August 11, 2008

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Monday, August 11, 2008 Edition: #3833
Sheet f/Bull

• Former “American Idol” contestant Clay Aiken has become a first-time father after his best friend, music producer Jaymes Foster (sister to David Foster), gave birth to a baby boy FRIDAY. The 50-year-old new mom (!?!) apparently became pregnant via artificial insemination. Foster & Aiken have vowed to raise little ‘Parker Foster Aiken‘ together, even though they have no plans to wed. (This is a freaky new kind of relationship that doesn’t yet have a name.)
• Actor Brad Pitt has signed on to star in Quentin Tarantino’s upcoming World War II drama “Inglorious Bastards”, playing a Tennessee hillbilly who assembles a team of Jewish-American soldiers. Shooting will begin in Germany in OCTOBER and Tarantino hopes to have the picture ready for NEXT YEAR’s “Cannes Film Festival” in France.
– “Daily Variety”
• The man responsible for making Simon Cowell a household name in North America has announced he’s leaving “American Idol”. 59-year-old Nigel Lythgoe, who’s been a producer on the show since it launched in 2002, says he’s stepping down due to his ‘huge work schedule’. (BS translation: Now that I’ve got “So You Think You Can Dance”, I don’t need to put up with self-involved Simon anymore.)
– “Entertainment Weekly”
• Expectant parents Ben Affleck & Jennifer Garner (aka ‘Bennifer 2′) have reportedly bought a $16-million Brentwood CA home to make room for their expanding family. The 9,900-sq-ft estate includes 7 bedrooms, 7 baths, 6 fireplaces, 3-car garage, and a brick wine cellar. Famous neighbors include “Spider-Man” star Tobey Maguire and TV personality Ricki Lake.
– “Us Weekly“
• “Hairspray” star Nikki Blonsky’s father has been denied bail on charges of grievous bodily harm after an altercation at an airport in the Turks & Caicos Islands LAST WEEK. Carl Blonsky was arrested with his daughter following a fight with former “America’s Next Top Model” contestant Bianca Golden on JULY 29th and both were taken into custody. A judge has now ruled Blonsky Sr must wait until AUGUST 19th before he can post bail. (They couldn’t find a cell large enough to house his daughter.)
– StarPulse News Blog
• 83-year-old Oscar-winning actor Paul Newman has reportedly been given only weeks to live after completing chemotherapy treatment at a NYC hospital. An inside source says he’s spent the last few weeks arranging his business and personal affairs. (Alas, there will never be one last film with Robert Redford.)
– “Daily Mail”
• And 50-year-old actor/comedian Bernie Mac (“Ocean’s 11”, “The Bernie Mac Show”) died SATURDAY after losing a battle with pneumonia. He’d been admitted to Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago for intensive treatment a week ago. (This time the sad report is true.)

• “Canadian Idol” (CTV) – Montréal rockers Simple Plan mentor the top 6 on a Canadian rock-themed performance show.
• “Elvis: Viva Las Vegas” (CMT) – A new, 2-hour TV special that includes rarely seen performance footage of his Vegas shows plus new versions of his hits by the likes of Céline Dion, Chris Daughtry, Faith Hill, Toby Keith, and Three 6 Mafia. A DVD version goes on sale exclusively at Wal-Mart/Sam’s Club TOMORROW.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Justin Timberlake and Cool Kids are featured.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Natasha Bedingfield (“Pocketful of Sunshine”) performs.

• Dixie Chicks – Emily Robison & singer-songwriter Charlie Robison have divorced. Wed in 1999, their marriage had ‘become insupportable because of discord or conflict of personalities’.
• Dr Dre – A new cognac bearing his name is about to be launched.
• Jewel – The 34-year-old folk/country singer has quietly wed her 10-year BF, former rodeo champ Ty Murray, in the Bahamas. She wore a traditional wedding gown; he wore his favorite blue jeans, a white shirt, and cowboy hat.
• Lil’ Kim – A suspect has been arrested for murder after her recent 33rd birthday party at a Times Square karaoke bar. The 24-year-old victim was found beaten to death on the roof 3 days after the bash. NYPD has arrested an employee of the club. Lil’ says she knows nutin’.
• Taylor Swift – Her new song “Change” is being used during NBC-TV’s daily video highlights of the Olympics. It will be included on her next album, scheduled for release THIS FALL.
• The Police – With a total take over $358 million, their just-finished reunion tour ranks as the 3rd biggest-grossing of all-time, behind the Rolling Stones’ “A Bigger Bang” and U2’s “Vertigo”.
• Rolling Stones – Having turned 65 LAST MONTH, Mick Jagger is now eligible for a British pension equivalent to $180-a-month even though his personal wealth is estimated at $450 million.
• Sugarland – The country chart-topping duo of Jennifer Nettles & Kristian Bush (“Love On the Inside”) is being sued for over $1.5 million by former bandmate Kristen Hall, who claims she created the group’s name and also has a binding agreement to equally share in profits.

