Tuesday, July 27, 2021 – Edition: #7037
Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!
BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
The Bull Sheet is heading off for its annual summer holiday and will not be publishing Monday August 2 through Friday August 6. All subscribers will receive credit for the non-service days. The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Monday August 9.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Piers Morgan has shared he recently tested positive for COVID-19 and believes he caught the Delta variant at London’s Wembley Stadium during the Euros final earlier this month. He’s received both doses of the Astra-Zeneca vaccine, and had a ticket to the England vs. Italy game that saw a number of fans break into the stadium to watch. Morgan says he began to feel ill 2 days after England’s defeat, and it is “definitely the roughest” he has felt in his life. He reports that he is now slowly recovering, and credits his survival to the vaccine.
★ Kelly Preston’s final film role has been fondly remembered by husband John Travolta, who posted the trailer to “Off the Rails” on his Instagram. Travolta wrote: “Off the Rails is Kelly’s last film. She was very proud of it and of all of the wonderful talent that she got to work with in it.” It premiered in theaters Friday, showing Preston as an American named ‘Cassie’, one of three friends in their 50s on an adventure across Europe to celebrate their recently deceased friend’s last wish: That they take her teenage daughter with them.
★ Season 33 of “The Simpsons” will kick off on a musical note. The premiere episode will be a musical featuring a variety of original songs. ‘Marge’, voiced by Julie Kavner, will have her singing voice provided by Kristen Bell. Bell is, of course, known for belting it out as ‘Anna’ in “Frozen”. “The Simpsons” will return Sept. 26 and has already been renewed for season 34.
★ ‘Yogi Bear’ is one of the most iconic characters in Warner Bros.’ roster of Hanna-Barbera properties, and the company is revamping him for a new generation. Yogi, Boo-Boo and a whole fleet of Hanna-Barbera character will appear in the new HBO Max show “Jellystone!”. In the new series, Yogi, Boo-Boo and Cindy Bear are all apparently doctors in the Jellystone community, which takes its name from the national park that the bears lived at in the original shorts and shows. Jellystone! premieres Thursday on HBO Max.
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Dwayne Johnson, Johnny Knoxville, guest host Anthony Anderson (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Hugh Jackman, Lorde (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Jamie Dornan, Kelly Marie Tran (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Tyler Cameron, Luann De Lesseps
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Mena Suvari
• “The Talk” (CBS): Jake Johnson, guest co-hosts Mariana Atencio & Jalen Rose
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Robin Roberts, Jeff Cavaliere, guest co-host Sisanie
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Justin Hartley, Keith Barry (R)
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Megan Fox, Colin Wayne, Ron Funches, Rodney Scott, Ava Max (R)
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Ken Jeong, Laura Benanti, Eitan Bernath, Erin Brockovich (R)
• “2020 Tokyo Olympics” (NBC, CBC): Women’s Gymnastics, Swimming, Badminton, Field Hockey
• “American Masters” (PBS): The career of blues guitarist Buddy Guy, a pioneer of Chicago’s West Side sound, and his influence on musicians including Jimi Hendrix and Eric Clapton.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Iggy Azalea – tweeted that she will no longer be posting about or sharing images of her son Onyx after social media users made fun of him. She replied directly to one person who mocked her son’s dinosaur outfit, writing: “Imagine being so miserable that you bully a one year old child for picking his own outfit.”
• Kanye West – A fan is selling a bag of what they claim is air from his recent listening event for his long-awaited new album “DONDA”. eBay user imacanon16canz – who has 100 per cent positive feedback – posted the listing for the Ziplock bag full of oxygen. Starting price: $3,330. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/3mj5nw3k
• Lindsey Buckingham — has shared a new single ‘On The Wrong Side’, which he says was inspired by Fleetwood Mac’s 1976 hit ‘Go Your Own Way’. Buckingham says it is “not a happy song”. On the Wrong Side appears on his upcoming self-titled solo album, out September 17.
• Jeff Beck – is reportedly working on new music with Johnny Depp. Depp, a member of The Hollywood Vampires with Alice Cooper, is collaborating with Beck “on material for Jeff’s next album”, according to the Daily Mail. The paper quotes a source as saying that Beck “has been a great friend to (Depp) during a very difficult time, and being away from Hollywood has been exactly what Johnny needed.”
• Lynyrd Skynyrd — guitarist Gary Rossington is recovering after undergoing emergency heart surgery, according to a message on the band’s Facebook page. It notes that the 69-year-old, now the only original member in the group, “is home resting…and expects a full recovery.”
• Morgan Wallen — saw his album sales skyrocket after he was caught on video using a racial epithet in a loud conversation with friends. In an interview with “Good Morning America”, he says he donated $500,000 of that sales spike money to the Black Music Action Coalition and other advocacy organizations.
