Friday, September 23, 2022 — Edition: #7319

Bully For You!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Johnny Depp is dating his lawyer — but not the one you’re thinking of. TMZ reports Depp is seeing an attorney named Joelle Rich, who repped him in his UK defamation trial, which he lost. Apparently, Johnny didn’t hold the defeat against her. Rich is married, but in the process of getting divorced. She and her estranged husband share 2 kids. She was NOT part of the Virginia trial team that won over Amber Heard, but she was present in the court for “support”, according to reports. Many who followed the Virginia trial were convinced there were sparks between Depp and attorney Camille Vasquez, speculation that prompted her to call the the speculation “sexist.”
-TMZ
★ Brad Pitt is a big Goop fan. He gushed about Gwyneth Paltrow’s famous beauty brand as he discussed his own new skincare line in an interview with Vogue. The publication described his line, called ‘Le Domaine’, as “a science-meets-nature line of genderless skin care essentials that he developed in partnership with the Perrin family”. They’re the renowned vintners who are also Pitt’s partners in the wine business. Of Goop, Pitt added: “I love what Gwyneth’s done…she has built this empire. She has always had that in her as a curator, and it’s been a lovely creative outlet for her. In fact, come to think about it, she was probably the first one who got me to even wash my face twice a day.” The pair famously dated from 1994-1997 and were briefly engaged.
-ETCanada
★ Four original “Beverly Hills Cop” cast members – Judge Reinhold, Paul Reiser, John Ashton and Bronson Pinchot – are reuniting with Eddie Murphy for “Beverly Hills Cop: Axel Foley.” Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Taylor Paige also star in the third sequel to the 1984 action-comedy classic, which follows Detroit cop ‘Axel Foley’ to Los Angeles, where he gets into trouble investigating the death of a friend. Reinhold, Reiser and Ashton reprised their roles in 1987’s “Beverly Hills Cop II,” while only Reinhold and Pinchot returned for “Beverly Hills Cop III” in 1994. The new Netflix film, which is currently in production, is directed by Mark Molloy. Plot details are being kept under wraps.
-TheWrap
★ Idris Elba will narrate and exec-produce a Netflix docu-series about the origins and evolutions of some of the most unique sports in the world. “Human Playground” will launch later this month. “Our Planet” director Tomas Kaan is aboard the show, which will explore the likes of unique robot camel races in the United Arab Emirates, Big Wave surfing in Portugal and Eagle Hunting in Kyrgyzstan. Elba can next be seen in Amazon Prime’s “Heads of State” opposite John Cena. And he used a podcast earlier this month to refute (again) rumors that he could be the next ‘James Bond’, saying: “That is not a goal for my career.”
-Deadline

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Jon Hamm, The Smashing Pumpkins
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Rosie O’Donnell, Kevin Smith, Megan Giddings, Rick Smith (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Austin Butler, Jeff Goldblum, Zac Brown Band (R)
• The View” (ABC/CTV): Linda Thomas-Greenfield
• “The Talk” (CBS): Michael Ealy, Sean Kanan
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Niecey Nash, Paul Walter Hauser
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Cynthia Erivo
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): John Boyega, Bill Nye
• “Jennifer Hudson Show” (Check local listings): Michaela Jaé Rodriguez
• “Sherri” (Check local listings): Tyler Perry
• “Shark Tank (ABC): Live — Season 14 premiere
• “20/20” (ABC): Season 45 premiere. A man is imprisoned for his wife’s murder, but he may be not have been the one to commit the crime.
• “Secret Celebrity Renovation” (CBS): Season 2 finale. Nicole Scherzinger returns to Hawaii to gift her “Tutu and Papa” a home transformation.

SATURDAY-
• “Cold Case Files” (A&E): When a 13-year-old girl is abducted and murdered in 1986, residents of Tacoma WA panic; and police embark on a 32-year inquiry to catch the killer.
• “Fly Away With Me” (HALL): When Angie moves into a building where no pets are allowed, a parrot arrives unexpectedly. New neighbor Ted and the dog he’s secretly sitting try to help her find the bird’s owner without being caught.

