Tuesday, October 16, 2001 Edition: #2154
Operation: Enduring Bull
TODAY is “National Bosses Day,” when employees are encouraged to ‘honor the boss’. This will certainly make the ass-kissers popular with other employees, won’t it?
BS THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO YOUR BOSS:
• “Maybe you’ll have the proposal on your desk by Monday, then again, maybe you won’t.”
• “As soon as I have two nickels to rub together, I’m leaving this rat hole.”
• “I’m getting married and you ain’t invited, Slappy.”
• “I saw your wife at the last Christmas party. If you weren’t rich, there’s no way in hell you’d be able to attract a rack like that.”
• “If I didn’t work for you, I’d kick your sorry ass up and down this office.”
• “Is that a rug?”
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY a new CD of ‘songs of hope, freedom, and inspiration’ called “God Bless America” hits stores, featuring Celine Dion’s rendition of the title track (a portion of proceeds go to the Twin Towers Fund) . . . TODAY the 2nd annual “Immortality Auction” takes place in London ENG, where bidders pony up cash to have their names used as characters in upcoming books by best-selling novelists like Robert Harris (“Enigma”) and Ken Follett (“Eye of the Needle”) . . . Bruce Willis says he is no longer an ‘action hero’ and will pass on any future action movies to concentrate on more serious roles (good news, “Die Hard XXXV” is off!) . . . Producers say that after “Star Trek X “ comes out NEXT YEAR, it will be at least 3 more years before they do another movie in the series (Trekkies will have to face the real ‘final frontier’ — human interaction) . . . Michael Jackson tells “TV Guide” that although he already has a few children, he would like to have as many as 10 (seems some of them keep escaping!) . . . And Nicole Kidman has topped a new online poll for the ‘Best Legs In Hollywood’, ahead of Elizabeth Hurley and Cameron Diaz (and narrowly beating out Danny DeVito).
TODAY’S DVD & VHS RELEASES:
“Star Wars: Episode I — The Phantom Menace” becomes the first of George Lucas’ “Star Wars” films in digital format, as some $4 million was lavished on this bonus-packed, double-disc DVD version . . . “Cats & Dogs”, a live action/animated family comedy that reveals the top-secret, hi-tech espionage war going on between cats and dogs which we humans are blissfully unaware of (fun diversion — many of the animals resemble the actors providing their voices) . . . “America 911″, the first video documentary about the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center, chronicles the first 24 hours of the disaster through footage of the attacks and interviews with survivors, rescue workers and witnesses (20% of sales go to American Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund) . . . And Brit-com fans will be thrilled to know you can now get the complete “Fawlty Towers” series on DVD, which John Cleese starred in from 1975-79.
HERE’S THE RUB ON SCRUBBING THE TUB:
According to a poll for “American Demographics” magazine, bathroom cleanliness is so important to 26% of adults that they clean the tub after every use. Seniors are the most likely to be that fastidious, with almost half of those 65-plus saying they clean the tub after every single usage. At the other extreme, 8% of us clean the tub less than once a month — or not at all! (Getting your tub cleaned is a good reason to get married – sort of an ‘engagement ring’.)
HONEST, I’M STILL AT THE OFFICE:
The ‘Travellers Joy’ pub in Essex, England has installed a special phone booth to help drinkers get off the hook when it’s time they should head home. The traditional-style red phone kiosk features a selection of digitally-recorded background noises to add credibility to even the lamest excuse. Regulars can now call home from ‘a busy railway station’, ‘a bustling office’ or ‘a noisy traffic jam’ — while the bartender pours the next round.
WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE:
According to University of California research, a moderate amount of coffee is actually good for you because it contains antioxidants that ward off aging and disease. The study shows a single cup of coffee has about the same antioxidant effect as 3 oranges. (And less cramping.)
HE’S A SOLE MAN:
You can tell your fortune by reading your feet. An Argentine ‘foot reader’ quoted in “Fitness” magazine says people with large big toes are ‘logical’, while those with a longer 2nd toe tend to be more ‘impulsive’. And if the pad beneath your toe is red, you are ‘passionate about life’. (Or maybe have some kind of gooey infection.)
WINNING SEAT:
18-year-old Paula Gillon has become the youngest person elected to a New Zealand city council. Billing herself as the ‘naked politician’, her sexy campaign posters and billboards pictured her posing in underwear, leading to stiff (stiff?) criticism from other North Shore candidates. (Hopefully [local geezer politician] will not decide to do the same!)
GETTING A GLOW ON:
British researchers have developed a plant that lights up when it is damaged or under stress. The discovery was made by a team at Leeds University while studying the DNA of the thale cress plant. They hope their work will be used by scientists to develop a new generation of plants that glow faintly when experiencing stress factors like poor light or excess heat. (Cool, I’ll be able to light my entire house with my sickly house plants!)
DID YOU KNOW?
In Alaska, it’s illegal to give an alcoholic beverage to a moose. (Wow, how lonely ARE the guys up there? And how bad off are you if you have to get the moose drunk first?)
