October 25, 2000 Edition: #1918
BS TABLOID STORIES OF THE WEEK:
• “Suspected shoplifter collapses after hiding a frozen chicken under her hat!”
• “Naked accordion player arrested in laundromat!”
• “Killer land eels are here!”
• “New race of superhumans found in mountains of North Carolina!”
• “Werewolves on brink of extinction! Monster-rights group vows to preserve species!”
• “Giant cod swallows fisherman’s head!”
• “Dolphins in space!”
• “Working with idiots will kill you!”
(Source: actual headlines from “Weekly World News” and “Sun”)
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Russian Deputy Prime Minister Ilya Klebanov says the ‘Mir’ space station will likely be allowed to plunge to Earth in FEBRUARY unless a financial white knight shows up to save it, but NBC-TV says it’s still plowing ahead with its planned reality series “Destination Mir” (contestants may have to learn to hold their breath) . . . Anne Heche will make a series of guest appearances on “Ally McBeal” later THIS SEASON (we wonder — will she be the love interest of ‘The Biscuit’ or ‘Ally’?) . . . The TV version of the hit CD-ROM game “You Don’t Know Jack” will be hosted by Paul Reubens, aka ‘Pee Wee Herman’ (they were going to call it ‘You Don’t Know Dick’, but were reminded that he apparently does) . . . On NOVEMBER 13, EMI Records will release a compilation of 27 Beatles chart-toppers, cleverly to be titled “1″, which is expected to be among the biggest selling albums ever).
LIVID LIZ:
Word is Britain’s Queen Elizabeth is so enraged about a picture that’s circulating of her in ‘sexy’ lingerie, she’s fired at least 5 employees. While her nibs insists it’s her head superimposed on someone else’s body, some palace insiders have reportedly confirmed that it’s a REAL photo she posed for as a gift for hubby Prince Philip 12 years ago. (A 62-year-old queen in lingerie? Sounds like Dame Edna.)
MARS ATTRACTS:
Texas billionaire Richard Hart Graives says he’s setting out to build a new version of the ‘Titanic’, a space ship to be launched in 2012 on the 100th anniversary of the ‘Titanic’s’ maiden voyage, that will purportedly transport 2,500 passengers to Mars. A 1st-class cabin will cost a whopping $500,000 and, believe it or not, the first voyage is already almost sold out.
FOSSIL FUEL:
Scientists at an independent laboratory in Los Angeles say they can’t figure out why insurance salesman Henry Galestor keeps burping — 5 months after he dropped dead. Apparently the corpse lets out a large belch every 6 or 7 minutes. Results of the study are to be published in a future issue of the journal “Science”. (Thank god they didn’t cremate the guy — it could have been disastrous!)
1-866-ALMOST-UP:
The old toll-free exchange ‘800′ was used up years ago. Its followers ‘888′ and then ‘877′ were also exhausted. So now the latest toll-free area code is ‘866′, and companies are already bidding on the NEXT one — ‘855′, expected to debut in a few months.
THE BULL SHEET 10.25.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1962 [38] Chad Smith, rock drummer (Red Hot Chili Peppers-“Californication”)
1964 [36] Michael Boatman, Chicago IL, TV actor (Carter Sebastian Heywood-“Spin City”)
1970 [30] Ed Robertson, Scarborough ON, rock singer/guitarist (Barenaked Ladies-“Pinch Me”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “St Crispin’s Day”, the patron saint of shoemakers and leather workers. (Not ‘St Nike’?)
TODAY is “Cartoonists Against Crime Day”. (“Drop it, or I’ll draw your caricature!”)
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1993 [07] Jean Chretien’s Liberals sweep to power, virtually wiping out PC party in general election
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1955 [45] 1st home ‘microwave oven’ is introduced by Tappan (engineer Percy Spencer discovered microwave cooking 10 years earlier when he came too close to a magnetron tube and a chocolate bar in his pocket began to melt)
1982 [18] Canada’s national holiday officially changed from “Dominion Day” to “Canada Day”
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Cranky Co-Workers Day
[Fri] International Telework Day
[Sat] Plush Animal Lover’s Day
World Rainforest Week
International Fired Up Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
HOT HALLOWEEN COSTUMES 5 YEARS AGO (1995):
• ‘Batman’ and ‘The Riddler’ for boys.
• ‘Barbie’ and ‘Pocahontas’ for girls.
• Lucien Bouchard and Jacques Parizeau masks.
BS BRAIN BUSTER:
What 11-letter word is pronounced incorrectly by more than 99% of university graduates? [ANSWER: ‘Incorrectly’]
BS HALLOWEEN QUIZ:
• What did ‘Charlie Brown’s’ friend ’Linus’ wait for every Halloween? [‘The Great Pumpkin’]
• Under what category does a pumpkin fall — fruit, vegetable, or weapon? [Fruit]
• In Mexico, what is Halloween called — ‘Night of the Spirits’, ‘The Day of the Dead’, or ‘Night of the Scary Enchilada’? [The Day of the Dead]
• Who was the serial killer in the movie “Halloween”. [‘Michael Myers’]
• If you suffer from samhainophobia (sow’-an-o-foh-bee-uh), what do you fear? [Halloween]
• What Christian holiday is celebrated the day after Halloween? [All Saints Day]
• Halloween originated from a festival celebrated by what ancient European tribe — the Celts, the Druids, or the Groins? [Celts]
• At what camp did the first “Friday the 13th” movie take place? [Camp Crystal Lake]
• Who sang the hit song “Ghostbusters”? [Ray Parker Jr]
BS TAG LINE: Women fall in love through their ears and men through their eyes.