SUNDAY-
• “Celebrity Jeopardy!” (ABC): Premiere. Celeb contestants Simu Liu, Ego Nwodim and Andy Richter.
• “Celebrity Wheel of Fortune” (ABC): Season 3 premiere. Celeb contestants Amanda Seales, Snoop Dogg and Mark Duplass.
• “The Simpsons” (Fox): Season 34 premiere. After Homer humiliates himself in a town meeting, he looks for acceptance in an internet group hunting for a missing tortoise, but finds something much more sinister.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Taylor Swift — has released a new TikTok series called “Midnights Mayhem With Me.” In the first installment, she tells fans she has a “habit” of cryptic clues, before picking a ping pong ball from a rotary cage to reveal the number 13. She explains that that the numbers represent a track on her forthcoming album, and #13 is a song called ‘Mastermind’. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/32fmv7mr
• Kanye West – is refuting a report that he’s been quietly shopping his publishing catalog. In an Instagram story, he wrote: “JUST LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT MY PUBLISHING IS BEING PUT UP FOR SALE WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE NOT FOR SALE”. If you can’t help but notice he missed some punctuation there, it’s worth noting that he recently claimed on a podcast: “I actually haven’t read any book.”
• Whitney Houston – “The Bodyguard” movie (which she stars in) will return to the big screen to celebrate its 30th anniversary, with showings on Nov. 6 and Nov. 9. The announcement comes as a trailer for Houston’s biopic “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” was released and set to premiere in theaters on Dec. 21. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/2drxn6b5
• Ozzy Osbourne – His new album “Patient Number 9” sold 52,500 equivalent album units in the US in its first week of release to land at #1 Billboard’s Top Album Sales chart. That chart ranks the top-selling albums of the week based only on traditional album sales. The album also opened at the top of the Rock & Alternative Albums, Rock Albums, Hard Rock Albums and Current Album Sales charts.
• The Smashing Pumpkins — have announced the new album, ATUM, a “rock opera in three acts.” The 33-song collection is billed as the sequel to both 1995’s “Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness” and 2000’s “Machina/Machines of God.” ATUM (pronounced “autumn”) will be released in segments; each act of 11 songs will come out on streamers every 11 weeks, (beginning Nov. 15), then a vinyl boxset with bonus tunes.
• Tom Petty — A box set culled from a series of shows he considered a highlight of his career will be released Nov. 25. “Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers Live at the Fillmore (1997)” will feature recordings from the band’s 20-show residency at the Fillmore in San Francisco. A video for ‘Listen to her Heart’ from the album, has been released. LINK:  https://youtu.be/ipqCIbM4PYQ
• Maren Morris – isn’t sure if she’ll show up for this year’s CMA Awards amid her feud with Jason Aldean’s wife Brittany. Morris has one nom, but doesn’t “feel comfortable” attending the Nov. 9 ceremony. On the other hand, she says there are “So many people I love” who will be there, so “maybe I’ll make a game-time decision and go.”
• CMT Artists of the Year:  Carly Pearce, Cody Johnson, Kane Brown, Luke Combs and Walker Hayes have been named the 2022 “CMT Artists of the Year”. The ceremony is set for Nashville’s Schermerhorn Symphony Center and will premiere Oct. 14, on CMT. Brown and Combs will each be honored for the third time (2019, 2021 & 2022).
• Kelsea Ballerini – releases her new album “heartfelt” today, and while the lead single and title track is climbing the charts, she has shared video from her tour rehearsals. In one, she can be seen performing her new song ‘If You Go Down (I’m Goin’ Down Too)’, of which she says “I’m so excited to play this one.” LINK: https://tinyurl.com/k96kep9m

SHOOTING THE BULL

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Don’t Worry Darling” (R, Mystery-Thriller): A 1950s housewife living with her husband in a utopian experimental community begins to worry that his glamorous company could be hiding sinister secrets. (Florence Pugh, Olivia Wilds, Chris Pine)
• “Moonage Daydream” (PG, Documentary-Music): Exploring David Bowie’s creative, spiritual and musical journey. Features never-before-seen footage and performances spanning his 54-year career. (David Bowie)

MASK UP:
Picture this: you’re standing on a bus, wearing a face mask, and an alert pops up on your phone. It notifies you that you’ve been in contact with someone who has COVID. Rather than heading to work, or to visit your grandma, you decide to stay home, just in case you’re infectious. The chain of transmission is broken. Scientists in China say they’ve have created a highly sensitive mask that can detect common respiratory viruses – such as COVID-19, flu and even bird flu – floating in the air. The mask then alerts the wearer via their mobile devices within 10 minutes. The mask is fitted with aptamers, which are a type of synthetic molecule that can identify unique proteins of pathogens.
(Annnnnnd here we go again with the mask battle!)
(Sounds great — except I couldn’t open my phone to get the alert because it doesn’t recognize me with a mask on!)
-HuffPost

