Friday, September 7, 2001 Edition: #2127
Bull Roar!
Kellogg’s has just acquired rights to make breakfast products based on Disney characters, so here’s a look at some . . .
BS SUGGESTED DISNEY CEREALS:
• “Snow White’s Seven Trix”
• “Winnie the Pooh’s Crunchy Logs”
• “Milk ‘n Mouse in a Bowl”
• “Kellogg’s Sneezy Lumps”
• “Piglet’s Bits o’ Bacon”
• “Goofy’s Nuts”
• “Jimminy’s Crispy Crickets”
• “Peter Pan’s Fruit ‘n Fairies”
• “The Little Mermaid’s Lucky Charms”
• “Chunks o’ Chip & Dale”
• “Grumpy-Os”
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY 16 new so-called ‘Category One’ digital TV channels, which cable and satellite companies must carry, are unleashed on Canadian viewers (along with dozens of other optional channels), among them ‘MTV’ (only with CANCON) and the 24-hour horror channel ‘Scream’ (at least this time the new channels aren’t forced on us — you’ll need either a digital top box or a satellite dish to receive them) . . . TODAY Naked News.com, the Canadian Website with anchors in the buff (all the nudes that fit) comes to Viewer’s Choice with a pay-per-view weekly newsmag called “Naked News TV” . . . Why no Mariah Carey on “20/20″ NEXT WEEK? Word is she has checked into an LA hospital for more psychiatric treatment (damn, I just wanted to hear Barbara Walters say ‘Mariah Carey’) . . . Macy Gray, whose new album “The Id” is out SEPTEMBER 17, says “I saw the last Mariah Carey video, and I’d like to punch her” (now there’s an instance where I’d actually consider pay-per-view) . . . Tom Cruise is reportedly learning Spanish in order to win over the disapproving parents of girlfriend Penelope Cruz (he’s having trouble mastering ‘yo es macho’) . . . The million-dollar shack outside Geneva, Switzerland owned by Fergie, Duchess of York just burned down (now it’s a big ash, too) . . . FOX-TV parent News Corp and AOL-Time Warner are about to set up TV channels in China in return for airing a Chinese government channel in the US (what’ll be a hit show in China — “Just Shoot Me”?) . . . Reports say the few friends OJ Simpson has left fear that he’s now ‘crazy as a bedbug’ (must be the strain of trying to find the real killers) . . . Aaliyah’s self-titled album has hit #1 in “Billboard” mag (wow, talk about a promotional stunt!) . . . And VH1 is looking for fans to film their own music video to Michael Jackson’s new single “You Rock My World”, with winners getting a trip to Neverland Ranch (but only if they’re under 12).
HE’S BAAAAACK:
TONIGHT and MONDAY night Michael Jackson is spending untold millions in an attempt to resuscitate his flagging career. Some highlights of “Michael Jackson: 30th Anniversary Celebration, the Solo Years” at NYC’s Madison Square Garden . . .
• He hasn’t performed a concert in the US in over a decade.
• While some tickets have sold for $2500, tickets to the public range from $45 to $500 each.
• CBS will later air a 2-hour primetime special with footage from both concerts.
• He’ll reunite with his brothers for the first time since 1984’s “Victory” tour to sing a medley of their hits.
• Also expected to pay tribute – Whitney Houston, Usher, Ray Charles, Quincy Jones, Luther Vandross, Missy Elliott, Ricky Martin, Marc Anthony, Shaggy, Liza Minnelli, Destiny’s Child, Nelly Furtado, and (huh?) Marlon Brando, who’ll obviously do anything for a buck. ‘N Sync has apparently backed out due to a ‘scheduling conflict’ (translated: Michael needs them more than they need him).
• Britney Spears’ appearance has been cancelled at the last minute because her big-money deal with HBO prevents her from appearing on CBS-TV (she found out during rehearsals and both she and Mikey reportedly broke down in tears).
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
Mark Wahlberg & Jennifer Aniston star in the comedy “Rock Star”, about the lead singer of a tribute band who becomes the lead singer of the real band he idolizes . . . A co-ed gets caught between the world of the living and dead after surviving a car wreck in the no-name horror thriller “Soul Survivors” . . . Vivica A Fox illustrates the ways to get a boyfriend to stop cheating in the romantic comedy “Two Can Play That Game” (she talks directly to the audience in this film, what’s known as speaking to the ‘4th wall’) . . . Catherine Deneuve plays the French queen and Stephen Rea is ‘Cardinal Richelieu’ in the action drama “The Musketeer”, the latest tale of swashbucklers in 18th century France.
HAL THE NEUROSURGEON:
Britain’s Armstrong Healthcare has developed the first intelligent robot designed to carry out image-guided brain surgery. (The robot will not only allow for more precise operations, it also gives the surgeon a chance to nip out and play a few holes during the operation.)
THINTEL:
Scientists have invented a new computer chip called the ‘nanotubule’ that is 100,000 times thinner than human hair. (In fact, it was made by the same machine that slices the roast beef at [local supermarket].)
BUTTHEAD:
Plastic surgeons in the Russian city of Krasnodar have performed an operation to restore a man’s nose which was bitten off by a dog. The new nostril was made with a piece of the patient’s buttocks. (Bum nose? Maybe that explains Michael Jackson.)
BIG BB GUN:
A group of researchers say they’ve designed a giant air gun that would use compressed air to launch satellites in space. (And here on Earth the device could provide a great way to make sure the neighbor’s cat never, ever, ever poops in your garden again.)
