Tuesday, October 28, 2003 Edition: #2653
We Give a Sheet!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY Rhino Records is releasing a 4-CD, 100-song punk retrospective titled “No Thanks!: The ’70s Punk Rebellion” (best punk song of all-time? “My Sharona”?) . . . TODAY 2 statues that re-enact the opening scene of TV’s classic “Andy Griffith Show” will be unveiled in Raleigh NC, one of Griffith and one of a young Ron Howard, who played ‘Opie’ on the show (OK, who can whistle the show’s theme?) . . . TODAY former talk-show host Rosie O’Donnell and her ex-publishing partner, Gruner & Jahr, face off in a NYC court in their breach-of-contract battle over her now-defunct namesake magazine . . . TONIGHT the 3rd season of FOX-TV’s “24″ debuts, and best of all – it’s commercial-free! (wouldn’t selling TV in half-hour commercial blocks all the time make it so much better?) . . . Buzz has it No Doubt is becoming ticked off with lead singer Gwen Stefani who is so caught up with her own projects (new LAMB fashion line, solo album), she can’t seem to find time to record another album with the band . . . 34-year-old Vancouver actor Jason Priestley has an ongoing problem since crashing his race car LAST YEAR at Kentucky Speedway – thanks to 2 metal rods, a dozen screws and 2 lbs of titanium in his spine, he’s constantly setting off airport security alarms!
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Hulk” (Sci-Fi Action – DVD/VHS): In this Ang Lee version of the Stan Lee comic book character, a geneticist’s experimental accident curses him with the tendency to become a powerful giant green brute when under emotional stress. Eric Bana plays ‘Bruce Banner’ who becomes the ‘Hulk’, Jennifer Connelly his girlfriend ‘Betty Ross’.
• “Whale Rider” (Family Drama – DVD): Critically acclaimed New Zealand film about a 12-year-old Maori girl who dares to challenge the ancient traditions of her people and fights to fulfill her destiny despite opposition from her grandfather.
• “Long Time Dead” (Horror – DVD): No-name fright flick in which a young Londoner and his friends use a Ouija board to hold a seance, triggering a chain of mysterious deaths that may be caused by an otherworldly force. (Good for scaring the bejeepers out of your Halloween date.)
• And there are also DVD compilations of “The Sopranos: 4th Season”, “SpongeBob SquarePants”: 1st Season”, and “The Ed Sullivan Show Featuring the Beatles”, a 2-disc collection of Beatles performances on the classic TV variety show (TODAY is the 40th anniversary of the day Sullivan first came across the band at an airport in London).
HEALING GROUNDS:
Scientists at Germany’s University of Munster have identified a compound in coffee they say helps protect against colon cancer. Methyl-pyridinium is an antioxidant that seems to boost preventative enzymes … at least in animals. Until human studies are done, no one knows exactly how much coffee is needed to get these benefits.
TRICK OR … GLASSES:
Lions Clubs International and eyewear retailer LensCrafters are cooperating on a new Halloween charity project called ‘Sight Night’. Trick-or-treaters are being asked to collect used
eyeglasses door-to-door, which will be recycled and hand-delivered to people in developing countries. Used eyeglasses can also be dropped off at any LensCrafters store or Lions Club.
PHONER: 877.605.4242
NET: http://www.sightnight.org
NO QUICKIES ALLOWED:
British hotel chain Travelodge is now renting out its rooms by the half-hour. No, it’s not what you think. The $8 deal is aimed at tired drivers who need a nap, and includes a cup of coffee before they go back to their vehicles. ‘Catnap & Coffee’ customers are prevented from over-sleeping by a wake-up call at the end of their 30 minutes. Oh yeah … to avoid any hanky panky, the deal is restricted to one person per room.
TAKE THE SCENIC ROUTE:
A new Texas A & M University study has found that people who commute along scenic routes recover more quickly from stressful driving conditions than those who are exposed to busy roads lined with billboards, buildings and parking lots. What’s even more interesting – it seems to have a lasting effect. Drivers who take scenic routes respond more calmly to stressful conditions later in the day.
HOLY FACE CREAM:
Hollywood celebs, who seem to blow bucks on every fad product that comes along, are now snapping up Body Bistro Green Apple & Neem Eye Jelly, which purportedly fights puffiness around the eyes. The potion contains apple extract, ginkgo and turmeric root, and most important of all – each jar has been individually blessed by Tibetan monks! Halle Berry and Bruce Willis are said to be among the stars forking out $42 a pop for the gunk.
HALLOWEEN BY THE NUMBERS:
• Percentage of people who plan to celebrate Halloween this year . . . 55.8%
• Percentage of those 45-plus who’ll spend Halloween at home, handing out candy . . . 86.9%
• Percentage of people who’ll carve a Halloween pumpkin . . . 54.3%
• Percentage of people who’ll decorate their homes . . . 44.6%
• Average amount each will spend on all Halloween items . . . $44.17
• Average amount spent on Halloween decorations . . . $10.37
• Average amount spent on Halloween candy . . . $14.41
• Average amount spent on Halloween greeting cards . . . $2.14
Source: National Retail Federation ‘2003 Halloween Consumer Intentions & Actions Survey’
WORLDWIDE BULL ROAR:
• Cops in a Tokyo suburb have raided a man’s home and found 440 stolen women’s shoes – all for the left foot. Police say 45-year-old Ichiro Irie admits to being a shoe fetishist, but he’s not saying why he only takes the left ones.
• A family in Conisbrough, England has moved out of their home because they’re fed up with the address – Butt Hole Road. Paul & Lisa Allot say they’re sick of all the jokes and people posing for pictures outside … with their pants down. Pizza deliverers and cabs won’t even show up because they think the address is a joke.
