait’s 60 number 1 hits. The new 2017 dates follow Strait’s previously scheduled SRO shows December 2-3 and February 17-18.

LIAR, LIAR PANTS ON FIRE:
Some of the most common lies from Dory Hollander’s book “101 Lies Men Tell Women & Why Women Believe Them” …
• “What attracts me most is your mind.”
• “No, I don’t think you’re fat.”
• “Of course I’m listening to what you’re saying.”
• “We’ll split household chores 50/50.”
• “I could never lie to you.
Ask listeners for common lies women tell men. (“I’m just going to the mall for half-an-hour.”)
– Harpercollins.com

HIP TO THE CHIP:
A new potato chip bar has thrown open it’s hipster doors to the public in London with a wide selection of ‘heritage’ potato slices and fancy dips. Hipchips, situated in the Soho neighborhood, is not a cheapo diner but a fancy upscale restaurant. So fancy in fact, that a pile of multicolored chips with 2 dips costs £4.50 ($5.60), and a box of 6 dips will set you back £11.50 ($14). You pick your sweet and/or savory dips and the chefs season your crisps accordingly – covered in sugar & cinnamon or salt respectively. Then, the chips are trotted out on a conveyor belt from the preparation space. What kind of dips are we talking? How about baba ganoush, or smoky cheese fondue with pickled red onions? (What’s you wackiest creation?)
– “Metro”

PERF ABBREVES YOU DEFS NEED TO USE:
A few texting shortcuts you may have missed (or misunderstood) …
ADORBS … Adorable
AWKS … Awkward
AWSE … Awesome
CASJ … Casual
CRAY … Crazy
DEECE … Decent
DEFFO … Definitely
JEL .. Jealous
K … OK
PREESH … Appreciate
PROLLY … Probably
SOZ … Sorry
TOTES … Totally
WEVS … Whatever
V … Very
– Condensed from BuzzFeed.com

THE HEALTHIEST TEMP FOR YOUR SHOWER:
Everyone loves a hot shower, except maybe your skin and hair. As it turns out, hot water dries out skin and leaves hair brittle. And, if you dye your hair, the color is likely to fade faster once the water gets steamy. To make matters worse, by stripping your skin of natural oils, hot showers – above 99F or 37C – may trigger inflammation, causing rashes. You may not like it, but the shower temperature that offers the greatest hair and skincare benefits is, well … cold. Cold water improves the firmness of skin, closes pores to keep pollution from getting into the skin, and improves blood vessels’ ability to both constrict and dilate. But a cold shower is uncomfortable so dermatologists recommend a tepid shower, finished off with a cold rinse. (Followed by a quick sprint back to bed and your warm ‘n cozy duvet.)
– “Women’s Health”

BS THINGS YOU PROBABLY NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT:
A few uplifting thoughts to make a Monday morning seem a little brighter, thanks to some anonymous online philosopher …
• At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
• At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
• A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’t like you.
• You mean the world to someone.
• If not for you, someone may not be living.
– HumanityAndLove.com

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• You can win gift vouchers for spotting badly translated street signs in South Korea.
– “BBC News Magazine”
• The same ingredient that flavors salt-and-vinegar potato chips can be used to waterproof concrete.
– ScienceDaily.com

BS CHRONOMETER 11.28.16

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1950 [66] Ed Harris, Tenafly NJ, movie actor (“Rules Don’t Apply”, “A History of Violence”)/TV actor (‘The Man in Black’ on “Westworld” 2016)

1962 [54] Jon Stewart (Leibowitz), NYC, retired TV personality (19 Emmy Awards-“The Daily Show” 1999-2015)

1962 [54] Matt Cameron, San Diego CA, rock drummer (Pearl Jam-“Last Kiss”, Soundgarden-“Black Hole Sun”)

1974 [42] apl.de.ap (Allan Pineda Lindo Jr), Angeles City, Philippines, pop musician (Black Eyed Peas-“I Gotta Feeling”, “Where Is the Love?”)

