Wednesday, November 2, 2016 – Edition: #5842

Sheet for Brains!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Amy Schumer has purchased a 5-bedroom, $12.1-million NYC penthouse. The 35-year-old comedian/actress is said to have snapped up the property on the Upper West Side after the price was slashed by over $6 million from a staggering $18.9 million. Amy’s new abode occupies 2 floors and the glass walls give amazing views of the Hudson River and New Jersey.
– Bang Showbiz
★ “Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs” is the latest Disney animated classic getting a live-action remake. Erin Cressida Wilson (who recently adapted “The Girl On the Train”) is in negotiations to write the script. The new version will expand on the story and music from the 1937 animated movie, Disney’s first-ever animated feature film.
– EW.com
★ Paris Hilton is a major mogul whose time is worth serious money … at least, according to a website auctioning off meetings with the most successful and influential business people. Paris joins the ranks of famous biz people like Mark Cuban, Russell Simmons, Richard Branson, and Steve Ballmer in selling her valuable time through Charitybuzz. Aspiring entrepreneurs can bid on a power lunch with Hilton, followed by a design meeting in either NYC or L.A.
– TMZ.com
★ And production is underway in NYC on the much-anticipated spin-off of “The Good Wife”, which is set to debut in February. The series, written by “Good Wife” creators Robert & Michelle King, finally has a title … “The Good Fight”. The cast includes Christine Baranski, Paul Guilfoyle, and Bernadette Peters. After premiering with a special airing on CBS-TV, “The Good Fight” moves to CBS All Access.
– “Entertainment Weekly”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “CMA Awards” (ABC/CityTV) – Brad Paisley & Carrie Underwood re-team for the 9th time to host the 50th annual honors at Bridgestone Arena in Nashville TN. Dolly Parton receives the ‘Willie Nelson Lifetime Achievement Award”; Kenny Chesney gets the ‘Pinnacle Award’; Carrie Underwood, Chris Stapleton, Garth Brooks, Keith Urban, and Luke Bryan are nominated for ‘Entertainer Of the Year’.
NET: http://www.cmaworld.com/cma-awards
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Hunter Hayes debuts his new single “Yesterday’s Song” via hologram from Nashville TN; Justin Moore (“Kinda Don’t Care”); Willie Nelson (“Willie Nelson & Friends”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Getter (“Wat the Frick”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV) – Gallant (“Holding Back with SG Lewis”).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Aaron Lewis (“Sinner”).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – New Kids On the Block’s Donnie Wahlberg.
• “The Real” (syndicated) – Xzibit (“The Murder Show”).
• “The Story of Cats” (PBS) – Airing as part of the “Nature” series, this 2-part documentary examines the history of lions, tigers, and all kinds of other cats. Part 2 airs next week.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Erykah Badu (“But You Caint Use My Phone”).
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Jeezy (“Trap or Die 3”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Adele – She’s hinting she may never tour again. The 28-year-old, who has 4-year-old son Angelo with partner Simon Konecki, admits she’d be ”fine” pulling the plug on touring if it began to interfere with her personal life.
• Mariah Carey – Her divorce from Nick Cannon has apparently been finalized. TMZ says she gets to keep what she earned during their marriage, and he keeps what he earned. They’ve also agreed on joint custody of their 5-year-old twins.
• Taylor Swift – A source tells “New York Post” that she and Drake have been spending time in a studio collaborating on new music together. Taylor is also said to be working on her follow-up album to “1989” but it’s unclear if these 2 projects are related.
• The Weeknd – He’s been confirmed as the new face of H&M. The 26-year-old singer-songwriter (real name Abel Tesfaye) is set to feature in the clothing chain’s upcoming ‘H&M Spring Icons Selected by The Weeknd’ ad campaign, which launches next March.

