Thursday, October 3, 2002        Edition: #2391
Have Another Sheetload!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
She may not be on top of the country charts anymore but Dolly Parton is clearly no boob – her fortune has recently been valued at $100 million, thanks in part to her restaurant/theater ‘Dolly’s Dixie Stampede’ that serves 5,000 customers a day . . . Online bookmaker Intertops.com has already posted odds on what movies will be nominated for ‘Best Picture’ Oscars – “Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers” is the favorite at 1-5, Martin Scorsese’s “Gangs Of New York” is posted at 2-5, and “The Road To Perdition” at 3-5 (at the other end of the scale, “Scooby Doo” is 100-1!) . . . They insist they’re just ‘good friends’ but Nicole Kidman & Russell Crowe have been getting together secretly, including a recent 2-day tete-a-tete in Romania where she’s filming “Cold Mountain” with Jude Law . . . Food Network superstar chef Emeril Lagasse and his 35-year-old wife Alden are expecting their first child in MARCH (look for a quick delivery – “BAM!!!”) . . . Soon-to-be-ex-Mr Angelina Jolie, Billy Bob Thornton, is about to enter rehab for – sex addiction (what a surprise!) . . . This season’s “Friends” episodes have each been extended 2 minutes so they run over into the start of programs on rival networks, but NBC claims it’s an ‘artistic’ decision, not a commercial one (yeah right) . . . HBO is planning to air “Cathouse”, a behind-the-scenes look at a house of prostitution, in the highly-coveted time slot after “The Sopranos” finale . . . Model Heidi Klum, recently voted Germany’s ‘most erotic woman’, is launching her own line of – orthopedic sandals (perfect after a hard day of prancing on the catwalk in 6-inch spikes!).

FUTURE FILMS:
The producers of The Rock’s yet-to-be-renamed new film (the name “Helldorado” was scrapped) are seeking Hawaii’s permission to film a stunt at the site of the once-sacred bathing area Kapena Falls where they plan to send a jeep over the waterfall . . . Greg Kinnear & Rebecca Romijn-Stamos will star in the horror-thriller “Godsend” as a couple who enlist the help of a scientist (Robert DeNiro) to bring back their deceased son (set to begin shooting NEXT MONTH in Toronto) . . . Val Kilmer has signed on to play the late porn king John Holmes in “Wonderland”, the story of the involvement of Holmes and his teenage lover in a 1981 quadruple homicide . . . Plans are under way for a sequel to the 1969 classic “Easy Rider” to be called “Easy Rider AD”, in which ‘Wyatt [Captain America] Earp’, originally played by Peter Fonda, is somehow alive again but in prison, falsely accused of the murder of ‘George Hanson’, originally played by Jack Nicholson (no casting announcements so far) . . . And Nicolas Cage has signed to star in “Back Up”, a science-fiction thriller about a cop brought back to life to investigate his own murder.

PUSS ‘N BITES:
According to a new study from the Yale University School of Medicine, cat bites are more likely to cause infection in humans than dog bites. Over 400,000 North Americans a year are bitten by cats, and up to 80% of those bites become infected. Severe complications can result, including meningitis and septic arthritis. As a result, the researchers recommend that anyone who’s skin is broken by cat bites should get medical treatment.

BODY SCULPTING DISEASE:
There’s a newly-identified syndrome common to weightlifters called ‘muscular dysmorphia’. Although pumping iron has given them muscular and toned bodies, Dr Precilla Choi of Australia’s Victoria University says men suffering from ‘MD’ have a poor body image and are convinced they look scrawny. This drives them to work even harder to enhance their physique. (Physical symptoms – their arms don’t touch their sides.)

THOSE ‘MAGIC COILS’ AREN’T:
Despite what you may see and hear in TV and radio ads, most sleep problems are NOT substantially helped by a better mattress. Dr Jerry Siegel of California’s Center for Sleep Research says he’s not convinced by the ‘pseudo-research’ he’s seen used by mattress makers and retailers. He maintains a mattress rarely helps insomniacs unless they’ve been ‘sleeping on a bed of nails’.

