Wednesday, September 15, 2004        Edition: #2866
We’ve Got Our Sheet Together!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT Theresa Sokyrka of Saskatoon SK & Kalan Porter from Medicine Hat AB vie for the grand prize in the 2nd season of “Canadian Idol”, performing the future single “Awake in a Dream” as well as 2 songs of their choice (winner announced THURSDAY night during the grand finalé) . . . Canadian producer/director Ivan Reitman (“Ghostbusters”) will produce a movie version of the cult Showcase-TV comedy “Trailer Park Boys”, which will feature dope-smoking ex-convicts ‘Ricky’, ‘Bubbles’ and ‘Julian’ living among friends, family, and other trailer trash . . . Their trendy LA restaurant ‘Dolce’ was burglarized on the long weekend – twice – but that hasn’t stopped “That ’70s Show” co-stars Ashton Kutcher, Wilmer Valderrama & Danny Materson from forging ahead with their new West Hollywood eatery, ‘Geisha House’, scheduled to open in NOVEMBER with the help of celeb investors like Tori Spelling, Tara Reid & Laura Prepon . . . Mega-rich Brit show biz entrepreneur Simon Fuller, creator of “American Idol” and its UK predecessor “Pop Idol”, is suing his former collaborators including Simon Cowell, claiming their new UK talent show “The X Factor” is a total rip-off of the “Idol” concept (let’s see – it features judges, including Simon, who select wannabe stars from hundreds of contestants … sound familiar?) . . . Actor Harrison Ford has been excused from jury duty in Santa Monica CA after he informed the judge about a possible conflict of interest – the plaintiff is MGM Studio head Alex Yemenidjian, who green-lighted Harrison’s next feature film . . . Word is actor Kevin Spacey tried to hide his bald spot at the premiere of his new movie “Beyond The Sea” at the “Toronto International Film Festival” by using – spray-on hair dye . . . All the McDonald’s outlets in France are currently displaying the same poster for ‘Le Big Mac’, ‘Le Royal Cheese’ and ‘Le Menu Happy Meal’, featuring the smiling faces of – the Olsen twins (it’s not a very attractive shot – Mary-Kate has her finger down her throat).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alicia Keys – She’s canceled an OCTOBER 5th concert in Jakarta, Indonesia. Following LAST WEEK’s bomb attack on the Australian embassy there, her security team has expressed concerns for her potential safety.
• Kenny Chesney – His just-completed “Guitars, Tiki Bars and a Whole Lotta Love Tour” grossed $64 million on close to 1.2 million tickets over 7 months.
• Jessica Simpson – TONIGHT she’s on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Avril Lavigne – Just a couple weeks after Paris Hilton was spotted making out with Christina Aguilera comes a report she was spotted at a club ‘going at it’ with Avril. Hilton’s rep insists they were just dancing … not making out.
• U2 – Their much-talked-about 13th album will be titled “How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb”. Their first new material in 4 years will be out NOVEMBER 22nd in the UK, NOVEMBER 23rd elsewhere.

2004 WORLD MUSIC AWARDS:
• TONIGHT on ABC-TV, live from the Thomas & Mack Center in Las Vegas, moved from Monte Carlo for the first time. (Where they originated so Prince Albert could grope celebrity hotties.)
• Awards go to artists who sold the most albums at the international level.
• Celine Dion will be presented with the ‘Diamond Award’ in recognition of her stature as the top-selling female artist of all-time – over 175 million albums worldwide.
• Performances by Usher,  Avril Lavigne, Alicia Keys, Kanye West, Hoobastank, Marc Anthony and Josh Groban.

NEW ENGLISH 101:
• ‘Modern Jewish Rock‘ – It hasn’t yet developed the fan base of Christian Rock, but the “LA Times” says there’s a growing segment of artists in the genre including Dan Nichols & Eighteen and the Rick Recht Band.
• ‘Malware’ – Software that hijacks a browser by getting e-mail recipients to open a file infected with a virus, worm or Trojan horse. Recently, unsuspecting people have been fooled into downloading a file that purportedly contains Arnold Schwarzenegger’s suicide note.

