Thursday, September 11, 2003        Edition: #2620
Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY Bruce Springsteen, Cher, Toby Keith, Steely Dan & Aerosmith are among touring artists who are suspending concerts and taking the day off in memory of the 9/11 terrorist attacks . . . ABC News is reporting that Jen ‘n Ben are getting married SUNDAY at the Four Seasons Biltmore Hotel in Santa Barbara CA, according to the mother of another bride getting married there the same day . . . Vancouver-born “Matrix” actress Carrie-Anne Moss has given birth to her 1st child with actor/husband Steven Roy but is refusing to reveal the sex, name, and weight of the babe or even the day it was born (take note celebs – if you want privacy, shut up!) . . . Poor magician David Blaine just can’t get any respect for his scheduled 44-day fast in a glass coffin suspended over the Thames River – Londoners have now been caught flashing laser pointers in his eyes & taunting him on loud-hailers (it’s turning into a Monty Python bit) . . . Word is Jay-Z bought girlfriend Beyonce Knowles an entire new wardrobe for her 22nd birthday, then had her show some of it off at a surprise party . . . According to “The Source” magazine, 50 Cent’s criminal record is far less intimidating than he lets on, entailing just 7 months in a boot camp – for ‘non-violent offenders’ . . . 56-year-old rocker David Bowie says he turned down the chance to play a bad guy in a ‘James Bond’ movie and record the theme song . . . Anything to dump the bubble gum image – on her as-yet-untitled new album coming NOVEMBER 17th, Britney Spears has reportedly recorded collaborations with P Diddy, Moby & R Kelly.

UPCOMING MOVIES:
Janet Jackson will play famous torch singer/actress Lena Horne in an ABC-TV biopic NEXT YEAR in which she’ll sing songs Horne made famous, such as the classic “Stormy Weather” . . . Boy George is looking for a young look-alike to portray him in an autobiographical movie based on his stage musical “Taboo” (so far, the leading candidate is Tori Spelling) . . . French movie hunk Vincent Cassel, who’s married to movie stunner Monica Belucci, will team up with George Clooney, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt & Julia Roberts in the sequel “Ocean’s Twelve”, set to film early NEXT YEAR . . . Jane Fonda has landed her first movie role in 13 years, playing Jennifer Lopez’s mother-in-law in the upcoming romantic comedy “Monster-In-Law” . . . Roman Polanski is re-teaming with “The Pianist” screenwriter Ronald Harwood for “Olive Twist”, an adaptation of Charles Dickens’ classic novel set to shoot in Europe NEXT SUMMER . . . Meantime, Oscar-winning “Pianist” actor Adrien Brody will next star in “The Jacket” as a psychiatric hospital patient who believes he can travel through time to search for his first true love, played by rising star Keira Knightley (“Pirates of the Caribbean“, “Bend It Like Beckham”).

LOOK, A MASTERPIECE ON THE ROAD!
Marion Waldo McChesney of Vermont is an artist with a weird specialty – she turns roadkill into impressionist works! She first got the idea 15 years ago when she found a dead but uncrushed frog and proceeded to incorporate it into one of her pieces of pottery. She then started collecting other spooky specimens including petrified seahorses, starfish, lizards, geckos & chopped-off birds feet. For roadkill to work well in clay, she says it has to be flat, dry and recognizable. (Safety tip – always wear a face mask when molding skunks.)

CAT WOMAN:
Surgeons in Van, Turkey have removed a giant hairball from the stomach of a 17-year-old girl, the remnant of a childhood eating habit thought to be linked to psychological problems. She has lived with the 2-kg (4.4-lb) ball in her belly for the last 15 years.

SO MUCH FOR BURQA BARBIE:
Saudi Arabia’s ‘Committee for the Propagation of Virtue & Prevention of Vice’ has banned ‘Barbie’! The country’s morality police say the ban is due to the doll’s revealing clothes and shameful postures, and accessories that are ‘a symbol of decadence in the perverted West’. (She should fit right in there, she’s already missing important body parts.)

