Wednesday, September 15, 2021 — Edition: #7067
Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!
BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
The Bull Sheet will not be publishing tomorrow, Thursday September 16, or Friday September 17 to allow staff to enjoy a final summer vacation period. All subscribers will receive credit for the non-service days. Following this edition, the Bull Sheet will return for Monday September 20. All subscribers will receive account credits for the non-service days.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Prince Andrew reportedly wants to say “I do again” and remarry his ex-wife Sarah Ferguson – but first he’ll have to survive a royal sex-abuse scandal. The two apparently rekindled their old love during the pandemic and have even been living together, according to sources. Andrew has been relieved of his royal duties as he faces a sex-assault lawsuit from Virginia Roberts Giuffre, who claims she was forced into sex with the prince 3 times – beginning when she was 17. Fergie has continued to defend Andrew in the face of the accusations, which Andrew denies. They were married in 1986 and divorced 10 years later.
★ Alex Trebek’s mark on “Jeopardy!” will never be forgotten. Nearly a year after he passed away after a battle with pancreatic cancer, a tribute to the late host has been unveiled at its studio. On Monday, the official Jeopardy Instagram account showcased a brief video showing his wife Jean and kids Matthew, Emily, and Nicky standing alongside a plaque that reads, “The Alex Trebek Stage.” Jeopardy announcer Johnny Gilbert explained that they recently dedicated the stage to Trebek and that it will forever be known as such. The announcement also included a caption noting: “And now for the first time from the Alex Trebek Stage, let’s play Jeopardy!”
★ “Cops” has found a new home on Fox streaming service Fox Nation. The 33rd season of the show will begin on Oct. 1 with the first 4 episodes, with new episodes every Friday. The show was canceled by Paramount last year in the wake of the police murder of George Floyd and the associated protests and national reckoning over police brutality and systemic racism. Cops quietly began filming again last fall, though episodes filmed at that time were not expected to air in the US and were actually shot to meet contractual obligations.
★ Netflix’s “The Queen’s Gambit” dominated the Creative Arts Emmys last weekend with 9 awards. The Cold War-era series about orphan chess prodigy ‘Beth’ was honored for casting, cinematography, period costumes, editing, period makeup, original dramatic score, production design, sound editing, and sound mixing. We’ll have to wait and see if that translates to “The Queen’s Gambit” winning Outstanding Limited Series at the 73rd Primetime Emmy Awards this Sunday.
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Bill Maher, Hannah Waddingham, Carly Pearce
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Ben Platt, JoJo Siwa
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Jessica Chastain, Stephen Sondheim
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): B.J. Novak, Nessa Barrett, José Medeles
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Cedric the Entertainer, Gillian Anderson
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Lisa Rinna, Sarah Paulson
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Reese Witherspoon, Tarana Burke
• “The Talk” (CBS): Angela Bassett
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Diane Lane, Jake Cohen
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Tiffany Haddish, Charli, Dixie, Heidi & Marc D’Amelio, Imagine Dragons
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Tim Gunn, Connie Britton, Maury Povich, Connie Chung
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Cameron Diaz
• “Press Your Luck” (ABC): Season 3 finale
• “The $100,000 Pyramid” (ABC): Season 5 finale
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC): Season 16 finale
• “Masterchef” (FOX): Season 18 finale
• “Counting Cars” (HISTORY): Season 10 premiere. Rock Legend Alice Cooper left his prized Avanti in The Count’s hands.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Drake – In today’s Drizzy news, he is boasting one of the most dominant weeks in the 63-year history of the Billboard Hot 100, becoming the first artist to claim 9 of the top 10 spots. He also owns the entire top 5, a feat previously achieved only by The Beatles in 1964. In all, Drake has 21 songs on the Hot 100, all from his new album “Certified Lover Boy”, including ‘Way 2 Sexy’, ft. Future and Young Thug at #1.
• The Weeknd — has teamed up with Swedish House Mafia. On Insta, he shared 2 audio snippets from a reported upcoming song, and tagged the dance trio. The Weeknd recently revealed his next studio album – his fifth – should be ready for release by the end of the month.
• Britney Spears – Her engagement to Sam Asghari has many concerned fans urging her to “sign a prenup” — and her future husband has responded. Asghari wrote on Monday: “Of course we’re getting [an] iron-clad prenup to protect my Jeep and shoe collection in case she dumps me one day.”
• James Blunt – will host a new TV show about home brewing. Blunt, who is so passionate about beer he bought his own pub in 2017, will present the Amazon Prime program, which will see teams of home brewers battling it out to be crowned champions. He calls it his “dream job”.