1983 [33] Rostam Batmanglij, Washington DC, indie rock keyboardist (Vampire Weekend-“Cousins”, “A-Punk”)

1983 [33] Tyler Glenn, Temecula CA, rock singer-keyboardist (Neon Trees-“Everybody Talks”, “Animal”)

1984 [32] Trey Songz (Tremaine Neverson), Petersburg VA, rapper/producer/singer-songwriter (“Can’t Be Friends”, f/Nicki Minaj-“Bottoms Up”)

1993 [23] Bryshere Gray, Philadelphia PA, TV actor (‘Hakeem Lyon’ on “Empire” since 2015)

TODAY’S BS REASON TO PARTY . . .
• “Cyber Monday”, the online version of “Black Friday”, when Internet retailers offer special deals and deep discounts in an attempt to jumpstart the holiday shopping season.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2004 [12] Movie star Julia Roberts gives birth to twins, a girl and a boy, whom she and husband Danny Moder name ‘Hazel Patricia’ and ‘Phinnaeus Walter’ (thanks, mom)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2001 [15] Aretha Franklin sues “Star” tabloid for $50 million over a December 2000 article titled “Aretha Franklin Drinking Herself into Grave”

2006 [10] 39-year-old actress Pamela Anderson files for divorce from musician Kid Rock after just 4 months of marriage

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Electronic Greetings Day
[Tues] International Day of Solidarity With the Palestinian People
[Tues] Square Dancing Day
[Wed] Computer Security Day
[Wed] Meth Awareness Day
[Wed] Rockefeller Christmas Tree Lighting (NYC)
This Week Is … Global Entrepreneurship Week
This Month Is … Pet Cancer Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 23 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS [TOTALLY UNPROVEN] SEX FACTS:
• When reaching sexual climax, 45% of women shout the word, “George!”.
• 75% of all edible underwear is purchased by the Portuguese.
• A woman somewhere in the world has an orgasm every 3.4 seconds, and that woman never gets any work done.
• 65 million times a day someone says, “I’ll call you”.
• 98% or people prefer condoms to Isotoner gloves.
• ‘Pam’ no-stick spray is no longer just for cooking.
• Fat guys have a lot of trouble getting laid.
• Men finish sex surveys much quicker than women.
– First published in “BS” 2001.

LOST IN TRANSLATION:
‘BlahblahFish’ is an online app that takes English text and translates it into another language, then translates it back into English. The results can be pretty strange. Check out what happens to the phrase, “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak” …
• To Japanese and back to English: It heats heart truly and physical weakness does.
• Italian: The spirit is arranged, but the meat is weak person.
• Greek: The spirit is willing, but the flesh is impossible.
• Spanish: The alcohol is prepared, but the meat is weak.
• Korean: The spirit puts out the flag and does, the flesh omits but.
• Chinese: Having more desire than energy.
• Hungarian: The genius there is willing, but the meat there is weak.
• Norwegian: Breath am willing, but carnal am breakable.
• Romanian: The spirit is William, but the flesh is loose.
• Latin: Ghost is voluntary, notwithstanding viscera is pale.
(Try the exercise with a station slogan and see what happens.)
NET: http://www.blahblahfish.com
– First published in “BS” 2008.

BS EUPHEMISMS FOR THE DEVIL:
One of the following is NOT a nickname for Satan, but which one?
GAME #1 –
• ‘Old George’ [FAKE]
• ‘Old Dad’
• ‘Old Poker’
• ‘Old Scratch’

GAME #2 –
• ‘Beelzebub’
• ‘Sam Hill’
• ‘Ace of Spades’ [FAKE]
• ‘The Deuce’

GAME #3 –
• ‘The Prince of Darkness’
• ‘The Ragman’
• ‘The Noseless One’
• ‘The Mick’ [FAKE]

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Should you argue in front of your children?

FIND THE BS:
2 of the following 3 statements are true; 1 is totally made up. Which one?
• Having dust in your home is healthy. [TRUE. “Parade” magazine notes that some dust in the home actually protects children against allergies and asthma by helping develop the immune system.]
• Your heart stops temporarily during a sneeze. [BS. While sneezes increase the pressure in your chest and change blood flow, the heart does not stop … not even momentarily.]
• The average refrigerator is opened 22 times per day. [TRUE, according to an energy conservation study.]

BS RANDOM JOKE:
What’s the difference between a drummer and a drum machine? You only have to punch the info into a drum machine once.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: THIS happens more on a Monday than any other day of the week
Answer: Heart attacks or strokes.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.

BS FRESH MEAT:
Mike Evans @ 101.3 The Outlaw [KTXR] Springfield MO; Ann Marie Weatherhead @ Mix 96.9 FM Bridgetown, Barbados; Pamela Cloud Fioretti @ Mix 105.1 [KXMX] Sallisaw OK; Greg Newman @ 96three FM [3GGR] Geelong, Australia; and Starr Murphy @ Outcast Radio, Laredo TX.