SMART APPLIANCES:
Nigel Linge of the UK’s Center for Networking Telecommunications Research says that within 6 months, police in Manchester will monitor a test of new technology that uses microchips imbedded in household appliances to identify their location. TVs, DVDs and PCs will then be able to alert police via mobile phone if their location changes unexpectedly – like if they were stolen, for instance. (“I have your toaster on the phone, ma’am. He says to do what the kidnappers say or they’re going to overheat his coils.”)

MORE FLASH MOB MOMENTS:
‘Flash Mobs’ have become a hot new form of amateur performance art in which large groups meet at a predetermined place, perform a specific function, then disperse as quickly as they showed up. A few recent flash events …
• Auckland, New Zealand – 200 participants stood in front of a Burger King and mooed.
• Belfast, Northern Ireland – Flashmobbers put balloons under their shirts and stood in front of a donut shop chanting “Mmmm, donuts” like ‘Homer Simpson’.
• Berlin, Germany – Hundreds showed up in front of the US embassy where they drank champagne while toasting ‘Natasha’ for 5 minutes, then quickly ran away.

HOW TO WI-FI:
Wi-Fi (Wireless Fidelity) allows you to surf the ‘Net without being connected by a cord. It also allows more than one household member to be online at the same time. The wireless Internet signal normally radiates in a circle about 150 feet wide, but the closer you sit to the hub, the better the connection. The technology is becoming so rampant that you can now log on in many schools, fast-food restaurants and coffee houses. What you need to Wi-Fi at home –
• The latest operating system. If yours is more than 3-years-old, forget it.
• A wireless transmitter. A small base station that connects to the Internet via cable or DSL modem. There are 2 kinds: ‘routers’ and ‘access points’.
• A wireless PC card or adapter for each computer. You’ll need one of these to pick up the signal from the hub transmitter. If you bought a laptop in the past 18 months, it probably already has one built in.
Source: Condensed from “Money Magazine”.

BS AMAZING FACT:
1 of every 4 dogs and cats in the Western world is now obese and needs to diet, according to the National Research Council. Here’s a quick way to check – if you can’t feel your pet’s ribs, it’s probably overweight. (Time for a studio experiment!)

THE BULL SHEET 09.11.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [63] Brian DePalma, Newark NJ, movie director (“Mission Impossible”, The Untouchables”)

1965 [38] Moby (Richard Melville Hall), NYC, techno/rock musician/producer (“South Side”, “Play”)  NOTE: His nickname is derived from his great-great granduncle Herman Melville, author of “Moby Dick”.

1967 [36] Harry Connick Jr, New Orleans LA, jazz/pop singer (Grammys-“When Harry Met Sally”, “We Are in Love”)/movie actor (“Hope Floats”, “Independence Day”)/TV actor (Dr Leo Markus-“Will & Grace”)

1977 [26] Jonny Buckland, Mold WALES, rock guitarist (Coldplay-“Clocks”, “In My Place”) FACTOID: Coldplay is participating in a campaign called ‘Make Trade Fair’ to give poor countries better access to global trade. THIS WEEK Buckland & lead singer Chris Martin presented a petition with more than 3 million signatures to a meeting of the 146 World Trade Organization countries in Cancun, Mexico.

1977 [26] Ludacris (Christopher Bridges), Champaign IL, rapper (Chingy f/Snoop Dogg & Ludacris-“Holidae In”, f/Shawnna-“Stand Up”, w/Missy Elliott-“Gossip Folks”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Tricky Handshake Day”. (Remember they only count if you spit on your hand first!)

TODAY is “No News is Good News Day”, whose proponents claim if you don’t listen, read or watch any news for the day, you’ll feel better. (An annual observance from the ‘Head in the Sand Association’.)