• Aerosmith — Guitarist Joe Perry has put his home in Duxbury, MA on the market for $4.5 million. The 14-room, 7-acre country gated estate includes a Gibson guitar-shaped pool, rooftop garden, 3-stall barn, high-tech media room, 3 fireplaces, a gym and a billiards room. It also features a basement studio, which has been used to record parts of a few Aerosmith albums, and 3 Perry solo albums.
• Duran Duran – Former guitarist Andy Taylor has recorded a new album with Reef. Taylor toured with the ‘Naked’ hitmakers over the summer and the band were delighted to also work with him in the studio. Bassist Jack Bessant said: “It’s exciting. “Andy is perhaps more of a Slash or Angus Young in style.”
• Ozzy Osbourne — has released a new version of “Hellraiser” featuring the late Lemmy Kilmister of Motörhead. It arrives 30 years after the original song was released on Osbourne’s 1991 LP “No More Tears”. An expanded digital version of the album will be released on Sept. 17.
• Jason Aldean — shared on social media that he had a special guest show up at his recent tour stop in Arkansas – Pitbull! Aldean posted a pic that he took with Mr. Worldwide, and wrote: “Big thanks to Arkansas for showing up and to my man Pitbull for coming and hanging out after the show. Who knows? Maybe a future collaboration”.
• Ashley Monroe — Nearly 2 months after revealing her cancer diagnosis, the Pistol Annies member has given an update. She says she is faring well and remaining optimistic after 2 cycles of chemotherapy, but says her rare type of blood cancer is “for life”.
• Terri Clark and Erin Enderlin – have teamed up on the new tune ‘If There Weren’t So Many Damn Songs’. Enderlin says of Clark: “she’s a big influence of mine and I’m proud to call her a friend.” The song appears on Enderlin’s “Barroom Mirrors”, a 6-song EP out Oct. 15.
• Dolly Parton — won her first Emmy Award on Sunday night. She picked up the honor as an executive producer of “Dolly Parton’s Christmas on the Square”, a Netflix Original Film that won Emmys for Outstanding Television Movie and Outstanding Choreography for Scripted Programming.
SHOOTING THE BULL
GETTING YOURSELF ALL ‘WORKED UP’:
Disconnecting from work after a long day is an important way of relieving stress. But what about ‘reconnecting’ to work? That may be just as important, at least from a success standpoint. Researchers from Portland State University found that heading into work each day with the right mindset is key to having a productive day, especially for managers and those in leadership roles. What does reconnecting to work involve, exactly? Usually, it consists of reminding oneself of that day’s agenda and goals, and considering any possible situations or problems you might encounter before the end of the day. It can be done during breakfast, during your commute, or even in the parking lot before heading into the office. The researchers found that on days managers were able to reconnect before starting work, they reported a better mood, improved focus, and more success throughout the day – and not only that, by adopting this routine, it helps employees set the tone for the rest of their day and achieve greater work results.
(If I started thinking of all the problems I might encounter before the end of the day, I’d probably never show up in the first place!)
(Of course, there WILL be a reconnection fee…)
SCARY MOVIE SPOOKTACULAR:
How would you like to watch horror films – and get paid for it? A finance company is going to fork over $1,300 to someone to watch 13 scary movies in October, to find out whether the size of a movie’s budget impacts its effectiveness. FinanceBuzz says it is looking to hire someone to be a “Horror Movie Heart Rate Analyst”. The person will watch 13 of the scariest movies ever made while monitoring their heart rate using Fitbit. What movies are on the bill? The Horror Movie Heart Rate Analyst is required to watch the following films between October 9-18: “Saw”, “Amityville Horror”, “A Quiet Place”, “A Quiet Place Part 2’, “Candyman”, “Insidious”, “The Blair Witch Project”, “Sinister”, “Get Out”, “The Purge”, “Halloween (2018)”, “Paranormal Activity” and “Annabelle”. To apply, you need to fill out a form online by Sept. 26 and tell the company why you’re the best person for the job. FinanceBuzz will pick a winner by October 1. LINK: https://financebuzz.com/get-paid-to-watch-scary-movies
(Fine. And who pays for the therapy afterward?)
(Scary movie or not, when I’m watching, they should be monitoring my salt intake, not my heart rate!)
(Turns out when I said you couldn’t pay me to watch “Get Out”? Yeah, I was lying…)
➢ Scientists are speculating that penguins may be aliens after traces of a chemical from Venus were found in their droppings. Experts from Imperial College in London are struggling to explain how phosphine exists on Earth – 38 million miles away from Venus. Last year, traces of the chemical were found in layers of gas surrounding Venus, which has a similar atmosphere to Earth. The researchers say studying penguins could help them identify the types of organisms that exist on other worlds. (Or maybe penguins HUNT aliens. Ever think of that?)