5. Basketball star, Yi Jianlian (New Jersey Nets).
4. Movie actor Jet Li (“The Mummy: Tomb Of the Dragon Emperor”).
3. Film director Zhang Yimou (“House of Flying Daggers”).
2. 110m hurdler Liu Xiang.
1. Another basketball player, 7′-6“ Yao Ming (Houston Rockets).

THIS SUMMER we’re getting a glimmer of what TV’s like elsewhere with “I Survived a Japanese Game Show” (ABC), but the game show from Japan we’d really like to see is “Celebrity Human Tetris”. And how about this one – the UK’s Islam Channel is producing a game show pitting Muslim, Jewish, and Christian religious figures against each other in an attempt to promote understanding and integration. (Or maybe start another war.)
– PA News

An apple a day may keep the doctor away but a recent study has found that mushrooms might do the same. The research shows ‘shrooms encourage changes in white blood cells that help fight infection and cancer. In particular, the ‘Turkey Tail’ mushroom seems to have a positive effect. While it’s just too tough to eat, it can be ingested in liquid form or as a powdered extract. (And there’s the added benefit of seeing God … eating a walrus … while wearing a ballet tutu.)
– ANI Science & Health

Beijing won’t even get close to Paris in 1900 for sheer weirdness of Olympic events. Not too surprisingly, most of these innovations didn’t make it to the St Louis Olympics in 1904 …
• Cricket – Only Britain & France competed, and the French team was largely made up of Brits from the UK embassy in Paris. Britain won. Cricket never came to the Olympics again. (Likely because a match can drag on for days.)
• Croquet – Yeah, that gentrified lawn game with mallets and hoops and balls. (Imagine how jacked up on steroids it would be had it lasted.)
• Equestrian High Jump & Long Jump – Sounds like the best sport ever, no? Just picture a palomino doing the ‘Fosbury Flop’! (These days PETA and the SPCA would shut it down.)
• Lifesaving – Now here’s a life & death event! Perhaps it was dumped because the French were too ‘exuberant’ with their mouth-to-mouth?
• Poodle-Clipping – A farmer’s wife won the gold medal. She trimmed 17 poodles in 2 hours.
• Pigeon Shooting – Not those clay wannabes; these were 300 live pigeons that were let loose. Leon Lunden of Belgium was the winner, bagging 21 birds. (Everyone in the athletes’ village got squab for dinner that night.)
• Rowing – The sport has endured, but in 1904 adult coxes were replaced by far lighter children, likely the youngest-ever contestants. (You can bet they loved yelling at adults and telling them what to do … “Stroke, you lily-livered louts!”)
– “Olympika: The International Journal of Olympic Studies”

A few tips for keeping consumption in check when dining out …
• Choose foods that are steamed, broiled, baked, roasted, poached, or stir-fried.
• Avoid gravy, sauces, butter, or margarine.
• Share food, such as an entrée or dessert.
• Ask for salad dressing on the side and use only small amounts of full-fat dressings.
• Take part of the food home with you. In fact, ask for a ‘to-go box’ when you receive your food, then put half of it inside. That way you won’t eat the whole meal on the spot.

A recent psychology study finds it’s common to feel anxious, disoriented, and fatigued the first day back at work after a vacation. The solution? Spend your final vacation day at home, tying up loose ends and resting. (Problem is, it’s tough to find a 6-day tour package.)
– “Health Magazine”

Ketchup started out as a pickled fish sauce, ‘ke-tsiap’, in China, before being adopted by Malaysia (‘kechap’) and Indonesia (‘ketjap’). The British later made it with pickled mushrooms, anchovies, walnuts and oysters, with tomatoes entering the brew in the 1700s.

