Monday, October 6, 2003 Edition: #2637
The Most Home Runs in Show Prep!
TRASHY TABLOID BS:
• According to “Globe” tabloid, Beyonce Knowles and rapper boyfriend Jay-Z have been giving something back to the community, handing out $20,000 worth of gift certificates to kids in some of the poorest areas of NYC. Jay-Z even met with one woman’s landlord and covered her rent so she wouldn’t be evicted. (Some gangsta, huh?)
• Couples coming together – 66-year-old Jack Nicholson has apparently fallen for someone close to his age for a change. “Daily Dish” says he and 57-year-old Diane Keaton have been ‘dating up a storm’ since shooting the new movie comedy “Something’s Gotta Give”. NY Yankee Derek Jeter’s new babe is none other than Lenny Kravitz’s ex-, Brazilian “Sports Illustrated” model Adriana Lima, who broke off her engagement with the notoriously commitment-phobic rocker several months ago. And Ben Affleck tells “In Touch” that he and J-Lo WILL be getting married, but he’s keeping the date and location private. (Oh please shut-up.)
• Couple falling apart – “Daily Dish” says 33-year-old actress Renee Zellweger and White Stripes rocker boyfriend Jack White have split up. At the London premiere of her film “Down With Love”, Zellweger would only say, “I don’t want to talk about it, thanks.”
• According to “National Enquirer”, after Enrique Iglesias filmed “Once Upon A Time In Mexico” with Antonio Banderas, he had the mole on his cheek removed. He then wanted the movie’s producers to use computer enhancement to hide the now-vanished mole in the movie, but the idea was nixed because it would have cost over $150,000 to touch up all his scenes.
• “E! Online” reports that Roy Horn, half of the Las Vegas illusionist team Siegfried & Roy, is in stable but critical condition after one of the of his trademark tigers bit him on the neck and dragged him off the stage during a show. (Geez, everyone’s a critic!)
HILARIOUS HEADLINES:
Some of the week’s most unbelievable headlines courtesy of “Weekly World News” –
• “Space Aliens Are Here For Our Toothpaste!”
• “Oil Found Under White House Lawn!”
• “Saddam & Osama Exchange Vows in Gay Wedding!”
• “Terrorist Plot to Target Scarecrows!”
• “Female Bigfoot Breast-Fed My Baby!”
• “Spanish Galleon Is Orbiting Mercury!”
• “Alien Busted for DUI!”
NOBEL & IG NOBEL:
Throughout THIS WEEK the winners of the “2003 Nobel Prizes” will be announced by Sweden’s Nobel Foundation. The prestigious prizes, established in the 1896 will of Swedish industrialist Alfred Nobel, are now worth over a million dollars each. The high-profile Nobel Peace Prize will be announced FRIDAY. The Nobel Prize parody “13th First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Awards” have already been announced by Harvard U’s science humor magazine, “The Annals of Improbable Research”. They honor people whose achievements ‘cannot or should not be reproduced’, usually far-fetched ‘scientific studies’ that somehow received funding. This year’s winners include –
• A University College of London team who showed the brains of London taxi drivers were different from average people because they become enlarged in the zone associated with navigation.
• A Japanese researcher is honored for chemistry for his study of a bronze statue that failed to attract pigeons.
• Kees Moeliker of the Netherlands won the biology prize for being the first scientist to record homosexual necrophilia … in the mallard duck.
• An Australian team won the physics award for their report “An Analysis of the Forces Required to Drag Sheep Over Various Surfaces”.
NET: http://www.improbable.com/ig/ig-pastwinners.html#ig2003
ATTENTION, MEN!
If you want to improve your sex life, you might want to pick up the vacuum and start cleaning. That’s because women are more likely to ‘get in the mood’ when men help out with chores, according to a new University of Washington study. (Oooh baby, I like the way you dust …)
WHAT WE WANT FROM WORK:
A recent poll of 10,000 employees in 32 countries finds that workers worldwide are looking for the same qualities in an employer – trust, fairness and training. The survey also finds that employee loyalty is not based on salary, benefits or stock options. We’re most likely to stay with a company if it ‘behaves ethically’. (So how come so many people work for the government?)
THAT’S THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES:
It’s widely assumed that packaged cookies break apart because they’re mishandled before reaching the buyer. But the problem is due to baking techniques and moisture, according to British researchers. The scientists used a laser beam to monitor the fault lines of cookies coming out of an oven. (My cookies never crumble. In fact, we use ‘em for hockey pucks.)
YOU NEED STANDING ROOM:
Thanks to automation, computers and commutes, the majority of us spend some 6 months out of every year – on our butts! Experts say all that sitting increases the pressure on discs by a whopping 300%. The solution? Stand up every 30 minutes to reset the back and normalize discs. (Notice how the increase in butt time has led to an increase in butts?)
EAT YOUR MICRO-BEANS:
Japanese retail giant Aeon has begun marketing dwarf-sized vegetables to cater to Japan’s growing population of single people. About 41% of all households in Tokyo are singles and those numbers continue to climb. The retail chain is now offering quarter-size cauliflowers and half-size radishes. Next they’re planning to launch mini-pumpkins. (Perfect for making little itty bitty jack-o-lanterns.)
