Wednesday, October 17, 2001 Edition: #2155
And now live, awake and wearing clean underwear . . .
A “Glamour” magazine poll asked men which women’s traits and abilities they most covet, revealing these . . .
THINGS WOMEN CAN DO THAT MEN WISH THEY COULD:
• “Recall the most minute details of previous dialogue during arguments.”
• “Find things.”
• “Keep growing lots of hair.”
• “Buy Christmas presents before Christmas Eve.”
• “Be sexually aroused in public without detection.”
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT CBS-TV will rebroadcast last Thursday’s premiere episode of “Survivor: Africa”, to replace its new show “Wolf Lake” – a dud (and clean up ratings when there’s no ‘Rachel’ pregnancy on “Friends” to compete with) . . . “Candid Camera” is coming back to TV again (how many versions is this?) with new co-host Dina Eastwood – as in Mrs Clint Eastwood – who promises to get her hubby involved in some of the stunts (like you could have him point a .44 Magnum at somebody and have them guess if there’s any bullets left) . . . Here’s a sure sign the reality TV show fad is in decline — ABC-TV’s “The Mole II: The Next Betrayal” has become the first reality show pulled from the schedule in the MIDDLE of its run . . . And Madonna is reportedly getting $15 million for the use of her hit “Ray of Light” in those new Microsoft ‘Windows XP’ ads (6 years ago, the Rolling Stones got a reported $12 million for the rights to “Start Me Up” in ‘Windows 95′ ads).
NEW-CENTURY JARGON:
• ‘Random’ — A dismissive description of an uninteresting or unimportant person. (“There was nobody cool to talk to at the party, just a bunch of randoms.”)
• ‘E-shaft’ — To ignore someone’s email. (“I’m so bored at work today, please don’t give me the e-shaft!”)
• ‘Face-Recognition Technology’ — The latest hi-tech security systems use remote cameras connected to computers to scan faces in a crowd, seeking matches in a database of known criminals. We’re likely to see a lot more of these in airports, public buildings and stadiums.
• ‘Wackjob’ — Someone so stupid or annoying they need to be wacked by a hitman to put them out of their misery. (“Did you watch Rosie’s show yesterday? Man, she is such a wackjob!”)
NEW FOOD FACTS:
In his new book “Eat, Drink and Be Healthy: The Harvard Medical School Guide to Healthy Eating”, nutrition expert Dr Walter Willett claims many of the commonly-held notions about healthy eating are dead wrong. For instance, Willett says eggs aren’t as bad we’ve been led to believe, some margarines are a lot worse than you might think, and the oil in a potato chip can actually be better for you than the potato. (Cool! Now I can get back to working on my tan from the refrigerator light.)
SNACKS HELP YOU GET LUCKY:
Of female movie-goers polled, 67% say that what a date orders at the snack bar provides an initial indication of that person’s suitability as a sexual partner. (91% say a date who orders ‘Goobers’ has no chance in hell.)
TOP TURN-OFF:
What’s the biggest turn-off in a relationship? An Opinion Research survey finds it’s ‘bad breath’, with respondents ranking it significantly worse even than ‘body odor’. (I sure am glad this is radio. My mouth tastes like somebody held a rodeo in it.)
COMFORT STATION CAUTION:
A new study shows that those baby-changing areas in public rest rooms can be teeming with communicable diseases. (Besides, if someone spills a little baby powder these days, you have to evacuate the whole building.)
WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• They’re holding a referendum in Switzerland on whether or not to legalize marijuana, cocaine and heroin. (Let’s see, they have cuckoo clocks, cheese with holes in it, yodelling — I think they’re already on drugs!)
• A Scottish man has choked to death on the nicotine gum he was chewing to help him quit smoking. (Take note Alanis Morissette, this truly is “Ironic”.)
• AP reports that the Taliban has now made it illegal for anyone to speak English in Afghanistan. (The top movie star in Afghanistan is now Sylvester Stallone.)
HOW YOU SLEEP REVEALS YOUR RELATIONSHIP:
UCLA psychiatrist Dr Mark Goulston says the way couples cuddle up in bed — or don’t — reveals the true state of their relationship. For instance . . .
• ‘Cliffhanger’ — A couple positioned back-to-back on opposite sides of the bed means they’re avoiding a lot of issues and don’t trust each other.
• ‘Leg Hug’ — Legs wrapped together but no conventional hugging. They need contact but have an equal relationship and lead independent lives.
• ‘Zen Position’ — Back-to-back with butts touching. Feeling close and relaxed but not putting much effort into the relationship.
• ‘Spoons’ — One partner cuddled up close to the other’s back says you feel safe and trust your partner and are not worried about being taken advantage of.