TODAY is “Honey, I Want to Start My Own Business Day”. (Tomorrow is “Get a Grip, Dreamer! We Got a Wack of Bills to Pay Day”.)

Happy birthday ‘Bazooka Joe’! The patch-eyed star of the comic that wraps every piece of Bazooka bubble gum is turning 50 years-old.
NET: http://www.topps.com/Confectionery/Bazooka

2 YEARS AGO . . .
2001 [02] At 8:46am EDT terrorists begin attack on NYC’s World Trade Center using hijacked commercial airliners

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1875 [128] 1st newspaper ‘comic strip’ (“Professor Tigwissel’s Burglar Alarm” appears in “NY Daily”)

1935 [68] 1st ‘demolition derby’, at Yonkers Raceway NY (now we call it ‘morning commute’)

1946 [57] 1st ‘car-to-car phone conversation’ (1st idiot driver weaves all over the road)

1966 [37] “W5” premieres on CTV

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Video Games Day
[Sat] Michael Jackson’s Neverland ‘Open House’
[Sun] 2003 Terry Fox Run (http://www.terryfoxrun.org)
[Sun] “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” 10th Anniversary Show
[Sun] Pregnant Women’s Day
[Sun] Pet Memorial Day
[Mon] Madonna’s releases kids’ book “The English Roses”
This Week Is . . . International Children’s Week
This Month Is . . . Rub a Bald Head Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
COLLECTIVE THINKING:
Collective noun time! You know, a ‘murder of crows’, etc. Give a listener or studio guest the following nouns and see how creative they get. [Our suggestions in parenthesis].
• [A screech of] schoolgirls.
• [An outbreak of] teenagers.
• [A gasp of] smokers.
• [A denial of] politicians.
• [A A of] alcoholics.
• [A nap of] civil servants.
• [An ejaculation of] pornographers.
• [An extortion of] plumbers.
• [A conviction of] priests.
• [An importance of] program directors.
• [A poop of] dogs.

HE’S GOT GAME:
Frank Beres spent years behind a radio mike before becoming Promotions Manager of game company Patch Products. He’s used the experience to turn some of the company’s top board games (‘Malarky’, ‘Mad Gab’, ‘Blurt!’, ‘Buzzword’) into audience-building contests for radio. You get a complete package of clues, ideas on how to play the game on-air, and free product to give away. Arrange packages through the Canadian distributor …
PHONE: 905.206.0083 (RP Toys, Mississauga ON)
E.MAIL: jhumphries@rptoys.ca (Jacquelyn Humphries)

PHONE: 800.524.4263 or 608.362.6896 Patch Products, Beloit WI)
E-MAIL: frankb@patchproducts.com (Frank Beres) or jeffs@patchproducts.com (Jeff Softley)

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “The NFL is considering adding several games to its schedule. Is that a good idea?”
• “Does the recording industry’s lawsuits against individual song swappers make you less likely to download illegal music or more likely to boycott CD sales?” (A NYC woman whose 12-year-old daughter was among the 261 people sued MONDAY has already reached an out-of-court settlement with the RIAA for $2,000. The daughter’s ‘crime’ – illegally offering over a thousand copyrighted music tracks stored on the family PC using Kazaa.)

TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most requested music files online …
1. 50 Cent – “PIMP”
2. Chingy – “Right Thurr”
3. Black Eyed Peas – “Where Is The Love?”
4. The Ataris – “Boys Of Summer”
5. Bow Wow – “Let’s Get Down”
Source: “Big Champagne”

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Benifer’s wedding is apparently not going to be taped, because no one wants to see Jen ‘n Ben on the screen together ever again.
• When I was a child I was kidnapped. My parents snapped into action … and quickly rented out my room.
• I have fond memories of high school. I’ll always remember that time my woodworking teacher Mr Shaky gave me a ‘high three’.
• If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Of the men who do THIS, the majority say they do it when their wives aren’t looking.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Read women’s magazines.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Act as if what you do makes a difference and it does.