Friday, September 27, 2002        Edition: #2387
Another Sheetload of Fun!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TOMORROW a stretch of State Highway 19 near Nutbush, Tennessee will be designated ‘Tina Turner Highway’, honoring the 62-year-old retired rock star and hometown girl-made-good (the road is mentioned in her 1973 song “Nutbush City Limits”) . . . SUNDAY a charity hockey game in Boston will pit the Dennis Leary Hollywood All-Stars (including Tim Robbins & Rick Moranis) coached by actress Liz Hurley & Aerosmith singer Steve Tyler against NHL Oldtimers coached by former “Cheers” actor George Wendt . . . Remy Shand leads nominations for SUNDAY’S “Prairie Music Awards” in Winnipeg with 5, just ahead of Nickelback’s 4 nods (Nickelback started in Alberta even though they’re now based in Vancouver) . . . Word has it Nicolas Cage invited a voodoo priestess to cast a spell on his bride Lisa Marie Presley during their Hawaiian wedding vows in AUGUST in an attempt to make his 3rd marriage last . . . Buzz is things will get a little steamy when Jennifer Lopez does a guest appearance on “Sex And The City”, playing a woman who first seduces ‘Samantha’ then steals her boyfriend (J-Lo and Kim Cattrall apparently share a kiss and a bedroom romp) . . . At the Paris premiere of “Minority Report”, Tom Cruise showed up minus his braces showing off his now-perfect chompers and a new ‘do with blond highlights . . . “American Idol” winner Kelly Clarkson’s debut single “A Moment Like This” has made the biggest single-week leap to #1 in the history of “Billboard’s” ‘Hot 100′ chart, jumping from 52-1 in one week . . . And Shakira has decided to call her first world tour “Tour Of The Mongoose” because, quote – “It’s an animal that can defeat a venomous snake with just one bite, it is like the personification of a utopia, a living miracle” (apparently she still has a few weeks to go before she graduates from her ESL program).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
Reese Witherspoon plays a country gal who leaves her bumpkin husband for NYC where she reinvents herself as a socialite in the romantic comedy “Sweet Home Alabama” . . . The shot-in-Toronto action comedy “The Tuxedo” stars Jackie Chan as a chauffeur who finds himself caught up in the world of espionage when he slips into an experimental new tuxedo, loaded with high-tech gadgets (a martial arts version of “Inspector Gadget”) . . . In the drama “Moonlight Mile”, Jake Gyllenhaal portrays a grieving boyfriend who moves in with his late girlfriend’s parents, played by Dustin Hoffman & Susan Sarandon . . . And in limited release, the romantic comedy “Just a Kiss”, a story about a group of 30-something New Yorkers struggling with love affairs who get the chance to turn back the clock for ‘do-overs’ (what’s most interesting about this film is it uses ‘rotomation’, a technique in which live images are painted over to create a visually stunning animated look).

AND IT HAS ARMRESTS, TOO:
Finnish phone giant Nokia has unveiled a ‘next-generation’ mobile phone that includes a full-color screen, built-in camera, and capability to exchange multimedia files while the user is talking on the handset. Accompanying software will allow users to view and edit their own audio, video and picture files on their PCs.

THANKS FOR ALL THE HELP:
Guess what? All the new technology that’s supposed to make work easier – doesn’t. 25 years ago, futurists predicted that, by now, technology would bolster productivity to the point where we’d all be working half-days, 3 days a week. In fact, the exact opposite has occurred. StatsCan figures show the average number of hours has steadily risen and 1 in 4 Canadians now works more than 50 hours a week. How can this be? Today’s instant communication (e-mail, mobile phone, SMS) has led to the expectation of instant action. A project that might have evolved over several weeks 20 years ago is now expected to be completed right away. (Don’t you always get a laugh over somebody acting oh-so-important when their cell phone rings in public? Hey, loser – you aren’t cool, you’re shackled to your office!)

LOOKING FOR LUNGS:
“Playboy” magazine is planning a ‘Women of Radio’ pictorial for a future edition and is currently looking for DJs, traffic reporters, newscasters and interns willing to take it all off for fame and fortune. The mag last did a ‘Girls of Radio’ feature in 1995.
PHONER: 312-373-2758 (Chicago)

HI-TECH TOYS:
UK sex shop chain ‘Ann Summers’ is recalling 150,000 of its ‘Rampant Rabbit’ vibrators due to safety fears. Seems a woman was fortunate to escape injury when a latex covering on one of the 7-inch vibrators split open and ‘sensual beads’ that rattle up and down inside fell out. The ‘Rampant Rabbit’ also features a pair of attachments shaped like bunny ears to enhance pleasure. (Well, seems things have really moved along since the old ‘unicorn’ days.)

WE DON’T NEED THESE – WE HAVE SIBLINGS!
Advocacy group Australians Against Child Abuse is protesting a new line of dolls on sale Down Under called ‘Stretch Screamers’. The $30-dolls, designed for kids 5-plus, come in 4 different versions – ‘Mummy’, ‘Wolfman’, ‘Frankenstein’ and ‘Ghoul’ – all of which scream loudly when pulled by the arms or legs. And for even more fun, their brains and eyes pop out of their heads when they’re strangled! The group claims the dolls could encourage violence in children. (Gee, ya think?)