• ‘Sweethearts Cradle’ — One person on their back, arm round the other whose head is on the first’s chest. A couple content to play different roles and not locked in a power struggle. The partner on their back has a more dominant and protective role.
• ‘Sleeping With a Pet’ — When one partner insists on bringing a pet to bed, he/she needs more affection, fears rejection and wants to put a barrier between themselves and their partner.
• ‘Allowing a Child to Sleep in the Bed’ — When one partner repeatedly does this, it shows fear of being alone with the other.
(I don’t see my relationship listed here – ‘Separate Beds . . . in Separate Cities’.)
THE BULL SHEET 10.17.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [53] Margot Kidder, Yellowknife NT, movie actress (“Maverick”, “Superman”)
1958 [43] Alan Jackson, Newnan GA, country singer (“Where I Come From”, “Don’t Rock the Jukebox”)
1963 [38] Norm Macdonald, Québec City QC, stand-up comedian/movie actor (“Dr Doolittle 2″, “Man on the Moon”)/ex-“SNL” cast member
1971 [30] Chris Kirkpatrick, Clarion PA, pop singer (‘N Sync-“This I Promise You”, “Bye Bye Bye”)
1972 [29] Eminem (Marshall Mathers III), Kansas City MO, rap artist (“Stan”, “My Name Is”) who’s now shooting a yet-untitled autobiographical movie
1972 [29] Wyclef Jean, HAITI, R&B/rap artist (“It Doesn’t Matter”, Fugees-“Killing Me Softly”)
1978 [23] Sharon Leal, Tucson AZ, TV actress (Marilyn Sudor-“Boston Public”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[UN] “International Day for the Eradication of Poverty”
TODAY is “Gaudy Day”. (Well, nice to see [your co-host] is dressed for the occasion.)
FRIDAY-October 28th the 22nd annual “Fantasy Fest” parties in Key West FL. Renowned for it’s outlandish ‘adult’ costumes and wild bashes, it’s truly one of the most bizarre celebrations in North America.
PHONER: 305-296-1817
NET: http://www.fantasyfest.net
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1860 [141] 1st ‘professional golf tournament’ held, in Scotland (Willie Park wins)
1974 [27] 1st person to run coast-to-coast across Canada (Mark Kent-102 days)
1982 [19] 1st Russian to score goal in the NHL (Victor Nechaev-LA Kings)
1987 [14] 1st World Series game in a domed stadium (Minnesota Metrodome)
1989 [12] 1st World Series game canceled by an earthquake (Game 3-San Francisco)
1990 [11] 1st #1-selling CD that’s NOT also available as a vinyl album (Vanilla Ice-“To The Extreme”)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1995 [06] ‘Largest video boxed set’ ever released (58 episodes of “The Monkees” on 21 videocassettes)
2000 [01] Patrick Roy of Colorado Avalanche racks up record 448th win, passing Terry Sawchuck for career victories by an NHL goalie
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] No Beard Day
[Fri] Evaluate Your Life Day
[Oct 28] Daylight Savings time ends
Peace With Justice Week
National Cookie Month (if you don’t want junk e-mail, turn your ‘cookies’ off)
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS FIVE-IN-TEN GAME:
Contestants get 10 seconds to list 5 things in the category . . .
• Imported Cars
• Breakfast Cereals
• TV Sitcoms
• Canadian NHL Teams
• California Pro Sports Teams
• Famous Women With Breast Implants
BS QUICK PICKS:
Q: When introduced in 1910, these were dubbed ‘immoral and unhealthy’.
a) Earrings.
b) V-neck sweaters.
c) Jockey shorts.
A: It was those oh-so-disgusting V-neck sweaters.
Q: What is a ‘zeedonk’?
a) A military landing craft.
b) The ball used in the game of jai alai [‘hi ah-lye’].
c) The offspring of a zebra and a donkey.
A: It’s a cross between a zebra and a donkey.
Q: What relation are ‘Huey, Dewey & Louie’ to ‘Donald Duck’?
a) Nephews.
b) Sons.
c) Grandchildren.
A: They’re his nephews. He gained custody of them from his sister ‘Bella’ in newspaper comics 67 years ago TODAY (1934).
Q: When entering a store, which direction do most shoppers turn?
a) Left.
b) Right.
c) Back.
A: To the right. The reason you’re likely to see a major display in that direction.
Q: What has a standard WIDTH of 4 feet, 8 and one-half inches?
a) Railway tracks.
b) A cemetery plot.
c) The Green Bay Packers.
A: North American railroad tracks.
Q: Which is the only bird in the world that can swim but can’t fly?
a) Swan.
b) Penguin.
c) Chicken.
A: The penguin.
BS TAG LINE:
This anthrax thing is getting scary. Even Whitney Houston will no longer open envelopes containing white powder.
