Friday, September 16, 2005        Edition: #3117
Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY Courtney Love is scheduled to be sentenced for probation violations after admitting to again abusing drugs and being ordered back into rehab LAST MONTH . . . TONIGHT CBC-TV airs “25 Years Of Hope: The Legacy Of Terry Fox”, a 2-hour special featuring actor Mike Myers, former hockey star Darryl Sittler, singer Jann Arden & wheelchair marathoner Rick Hansen, then SATURDAY CTV airs a bio-film called “Terry” (see “BS Reasons to Party” for SUNDAY) . . .  Singer/actors Nick Lachey & Brandy have both signed development deals with the WB to either star in or create new TV series (please no!) . . . A 17-year-old Massachusetts boy has been sentenced to 11 months in a juvenile facility after being convicted of hacking into Paris Hilton’s cellphone & releasing her list of cele phone numbers back in FEBRUARY . . . In the now-shooting movie “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford”, the script calls for Brad Pitt to bathe himself with a washcloth while standing naked in a tub (sorry girls, you’ll have to wait until 2006) . . . Donald Trump is set to make a cameo appearance on the NBC-TV soap “Days of Our Lives” in OCTOBER to help the daytime drama celebrate its 40th anniversary . . . 5′-2″ “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul is now dating 6′-2″ male model Dante Spencer (why she’d only come up to … here!) . . . A new VH-1 poll on the “All-Time Living Hell-Raisers” is topped by Keith Richards, followed by Courtney Love & Ozzy Osbourne . . . And George Clooney’s rep says the Hollywood hunk (and perhaps future casino owner) will NOT be running for mayor of Las Vegas, despite reports to the contrary (then how ‘bout President?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Black Eyed Peas – SUNDAY they’ll help Earth, Wind & Fire perform their hit “September” to open the 57th “Emmy Awards”.
• Jennifer Lopez – She’s admitted she asks her employees to address her as ‘Mom’ … because she feels so maternal to them all. Meantime, it seems her security people knocked Heather Mill McCartney’s false leg loose after the PETA activist showed up to protest at the NYC offices of J-Lo’s fur-trimmed clothing line Sweetface.
• Keane – TONIGHT they’re on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Lonestar – TODAY they appear on ABC-TV’s daytime talk show “The View”.
• Madonna – Her new single “Hung Up” is described as ‘quite Gwen Stefani’.
• Pussycat Dolls – TODAY they do the syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Sum 41 – TOMORROW they perform on a “Saturday Night Live” rerun on NBC-TV, along with Ludacris.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Just Like Heaven” (PG-13 Romantic Comedy): A lonely architect (Mark Ruffalo) falls for a beautiful former occupant of his new apartment (Reese Witherspoon). But there’s a catch … it’s actually the ghost of the woman, who’s now on life support.
NET: http://www.justlikeheaven-themovie.com
• “Lord of War” (R-Rated Crime Thriller): Nicolas Cage plays ‘Yuri Orlov’, a global weapons dealer selling his deadly wares in Africa while being chased by an Interpol agent (Ethan Hawke) and pestered by his suspicious girlfriend (Bridget Moynahan).
NET: http://www.lordofwarthemovie.com
• “Proof” (PG-13 Drama): Gwyneth Paltrow plays the daughter of a brilliant mathematician (Anthony Hopkins) who has to come to terms with his mental illness and, eventually, his death. Helping her through the process is one of the great man’s former students (Jake Gyllenhaal). Based on a Pulitzer-winning play. Shot back in 2003, when Gwyneth was still dealing with the death of her director-dad Bruce Paltrow.
NET: http://www.miramax.com/proof
• “Venom” (R-Rated Horror Thriller): In the swamps of Louisiana, a creep named ‘Mr Jangles’, who’s possessed by 13 evil spirits, chases down a bunch of teens and kills them one-by-one. Lightweight cast includes Agnes Bruckner, Method Man & Bijou Phillips. Filmed in New Orleans & Choctaw LA.
NET: http://www.miramax.com/venom
• “Cry Wolf” (PG-13 Horror Thriller): A group of high-school kids try to scare their friends by spreading Internet rumors about a fictional serial killer known as ‘The Wolf’ … a deadly game that turns all too real. The no-name kid cast is joined by pop rocker Jon Bon Jovi.
NET: http://www.crywolfmovie.com/home.html

2005 PRIMETIME EMMY AWARDS:
SUNDAY Ellen DeGeneres returns to host the 57th edition of TV’s night of self-congratulation. A few highlights …
• “Desperate Housewives” and “Will & Grace” lead TV series nominations, each scoring 15. HBO’s TV movies “The Life & Death of Peter Sellers” and “Warm Springs” lead all shows with 16 nods apiece. HBO tops all networks with 93 nominations.
• The trimmed-down production promises to show fewer acceptance speeches on-stage. For some categories, such as writing and directing, pre-taped and edited interviews will be played.
• In a new feature called “Emmy Idol”, current & former TV stars will sing themes from classic TV series and the audience will vote on who they like best. Participants include Kristen Bell (“Veronica Mars”), William Shatner (“Boston Legal”), Megan Mullally (“Will & Grace”), Donald Trump (“The Apprentice”), and Gary Dourdan (“CSI”).
• All presenters & performers will be given magnolias, the state flower of both hurricane-hit states, Louisiana & Mississippi.

