September 13 2018

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Thursday, September 13, 2018        Edition: #6292

The BS Press!

★ Piers Morgan claims that he was ‘ghosted’ by Meghan Markle after she met Prince Harry. On the Late Late Show, Morgan said that he had a blossoming friendship with Markle before she became a member of the royal family. He said the Duchess of Sussex once invited him out for a drink while she was in London to watch Serena Williams play tennis, and as he put it, “Then I put her in a cab, and it turns out it was the cab that took her to a party where she met Prince Harry.”
(‘Meghan Morgan’ doesn’t sound too good anyway…)
★ “Bridesmaids” is one of the biggest comedy hits of the past decade, but its director doesn’t think a sequel to the 2011 film will ever happen. Paul Feig says that besides the difficulty of rounding up most of the original cast for a sequel, “That movie worked so well because it was about a woman having a crisis in her life and fixing it. So you don’t want her to have another crisis.”
(Yes, we do!)
★ Former ‘Cosby’ star Geoffrey Owens has revealed that the Bill Cosby sexual assault scandal negatively impacted him financially. In an interview with People, he said that he had been receiving royalties from “The Cosby Show” for a long time, but Cosby was convicted of sexual assault and reruns were taken off TV, his royalty payments dried up and he became financially unstable, which is what led to his taking a job at a “Trader Joe’s” supermarket.
★ If Pauly D gets his way, he’ll be greasing up his hair until he’s a silver fox. The “Jersey Shore” veteran admits that he didn’t think they would get the chance to do another season of “Family Vacation,” but now that it’s proven successful he wants to keep the show going “forever.”
(Hasn’t it already been forever?)
★ Kirstie Alley wants to be mayor. Somewhere.  She was voted runner-up on the UK version of “Celebrity Big Brother”, which concluded on Monday night, and now that she’s out of the house, she’s thinking about the future and she says that she believes she has what it takes to go into politics…because she’s good at ”waving and riding in convertibles”.  Alley says that she has “No desire to be a politician, but she might “like to be a mayor of someplace sometime or the honorary mayor. I think I’d be a good-will mayor in some little town.”

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Cate Blanchett, Ben Mendelsohn, the Chainsmokers
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Blake Lively, Carrie Underwood
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Jason Bateman, John Heilemann, Alex Wagner, First Aid Kit
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Keira Knightley, Neal Brennan, Caitlyn Smith
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Mel B, Dr. Phil McGraw, Olivia Munn, Good Charlotte
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Bill Burr, Regina Hall, Marina Franklin (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Mercedes Javid, Michael Rapaport
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Norm Macdonald
• “The Talk” (CBS): Olivia Munn
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Jason Bateman, Shannen Doherty
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Kristen Bell, Martha Trujillo, Kimberly Patel
• “The Oslo Diaries” (HBO):  A group of Israelis and Palestinians come together in Oslo for unsanctioned peace talks during the 1990s in order to bring peace to the Middle East.
• “To Catch a Killer” (ID): New York State Police investigator Jim Horton forms a friendship with infamous burglar Gary Evans after a chance meeting, but the question is whether the bond is built on trust or treachery.
• “Match Game” (ABC): Pamela Anderson, Ali Wentworth, Tisha Campbell-Martin, Adam Carolla and Mark Duplass are the panelists in the Season 3 finale.

• Katy Perry — thinks the music industry is ”kind of brutal”. She says “I think young people are really in a struggle with online services and ideas of what they should be and what their life should be about. . . I think a lot of us feel really alone even when we have over 75 million people following us and liking our stuff.”
• Drake — Heidi Klum says she turned Drake down.  She had identified Drake as a potential partner on ‘The Ellen DeGeneres Show’, but subsequently ignored his texts when he tried to contact her. Klum told Ellen on a return trip to the show: “Sorry, Drake! Snooze you lose! You know what I mean?” By the time he contacted her, she had already started a new relationship.
• Bruno Mars — A rep says that a report claiming he will portray Prince in a new movie is “100 percent false.”  A widely-circulated story was published on the weekend saying that Mars was “being lined up to play Prince” in a biopic to air on Netflix. Netflix says there’s no Prince film in development.  (Although….that would really work!)
• Paul McCartney – says he never thought he would make it as a famous singer. He said: ”Talk about pinch yourself…Who dreams of that? It was a bit of a far-off dream…It wasn’t anything that we really ever thought would turn out to be more than that.”
• Guns N’ Roses – Regarding new music with the reconstituted band, Slash says: “I feel pretty optimistic that we’ll get something going sooner than later.” He is currently promoting his new solo band album “Living The Dream”.  (Translation:  “Did you see the terms of my divorce settlement last week?  Of course we’ll be making an album!”)
• Joan Jett – her new song ‘Fresh Start’ is now streaming.  It will appear on the soundtrack to “Bad Reputation”, the upcoming documentary about her career.
• Carrie Underwood – Not only does she have a new album, an upcoming tour, and a baby on the way, but she will have yet another reason to celebrate on September 20th, when she gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
• Kelsea Ballerini – has a gig coaching singers who didn’t make the cut for “The Voice”.  “Comeback Stage” will be a digital-only series where she mentors six contestants who compete against each other for the chance to sing on The Voice for the viewer vote on Nov. 13.

