April 25, 2008

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Friday, April 25, 2008 Edition: #3762
Guaranteed 100% ‘Grade A’ Bull!

Aging actress Meg Ryan has been spotted in London and although her forehead doesn’t move much anymore, word has it she’s ditched the ‘Daffy Duck’ lip implants (but not the “Alvin & the Chipmunks” cheeks) . . . CBS-TV stunts for the upcoming MAY sweeps include an unprecedented “CSI”–“Two & a Half Men” writers’ swap (now there’ll be laugh tracks during autopsies?) . . . A 2nd accident in a week on the ‘James Bond’ movie set in Lake Garda, Italy has left a stuntman seriously injured after a car crash (SUNDAY they drove 007’s Aston Martin into the lake) . . . Actress/singer/new mom Jennifer Lopez will co-executive produce & star in her own reality TV show (TLC) in which cameras follow her around as she launches a new fragrance and tries to juggle her career with mothering twins (soon everyone will have their own “Truman Show”) . . . “Harry Potter” actress Emma Watson has gained access to her $20-million acting fortune after turning 18 LAST WEEK (hmm, she’s starting to look prettier) . . . Newly-leaked figures suggest that Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes filled a Hollywood Hills house with $17,000-worth of fresh flowers and spent almost $5,000 on cakes for daughter Suri’s 2nd birthday bash LAST WEEKEND (what are the odds this kid’s growing up to be normal?) . . . 21-year-old movie actor Shia LaBeouf (“Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”) is said to be dating 23-year-old model Lauren Hastings, most famous for appearing in Justin Timberlake’s “Cry Me a River” video (you’re a star – she’s below the line, dude!) . . . “The Hills” star Heidi Montag will NOT make an appearance at SATURDAY’s “White House Correspondents Gala”, allegedly because boyfriend Spencer Pratt, who’s acting as her manager, canceled when MSNBC refused to foot the bill for 1st class travel (MSNBC claims she wasn’t even invited) . . . And he scored with “The Producers”, bombed with “Young Frankenstein”, and now 81-year-old Broadway producer Mel Brooks is said to be developing another of his vintage film comedies into a stage musical – “Blazing Saddles” (anyone who can turn that gassy campfire scene into a showstopping show tune deserves a Tony Award!).

• Alicia Keys – First Jordin Sparks left the “As I Am” tour for vocal rest, now the headliner herself has had to cancel a couple of shows due to a continued bout with swollen vocal chords. She’s expected to return to the stage SATURDAY in Columbus OH.
• Amy Winehouse – She’s being investigated (again) after a wild night out in London in which she’s accused of attacking a cab driver after trying to bolt without paying; punching a musician who refused to give up a pool table; and head-butting a 38-year-old pub-goer who apparently ticked her off by helping her hail a cab at 3:20 am. (Get out the straight jacket!)
• Grateful Dead – The surviving members are turning over the legendary rock band’s archives to the University of California at Santa Cruz. (It’ll be housed in the new ‘Roach Wing’.)
• Mariah Carey – She’s atop the album chart with the best first-week sales of her career, over 463,000 units of “E=MC2”.
• Paul McCartney – According to the “Sunday Times” annual ‘Rich List’ out THIS WEEKEND, he’s worth $1 billion, $200-million-more than his divorce hearing was told. (Pants on fire!)

• “Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival” – TONIGHT the annual desert bash in Indio CA begins and runs through SUNDAY. Among those on the weekend bill: Death Cab For Cutie, Jack Johnson, Prince, Roger Waters (Pink Floyd) and many more.
NET: http://www.coachella.com/
• “GLAAD Media Awards” – SATURDAY the 19th annual honors from the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation are handed out in Hollywood. Ellen DeGeneres presents Janet Jackson with the ‘Vanguard Award’ for her work as a gay rights advocate.
NET: http://www.glaad.org/mediaawards/
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – TONIGHT the Black Crowes perform.
• “Linda McCartney Photographs” – TODAY Paul McCartney officially opens a London exhibition of photography by his late wife as an effort to keep her artwork alive. The show coincides with the 10th anniversary of her death from cancer (APRIL 17, 1998). Admission is free.
NET: http://www.jameshymanfineart.com/pages/about_jhfa
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – THIS MORNING Mariah Carey is on.
• “New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival” – TONIGHT the 39th annual jam kicks off. Performers on 11 stages during the 2-weekend fest include Al Green, Billy Joel, Diana Krall, Jimmy Buffett, The Raconteurs, Robert Plant & Alison Krauss, Santana, Sheryl Crow, Stevie Wonder, and Tim McGraw. Jazzy, huh?
NET: http://www.nojazzfest.com/
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Prince makes a rare TV appearance.