HOPE FOR THE HOMELY:
Researchers say that ugly individuals continue to survive because their offspring may be healthier. Using guppy fish, the scientists found that while most females mated with attractive males, some mated with uglier ones, possibly because they smelled that their immune systems were stronger. (Or it may just be that the females were approaching 35 and getting desperate.)
FOR THE RECORD:
The “Guinness Book of World Records” has confirmed what may be the world’s most annoying new record — 254 people allowing their mobile phones to ring in unison. The stunt in London’s Leicester [LES-ter] Square was organized by Virgin Mobile to mark the launch its new ring tones. (The previous record for simultaneous cell phones ringing was set by the 94 other freakin’ people in the theater while I was trying to watch “Jeepers Creepers” last weekend.)
THE BULL SHEET 09.07.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [56] Jacques Lemaire, LaSalle PQ, NHL head coach (first coach of expansion team Minnesota Wild/1995 Stanley Cup champion New Jersey Devils)/Hall of Fame NHL player (Montréal Canadiens)
1951 [50] Julie Kavner, LA CA, TV actress (voice of Marge Simpson-“The Simpsons”, since 1989)
1969 [32] Angie Everhart, Akron OH, sometime actress/model/professional tramp most notable for who she’s slept with, a long list that’s rumored to include Kevin Costner, Jack Nicholson, Prince Albert of Monaco, Sylvester Stallone (Benji, the St Louis Rams, Pope John Paul II . . .)
1973 [28] Shannon Elizabeth, Houston TX, movie actress (“American Pie 1 & 2″, “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back”, “Scary Movie”)
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1970 [31] Latrell Sprewell, Milwaukee WI, NBA player (NY Knicks)/coach choker who served 1-year suspension from Golden State Warriors
1971 [30] David Arquette, Winchester VA, film actor (“3000 Miles to Graceland“, “Scream 1-3″)/Mr Courteney Cox, since 1999/Patricia & Rosanna Arquette’s brother
1979 [22] Pink (Alecia Moore), San Juan PR, pop singer named (“Lady Marmalade”, “Most Girls”) NOTE: Nickname is NOT from her infamous pink hair but because she’s known for blushing pink when embarrassed (awwwww)
SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1960 [41] Hugh Grant, London ENG, movie actor (“Bridget Jones’ Diary”, ”Notting Hill”)/Elizabeth Hurley’s ex-bf
1966 [35] Adam Sandler, Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“Big Daddy”, “The Waterboy”) NEXT FILM: Voices 3 characters in the upcoming animated ‘Hanukkah musical’ “8 Crazy Nights”
1980 [21] Michelle Williams, Kalispell MT, TV actress (Jennifer Lindley-“Dawson’s Creek”, since 1998)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY “Country Music Week” begins in Calgary culminating in the annual the “CCMA Awards” MONDAY night (since when is a week 4 days?). This year the Canadian Country Music Association (CCMA) is celebrating 25 years of promoting Canadian country.
NET: http://www.ccma.org/ccmatoday/cmw/index.htm
THIS MORNING “Science Year” kicks off in the UK with hundred of thousands of school kids jumping up and down at 11am local time [6am ET] to try and create an Earth tremor.
TODAY is “Another Look Day”, to encourage us to take another look at our home, garage, attic, yard, etc and donate anything that’s lying around useless to charity. (Husbands are exempt.)
SUNDAY is “National Grandparents’ Day”, honoring all family patriarchs and matriarchs. And it wasn’t even Hallmark’s idea!
NET: http://www.grandparents-day.com
White Thorn Lodge in Darlington PA hosts the “Volleyball Superbowl” every year on the weekend after Labor Day. What makes it interesting is – it’s NAKED volleyball! (“Look ma, no hands!”)
PHONER: 724-846-5984
NET: http://www.whitethornlodge.com/superbowl.htm
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1888 [113] 1st baby placed in an ‘incubator’, originally called a ‘hatching cradle’
1915 [86] 1st ‘Raggedy Ann’ doll (modeled after [your co-host’s] body.)
1921 [80] 1st “Miss America Pageant” held in Atlantic City NJ (2-day contest is won by 16-year-old Miss Washington DC, Margaret Gorman, who is 5’1″, 108 lbs and 30-25-32)
1986 [15] 1st edition of syndicated “The Oprah Winfrey Show”
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] Celebrate Pregnant Women Day
[Sat] International Literacy Day
[Sun] NFL Season opens
[Sun] Teddy Bear Day
National Childhood Injury Prevention Week (aka ‘Careful or You’ll Poke Out an Eye Week’)
National Bed Check Month (just checked mine this morning – still married)
BULL’S BITS . . .
ACTUAL REASONS MLB PLAYERS HAVE GONE ON THE DL:
• ‘Dislocated shoulder while ripping phone book in half.’
• ‘Injured shoulder knocking over milk bottles on “The Tonight Show”.’
• ‘Strained muscle while vomiting.’
• ‘Frostbite . . . in August.’
• ‘Tattoo infection.’
• ‘Chili juice in the eye.’
• ‘Smashed thumb in door of Mercedes . . . on the way to the bank.’
BS TRIVIA:
Q: What’s the most widely-sold restaurant food?
A: French fries, which appear in 22% of all restaurant meals. Hamburgers are 2nd, included in 17% of orders.
Q: Out of every 10 children, how many sleepwalk?
A: About 1 in 10 children experience sleepwalking. (Mostly on the way to school.)
BS TAG LINE:
Smoking cures weight problems . . . eventually.