Have you ever noticed that when you have the chance to spend a day on the beach, or if you are lucky enough to own or be invited to a cottage…heck even if you are just hanging out at a dockside patio…you instantly feel your muscles relaxing, your breaths growing deeper and even your brainwaves slowing down to mirror the gentle roll of the lake.  That isn’t just happening because you are on vacation, or because you are in a good mood.  Michael Depledge, chair of Environment and Human Health at the University of Exeter Medical School, says there is a clear correlation between close proximity to a body of water and better psychological and overall health.  Spending time near the water “promotes physical activity and general fitness,” reducing the incidence of diabetes and other diseases associated with obesity.  It also slows down our heart rate and reduces stress hormones, boosting our mental health.
(Perfect. Until some jerk wrecks it with a jet-ski!)
(Living on the water is a real stress-reliever.  Until you get a property tax bill!)
(I had a place on the water.  Until my towel blew away!)
(Ocean…good.  River…good.  Lake…good. Stagnating swamp teeming with mosquito larvae and other disease-bearing parasites…bad.)

Why is it that you aren’t supposed to wear white after Labor Day?  Because of a bunch of late 1800s snobs.   The wives of the super-rich ruled high society after the American Civil War. As more and more people became millionaires, it became difficult to tell the difference between respectable “old money” families and those who only had “vulgar” new money. By the 1880s, in order to tell who was acceptable and who wasn’t, the women who were already “in” felt it necessary to create dozens of fashion rules.  That way, if a woman showed up at the opera in an expensive dress, but it had the wrong sleeve length, other women would know not to give her the time of day, because if she didn’t know the “rules’, she must not be a part of the “in” crowd.  Not wearing white outside the summer months was one of those silly rules. White was for weddings and resort wear, not dinner parties in the fall.  By the 1950s, women’s magazines made it clear:  White clothing came out on Memorial Day and went away on Labor Day.
(Of course, it still gets very hot in September, so it would make a lot of sense to be able to wear white…)
(I’m just glad that, thanks to my unique laundry skills, none of my white clothes ARE . . .)

⇒ Everyone Needs 8 Hours of Sleep:  The amount of sleep you need depends on variety of factors, including genetics.  Tracking your bed time, how many hours you sleep a night, and how well rested you feel each day can help you find your ideal amount of sleep.  (I know how much sleep I need.  10 more minutes. . . Always 10 more minutes…)
⇒ Drinking Warm Milk Makes You Fall Asleep:  There’s no scientific evidence that drinking milk will help you sleep.  The myth began because milk has small traces of tryptophan.  But there’s not nearly enough tryptophan in milk to make anyone drowsy.  (There goes my excuse for falling face-down in my oatmeal every morning…)
⇒ Cheese Causes Nightmares:  There is no evidence to support this.  But people who are sensitive to lactose may have trouble sleeping if they consume dairy before bed due to gas, bloating, or cramps — not due to nightmares.  (But if they have gas, it could cause nightmares for their partner!)
⇒ Napping Makes it Hard to Sleep at Night:  A quick afternoon rest won’t disrupt your ability to sleep that night.  A short 20-minute nap is best so you don’t enter a REM, or a deeper stage of sleep, as this will only make you tired later in the day.  (I don’t nap.  I have enough trouble getting up once per day…I don’t want to have to do it twice!)
⇒ Sleepiness is Caused by the Number of Hours You Sleep Each Night:  It is possible to sleep for eight or nine hours and still feel fatigued if you suffer from sleep apnea or another sleep-related condition.  How rested you are in the daytime depends on your quality of sleep, in addition to quantity.
⇒ Only Some People Dream:  Everybody dreams each night.  The average person will dream four to six times per night.  People who think they don’t dream simply don’t remember, and scientists aren’t sure why.
⇒ It’s Illegal to Cut off Mattress Tags:  You’re good to snip away.  The tags were a warning for store owners in the early 1900s when the government believed companies were using old, discarded mattresses to stuff into “new” ones, so they started requiring manufacturers to list the materials.