• “Baby Mama” ( PG-13 Comedy ): Tina Fey (“30 Rock”) plays a single career woman who’s longing to have a baby. But instead of putting her corporate ladder climb on hold, she hires a surrogate mom (“SNL’s” Amy Poehler) to have a kid for her. Co-stars Sigourney Weaver and Greg Kinnear. Note: Fey & Poehler co-anchored “Saturday Night Live’s” ‘Weekend Update’ news desk from 2004-06.
NET: http://www.babymamamovie.net/
• “Deception” ( R-Rated Action Thriller ): Ewan McGregor stars as a mild-mannered accountant who’s introduced to a mysterious sex club known as ‘The List’ by his lawyer friend (Hugh Jackman). But thanks to his involvement, he soon becomes the prime suspect in the case of a missing woman and a multi-million-dollar heist. Co-stars Michelle Williams (Heath Ledger’s ex-fiancée) and Natasha Henstridge (“Eli Stone”).
NET: http://www.deception-movie.com/site/index.html
• “Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay” ( R-Rated Comedy ): John Cho (“Star Trek” in 2009) & Kal Penn (“House MD”) reprise their roles as the loveable stoners from 2004’s cult hit “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle”. This time, while trying to fly to Amsterdam for a smoke-filled vacation, they’re accused of being terrorists. That’s what gets them to Gitmo. Co-stars Neil Patrick Harris (“How I Met Your Mother”) and Rob Corddry (ex-“Daily Show”).
NET: http://www.haroldandkumar.com/

According to nearly 9 million votes in the 14th edition of an annual men’s magazine poll, here are the hottest of the hot …
5. Scarlett Johansson (“The Other Boleyn Girl”)
4. Elisha Cuthbert (“Captivity”)
3. Jessica Alba (last year’s #1)
2. Jessica Biel (Justin Timberlake’s GF)
1. Megan Fox (“Transformers”)
(Britney Spears came in last place at #100.)
– “FHM Magazine”

According to new research by British scientists, a mother’s diet at conception may determine her baby’s gender. Mothers-to-be who skip breakfast and eat less are more likely to give birth to girls, while moms who consume more calories and a wider range of nutrients are more likely to deliver sons. (Seems that ‘sugar & spice’ concept is dead wrong.)

The spicy new book “The Secret Life of Siegfried & Roy: How the Tiger Kings Tamed Las Vegas” by Jim Mydlach claims to dish the real dope on the long-time illusionists. Such as …
• Roy died for a while during surgery after being bitten by ‘Montecore’ the tiger.
• Actress Shirley MacLaine is one of many who believes Roy actually did die and Siegfried parades around a hired look-alike.
• Their animals had to be zapped with electric prods in order to get them to perform.
• Siegfried was so scared of the animals he’d never even hold their leashes.
• Their tricks were done using body doubles and concealed panels.
• Siegfried & Roy once enjoyed foursomes with Liberace and his boy-toy Scott Thorson.
– PopBitch.com

George W Bush has set a new record for the ‘Highest Disapproval Rating’ of any US president in the 70-year history of the Gallup Poll. 69% of Americans now disapprove of the job he’s doing, eclipsing the previous mark of 67% set by president Harry Truman in 1952.
– “USA Today“

The animal with the highest worldwide output of farts is … the termite.
– “Uncle John’s 20th Anniversary Bathroom Reader”


1940 [68] Al Pacino, NYC, 5′-6” movie actor (“88 Minutes”, 1992 Oscar-“Scent of a Woman”)/TV actor (2004 Emmy Award-“Angels in America”)

1945 [63] Bjorn Ulvaeus, Gothenburg, Sweden, really rich retired pop singer (ABBA-“Dancing Queen”) FACTOID: The stage musical based on ABBA’s music, “Mamma Mia!”, will debut as a movie starring Meryl Streep & Pierce Brosnan JULY 18th.

1964 [44] Hank Azaria, Queens NY, TV voice actor (‘Moe Szyslak’/’Chief Wiggum’/’Apu’/’Comic Book Guy’/’Cletus’/’Professor Frink’ and others on “The Simpsons” since 1989)

1965 [43] Eric Avery, LA CA, rock bassist (Jane’s Addiction-“Just Because”, “Been Caught Stealing”)

1969 [39] Joe Buck, St Petersburg FL, sportscaster (FOX-TV’s lead play-by-play guy)/son of late Hall of Fame sportscaster Jack Buck

1969 [39] Renée Zellweger, Baytown TX, movie actress (“Leatherheads”, 2003 Oscar-“Cold Mountain”)/briefly Mrs Kenny Chesney (May-December 2005)

1970 [38] Jason Lee, Orange CA, TV actor (‘Earl Hickey’ on “My Name Is Earl” since 2005)/movie actor (“Almost Famous”)

Martial arts actor Jet Li (“The Forbidden Kingdom”) is 45; Pop guitarist Jimmy Stafford (Train) is 44; Actor-comedian Kevin James (“I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry”) is 43; R&B/pop singer T-Boz (TLC) is 38; Country bassist Jay DeMarcus (Rascal Flatts) is 37; Rock drummer Jose Pasillas (Incubus) is 32; TV actor Tom Welling (“Smallville”) is 31; YouTube star Jessica Lee Rose (lonelygirl15) is 21.