CUE THE FAT LADY:
Bad news for those with good taste. If you think there’s already too much karaoke around-the-world, then watch out for this – the latest innovation for those who like to show off how they really can’t sing is ‘classical karaoke’. A collection of classical arias from operas designed for anyone to sing along with will soon to be released. (So if you’re a wannabe Pavarotti you’ll soon have full orchestral accompaniment for your howling and be able to scare dogs and neighbors to your heart’s content!)

BETWEEN THE COVERS:
Victorian gentlemen would be aghast! The new etiquette and manners book for men called “The Modern Gentleman” says using foul language can serve a purpose in getting a point across. Authors Phineas Mollod & Jason Tesauro say it should be used sparingly, however, so that it’s something special. If you rarely use the ‘F-word’, they say, people will sit up and take notice when you let it fly. (Yeah, especially the CRTC.)

THERE’S A FLY IN MY PILL!
A team of Australian scientists is working to produce new antibiotics made from – flies. The thinking is that since flies love crawling over dung and rotting flesh, they must surely have powerful built-in resistance to infection. Macquarie University researchers say this is the first time flies have been specifically targeted for pharmaceutical products. (And you think its hard to get kids to take their medicine now.)

BS AMAZING FACT:
“West Wing” actor Martin Sheen makes more money every year from pretending to be US President than George W Bush does . . . for pretending to be US President.

THE BULL SHEET 10.03.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1962 [40] Tommy Lee (Bass), Athens GRE, ex-Mr Pam Anderson/ex-Mr Heather Locklear/ex-con/ex-rock drummer (Motley Crue-“Girls Girls Girls”)

1969 [33] Gwen Stefani, Fullerton CA, rock singer (No Doubt-“Underneath It All”, “Hella Good”, “Don’t Speak”)/newlywed Mrs Gavin Rossdale (after first getting hitched in England, they wed a 2nd time SATURDAY in Los Angeles at a celeb-filled ceremony)

1969 [33] Janel Moloney, Woodland Hills CA, TV actress (‘Donna Moss’, assistant to Deputy Chief of Staff ‘Josh Lyman’ on “The West Wing”)

1971 [31] Kevin Richardson, Lexington KY, pop singer (oldest member of Backstreet Boys-“One”, “Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely”)

1973 [29] Neve Campbell (Neve [nehv], her mother’s maiden name, is an Italian word meaning ‘snow’), Guelph ON, movie actress (“Scream I-III”, “Wild Things”)/has an on & off relationship with actor John Cusack

1975 [27] India.Arie (India Arie Simpson), Denver CO, Grammy-nominated neo-soul singer/songwriter (“Little Things”, “Video”)

1976 [26] Seann William Scott, Cottage Grove MN, movie actor (“American Pie 1 & 2”, “Dude, Where’s My Car?”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Techies Day” (although some celebrated October 1st, and others will on Saturday), honoring tech professionals in a wired world. Unfortunately, many of them have lost their jobs over the past couple of years.
• In California’s Silicon Valley, a group of down-sized techies has created ‘Geek Maids’, who’ll come to your house to perform any maintenance function – including fixing your PC. Their mandate – ‘creating order out of chaos’.
• There’s a new franchised Canadian computer consulting company called ‘Nerds On Site’ that sends out techies on service calls dressed in the corporate uniform – horn-rimmed glasses, bow tie and pocket protector. Their motto – ‘We Know Stuff’.
PHONER: 877-MY-NERDS
NET: http://www.nerdsonsite.com

THIS WEEKEND “Pumpkinfest”, the international pumpkin weigh-off competition, invades Port Elgin ON. Last year more than 55,000 visitors watched growers compete for the world title in growing giant vegetables, including Andew Papez of St Catharines ON who displayed a 1,020-lb pumpkin. So how do you move the big veggies around – by crane?
PHONER: 800-387-3456/519-389-3714           
NET: http://www.sunsets.com/portelgin/pumpkinfest

2 YEARS AGO . . .
2000 Justin Trudeau delivers memorable eulogy at funeral of father and former PM Pierre Trudeau at Montreal’s Notre-Dame Basilica

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1987 [15] France’s Michel Pruffer becomes ‘fastest skier’ by clocking 135.26 mph at Portillo, Chile