GOT MILK:
The NHL’s Toronto Maple Leafs have been the recipients of some old-fashioned chirping from the online community as a result of the new ads the team will be sporting on their jerseys for the upcoming season. Announced by the team on Tuesday, every Leafs player will be wearing the logo of the Dairy Farmers of Ontario – a stylized “Milk” on the upper chest area — whenever they take the ice. With such an out-of-left-field sponsorship, it was a too-good-to-be-true opportunity for jokesters across the hockey world to get another jab in at the team famous for underperforming in the playoffs. One commenter reposted a pic of the newly-designed shirts with the caption: “Nothing spoils in the summer like milk”. Sports TV personality Sid Seixeiro wrote: “The Leafs new “Milk” sponsorship is going to look hilarious on the nights they only give 2% effort.” One posted: “like if you’re Leafs intolerant”, and another posted a pic of a bag of 1% milk beside a bag of 2%, with the caption: “Leafs cup chances”. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/y7yfyvz4
(Still, this might be the closest they’ve been to a “cup” in years!)
(Appropriate. Since they all end up on milk cartons come playoff time!)
-Yahoo

NEWS OF THE WEIRD:
➢ Spanish authorities have arrested a man who admitted to the driving offenses of nearly 100 people in exchange for money, in order to keep their record clean. Police on the Balearic Islands in Spain announced that the unnamed man was advertising his services online, charging 75-200 euros per point deducted from his own driving license – and business was booming. An investigation revealed that the Armenian had long had his own driver’s license suspended, but continued to take the blame for others’ offenses and make a profit in the process. He had confessed to committing 2 offenses on the same day within a half-hour — 800 km (500miles) apart. Plus, in over a dozen instances, he admitted to driving a speeding motorcycle, although radar traffic camera footage clearly showed that the riders were women.
➢ A Corvette owner has claimed the Guinness record for driving the fastest mile — in reverse. Aptly-named Scot Burner completed the feat at the NCM (National Corvette Museum) Motorsports Park track in Bowling Green, Kentucky, just down the road from where his 2017 Chevrolet Corvette Stingray was built. He completed the one-mile oval course in 75.18 seconds at an average speed of 48 mph (77kph). Burner beat the previous record of 97.02. Quote: “It hasn’t caught on yet, but maybe this will get people interested.” (Is this what you do when driving a Corvette forward isn’t helping with your midlife crisis?)
-OdityCentral, NYPost

DID YOU KNOW?
Smartphones and tablets are causing early puberty in children, according to new research. Scientists in Turkey say the devices emit blue light, which interferes with the production of melatonin, a hormone that slows sexual maturity. The scientists add that kids should not use digital devices before bed, because humans secrete the chemical at night. (Yet, here I am…still waiting…)

BS CHRONOMETER 09.23.22

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Celebrate Bisexuality Day”, initiated in 1999 and now observed in Australia, Canada, New Zealand, the US, and some European countries. A day for people to recognize and celebrate bisexual history, bisexual community and culture, and all the bisexual people in their lives. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/mryxz23d
• “Love Note Day”, which falls annually on the 4th Friday in September, encourages us to share feelings for loved ones with written words.
• “BRAVE Day”, honoring women who “lift each other up, rescue each other and make each other BRAVE.” Today, women with varied life experiences and from different generations come together to support each other with simple gestures.
• “Restless Legs Awareness Day”, to foster better understanding of this treatable condition. RLS (aka Willis-Ekbom Disease) is a neurologic disorder that causes an irresistible urge to move the legs, often accompanied by unpleasant sensations. About 3% of adults are affected. LINK: https://www.rls.org
• “Checkers Day” (also known as Dogs in Politics Day), On Sept. 23, 1952, US VP candidate Richard Nixon gave a speech, claiming he had not misused funds, but intended to keep 1 gift—a dog that the Nixon children named ‘Checkers’. The “Checkers speech” was a political triumph and the public responded with overwhelming support.
• “Innergize Day”, for those who say, “I don’t have time to do the things I want to do for myself.” Today, set aside time to do whatever you want. (I think I just used it up while reading that…)
• “International Day of Sign Languages”, according to the World Federation of the Deaf, there are approximately 72 million deaf people worldwide. More than 80% live in developing countries. Collectively, they use more than 300 different sign languages.