1950 [58] Steve Wozniak, San Jose CA, inventor of 1st commercially viable ‘Personal Computer’/Apple Computer co-founder (with Steve Jobs in 1976)/founder of Electronic Frontier Foundation/philanthropist/Inventors Hall of Fame (2000)

1953 [55] Hulk Hogan (Terry Bollea), Augusta GA, TV host (“American Gladiators” 2008)/reality TV personality (”Hogan Knows Best” 2005-07)/former WWE wrestler (12-time ‘World Champion’/father to dysfunctional family (Nick Hogan, Brooke Hogan)

1967 [41] Joe Rogan, Bridgewater NJ, TV personality (“Ultimate Fighting Championship” commentator since 2002, “Fear Factor” 2001-06, ”The Man Show” 2003-04, “NewsRadio” 1995-99)/stand-up comedian

1976 [32] Ben Gibbard, Bremerton WA, rock singer (Death Cab for Cutie-“I Will Possess Your Heart”, “Soul Meets Body”)

1978 [30] Amber Brkich, Beaver PA, reality TV show personality (“Amazing Race 7”, “Survivor: All-Stars” winner, “Survivor: The Australian Outback”) who wed fellow contestant Rob Mariano (“Rob & Amber Get Married”)

• “Daughter’s Day”, a day to pay special tribute to female offspring. And they’ll no doubt respond, “Yeah right … whatever.”

• “Dog Days of Summer” end, traditionally the hottest days of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. Ahhh.

1995 [13] “La Macarena” by Los Del Rio is released (becomes a major hit around-the-world over the next 2 years)

1874 [134] Harry Parmelee of New Haven CT receives a patent for the ‘Lawn Sprinkler Head’ (that thing that wakes you when your neighbor insists on turning it on at 7 am every Sunday)

2003 [05] NATO takes over command of the peacekeeping force in Afghanistan, marking its 1st major operation outside Europe in its 54-year-history

1929 [79] Babe Ruth becomes 1st Major League Baseball player to hit 500 home runs (without steroids … just booze)

1992 [16] ‘America’s Largest Shopping Center’, the 2.5 million-sq-ft Mall of America, opens in Bloomington MN (can’t hold a candle to South China Mall in Dongguan, China which, at 7.1 million sq ft, is world’s largest)

2003 [05] Record heat wave in Paris, France (112 F/44 C) leaves some 144 people dead

[Tues] Vinyl Record Day
[Tues] Middle Child’s Day
[Tues] Truck Drivers Day
[Wed] International Left-Handers Day
[Wed] Stay Home With Your Kids Day
[Wed] “Tropic Thunder“ opens in movie theaters

Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist Week / Elvis Week / International Festival Week / Knights of Columbus Family Week / Psychiatric Technician Week / Recreational Scuba Diving Week / Smile Week / Weird Contest Week


A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• You are a very creative person … with your tax returns.
• You will take a long journey and forget to turn off the stove.
• Someone is speaking well of you because they don’t really know you.
• Your partner in life will be bad-tempered but serve a mean dish of chili.
• Feel that? You have a spider in your ear.
• Your guardian angel got laid off.
• Ancient Chinese secret: you’re screwed.
• You will make a good lawyer very rich.
• Your pets have never liked you.
• Who dressed you, anyway?

Each word of the 2-word answers to the following begins with ‘L’. Serve them up rapid-fire and urge your contestant to either answer quickly or pass. A total over 7 wins the prize …
• It’s the organization that promotes kids’ baseball. (Little League.)
• He’s the odd-looking roots-music singer who once wed Julia Roberts. (Lyle Lovett.)
• It’s Kobe’s NBA basketball team. (LA Lakers.)
• He’s the mascot for ‘Lucky Charms’ breakfast cereal. (‘Lucky Leprechaun’.)
• This actress kicked butt in the movies “Kill Bill” and “Charlie’s Angels”. (Lucy Liu.)
• It’s a fancy name for the women’s restroom. (Ladies Lavatory.)
• She’s an actress who spends a lot of time in rehab. (Lindsay Lohan.)
• It’s what you have if you’re in a relationship with someone Hispanic. (Latin lover.)
• He is the archenemy of ‘Superman’. (‘Lex Luthor’.)
• According to the old saying, he who laughs best is he who … (laughs last.)

What is the oldest age you would like to be alive?

Which substance was once outlawed at the Olympics because of its performance-enhancing effects?
a. Candy.
b. Caffeine. [CORRECT]
c. Curry.

Today’s Question: At work THIS happens to the average person at least 4 times per week.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Their computer freezes.

You don’t win silver. You lose gold.

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