MAKING AN ASH OF YOURSELF:
People who reject the idea of a traditional burial can have their cremated remains interred in an hourglass, pressed into a vinyl record, even made into diamonds. And now they can also opt for their ashes to be transformed into … a coffee mug. Chronicle Cremation Designs in Santa Fe NM promises to transform your loved one’s ashes into ceramic design objects for your home. Customers supply the ashes (about a cup, or 100 grams) via a collection kit, and in turn, CCD mixes them into a glaze to cover pottery. Options include bowls, candle holders, necklace pendants, and vases. And yes, the ceramics are functional: once fired in the kiln, they are safe for eating or drinking purposes. (At last, a coffee mug no one will borrow!)
NET: https://cremationdesigns.com
– Vocativ.com

BS CUTTING-EDGE VOCAB:
New terms entering the lingo …
• ‘Ghost Driver’ – A scam in the UK whereby a driver uses a frightening profile photo on a taxi app to encourage the passenger to cancel the ride, and thereby pay a cancellation fee.
• ‘Midult’ – A term being used to describe a new tribe of women aged 35-to-55. It’s said to be more than just a demographic; it’s also a movement and a mindset.
• ‘Teledildonics’ – Hi-tech new sex toys that are controlled via wi-fi or Bluetooth.

YIPPEE!
Science just made milk chocolate healthy like dark chocolate. The virtues of noshing on dark chocolate have long been extolled, but now scientists at North Carolina State University have managed to infuse milk chocolate with a powder made of phenolic compounds from peanut skins, substances that boast antioxidant abilities and fend off cell damage from cancer, heart disease, and other conditions. A subsequent taste test has found most people given regular milk chocolate and the peanut-skin-altered version like both samples more or less equally. The process could help reduce waste as peanut skins are currently nothing more than leftovers after peanuts undergo the blanching process. (One problem … all those people with peanut allergies. “We’re sorry, no chocolate is allowed on the airplane either.”)
– ScienceBlog.com

LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 97% of women say they are unaffected by minor hair loss on a man.
• 35% of us eat salad at least once a week.
• 34% of women are turned off by men who brag about their money.
• 26% of married couples met on a blind date.
• 23% of contact wearers lose a lens at least once a year.
• 4% of drivers admit to reading a book while behind the wheel.

BLAME IT ON THE DST:
The precise root cause of seasonal depression has eluded scientists for years. Now researchers think they’ve found the answer: Daylight Saving Time. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) affects around 1.6 billion people across the globe. Its symptoms mirror those of generalized depression; what differentiates SAD is the timing of its onset, which coincides with Winter’s shorter days and long, dark nights. We know that sunlight, or the absence of it, has a powerful effect on our bodies but scientists haven’t connected darkness and SAD … until now. The new study shows that in the month immediately following the changing of clocks, there’s an 8% rise in depression diagnoses. (Is Daylight Saving Time just a waste of time? Why do we need it anyway?)
– MentalFloss.com

DID YOU KNOW?
The standard rate for videogame voice actors is $825.50 for a 4-hour recording session.
– “Vice”

BS CHRONOMETER 11.02.16

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1957 [59] Carter Beauford, Charlottesville VA, rock drummer (Dave Matthews Band-“American Baby”, “Where Are You Going”)

1961 [55] kd (Katherine Dawn) lang, Consort AB, pop singer (“Constant Craving”, “Crying”)

1966 [50] David Schwimmer, Astoria NY, movie actor (“Madagascar” films)/TV actor (“The People v OJ Simpson” 2016, Friends” 1994-2004)

1969 [47] Reginald ‘Fieldy’ Arvizu, Bakersfield CA, rock bassist (Korn-“Hold On”, Did My Time”)

1974 [42] Nelly (Cornell Haynes Jr), Austin TX, rapper (“Grillz”, w/Janet Jackson-“Call On Me”)

1975 [41] Chris Walla, Bothell WA, rock guitarist (Death Cab For Cutie-“I Will Possess Your Heart”, “Soul Meets Body”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “All Souls’ Day”, the excuse for an annual “Kite Festival” in Santiago, Guatemala, where locals send massive, extremely colorful kites up to the heavens in an effort to communicate with the dead. In Mexico, it’s the 2nd day of the “Day Of the Dead” (‘El Dia de los Muertos’) celebration.

• “Deviled Egg Day”, saluting the dish that entails hard-boiled eggs cut in half and filled with the egg’s yolk mixed with mayonnaise and mustard.

• “Eating Healthy Day”, observed on the 1st Wednesday of November to encourage us to be mindful of making healthful selections when preparing meals or eating out.

