October 20, 2000 Edition: #1915
GOOD THINGS ABOUT AN ALL NYC WORLD SERIES:
• If a ball gets hit out of the ballpark and breaks a car window, hey it’s just another busted car window.
• Plenty of spit for spitballs.
• Constant gunfire will keep fans from dozing off.
• By saving on travel time, series could be over in time for Christmas.
• Yankee Stadium has that breathtaking view of the Bronx.
• Interesting graffiti-covered baseball bats.
• Survey shows most ball fans would rather get shot at on subway than freeway.
• Obnoxious Mets fans will pummel the crap out of obnoxious Yankees fans – and vice versa.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT Jennifer Lopez will receive the ‘Versace Award’ at the “2000 VH1/Vogue Fashion Awards” (presumably for having the balls to wear that next-to-nothing Versace ‘dress’ at February’s “Grammy Awards”) . . . An 11-day Sotheby’s online auction begins TODAY of “Lone Ranger” memorabilia collected by late actor Clayton Moore who played the ‘masked man’ back in the ‘50s (he died in December — the greedy relatives are cleaning out his closets) . . . An Internet firm has filed suit against Britney Spears and her marketing company for not paying for the redesign of her Website (http://britneyspears.com) that’s now racking up 700,000-plus hits per month (the Web designer says pay up — or you can’t ‘hit me baby one more time’) . . . British tabloids are saying Toni Braxton missed the UK’s recent “MOBO Music Awards” because one of her breast implants blew out (goes to show, you should always carry a spare).
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
In the drama “Pay It Forward”, Haley Joel Osment (“The Sixth Sense”) encourages people to pay back favors in advance, including his high school teacher Kevin Spacey and his drunken mom Helen Hunt (rumor has it Spacey and Hunt became an item on the set) . . . In the comedy “Bedazzled”, Brendan Fraser plays a suicidal techno geek who sells his soul for 7 wishes from a very seductive Satan played by Elizabeth Hurley (you know — the ‘scab’ actress) . . . Spike Lee’s controversial “Bamboozled”, a biting satire of the TV industry, starring Damon Wayans as an Ivy League-educated black writer at a major network . . . “The Legend Of Drunken Master” stars Jackie Chan as Chinese folk legend Wong Fei Hung, master of a style of fighting called ‘Drunken Boxing’ (sounds like Saturday night at [local bar]).
CIRCLE OF SAGS:
According to the medical journal “Plastic & Reconstructive Surgery” (got that one on your coffee table?), faces age in a clockwise direction. The first part of the face to sag is the right eye, then the right side of the jaw, and so on in a circular motion. (No wonder my right jowl’s been scraping the sidewalk.)
NO MORE PINK UNDERWEAR:
German engineers have developed a washing machine that automatically sorts laundry. By reading a water and heat-proof microchip sewn into clothing, it separates whites from colors and determines the best cycle suitable for each load. (Soon guys aren’t gonna have an excuse.)
THE BULL SHEET 10.20.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1935 [65] Jerry Orbach, Bronx NY, TV actor (Detective Lennie Briscoe-“Law & Order”) NOTE: He’s also a Broadway song & dance man, winning a Tony Award for “Promises, Promises”
1950 [50] Tom Petty, Gainesville FL, classic rock singer (“Free Falling”, “I Won’t Back Down”)
1964 [36] Jim Sonefeld, Columbia SC, rock musician (Hootie & the Blowfish-“Let Her Cry”)
1971 [29] Snoop Dogg (Calvin Broadus), Long Beach CA, rap artist (“Tha Last Meal”, “Doggystyle”)
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [51] Mike Keenan, NHL TV analyst/ex-NHL coach/GM (Vancouver, St Louis, NYR)
1956 [44] Carrie Fisher, Beverly Hills CA, movie actress (Princess Leia-“Star Wars”)/author (“Postcards from the Edge”) who now makes a living as a ‘script doctor’
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
It’s another Hallmark moment – SUNDAY is “Mother-In-Law’s Day”, honoring their good humor and patience in being made the brunt of a multitude of jokes, like . . .
• What are the two worst things about your mother-in-law? (Her faces.)
• The car salesman asked if I wanted an airbag. I said, “No thanks, I already have a mother-in-law.”
• Coincidence? When you rearrange the letters in ‘mother-in-law’ you get ‘woman Hitler’.
ONE YEAR AGO . . .
1999 Elizabeth Dole abandons bid to be USA’s first female President (too bad – Bob would have made such a lovely First Lady)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1818 [182] 49th parallel established as western Canada-US border
1865 [135] Ottawa becomes capital of Canada
1962 [38] Halloween classic “The Monster Mash” by Bobby ‘Boris’ Picket and the Crypt Kickers 1st tops pop charts (it’s done it several times since)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1993 [07] Toronto and Philadelphia set records for longest (4:14) and highest-scoring (29) World Series game (Blue Jays finally win 15-14)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] World Series begins
[Sun] National Nut Day
Getting the World to Beat a Path to Your Door Week (they’re too creative to call it ‘Marketing Week’)
Family Sexuality Education Month (“Son, we’ve got to have a talk . . .”)
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “What frightens you the most?” According to a new poll by Discovery Health Channel, snakes top the list (25%), followed by a fear of being buried alive (22%), heights (17%), being bound or tied up (15% [9% kinda like it]), and drowning (14%).
• “What offensive problem does a co-worker have that drives you nuts?”
Q: Approximately how many Elvis impersonators are there in the world?
A: According to the October issue of “Gear” magazine, an estimated 35,000!
BS TAG LINE: “I watch a lot of baseball on the radio.” – Gerald Ford, 1978