PASSWORD POLLS:
How did you pick your computer password? A VISA poll finds that 67% of passwords are easy-to-guess names or numbers. According to a new report by CentralNic, when it comes to choosing passwords, computer users can be divided into 4 main groups –
• 48% of those surveyed fall into the ‘family category’, choosing names, nicknames or birthdays of those special to them. About a quarter use their OWN name or nickname.
• 32% fall into the ‘fan category’, picking movie, sports or cartoon stars for their password.
• 11% are ‘fantasists’, using STUD, SEXY or similar spicy names they’ll likely never be called.
• The smallest group are the ‘cryptics’. Typically the most computer literate, these are security conscious individuals who pick obscure passwords that mix letters, numbers and punctuation in an attempt to confuse and confound.

HOLY COW:
Cambodians by the hundreds are flocking to see a big brown cow whose lick is believed to cure rheumatism and other illnesses. Ailing pilgrims have been bringing incense, candles, flowers and water as gifts. The cow laps up the water then proceeds to lick the prostrate patients. The cow’s owner, a 59-year-old local teacher named Thun Nao, says the bovine healing powers were first revealed when he was having problems walking. After the cow rubbed against his leg, he was miraculously cured! (Cow Slobber as a cure-all? I’d rather go back to Cod Liver Oil!)

CANADIAN SNAPSHOT:
New figures from Statistics Canada show that the number of babies born in Canada in 2000 hit the lowest level since 1946, driving the country’s fertility rate to a record low. It was the 10th consecutive annual decline in births. However, Canada’s population hit 31,414,000 as of July 1 THIS YEAR, up by 303,400 or 1% from a year earlier. (What this all tells us – give up trying to make a buck babysitting and take up teaching English as a Second Language.)

FOR THE RECORD:
THIS WEEK 600 students and teachers at Montague Elementary School in Santa Clara CA clasped hands in what organizers hope will be verified as the ‘world’s largest handshake’. To give it added significance, everyone shouted in unison: “The choices we make together can change the world! I choose peace!” (Yeah, that’ll do it.)

THE BULL SHEET 09.27.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [59] Randy Bachman, Winnipeg MB, classic rock musician (Guess Who-“American Woman”, BTO-“Takin’ Care of Business”)/Tal Bachman’s pop  FACTOID: The Guess Who will be presented with a Governor General’s Performing Arts Award NOVEMBER 1ST for their ‘outstanding contribution to the arts in Canada’

1951 [51] Meat Loaf (Marvin Lee Aday), Dallas TX, classic rock singer (“Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad”, “Paradise by the Dashboard Lights”)/movie actor (“Fight Club”, “Rocky Horror Picture Show”)

1964 [38] Stephan Jenkins, Oakland CA, rock singer (Third Eye Blind-“Jumper”, ”I Want You”)

1984 [18] Avril Lavigne, Napanee ON, pop singer (“Sk8ter Boi”, “Complicated”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1964 [38] Janeane Garofalo, Newton NJ, film actress (“Dogma”, “The Truth About Cats & Dogs”)/ex-TV actress (“Ben Stiller Show”, “Larry Sanders Show”, “Saturday Night Live”)

1967 [35] Mira Sorvino, Tenafly NJ, movie actress (“Romy & Michele’s High School Reunion”, Oscar-“Mighty Aphrodite”)

1972 [30] Gwyneth Paltrow, LA CA, movie actress (“Austin Powers in Goldmember”, “The Royal Tenenbaums”, Oscar-“Shakespeare in Love”)  UP NEXT: The romantic comedy “A View from the Top”, coming JANUARY 24

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “World Tourism Day” as declared by the UN’s World Tourism Organization. The theme for this year’s observance is ‘Ecotourism: The Key to Sustainable Development’ in keeping with the UN designation of 2002 as the “International Year of Ecotourism”. (You still fork out 2-grand for a vacation, but you sleep in a tent and slap mosquitoes.)

TODAY is “Ancestor Appreciation Day”, a day to learn about and appreciate one’s forebears. (A good day to visit Uncle Bob and see how the old will’s coming along.)

TODAY-Sunday, the 27th annual “James Dean Festival” in his hometown of Fairmount IN will attract some 25,000 fans from around-the-world despite the fact he only made 3 major movies (“Giant”, “East of Eden”, “Rebel Without a Cause”) and died 47 years ago in 1955.
PHONER: 765-948-4555 (Fairmount Historical Museum)
NET: http://www.jamesdean.com/fans/festival/index.html

TODAY is “Native American Day”, observed on the 4th Friday each September. According to the US Bureau of the Census, the number of Indigenous people in America is increasing, and there is a renewed interest in learning American Indian languages.

TOMORROW is “Ask a Stupid Question Day”, created by some unknown keener who decided that ‘asking a stupid question is better than repairing a stupid mistake’.