SATURDAY-
• “Cherries Jubilee Day”, celebrating the decadent dessert that’s always served flambé. Wanna make a home version easily? All you need is a can of cherry pie filling, some cognac (or brandy), vanilla ice cream, and . . . a match.
• “Punctuation” Day!”, celebrating the traffic signs of written language. (Wow! Eh?) Why? It’s the difference between “Let’s eat, Grandma!” and “Let’s eat Grandma!”
• “The Festival of Latest Novelties”, famous novelty items include Big Mouth Billy Bass, Bobbleheads, Groucho glasses, and X-Ray Specs, some of which we’ve all owned at some point! (But they definitely aren’t the LATEST…)
• “Kiss Day”, to remind us to give an extra peck to those we love and cherish (make sure they are aware you love & cherish them first!)
• “Bluebird of Happiness Day”, the mythology of the bluebird of happiness goes back thousands of years. The bluebird is widely accepted as a symbol of cheerfulness, good health, new births, prosperity, and hearth and home.
• “Hug a Vegetarian Day”, dedicated to hugging those who love animals the most! Adopting a meat-free diet saves the lives of more than 100 animals per year.
• It’s also “Museum Day” and “Family Health and Fitness Day”, so why not take a “run” over to the local museum and hit 2 birds with one stone?

SUNDAY-
• “Binge Day”, It’s not about eating or drinking until you can’t get off the couch…but the couch may be involved. Today, you’re invited to watch all the episodes of a show that you are able without stopping. This is known, of course, as ‘binge-watching” (Isn’t technology wonderful?)
• “Comic Book Day”, honoring the books you ‘read’ by looking at pictures (and the inspiration behind 75% of the movies coming out these days…)
• “One-Hit Wonder Day”, honoring artists who made it big just once before fading into obscurity. (Or milking it for the next 30 years…) Which is your favorite?  LINK: https://tinyurl.com/j7dkf562
• “Psychotherapy Day”, when therapists, clients, and therapy advocates unite to promote the profession, fight stigma, educate the public, and draw attention to the needs of community mental health centers. LINK: http://www.nationalpsychotherapyday.com
• “World Pharmacist Day”, recognizing the role of the pharmacist in improving health in every corner of the world. Here’s to the drug pushers!
BS SIGNS YOUR PHARMACIST IS NUTS:
⇒ Her wall-mounted diploma is made from cut-up newspaper headlines.
⇒ Sign out front reads: “Wholesalers Welcome.”
⇒ Instructs you to: “Take 27 of the big red ones, twice a day … with a tequila slammer.”
⇒ Asks if you want your Viagra regular or extra crispy.
⇒ Instead of “Good morning, can I help you?” he greets you with “You’re not a cop, are you?”
⇒ Counts out pills by saying, “One for you, two for me …”
• “Cooking Day”, established to honor and commemorate the joys of home cooking. Often taken for granted or deemed a time-consuming chore.
• “Food Service Employees Day”, to appreciate the hard work that food service employees put in every day to take care those dining away from home. (Give them a break today and eat at home. After all, it’s also “Cooking Day”.)

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [79] Julio Iglesias (de la Cueva), Madrid Spain, world music singer (w/Willie Nelson: ‘To All the Girls I’ve Loved Before’)/more than 100 million records sold in 14 languages, going gold or platinum more than 400 times/former pro football (soccer) player/father of Enrique Iglesias

1949 [73] Bruce Springsteen, Long Branch NJ, rock singer-songwriter (20 Grammys, including for ‘Dancing in the Dark’, ‘Tunnel of Love’)/Academy Award (‘Streets of Philadelphia’)/Tony Award (“Springsteen on Broadway”)/2 Golden Globes/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, 1999/Kennedy Center Honors, 2009/Presidential Medal of Freedom, 2016

1959 [63] Jason Alexander, Newark NJ, TV actor (‘George Costanza’ on “Seinfeld” 1989-1998, “Duckman” (voice), “Young Sheldon”)/movie actor (“Shallow Hal”)

1972 [50] Jermaine Dupri (Mauldin), Asheville NC, rapper/music producer/recording exec (Janet Jackson, Mariah Carey, Nelly, TLC, Usher)

1978 [44] Anthony Mackie, New Orleans LA, movie actor (“Captain America” movies, “The Hurt Locker”)

1987 [35] Skyler Astin, New York NY, movie actor (“Pitch Perfect” movies, “21 & Over”)/TV actor (“Grey’s Anatomy”)