HOME.COM:
Are you one of those people who always has a nagging feeling that you forgot to lock the door or turn the lights off after you’ve left your house? Well, now you don’t need to worry anymore as a new device will help you perform all these functions from your car, while you’re driving! The gizmo, which was unveiled at the ‘Future Life House Project’ in London recently, uses a dashboard Internet connection to link up with live Webcams in the home.
– “Sun”

SPEAK INTO THE BOOB:
Thailand artist Seepphum Srisopa has won an award at the “World of Wearable Arts“ competition in Nelson, New Zealand for a creation he claims was inspired by New Zealand’s female Prime Minister – a large bra with microphones attached to it pointing back at the wearer. NZ PM Helen Clark says the design does, in fact, resemble her appearance at news conferences.
– CNEWS

PHONEY NAMES USED BY STARS:
In order to protect their anonymity when checking into hotels, some celebs resort to some pretty wacky pseudonyms. Witness these …
• Whitney Houston … ‘Justin Case’
• Nicole Kidman … ‘Ms Sugar’
• Neil Young … ‘Bernard Shakey’
• Jude Law … ‘Mr Blancheflower’
• Lenny Kravitz … ‘Silky Jones’
• Oprah Winfrey … ‘Sophie Lee’
• Ben Affleck … ‘Jack Walsh’
• Mary J Blige … ‘Mrs Huxtable’
• Russell Crowe … ‘Russell Black’
• Michael Jackson … ‘Mr Sterling’
• Robert De Niro … ‘Bob Collins’
– “National Enquirer”

TV BUZZWORDS:
The top catchphrases from the 2003-2004 TV season, according to a new ranking by the “Global Language Monitor” …
1. ‘You’re Fired!’ (Donald Trump’s trademark line from “The Apprentice”.)
2. ‘Mess-O-Potamia’ (“The Daily Show With Jon Stewart”.)
3. ‘Girlie Men’ (California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.)
4. ‘God’ (“Joan of Arcadia” and “Angels in America”)
5. ‘Wardrobe Malfunction’ (Janet Jackson’s excuse for her Super Bowl mishap.)
Other hot TV terms – ‘The OC’ (as a place name) and ‘Extreme Makeover’ (as a function). Terms that are no longer hip include ‘fahgeddaboutit’ from “The Sopranos”, ‘voted off the island’ from “Survivor”, and ‘so‘ as in ‘so yesterday!’ or ‘so not fair!’ from “Friends”.
NET: http://www.languagemonitor.com

SCIENTISTS SAY:
A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ –
• Scientists say . . . kids have less ‘free time’ than ever. A recent University of Michigan study finds it’s decreased by 16% in a single generation, from 63 hours a week to 51. (Of course, ‘free time’ to kids is what’s left over when they’re not playing video games, talking on the phone, instant messaging …)
• Scientists say . . . love at first sight truly exists! Recent research that paired up scores of strangers has determined that most people decide what kind of relationship they want within minutes of meeting someone. (So ‘speed dating’ works!)
• Scientists say . . . women tend to like men with somewhat feminine features. (The clinical name being given to this growing sociological phenomenon is ‘lesbianism’.)
• Scientists say . . . our right and left ears process sound differently. A UCLA study of the hearing of babies finds the right ear is better at picking up speech-like sounds and the left ear is more attuned to music. (So to thoroughly appreciate this show – spin!)

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• On average we spend almost 2 days per year stuck in rush-hour traffic. Unless you’re in Los Angeles that is, where the average driver in America’s most congested city spends an annual total of 93 hours stuck in traffic!
• 53% of pet owners think that their pets would come to their rescue if they were in distress. (Makes you wonder – can hamsters do CPR?)

AND WE QUOTE:
“I get up, take a shower and wash my hair. Then I read the newspapers and watch the news on television, and slowly the hair dries. It takes about an hour. I don’t use a blow-dryer. Once I have it the way I like it – even though nobody else likes it – I spray it and it’s good for the day.”
– Donald Trump telling “Playboy” magazine how to look like a squirrel is napping on your head.

THE BULL SHEET 09.15.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [58] Oliver Stone, NYC, movie director/screenwriter (3 Oscars-“Platoon”, “Born on the Fourth of July”, “Midnight Express”)  COMING UP: The historical epic “Alexander”, starring Colin Farrell & Angelina Jolie, opening NOVEMBER 5th.