• “Plan Your Epitaph Day”, dedicated to the proposition that a forgettable gravestone is a fate worse than death.
A FEW ACTUAL EPITAPHS:
– “Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid but died an old Mann.”
– “She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her.”
– “Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me for not rising.”
– “Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake; stepped on the gas instead of the brake.”
– “Sir John Strange. Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange.”
– “Here lies an atheist; all dressed up, and no place to go.”
– “I told you I was sick!”

• “Take Our Kids to Work Day”, when more than 200,000 Canadian students spend the day at the workplace of a parent, relative, or friend. Initiated by The Learning Partnership.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/oxslysk

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2003 [13] Cult fave “Arrested Development” premieres on FOX-TV

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2006 [10] Justin Timberlake hosts the MTV Europe Music Awards, where he also wins ‘Best Male Artist’ and ‘Best Pop Artist’ (Gnarls Barkley wins ‘Best Song’ for “Crazy”)

2015 [01] Adele hits #1 on the singles chart with “Hello”, lead track from her third album, “25” (first song to sell more than 1 million digital copies in a single week)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
2000 [16] International Space Station becomes permanently staffed

2012 [04] NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg announces cancellation of the NYC Marathon due to devastation caused by Hurricane Sandy

2013 [03] In Wisconsin, 2 planes carrying 9 skydivers collide in midair but amazingly there are zero casualties as the skydivers use parachutes to steer clear of debris and the pilots survive with minor injuries

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2000 [16] Then-world’s oldest person, Eva Morris, dies at age 114

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Cliché Day
[Thurs] Men Make Dinner Day
[Fri] “Doctor Strange”; “Hacksaw Ridge”; “Trolls” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Use Your Common Sense Day
[Sat] Love Your Red Hair Day
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time ends
[Sun] MTV Europe Music Awards (Rotterdam, Netherlands)
This Week Is … Drowsy Driving Prevention Week
This Month Is … Toilet Tank Repair Month

BULL’S BITS

BS SIGNS YOUR PARTNER PLANS TO NAME YOUR BABY SOMETHING UNCONVENTIONAL:
• You catch her talking to the spice rack and saying things like, “Put all of your toys away, Cardamom” and then smiling to herself.
• In lieu of baby name books, she’s started highlighting products in the IKEA catalogue.
• You’ve seen her touch her belly and mouth pharmaceutical names while TV commercials for acid reflux and arthritis treatments are on. ‘Mylanta’ … ‘Maalox’ …
• There’s a book in the bathroom titled “18th Century Jobs” with pages folded down at ‘Besswarden’, ‘Cloistress’, ‘Delver’, and ‘Yeoman’.
• She asks every person at the dog park what their dog’s name is. You don’t have a dog.
• Her recent Google search history includes, “Can you use umlauts in English?”
• She’s done extensive research on eye color probability and learned how to say blue in 32 languages.
• There’s a notepad on the coffee table that she only uses when a new “Game of Thrones” character is introduced. ‘Sansa’ is circled.
• Every day your laptop fonts seem to be changed. From ‘Arial’ to ‘Cambria’, to ‘Corbel’, ‘Helvetica’, ‘Palatino’ …
• You live in Hollywood.
– Adapted from McSweeneys.net

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I just finished another 12-step program … and I still can’t dance.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever done for your partner? (Laundered undies? Emptied a mousetrap? Cleaned up their puke?)

BS PHRASE UTTERED BY DONALD TRUMP OR CLASSIC CHEESY POP SONG?
Which are which?
• “Bad Medicine” [Pop Song]
• “Bad Experience” [Trump]
• “Lies, Lies, Lies” [Pop Song]
• “I’m Your Puppet” [Pop Song]
• “You’re the Puppet!” [Trump]
• “Nasty Girl” [Pop Song]
• “Nasty Woman” [Trump]
• “Illegal Alien” [Pop Song]
• “Get Down On It” [Pop Song]
• “Shoulda Gotten It” [Trump]
• “Rock Your Baby” [Pop Song]
• “Rip the Baby” [Trump]
• “It’s My Turn” [Pop Song]
• “Excuse Me, My Turn” [Trump]
• “We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off (To Have a Good Time)” [Pop Song]
• “I Will Tell You At the Time (I’ll Keep You In Suspense)” [Trump]
– Thanks to Walter Carson

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: The average person has THIS 3.9 times per month.
Answer: Pizza.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.