• 700-year-old Lee Castle in Scotland is up for sale for $14.3 million. The furnished 30,000-sq-ft hovel has 14 bedrooms, a formal ballroom, and – if you can’t stand your relatives – 3 separate guest lodges. If the price seems a tad steep, keep in mind you also receive the title of ‘Baron’ and inherit a 25-member pipe & drum corps.
AND WE QUOTE:
“I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day rather than a sex symbol.” – Has-been action actor Steven Seagal in “People News”. And he said it with a straight face!
BS AMAZING FACT:
New stats show Christianity remains the world’s largest faith, with just under 2 billion adherents. Not a very cohesive religion, however – it now has 34,000 separate denominations! In terms of number of followers, Islam ranks 2nd, Hinduism 3rd.
Source: “Globe & Mail”
THE BULL SHEET 10.28.2K3
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1944 [59] Dennis Franz (Schlachta), Maywood IL, TV actor (4 Emmy Awards as ‘Detective Andy Sipowitz’ on “NYPD Blue” since 1993)
1955 [48] Bill (William Henry III) Gates, Seattle WA, Microsoft mogul/world’s wealthiest human
(Bill Gates’ leisure activities: rolling around naked in money, asking the Sultan Of Brunei if he can borrow a cup of gold bullion, ordering in Chinese food … from Malaysia.)
1967 [36] Julia Roberts, Smyrna GA, movie star (“Ocean’s 11″, Oscar-“Erin Brockovich“) UP NEXT: Plays a free-spirited 1950s college teacher in “Mona Lisa Smile” opening DECEMBER 19th, then shoots sequel “Oceans 12″.
1972 [31] Brad Paisley, Glen Dale WV, country singer (“Little Moments”, “Wrapped Around”)
1974 [29] Joaquin Phoenix, San Juan PR, movie actor (“Signs”, “Gladiator”) COMING UP: Co-stars with John Travolta in the firefighting drama “Ladder 49″, then plays Johnny Cash in the bio-pic “Walk the Line”, coming NEXT YEAR.
1977 [26] Brooke Burns, Dallas TX, TV host (“Dog Eat Dog”, “Miss Teen USA”)/movie actress (“Shallow Hal”) who’s recently been dating actor Bruce Willis
1978 [25] Justin Guarini, Columbus GA, pretty boy/bad singer (“American Idol” runner-up)/bad actor (“From Justin to Kelly”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Chocolate Day”. North Americans collectively eat 100 lbs of chocolate … every second!
TODAY is “Statue of Liberty Day” in America, honoring the day in 1886 when the Statue of Liberty was dedicated. The statue was designed by Frederic Auguste Bartholdi and was a gift to the US from France.
TODAY is “International Telework Day”, a day to work from home if you can. (And be jealous if you can’t.)
TODAY food lovers around-the-world will be raising a glass of champagne in honor of “World Escoffier Day”, the 157th birthday (1846) of Auguste Escoffier, patron saint of gourmands and ‘father of modern French cuisine’.
TODAY is “St Jude’s Day”, the patron saint of lost causes, like getting your co-host to show up on time.
TODAY is “Ohi Day”, a national holiday celebrated by Greeks everywhere, commemorating Greek resistance during World War II. ‘Ohi’ is Greek for ‘no’.
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1978 [25] Canadian Nick Gilder’s “Hot Child in the City” reaches #1 on “Billboard’s” Hot 100 chart
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1636 [367] 1st university in America founded (Harvard U)
1904 [99] 1st use of ‘fingerprints’ in a police investigation, in St Louis MO (before that, they just went door-to-door asking, “Did you do it?”)
1954 [49] 1st ‘automatic toll collectors’ (1st driver tries to sneak through by tossing in a penny)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Hermit Day
[Wed] International Internet Day
[Thurs] Devils Night
[Fri] Increase Your Psychic Powers Day
[Fri] UNICEF Day
This Week Is . . . Disarmament Week
This Month Is . . . Fire Prevention Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
OTHER BS WAYS OF SAYING ‘STUPID’:
Ask listeners to get creative and put together metaphors, similes and big whopper exaggerations to describe people that are a little slow on the uptake, ie: ‘not the sharpest knife in the drawer’, etc. Here’s a few primers to get you going …
• She got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching.
• The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
• If brains were taxed, he’d get a refund.
• If he were anymore stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
• If you give her a penny for her thoughts, you’ll get change.
• It takes her 1-and-a-half hours to watch “60 Minutes”.
• The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
• He’s depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
• He’s as bright as Nunavut in December.
• If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
BS WEB GOODIES:
• The online “Rap Dictionary” has an alphabetized list of hundreds of rap terms and what they mean. Use it to translate mystifying lyrics or to create a ‘rap riddle’ which listeners attempt to solve to win a prize. Did you know ‘Be Geese’ means ‘to leave’? Or that ‘Watching Andy Griffith’ is a rap reference to masturbation?
NET: http://www.rapdict.org
• The “Flower Meanings” Web page tells you what message is conveyed by sending various types of flowers. For instance, if you’re jealous you should send yellow hyacinths. If you wanna say ‘You’re Great in the Sack’, pick tulips. And of course, when you want to express ‘Beware, a Deadly Foe Is Near!’, one always uses aconites.
NET: http://www.clareflorist.co.uk/meanings.asp
BS PHONE STARTER:
“In what creative way would you like your body to be disposed when you die?” (Filled with helium, all orifices sealed and set loose like a balloon? Burning pyre pushed out to sea? Shot out of a cannon? Cremated and put in an hourglass?)
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 11% of guys that went to a Halloween party last year dressed up as THIS.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Football player.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Give blood. Play hockey.