1967 [51] Stephen Perkins, LA CA, alt-rock drummer (Jane’s Addiction-‘Just Because’, ‘Been Caught Stealing’)

1969 [49] Tyler Perry, New Orleans LA, actor/producer (“Madea” movies, dubbed highest-paid man in entertainment by Forbes magazine in 2011

1971 [47] Stella McCartney, London UK, fashion designer (Gucci, Chloe, CARE)/Paul & Linda McCartney’s daughter/PETA advocate

1975 [45] Joe Don Rooney, Baxter Springs KS, country guitarist (Rascal Flatts-‘I Like the Sound of That’, ‘Bless the Broken Road’)

1977 [41] Fiona Apple, New York NY, singer/pianist (‘Shadowboxer’ and ‘Criminal’)

1993 [25] Niall Horan, Mullingar, Ireland, pop singer (‘Slow Hands’, w/One Direction-‘Best Song Ever’, ‘What Makes You Beautiful’)

1996 [22] Lili Reinhart, Cleveland OH, TV actress (‘Betty Cooper’ on “Riverdale” since 2017)

• “Fortune Cookie Day”, celebrating the tasty little treats with a slip of paper inside that brings you good luck, a whimsical saying, or a philosophical thought. It’s thought they were likely invented in San Francisco, California around 1914

• “International Chocolate Day”, celebrating ‘the greatest substance known to humanity’. It’s a day for indulgence that should be free of guilt (until you get on the scale tomorrow morning)

• “Defy Superstition Day”, a day to stare down your superstitions. So walk under a ladder, break a mirror, let a black cat cross your path, open an umbrella indoors, and do all those other things that many think are bad luck. (Do two negatives make a positive?)

• “Kids Take Over the Kitchen Day”, with the objective of empowering children & teens to become more actively involved in the planning, preparation, and cooking of meals. (To that end, we suggest it should also be “Kids Clean Up the Kitchen Day”)

• “Bald is Beautiful Day”, a day that we can stop hiding and finally start celebrating the thing that haunts many individuals all over the world. Today, being bald is beautiful. There will be no hats, crooked toupees, or cover ups of any sort. Let it shine!

• “Peanut Day” Peanuts are not really nuts at all but legumes (edible seeds enclosed in pods). As a group, legumes provide the best source of concentrated protein in the plant kingdom

• “Positive Thinking Day”. It’s all about attitude … a positive attitude. (And I’m positive this is never gonna fly…)

[Fri] Eat a Hoagie Day
[Fri] Coloring Day
[Sat] Batman Day
[Sat] Day

1993 [25] “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” premieres on NBC-TV (and Max Weinberg, drummer with Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band, begins his new job as bandleader)

2009 [09] When Taylor Swift wins for Best Female Video at the MTV Video Music Awards, Kanye West comes on stage and commandeers the microphone, saying that Beyoncé deserved the award.  Beyoncé later brings Swift on stage to finish her speech. (“Imma let you finish but…”)

1996 [22] Rapper Tupac Shakur dies at age 25 of gunshot wounds suffered in a Las Vegas drive-by shooting (makes far more money after his death than during his life)

1997 [21] Elton John releases ‘Candle in the Wind 1997’, a tribute to Diana, Princess of Wales.  It becomes the second-highest selling song ever, next to ‘White Christmas’.

1956 [62] IBM introduces the RAMAC 305, 1st commercial computer with a hard drive that uses magnetic disk storage, weighs over a ton

2004 [14] TV talk-show host Oprah Winfrey gives a brand-new Pontiac G-6 sedan, worth $28,500, to everyone in her studio audience … a total of 276 cars in all


✓ You cannot snore and dream at the same time.
✓ The toothpaste “Colgate” in Spanish translates to “go hang yourself”
✓ Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn’t wear pants.
✓ In New York, it is illegal to sell a haunted house without telling the buyer.
✓ If you were to stretch a Slinky out until it’s flat, it would measure 87 feet long.
✓ Gorillas burp when they are happy.

• Stubble Vision
• Baby Got Bic
• Shave the Last Dance for Me
• One Way or a Lather
• It’s Getting Hot n’ Nair
• Gillette’s Get Physical
• Smooth Epilator
• Let’s Schick Together
• Nick Me With Your Best Shot
• Someone Shaved My Wife Tonight

• Golf is a good walk spoiled.
• Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result.
• Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a very small hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.
• Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player well.
• There’s no better game in the world when you are in good company, and no worse game when you are in bad company.
• Golf is a sport whose secret is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often.
• Your worst putt will be as close as your best chip.
• The only shots you can be dead sure of are those you’ve had already.
• It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
• The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims that he plays the game merely for exercise.
• Old golfers never die, they just putter away.
-Bathroom wall at a golf course, first published in BS in 2017

What one life lesson that you taught your children would you like them to remember?

I can tell if people are judgemental just by looking at them.

Question:  Almost 80% of women in say THIS a big ‘no-no’ for any guy over the age of 30. What is it?
Answer: An earring

When you’re happy, you enjoy the music.  When you’re sad, you understand the lyrics.


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