➢ It turns out cows can be potty trained as easily as toddlers. Maybe easier. Scientists at New Zealand’s University of Auckland put them to the test and found that 11 out of 16 cows learned to use the “MooLoo” when they had to go. Just like some parents, the researchers used a sweet treat to coax the cows to push through a gate and urinate in a special pen. Why? Urine contains nitrogen, and when mixed with feces becomes ammonia, which is an environmental issue with acid rain and other problems, the scientists say. It took only 15 days to train the young calves. The senior author of the study, Lindsay Matthews, said: “The cows are at least as good as children, age 2 to 4 years, at least as quick.” (No bull – literally!)
-TimesNews, TheWeek, AP
ESSENTIAL LIFE ADVICE FROM SENIORS:
☞ Think of hard times like bad weather — they too will pass.
☞ Draw inspiration from all the people you meet.
☞ Love your work — for the salary and for the people.
☞ Find mentors who can guide you and challenge you.
☞ Make the most of less.
(It’s maybe not quite as inspirational, but my Grandad just told me that the best thing about having to wear a mask is that he can go out without putting his teeth in…)
Dormitory = Dirty room
Astronomy = Moon starer
The eyes = They see
The Morse code = Here come dots
Slot machines = Cash lost in me
Election results = Lies let’s recount
Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one
Snooze Alarms = Alas no more Zs
Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler
DID YOU KNOW?
Men who mumble are a turn-on for women. Yup. Scientists with the American Institute of Physics say males who speak less clearly tend to be more attractive to the opposite sex because women see it as a sign of masculinity. Conversely, men find precise pronunciation alluring because it signifies femininity.
BS CHRONOMETER 09.15.21
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946  Oliver Stone, NYC, movie director-producer-screenwriter with 3 Academy Awards (“Platoon”, “Born On the Fourth of July”, “Midnight Express”)
1946  Tommy Lee Jones, San Saba TX, movie actor (“Men in Black” movies, “No Country For Old Men”, Academy Award-“The Fugitive”)
1961  Dan Marino, Pittsburgh PA, retired NFL player (legendary Miami Dolphins QB, 9X Pro Bowl, Pro Football Hall of Fame, 2005)/NFL analyst (“The NFL Today on CBS” 2002-13)
1977  Tom Hardy, London UK, movie actor (“The Dark Knight Rises”, “Mad Max”) COMING UP…“Venom: Let There Be Carnage”, 2021
1978  Zach Filkins, Colorado Springs CO, pop-rock guitarist (OneRepublic-‘Counting Stars’, ‘Love Runs Out’)
1981  Ben Schwartz, The Bronx NY, TV actor (‘Jean-Ralphio Saperstein’ on “Parks and Recreation” 2010-15)
1984  Prince Harry (Henry Charles Albert David Windsor of Wales), London UK, British royal (Duke of Sussex)/Prince Charles & Princess Diana’s #2 son who’s currently 6th in line to the throne after his father, his elder brother, and his niece and nephews
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Google.com Day”, Google was founded on September 4th 1998, however, it was registered as a domain on this day in 1997, 24 years ago. (Who says “Google.com”?)
• “Greenpeace Day”, honoring the 1971 founding of the internationally renowned environmental organization. A group of 17 activists initially formed in Vancouver BC to protest offshore nuclear testing in Alaska.
• “International Day of Democracy”, a UN observance since 2007 encouraging the freely-expressed will of people to determine their own political, economic, social, and cultural systems.
• “Care Givers Day”, recognizing the selfless people who do the chores for the sick and elderly that the rest of us can’t be bothered with. (How come one of the most important occupations is one of the poorest paying?)
• “International Dot Day”, to encourage people of all ages to harness their creativity. The inspiration is the children’s book “The Dot” by Peter H. Reynolds. It tells the tale of a teacher who challenges a pupil to take courage in her abilities, and from a dot on a page the youngster goes on to make her mark.
• “Collect Rocks Day”, a celebration of the hobby of gem & mineral collecting. (If you have young boys, you probably collect rocks…in the dryer!)
• “Guacamole Day”, honoring the avocado, tomato & onion treat that resembles baby poop.
Avocado Fun Facts:
⇒ Avocados are a fruit, not a vegetable.
⇒ Avocados mature on the tree, but only ripen once they are picked.
⇒ Although the plant dates as far back as 5,000 BC, prior to 1915, it was commonly referred to
in California as ‘ahuacate’ and in Florida as ‘alligator pear’.
⇒ On average, 53.5 million pounds of guacamole are eaten every Super Bowl Sunday, enough to cover a football field more than 20 feet thick.
• “Independence Day” in Mexico (“El Grito de Independencia”), celebrating the declaration of independence from Spain in 1810. Fiesta!
• “Stepfamily Day, It’s estimated that 1-in-3 of us is in a stepfamily at some point. It’s now more common to refer to these as ‘blended’ families. (The story of Cinderella ruined the term ‘step-anything’ for everyone!)