1946 [58] Tommy Lee Jones, San Saba TX, movie actor (“Men in Black 1 & 2″, Oscar-“The Fugitive”)

1961 [43] Dan Marino, Pittsburgh PA, NFL analyst (“The NFL Today” on CBS, “Inside the NFL”)/legendary former NFL QB (Miami Dolphins) who is eligible for the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 2005

1984 [20] Prince Harry (Henry Charles Albert David Windsor of Wales), London UK, Prince Charles & Princess Diana’s #2 son who’s 3rd in line to the British throne (but 1st in line at a pub or party)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Costa Rica, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua] “Independence Day” (1821)
[UK] “Battle of Britain Day” (1940)
[USA] “Hispanic Heritage Month” (through OCTOBER 15)

TODAY is “National School Psychology Day”, a day of recognition for the field of school psychology and its contribution to education. (“Alright Trevor, we CAN talk about your aptitude test results, but first you have to put the gun down.”)

TODAY is “National Care Givers Day”. Why is it that one of the most important occupations is also one of the worst paying?

TONIGHT the Jewish observance of “Rosh Hashanah” begins at sundown and continues through Friday. “Jerusalem Post” confirms that Madonna & hubby Guy Ritchie are scheduled to spend the Jewish New Year holiday at the Kabbalah Center in Tel Aviv. She’s also expected there for “Yom Kippur” or “Day Of Atonement” (SEPTEMBER 24th). The 10-day period from Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur forms the Jewish ‘High Holy Days’.

FRIDAY the “Clean Air Concert” will be held at the Cowichan Centre in Duncan BC with Neil Young, Barenaked Ladies, Randy Bachman, Tal Bachman and surprise artists. Funds gathered will help finance independent scientific assessment of the NorskeCanada Crofton mill’s emissions. Tickets were sold out a few days after they went on sale.
PHONER: 250.748.7529 (Cowichan Community Centre)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1954 [50] During filming of “The Seven Year Itch”, the famous scene is shot in which Marilyn Monroe’s skirt is blown up by an air blast from a subway vent

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1993 [11] A 13-year-old boy files a lawsuit against Michael Jackson, alleging sexual abuse and
seduction (later settled out-of-court for an estimated $20 million)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1971 [33] 12 members of Vancouver’s ‘Don’t Make a Wave Committee’ found the environmental organization ‘Greenpeace’

1983 [21] Former Montréal roommates Chris Haney & Scott Abbott launch the phenomenally successful board game “Trivial Pursuit” (they’ve since sold out to Hasbro)

1982 [22] 1st edition of “USA Today” newspaper (nicknamed ‘McPaper’) features lead story of Princess Grace dying in auto accident

COMING UP . . .
[1 week today] Autumn begins
[Thurs] Collect Rocks Day
[Thurs] Working Parents Day
[Thurs] Women’s Friendship Day
[Sat] Farm Aid 2004 (Auburn WA)
[Sun] 24th Terry Fox Run (http://www.terryfoxrun.org)
[Sun] 56th Primetime Emmy Awards
This Week Is . . . Child Injury Prevention Week
This Month Is . . . Library Card Sign-up Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
MEN ARE LIKE …
• Newborn Babies … They’re cute at first, but you get tired of picking up their crap.
• Computers … Hard to figure out and never enough memory.
• Power Tools … They make a lot of noise, but it’s hard to get them to work.
• Remote Controls … Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.
• Soap Operas … They’re fun to watch, but don’t believe everything you hear.
• Plastic Wrap … Cheap. Clingy. And very easy to see through.
• Coolers … Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
• Horoscopes … They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
• Coffee … The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night.
• Plungers … They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

4 WORDS THAT MEAN TROUBLE:
Here are a few primers, then ask listeners to call in more …
• Here comes the boss!
• This doesn’t taste right.
• Let me handle this.
• Do you smell something?
• “According to Jim’s” on!
• It’s your mother, dear.
• I’m with Revenue Canada.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 11% of women absolutely refuse to wear THESE even if it means missing out on the fun.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Bowling shoes.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
We’re all part of the human race but racing faster won’t make us more human.