THE 5-SECOND RULE:
You’ve no doubt heard this – if food falls on the floor but is picked up within 5 seconds, its safe to eat? A new University of Illinois survey finds that 70% of women and 56% of men have heard of the so-called ‘5-Second Rule’ and many use it. Perhaps surprisingly, the poll also finds that women are more likely to eat something that’s hit the floor. Not surprisingly, goodies like cookies and candy are more likely to be picked up and eaten than veggies. (Exceptions to the 5-Second Rule – soup … gravy … broccoli.)
THE BULL SHEET 10.06.2K3
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [48] Tony Dungy, Jackson MI, NFL head coach (Indianapolis Colts) QUESTION: Will his birthday gift be beating his former team, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, on “Monday Night Football” TONIGHT?
1963 [40] Elisabeth Shue, Wilmington DE, movie actress (Oscar-“Leaving Las Vegas”)
1966 [37] Jacqueline Obradors, San Fernando Valley CA, TV actress (‘Detective Rita Ortiz’-“NYPD Blue)
1966 [37] Tim Rushlow, Midwest City OK, country singer (Little Texas-“Kick a Little”, “God Blessed Texas”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[UN] Universal Children’s Day
[UN] World Habitat Day
[USA] German-American Day
TODAY is “International Frugal Fun Day”. What can you do for free that’s a real blast? How about going to the mall to try on fancy dresses just for fun? Take a camera along to record your spree! Or maybe test drive all the vehicles you couldn’t possibly afford to buy?
TODAY is “Yom Kippur” (‘Day of Atonement’), the most important holiday of the Jewish year. It is a complete, 25-hour fast beginning before sunset the evening before and ending after nightfall.
This week is “Get Organized Week”. The National Association of Professional Organizers finds managers spend an average of 6 weeks each year searching their desks for misplaced information.
TIPS FROM PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZERS:
• Organize surface clutter first. Visible results will keep you going.
• Organizing is not a game of catch-up. Sort, identify and place, but don’t use this time to catch up on unfinished chores.
• Start with one corner of a room. Do only one area at once, and never zigzag.
• Work with a box or bag labelled ‘goes elsewhere’ for things that don’t belong where they’re found.
• Surround yourself with useful, inspiring things. Donate unneeded items.
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1996 [07] Country stars Tim McGraw & Faith Hill get hitched, but postpone their honeymoon in order to resume their joint tour 4 days later
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1893 [110] “Cream Of Wheat” is invented (Nabisco Foods)
1917 [86] 1st use of the word ‘jazz’ (“Literary Digest” describes it as music that causes people to ‘shake, jump and writhe in ways to suggest a return to the medieval jumping mania’)
1996 [07] Tiger Woods wins his 1st pro golf event in his 5th attempt (Las Vegas Invitational)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1967 [36] Canada’s ‘greatest precipitation in 24 hours’ as 489.2 mm falls at Ucluelet/Brynnor Mines BC
AND REMEMBER . . .
[1 week today] Thanksgiving
[Tues] California election
[Wed] Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work Day
[Thurs] National Dessert Day
[Thurs] New US $20 bill debuts
[Fri] Full Moon (Hunter’s Moon)
[Sat] Emergency Nurses Day
This Week Is . . . Canadian Financial Planning Week
This Month Is . . . Auto Battery Safety Month (oh no, something else to worry about!)
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS REVEALS ALL:
Get a listener with a calculator on the phone and mention you can reveal some very personal information about them. Then ask them to punch the following into their calculator, without telling you –
• The number of days a week that you’d like to have sex.
• Multiply this number by 2, then add 5.
• Multiply the answer by 50.
• If you’ve already had your birthday this year add 1753, if not add 1752.
• Now subtract the 4-digit year that you were born.
Ask them the resulting 3-digit number. The 1st digit tells how many days a week they’d like sex. The last 2 digits tells their age. Magic, isn’t it?
BS MONDAY MORNING BRAIN BUSTER:
You’re wearing jeans. How can you place your left hand completely in the right pocket & your right hand completely in the left, both at the same time? (Put ’em on backwards!)
BS BASEBALL TRIVIA:
Q: 123 years ago today (1880) the Cincinnati Reds were kicked out of the National League. For what minor offense that now occurs at EVERY ball game did they get the boot?
A: Selling beer.
BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “If you are going to be in a waiting room today, call us with the oldest magazine you can find.” (Prince Philip Hospital in South Wales is asking the public to donate new magazines after a patient found a 29-YEAR-OLD periodical in its waiting room.)
• “Does it bother your partner that you are making more than he is?”
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 29% of us have never done THIS because we simply don’t know how.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Driven a vehicle with standard transmission.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
WIDE WORLD OF BS:
BS salutes these subscribers who’ve just renewed for another year – Brad Dryden @ THE BEAR Ottawa ON, Jack Morris @ KDDX Spearfish SD, Keith Ellert @ CKRW Whitehorse, Yukon, Tim O’Neil @ CHYR Leamington ON, Bill Wood @ CJVR Melfort SK. And welcome aboard to this week’s samplers that include RJ Harris @ WHP Harrisburg PA, Nonna Lee @ KTSW San Marcos TX, Clinton Kardi @ 2CHY FM Coffs Harbour, Australia and JJ Holliday @ KBMX Duluth MN.