SAUNAS MAKE YOU STUPID:
German psychologist Siegfried Lehrl says it can take the mind more than a day to recover from sweating in a sauna because human IQ is affected by dehydration. He recommends plenty of water and exercise to keep brain power at its peak. (I always thought anyone who would purposely boil their butt off in 140-degree heat was out of their mind.)
HI-TECH SELF-SERVE:
A Swedish company has invented a new gasoline pump that allows you to stay in your car while filling up your tank. The pump uses an optical sensor to automatically find the fuel tank opening and a robot arm to push the nozzle into the hole. (Man, you sure don’t want to be bending over checking your tire pressure!)
THE BULL SHEET 10.16.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1925 [76] Angela Lansbury, London ENG, movie actress (“Beauty & the Beast”)/TV actress (“Murder, She Wrote” [1984-96])/Broadway actress (5-time Tony Award winner)
1941 [60] Tim McCarver, Memphis TN, whiny-voiced MLB analyst (FOX-TV)/ex-MLB catcher
1943 [58] Fred Turner, Winnipeg MB, classic rock musician (BTO-“Takin’ Care of Business”)
1946 [55] Suzanne Somers (Mahoney), San Bruno CA, diet guru who was caught visiting a liposuction clinic/former ‘Thighmaster’ pitchwoman/TV actress (“Three’s Company” [1977-81])/married to Canadian Alan Hamel since 1977
1958 [43] Tim Robbins, West Covina CA, movie actor (“Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me”, “The Shawshank Redemption”, “Bull Durham“)/film director (“Dead Man Walking”)/Mr Susan Sarandon NEXT FILM: “The Truth About Charlie”, a remake of the 1963 classic thriller “Charade”
1962 [39] Flea (Michael Balzary), Melbourne AUS, rock guitarist (Red Hot Chili Peppers-”Californication”) who got his nickname because he shaved his head in high school
1969 [32] Juan Gonzalez, Vega Baja PR, MLB slugger (Cleveland Indians)
1972 [29] Kordell Stewart, New Orleans LA, NFL QB (Pittsburgh Steelers)
1974 [27] Paul Kariya, Vancouver BC, NHL sniper (Anaheim Mighty Ducks)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[UN] “World Food Day”
TODAY is “Dictionary Day,” celebrating the 1758 birth of Noah Webster, one of the most famous of lexicographers, who 1st published “Webster’s Dictionary” in 1828. So here’s a timely . . .
BS “DICTIONARY DAY” QUIZ:
Q: Your Australian friend has asked you to fix her ‘gurgler’. What needs repair?
a) Her toilet.
b) Her aquarium.
c) Her garborator.
A: It’s her toilet that isn’t working, mate!
(Source: “Macquarie Australian Dictionary”)
Q: At university you’re majoring in ‘Garbology’. What are you studying?
a) Greta Garbo’s film career.
b) The history of clothing and fashion.
c) Garbage.
A: You’re studying ‘material discarded by society to learn what it reveals about social and cultural patterns’. In other words — you’re garbage pickin’, Skippy!
(Source: “Webster’s College Dictionary”)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1846 [155] 1st public demonstration of ‘surgical anesthesia’ (early anesthetics included hashish, opium and alcohol)
1916 [85] 1st ‘birth control clinic’ in America is opened by Margaret Sanger in Brooklyn NY
1921 [80] 1st (and only) mid-game NFL coaching change (Rock Island Independents fire Frank Coughlin at half-time)
1955 [46] Mrs Jules Lederer writes her 1st “Ann Landers” advice column in newspapers (she’s still crankin’ ‘em out at age 83!)
1978 [23] Cardinal Karol Wojtyla of Poland gets a new job as ‘Pope John Paul II’ (even though he’s 81, he has a long way to go to surpass the oldest Pope — his name was St Agathon and he died in the year 681 at age 103!)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1968 [33] Toronto Maple Leaf Jim Dorey sets 2 NHL penalty records (48 minutes in a game, 44 minutes in a period)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Gaudy Day
[Thurs] No Beard Day
[Fri] Evaluate Your Life Day
[Sun] Babbling Day
Shopping Cart Safety Awareness Week (oh no, something else to worry about!)
National Sarcastics Month (‘cause they’re special people, aren’t they?)
BULL’S BITS . . .
PHONE STARTER:
“Which celebrity do you think gets the most sex?” (A poll in “Details” magazine picks Pam Anderson as #1. They may be right — Kid Rock has been looking exhausted lately.)
BS BRAIN BUSTER:
Q: What was the first man-made object to break the sound barrier?
A: Nope, not a bullet, not a jet plane. It was the whip! (SFX)
BS TAG LINE:
It’s not hard to meet expenses. They’re everywhere!
WELCOME:
This week these samplers are loading up on BS – Tom Johnsen @ SUN-FM Duncan BC, Aaron Worm @ KAUS Austin MN, Louise Wooten @ WAIN Columbia KY, Trish Gazall @ KPNT St Louis MO, Tony Santos @ WJKC St Croix, Virgin Islands, and Mike Peters @ CAPITAL GOLD London ENG. Remember, you can subscribe simply by clicking the link at the top of the page.