SATURDAY- ex-NFLer “Mean Joe” Greene is 76; Steve Whitmire (voice of Kermit the Frog’ & others until 2016) is 63; Nia Vardalos (“My Big Fat Greek Wedding”) is 60; Robert Irvine (“Restaurant Impossible”) is 57; Shawn ‘Clown’ Crahan (Slipknot) is 53; Stephanie McMahon (WWE co-CEO) is 46; Ross Mathews (“RuPaul’s Drag Race”) is 43; Hannah Brown “The Bacherlorette” is 28

SUNDAY- Barbara Walters (“The View”) is 93; Michael Douglas (“Basic Instinct”) is 78; Mark Hamill (“Star Wars”) is 71; Michael Madsen (“Reservoir Dogs”) is 64; Will Smith (“The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”) is 54; Heather Locklear (“Melrose Place”) is 61; Catherine Zeta-Jones (“Chicago”) is 53; T.I. (w/Rihanna-‘Live Your Life’) is 42; Donald Glover-AKA Childish Gambino (‘This is America’) is 39

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1994 [28] “The Shawshank Redemption”, starring Morgan Freeman & Tim Robbins, opens in movie theaters (7 Oscar noms, still on many film fans’ all-time favorite list)

2011 [11] The daytime drama “All My Children” airs for the final time after 41 years

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2010 [12] Katy Perry’s appearance on “Sesame Street” is edited out after viewers complain about her revealing dress

2011 [11] Following a Demi Lovato concert at the Nokia Theater in L.A., Justin Bieber takes his girlfriend Selena Gomez to The Staples Center, which he has rented out so they can enjoy a private showing of “Titanic” in the 20,000 seat venue

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
2002 [20] The first public version of the web browser “Mozilla Firefox” is released

2019 [03] Climate activist Greta Thunberg scolds world leaders “How Dare You” for not addressing climate change at the UN Climate Action Summit in New York

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1980 [42] George Adrian of Indianapolis, Indiana sets a world record by picking 365.5 bushels of apples in 8 hours (15,830 lbs)

BULL’S BITS

BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ The television was invented only 2 years after the invention of sliced bread.
✓ One cubic mile of seawater contains about 50 pounds of gold.
✓ Walmart sells more bananas than any other item.
✓ Almost all varieties of breakfast cereals are made of grass.
✓ In 2005, a fortune cookie company correctly foretold lottery numbers, resulting in 110 winners. An investigation found that no fraud was involved.
✓ Thomas Edison, the inventor of the lightbulb, was afraid of the dark.
-TheFactSite, RandomFactGenerator

Best of BS . . .
BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit ‘tug’ boats push their barges?
• Whyzit the least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish?
• Whyzit there is always one or two ice cubes that won’t pop out of the tray?
• Whyzit ‘palindrome’ isn’t spelled the same way backwards?
• Whyzit the bus is always late … unless you are?
-First published in BS in 2011

GREAT THINGS ABOUT AUTUMN:
• You can start keeping beer in the garage again.
• At least 2 full-on turkey dinners and a few pies guaranteed over the next 3 months.
• Enjoying the fall color changes by opening the fridge and watching last week’s meatloaf.
• No more pathetically pasty shins sticking out of short pants.
• With the right cable package, you can watch 262 hours of football per week.
• Two words: bugs gone!
-MikesTopFive, first published in BS in 2011

TODAY’S SCOOP OF BS:
➠ A study found there are 2.5 million ants for every human on Earth. (“Game On!”, barked Alec Baldwin.)
➠ A woman visited a man in Louisiana she met online, stole his AR-15, and his Xbox, then left the state. (We call this foreplay at my trailer park!)
➠ Adam Sandler is recovering from hip surgery. (Hopefully doctors found, then disabled that funny-bone…)
➠ Pizza Hut has responded to Taco Bell’s Mexican pizza with their new 300-calorie-per-slice Italian pizza! (It’s the first pizza ever developed that promises an ambulance within 30-minutes or less…)
➠ A study says the average woman spends 5 of the 168 hours a week in a bad mood. (The other 163 hours are spent talking to her sister…)

BS WEB GOODIE:
Play smarter, not harder:  https://t.co/m0Q1dMDreI

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the best concert you’ve ever seen — and why was it so good?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question:  A survey found the average family sends over 10,000 texts to each other in a year. What’s the #1 thing they are texting about?
Answer:  Dinner plans

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life is a journey, and if you fall in love with the journey, you will be in love forever.