• “International Day for Preservation of the Ozone Layer”, as first declared by the UN in 1994.
• “Working Parents Day”. Isn’t parenting work in itself?
• “National Play-Doh Day”, before it found its way to the craft shelf, Play-Doh was sold as wallpaper cleaner!
• “International Country Music Day”, established in the 1950s to promote country music and to unite its fans all over the world.
• “Apple Dumpling Day”, celebrating the tasty Fall treat that consists of pastry filled with sweet, delicious apples. (Don’t forget the ice cream!)
• “American Citizenship Day” (aka “US Constitution Day” and “I Am an American Day”), focusing on the rights & responsibilities of American citizens. It commemorates this date in 1787 when the US Constitution was signed in Philadelphia, the oldest working constitution in the world.
• “Monte Cristo Day”, It’s typically a savory sandwich made with bread dipped in egg batter and either pan fried or deep fried. Variations include sliced turkey and different types of cheese. It can be served grilled or open-faced and heated under a grill or broiler.
• “Time’s Up Day”, a day to let you know that if you’ve been waiting to make up with someone close to you, you’ve officially run out of time, and it’s time to make amends. Life’s too short to be on bad terms with those who should be close to you. (Not to be confused with #TimesUp, or with “Make Up Day”, which was on Sept. 10…)
• “World Patient Safety Day”, to raise awareness about the importance of addressing health worker safety as a prerequisite to patient safety.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1954  The famous photo of Marilyn Monroe, laughing as her skirt is blown up by the blast from a subway vent, is shot during the filming of “The Seven Year Itch” (it infuriates her husband, Joe DiMaggio, and they divorce shortly afterward)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1994  The earliest known recording of John Lennon, a performance by the Quarrymen at a St. Peter’s parish garden party in 1957 Liverpool, fetches $125,000 at a Sotheby’s auction
2004  Johnny Ramone, lead guitarist of The Ramones, dies of prostate cancer at 55
2019  The Cars frontman Ric Ocasek dies at 75
TODAY IN SPORTS . . .
2004  National Hockey League commissioner Gary Bettman announces a lockout of the players union and cessation of operations by the NHL head office
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2008  NYC-based financial services firm Lehman Bros files the largest bankruptcy in US history, eventually contributing to a global financial meltdown and recession
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ Believing you’ve slept well, even if you haven’t, improves performance.
✓ That ‘old person smell’ is actually caused by a chemical, called 2-nonenal, that older people secrete through their skin.
✓ It takes approximately 12 hours for food to entirely digest.
✓ If your last name is closer to the end of the alphabet, you’re more likely to be an impulse spender.
✓ About 40% of the ants in a colony are “lazy” and spend most of their time just sitting around.
✓ ABBA is the only palindromic musical act to have a palindromic hit (‘SOS’) in a palindromic genre (Pop).
Best of BS . . .
BS KINDS OF RICH I’D LIKE TO BE:
$ “We always get the same breed of dog” rich
$ “My wife is a lawyer-who-doesn’t-practice” rich
$ “Our summer home has a name” rich
$ “All of the family cars are interchangeable” rich
$ “My kids have to argue very hard to quit fencing” rich
$ “Significant others of only a few months are invited on vacation” rich
$ “The au pair sticks around after all of the kids have left for college” rich
$ “I self-publish a mediocre novel in my retirement” rich
$ “When other people tell me that I’m filthy rich I can’t even deny it” rich
-McSweeney’s, first published in BS in 2017
TODAY’S SCOOP OF BS:
➠ Jennifer Lopez said in an interview that she’s not a diva. (In fact, just hearing that word sends such a shiver up her spine it takes her personal masseuse two hours to massage it out!)
➠ The highly anticipated iPhone 13 was launched yesterday. (The new model is 20% lighter, 18% thinner, and 100% smugger.)
➠ A “Harry Potter” themed cottage is available for rent in Ireland. (It’s all part of an experiment to offer-up a night’s stay at a place where zero hookups take place…)
➠ A study says drinking more than 4 cups of coffee a day is bad for your health. (It can cause heart problems, insomnia . . . and if they’re bought at Starbucks, bankruptcy.)
➠ Tom Hanks was voted the most trustworthy celebrity. (I disagree. I say it’s Miley Cyrus. Because every day, I trust her to do something stupid, and she never disappoints.)
BS WEB GOODIE:
Better than the clapper: https://tinyurl.com/26jx6893
BS RANDOM JOKE:
I just had to ask my gas tank “What did you do with the $20 I just gave you?”
BS PHONE STARTER:
What saying or expression do you find yourself repeating too often?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Women are 3 times more likely to do THIS at a movie theater. What is it?
Answer: Take their shoes off
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Be strong enough to stand alone, be yourself enough to stand apart, but be wise enough to stand together when the time comes.