1988 [14] World’s ‘largest cocktail’ concocted – a 327-gallon pina colada

1997 [05] Japan’s Maglev bullet train breaks world train speed record at 280.3 mph

1997 [05] 69-year-old Hockey Hall of Famer Gordie Howe skates with Detroit Vipers in their International Hockey League opener, becoming only hockey pro to compete in 6 decades

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] National Denim Day
[Fri] Toot Your Flute Day
[Sat] National Story Telling Day
[Sat] World Smile Day
[Sun] International Frugal Fun Day
[Sun] German-American Day
This Week is – Mental Illness Awareness Week / Spinning & Weaving Week
This Month is – Adopt a Dog Month / Computer Learning Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS HORRIBLECOPES:
• Aries – Time to make a bold new fashion statement. After all, what’s the reason for matching socks anyway?
• Taurus – Good time to institute ‘Show and Tell’ at the office. Why should kids have all the fun? You could break the ice by bringing in your stamp collection, no?
• Gemini – Today you will find the word ‘impecunious’ popping into your mind at regular intervals for no reason. Eventually you will go look it up in the dictionary.
• Cancer – Excellent day for unfettered optimism. Tomorrow – fettered optimism.
• Leo – This week you’ll discover a trick to make those meetings seem more interesting. Imagine that everyone else has a ferret clinging to their head.
• Virgo – Good day to hold hands. If you don’t currently have a spouse or partner, you can probably find a fake severed hand at a Halloween costume store.
• Libra – Sometimes you need to take one step back to make two steps forward. In your case, you’ll need to go considerably further back.
• Scorpio – During a walk in the woods, you will spot Keith Richards. He will be gathering moss. You will find that strangely disturbing.
• Sagittarius – You will meet someone who you haven’t seen in a long time and will barely recognize them. At least not without the spiked collar and the whip.
• Capricorn – You are at a turning point in your life. Turn left.
• Aquarius – Everyone will stare at you like deer in headlights this week at the office. You will
later decide that driving your car around inside the office may not be your best-ever idea.
• Pisces – Today someone will take you aside and gently explain that a ‘briefcase’ is not actually meant for underwear.

BS ‘FINISH LINES’:
Ask a phone contestant to finish these famous sayings –
• The family that prays together . . . [stays together.]
• A bird is known by its . . . [song.]
• No man can serve two . . . [masters.]
• There’s no place like . . . [home.]
• Every cloud has a . . . [silver lining.]
• You never miss the water till . . . [the well runs dry.]
• He who rides a tiger is afraid to . . . [dismount.]
• When the cat’s away, the mice will . . . [play.]
• A rolling stone gathers no . . . [moss.]
• The eyes are the window of . . . [the soul.]
• The darkest hour is just before . . . [the dawn.]
• Variety is the . . . [spice of life.]

BS QUICK-PICK TRIVIA:
• Nils Bohlin has died at age 82 in Sweden. What’s his most famous invention?
a) The 2-point football conversion.
b) The 3-point seatbelt.
c) The auto-point computer mouse.
[He was an aerospace engineer who invented the 3-point seatbelt, considered one of the most important safety features in the history of auto-making.)

• According to educational statistics, which group is most likely to discuss what they study in school with someone at home almost every day –
a) 4th graders
b) 8th graders
c) 12th graders
[4th graders – 53%, 8th graders – 40%, 12th graders – just 33%.]

• What’s the best-selling dress size in North America?
a) 8
b) 14
c) 20
[Size 14, though you’d never guess it from looking at most women’s magazines.]

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “Is Ron MacLean worth over $600,000 a year to ‘Hockey Night In Canada’?”
• “What would your ‘perfect woman’ be able to do?” (A New Zealand bar owner has launched a competition to find his perfect woman who must put up a fence, prepare sheep for shearing, back up a trailer loaded with hay bales & stack the bails, change a flat tire and darn a sock. Believe it or not, 14 have applied!)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to a recent survey, a majority of adults think it’s a good idea for kids 12-18 to have one of these.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: A cell phone.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Every idea has its doubters, every accomplishment its critics.