SUNDAY is “Michaelmas”, the feast day of St Michael the Archangel, the patron saint of exorcists. It’s also known as “Goose Day” in some places, thanks to the old English proverb which says, “If you eat goose on Michaelmas Day, you will never want money all the year round.”

SATURDAY the new “Museum of Sex” in NYC finally has its grand opening with the debut exhibition ‘NYC Sex: How New York City Transformed Sex in America’. The adults-only museum has been 4 years in conception, so to speak. You’re pretty much guaranteed to get ‘screwed’ – admission is a whopping $17 a person!
PHONER: 212-308-5991
NET: http://nycsex.museumofsex.com

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1950 [52] 1st ‘telephone answering machine’ (no one’s reached a live voice since)

1954 [48] “The Tonight Show” debuts on NBC-TV, with 1st host Steve Allen

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1881 [121] Baseball record ‘smallest crowd’ (an intimate gathering of 12 people show up to watch Chicago Cubs)

1998 [04] Mark McGwire of St Louis Cardinals sets MLB record with 70th home run of the season (a mark that lasts just 3 seasons until Barry Bonds surpasses it with 73)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] Family Health & Fitness Day
[Sat] National Hunting & Fishing Day
[Sun] Pumpkin Day
[Tues] Rolling Stones release 40-track, 2-CD greatest hits compilation “Forty Licks”
This Week is – Hooray for Imperfection Week / Roller Skating Week
This Month is – Adult Literacy Month / Beach Clean-Up Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
WHAT YOUR COCKTAIL SAYS ABOUT YOU:
• Martini – You probably have a few bucks to spare and don’t mind living it up when you go out. You display a sophisticated edge but only if you order it straight up, with olives, or a twist of lemon. Ordering it ‘dirty’ – with olive juice – is oh-so-passe don’t you know.
• Cosmopolitan – made popular by TV’s “Sex and the City”, it says you’re sophisticated and fun at the same time. You like going out for a good time, but you’re also a class act.
• Beer With a Shot of Tequila – You’re tough and independent, down-to-earth and ready for any adventure. You will be well respected if you have the attitude to pull it off.
• Margarita – Signals to others that you’re feeling sexy and you came to party. You’re a cheerful person who probably has friends in every walk of life.
• Long Island Iced Tea –You’re someone who might be a little shy about getting out there and meeting people. This is the drink for you because you’ll lose all those inhibitions, but just be careful you drink with a trusted pal who can serve as the DD.
• Flavored Vodka or Rum with Soda – You’re able to get out and have a good time and enjoy the nightlife, but you’re also a mystery. You’re an enigma and probably have a lot of admirers.
Sources: Edited and re-worked from articles in “Expulsion” magazine and Oxygen.com.

BS TRIVIAL PURSUIT:
• What province is home to Spexel Inc which manufactures all the paper used in Canadian currency? [Québec]
• What’s the online acronym ‘FTP’ short for? [‘File Transfer Protocol’]
• What’s Canada’s northernmost city? [Yellowknife]
• Who delivered his final newscast for CTV in April, 1984? [Harvey Kirck]
• What sports league set an all-time low for primetime TV ratings on a major network with a game in 2001? [The XFL]
• What was mined in Canada for the first time in 1998, in the Northwest Territories. [Diamonds]
• Whose 1999 retirement was the subject of a Ken Danby painting titled “The Great Farewell”? [Wayne Gretzky]
• How many homers did Mark McGwire blast in his final 11 at-bats in 1998, the year he hit 70? [5]
• Which star of the 1987 movie “Dragnet” studied criminal sociology at Carleton University in Ottawa? [Dan Aykroyd]
• What dead ringer for ‘Dr Evil’ was fired as general manager of the Blue Jays the last week of the 2001 season? [Gord Ash]
• Which one of the “X-Men” was ordered by Marvel Comics’ chief editor to quit smoking in 2001? [‘Wolverine’]
• What do sufferers of chronic ‘colestites’ go without for years at a time? [Sleep]
• Which Asian country is home to ‘K-2′, the world’s 2nd-highest peak? [Pakistan]
• Which malady inspires the most online searches – allergies, erectile dysfunction, or hemorrhoids? [Allergies]
• Who topped the first-ever “Forbes” list of ‘Richest Deceased Celebrities’ in 2001? Elvis Presley]
Source for all: “Trivial Pursuit: 20th Anniversary Edition [Canadian Version]”

WEB GOODIE:
Former US Air Force intelligence specialist Dan Sherman has begun an online pool on when the US will invade Iraq. You pay $2 and if you’re closest to picking the exact date and time the bombs begin dropping – you win the entire pot, which so far is sitting at around $350.
NET: http://www.thetimeanddate.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Actors do it the most, but you’ll probably spend 2 whole weeks of your life doing this.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Kissing.

BS PHONE STARTER:
“What’s your absolute favorite home activity?” (In a new Harris poll just 15% pick ‘watching TV’, down from 25% in 1995 – when the Web was young.)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Diplomacy is the art of giving others your way.