NO MORE PHONE FIBS:
Most cellphones sold in the past year have included a non-advertised feature variously called ‘Positioning’ or ‘Location’. What’s that? An embedded chip that sends off signals which can be traced using Global Positioning System (GPS) satellites. Previously, a cellphone’s movement could only be tracked with hi-tech software used by security corporations (and TV cops). But by the end of THIS YEAR, new technology will make it as easy to precisely locate cellphones as it is to send text messages. (“I don’t get it, honey. Why won’t you believe I’m still at work?”)
– “Men’s Vogue”

HERE COME HIGHER PREMIUMS:
Hurricane Katrina has already been named the world’s largest-ever insured loss, costing the 317-year-old insurance industry $2.5 billion so far. As flood waters recede in New Orleans to reveal the damage of the storm, international insurer Lloyd’s of London estimates the total cost to insurance companies will eventually approach $60 billion. (And guess who’ll be paying?)
– “Times of London”

EASY SLIMMING FOR FALL:
Simple changes to help get the scale moving in the right direction … down:
• Eat only when you hear your stomach growling, never out of boredom, nervousness or habit.
• Pare down your portions.
• Serve dinner ‘restaurant style’ (already plated) instead of ‘family style’ (bowls & platters).
• Use vegetables to bulk up meals.
• Use hot sauce, spices & Cajun seasoning instead of butter and creamy or sugary sauces.
• Eat slowly. Stop when you’re almost full.
• Close down the kitchen after dinner. Wash dishes, wipe counters, and turn out the lights.
• Brush your teeth immediately after eating as a cue to your brain that mealtime is over.
• Make at least one social event this week a physically active one.
– “Reader’s Digest”

DOING IT FOR THE KIDS:
Staying together for the sake of the children might not be such a bad idea after all. According to a Princeton University review of marriage research, children from 2-parent families are usually better off emotionally, socially and economically.
– “USA Today”

WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• An Omaha man whose neighbors filed complaints about excessive grass & weeds around his house has gotten revenge by mowing an obscenity into his overgrown lawn. Now his neighbors are upset because they don’t want their kids to see the 30-ft-wide ‘F-bomb’. A local prosecutor says, unfortunately, there’s no law against it.
• For years, Hollywood screenwriter Tom Benedek has been shooting holes in his unsold scripts with a .45-caliber handgun. He then transforms them into bronze sculptures or jumbo-size blown-up photos. Finally he can sell his scripts – they’re now up for grabs in a Santa Monica CA gallery in an art exhibition called “Shot By The Author: Works on Paper 1982-2004″.
• In his regular weekly address, Pope Benedict XVI has welcomed exorcists to Rome and disclosed that they are currently having their convention there. But exactly where and for how long is a strict secret. The Pope encourages them to ‘carry on their important work in the service of the church’. (Not to mention Hollywood.)

SAY WHAT?
Researchers fear the growing popularity of portable music players and other items that attach directly to the ear, such as cellphones, is contributing to hearing loss in younger people. Robert Novak, director of clinical education in audiology at Purdue University in Indiana says it’s a different level of use than we’ve seen in the past, ore of a full-day listening experience as opposed to just during jogging. A survey published THIS SUMMER by Australia’s National Acoustic Laboratories finds that about 25% of people using portable music players have daily noise exposure high enough to cause hearing damage. (Note to self: Invest in hearing aid futures.)
– AP

AND WE QUOTE:
“Britney Spears had a baby boy. She says she can’t wait till the baby lip-synchs its first words.”
– Jay Leno on the “Tonight Show”.

THE BULL SHEET 09.16.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1925 [80] (Riley) BB King, Itta Bena MS, blues legend (“The Thrill is Gone”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1987)

1956 [49] Mickey Rourke, Schenectady NY, movie actor (“Sin City”)

1963 [42] Richard Marx, Chicago IL, pop singer/songwriter (“Now & Forever”)

1968 [37] Marc Anthony (Marco Antonio Muniz), NYC, pop singer (“I Need to Know”)/Mr J-Lo since 2004

1981 [24] Alexis Bledel, Houston TX, TV actress (‘Rory Gilmore’ on “Gilmore Girls” since 2000)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Movie director Baz Luhrmann (“Moulin Rouge”) is 43; Rock drummer Chuck Comeau (Simple Plan) is 26.

SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Former TV/movie actor/murder suspect Robert Blake is 72; TV actor James Gandolfini (“The Sopranos”) is 44; Cycling champ Lance Armstrong (7 Tour de France wins) is 34; Movie actress Jada Pinkett Smith (Mrs Will Smith) is 34; Movie actor James Marsden (“X-Men”) is 32.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is –
• “Collect Rocks Day”, a celebration of the hobby of gem & mineral collecting.
• “Independence Day” in Mexico, celebrating the country’s independence from Spain in 1810.
• “International Day for Preservation of the Ozone Layer”, as declared by the UN.
• “National POW/MIA Recognition Day”, honoring US military who were held as prisoners of war or went missing in action.
• “Working Parents Day”. Isn’t parenting work in itself?
• “Re-enactment of Lord Nelson’s State Funeral” in London, a grandiose flotilla of vintage vessels journeying up the Thames from Greenwich with oarsmen dressed in period costume. The re-enactment celebrates England’s most beloved admiral, who defeated the French at the Battle of Trafalgar in 1805 to change the course of European history. The battle’s bicentennial is coming up OCTOBER 21st.
• “PEI International Shellfish Festival” through Sunday in Charlottetown. Events include the annual chowder cook-off, oyster-shucking & eating contests, and the $10,000 ‘Chef’s Challenge’.
NET: http://www.peishellfish.com

SATURDAY is –
• “American Citizenship Day” (aka “Constitution Day” and “I Am An American Day”) focussing on the rights and responsibilities of American citizens. The choice of SEPTEMBER 17th for this observance commemorates the date in 1787 when the US Constitution was signed in Philadelphia and celebrates the oldest working constitution in the world. Originally designed to recognize those who became American citizens during the past year, it’s now observed to honor both native-born and naturalized foreign-born citizens in the United States.

SUNDAY is –
• “Farm Aid”, the 20th annual benefit concert founded by Willie Nelson, John Mellencamp & Neil Young. This year’s event in Tinley Park IL near Chicago also features “Farm Aid” board member Dave Matthews, country star Kenny Chesney, Los Lonely Boys, Wilco, Emmylou Harris, John Mayer, Widespread Panic & folk legend Arlo Guthrie.
• “Full Moon”, the much-fabled and sung-about “Harvest Moon”. It’s also the excuse for the annual “Chinese Moon Festival”.
• “Terry Fox Run”, the 26th annual fundraiser for cancer research. In 24 years, over $360 million has been raised in his memory. Worldwide participation has reached countries such as Ireland, Russia, Kuwait, Thailand, China, and Vietnam.
NET: http://www.terryfoxrun.org
• “Women’s Friendship Day”, encouraging more interaction and communication between females in the hope of developing lasting friendships.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1979 [26] 1st ‘Rap Record’ is released (Sugar Hill Gang-“Rapper’s Delight”)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1908 [97] Flint MI businessman William Crapo Durant founds ‘General Motors’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1994 [11] ‘World’s Largest Burrito’ is made in Montebello CA, measuring 3,055-ft-long & weighing 3,960-lb

COMING UP . . .
[Sun] Play-Doh Day
[Mon] Talk Like a Pirate Day
[Tues] International Student Day
[Tues] UN International Day of Peace
[Wed] Miniature Golf Day
[Thurs] Autumn begins
This Week Is . . . Prostate Cancer Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Organic Harvest Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS ‘BEAT THE TOASTER’:
Here’s a quickie contest that takes just 60 seconds to play. Before the toaster pops in 10 seconds [SFX], name …
• 3 things you do on the weekend that you don’t do during the week.
• 3 teams that have a shot at winning the World Series.
• 3 tricks you can teach a dog.
• 3 toppings you put on an ice cream sundae.
• 3 ways to get a good workout.
• 3 famous people that are truly ‘hot’.

TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most-requested music files online …
1. Bow Wow  – “Like You”
2. Kanye West – “Gold Digger”
3. Pussycat Dolls – “Don’t Cha”
4. Mariah Carey – “Shake It Off”
5. Rihanna – “Pon De Replay”
– Big Champagne online music measurement.

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• Would you give the police more power in exchange for a lower crime rate?
• Which celeb do you think should win ‘Rear Of The Year’?
• If you could change one physical characteristic of your mate, what would it be?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Only 15% of the people who own one of THESE is single.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A pet. (“USA Weekend”)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Money can’t buy love … but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.