Legendary radio personality Casey Kasem (“American Top 40”) is 76; Classic rocker Katie Pierson (B-52’s) is 60; Classic rocker Ace Frehley (KISS) is 57; rock singer/guitarist Patrick Stump (Fall Out Boy) is 24.

• “Anzac Day”, a public holiday in Australia & New Zealand commemorating the 1915 landing at Gallipoli, Turkey of the Australian & New Zealand Army Corps, during World War I. Their incredible bravery in the face of overwhelming odds may be the reason TODAY is also “Hug an Australian Day”. Figure out an appropriate toast using this OZ slang dictionary …
NET: http://www.koalanet.com.au/australian-slang.html
• “Day of Silence“, the 11th annual in which students take a vow of silence to protest bullying, harassment and discrimination in schools. Former *NSYNC singer Lance Bass has filmed a PSA for the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network in support of this year’s observance.
NET: http://www.dayofsilence.org/
• “Disc Jockey Day”, observed annually the last FRIDAY in APRIL. Okay, everyone talk deep!
• “Good Telephone Day”, promoting phone etiquette, including answering by the 3rd ring, keeping holds to a minimum, thanking callers, and not hanging up without warning. Have cellphones eliminated phone courtesy?
• “International Red Hat Day”, an annual celebration of the ‘Red Hat Society’, begun in 1997 as a social organization whose mission is to provide interaction among women over 50 and to reshape the way they’re viewed. There are now millions of mature women who attend various ‘RHS’ events worldwide, all of them wearing the trademark red hats and purple dresses first mentioned in the Jenny Joseph poem, “Warning”. (http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/warning/ ).
NET: http://www.redhatsociety.com/
• “National Dream Hotline”, the 21st annual sponsored by the non-profit School of Metaphysics. All weekend you can have your dreams interpreted for free if you pay long distance charges.
PHONER: 417.345.8411 (Windyville MO)
NET: http://www.dreamschool.org/NewSite/DreamScene/1dreamScene.html
• “World Penguin Day”, an annual excuse to salute one of the few natives of Antarctica by wearing penguin colors … black & white.

• “Eeyore’s Birthday“, celebrated annually since 1963 on the last SATURDAY of APRIL in Austin TX, the only city to mark the event. The concept comes from a “Winnie the Pooh” story in which the depressed, defeatist donkey mopes about because he thinks his friends have forgotten his birthday. (But why in Austin? And why in APRIL when the date in the book is DECEMBER 25th?)
NET: http://eeyores.sexton.com/
• “Pretzel Day”, honoring the world’s oldest snack food. Pretzels were made as early as 610 AD by monks in France and Italy using scraps of dough formed into strips to represent a child’s arms folded in prayer.
• “Richter Scale Day”, saluting the open-ended earthquake scale invented by American seismologist Charles Richter, born 108 years ago TODAY (1900). Technically an earthquake could be a ‘10′, though none has ever been measured. The strongest ever recorded occurred off the coast of Chile in 1960, measuring 9.5 on the scale.
• “World Intellectual Property Day”, observed since 2001 to enforce the idea that you own something if you thought it up, no matter how much it gets passed around online.
NET: http://www.wipo.int/ip-outreach/en/ipday/

• “Child Care Professionals Day”, to help us understand and appreciate their role in children’s development. Guess that’s why those security cameras hidden in lamps were invented.
• “Hairball Awareness Day”. Any cat owner who’s ever stepped on a fresh wet one is already well aware! Hairballs are a significant contributing factor to rabbit deaths because they groom themselves like cats but can’t expel the loose hair in the delightful way that pusses do.

2007 [01] “American Idol” airs 1st ‘Idol Gives Back’ charity drive and raises $76 million to help underprivileged children worldwide

2002 [06] TLC’s Lisa ‘Left Eye’ Lopes is killed in a car-crash in La Cieba, Honduras at age 30

1959 [49] St Lawrence Seaway 1st opens to shipping traffic

1972 [36] A cat named ‘Paula’ falls 26 stories in Toronto … and lives!

[Sat-Sun] NFL draft (NYC)
[Mon] Kiss Your Mate Day
[Mon] Day of Remembrance for Persons Killed or Injured in the Workplace
[Tues] Madonna releases “Hard Candy” album
[Wed] Hairstylist Appreciation Day
[Wed] Canadian Income Tax deadline
This Week Is … Jewish Heritage Week
This Month Is … Multicultural Communication Month


When you need a quick comeback and can’t come up with one …
• Is it time for your medication or mine?
• Aw, did I step on your poor little itty-bitty ego?
• Your village called, their idiot is missing.
• Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• Do they ever shut up on your planet?
• I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
• How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had stolen from your home, work or car?

Britney Spears walks into a pet shop and asks, “Do you have any white bears?” Before the clerk can answer her father rushes in and exclaims, “Don’t listen to her, she has ‘buy polar disorder’.

Today’s Question: 38% of men surveyed say they think women who don’t do THIS are more attractive.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Wear makeup.

The best sense of humor belongs to people who can laugh at themselves.

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