• Jana Kramer — has finalized her divorce from Mike Caussin, just over 3 months after she filed for divorce. On Instagram, she wrote: “Today has not been easy and I didn’t know if I would even say anything…But I got the ‘final’ call that I’m officially divorced and the tears came.”
• Gary Allan – His Tennessee home was once owned by the late Conway Twitty. He has just finished having the house renovated, and says “There’s several things that I left because they were like that when he had it.”, including a theater that has pictures of his albums. Allan calls it “vibey”.
SHOOTING THE BULL
GETTING SCHOOLED ON SHOPPING:
Back-to-school shopping is never a fun thing. And this year, expect it to be worse. Retail experts are predicting there will be shortages of many back-to-school supplies this year. Why? With more classrooms fully reopening in the fall, industry experts expect very high demand on school merchandise, with shoppers in the US spending an average of $850 per family. That demand, along with tight inventory levels and delayed shipments will impact retailers’ ability to keep products on the shelves later in the school shopping season, which traditionally lasts from mid-July through the end of August. Products most likely to be in short supply include backpacks, stationery, sports equipment, laptops and tablets. And with supply being tight, consumers shouldn’t think they will see great bargains, either. Discounts will be less generous due to the fact that there is less stock and because of inflation.
(Do you remember when back-to-school shopping consisted of a set of pencil crayons and a pair of new sneakers?)
(As long as there isn’t another toilet paper shortage, I’m OK with it!)
(On the bright side, with less stock, maybe the ads will start later this year…)
PROSPER AND LIVE LONG:
According to a new study, the more money you make, the longer you are likely to live. Researchers at Northwestern University found that a person’s risk of death drops by 5% every time another $50,000 is accumulated by middle age. They found big earners were more likely to outlive their brothers and sisters with smaller salaries — A difference of $139,000 was associated with a 13% decrease in the probability of death nearly 24 years later. For the study, 5,400 Americans were tracked for almost a quarter of a century. The study’s author concluded: “One of the keys to a long life may lie in your net worth.”
(Trust me, if I outlive my brother, it won’t be because I’m richer than him. It’ll be done purely out of spite!)
(So money may not buy happiness, but it CAN apparently buy you a long, comfortable life?)
(That’s a complicated way of saying that if you quit smoking now, you’ll not only have 50 grand, you won’t die!)
A new prison-themed bar called “Alcotraz” has opened in the British city of Manchester. Alcotraz, which also has a London location, is patterned after the 1950s San Francisco prison “Alcatraz”, includes jail cells, line-ups and solitary confinement. There’s even a bad-tempered warden to keep an eye on the “inmates”. While most trendy bars prioritize comfort and flattering lighting, Alcotraz is built to look exactly like an old-fashioned cell block, including vintage personal effects and toilets…which, thankfully, are for display purposes only. Once your group is settled into your private cell and have your orange jumpsuits on, you’ll be served cocktails, by fellow prisoners, but your drinks will be referred to as ‘chicken soup’. But first, you have to smuggle in some of your own drinks without the warden catching on. But it isn’t just a bar. It’s more of an immersive experience where patrons are encouraged to join in the unfolding narrative presented by actors posing as inmates. We’re not sure if you have to “escape” at the end of the night, but we do know that it costs £35.99 to get in (US $49.50).
(Hey, I just spent more than a year in what felt like prison. I don’t want to go to another jail when I can finally go out!)
(Yeah, about those toilets…bad idea. Just sayin’…)
(Hey, look [***Co-host***], they have the same wardrobe as you!)
PRETENTIOUS PHRASES TO AVOID:
Be careful what you say and type at work. If you’d like to sound smarter, avoid these overused words and phrases, according to a survey of managers…
☞ 3 AM in the morning: AM literally means “before noon”. Just say “3 AM”. (Redundant? Redundant.)
☞ Actual fact: A fact is something that’s known to be true, and actual means “existing in fact.” An actual fact, then, pretty much just means “a factual fact.” Stick with just plain fact.
☞ At this point in time: Just say “now”. (I will, now!)
☞ Combine together/join together: Combine means “to join or mix two or more things.” You don’t need “together” since it’s already implied. It’s the same with “join together.” (I’m glad they combined those 2 together!)
☞ End result/final outcome: A result is at the end of something. Same idea with “final outcome”.
☞ Postpone until later: What are you going to do otherwise, postpone it until earlier? Eliminate “until later.”
☞ The reason being/the reason why: These sound long-winded. Say “because.”
☞ Situation: Adding “situation” to describe almost any event is a recent trend. Example: “Be prepared for a strong wind situation.” What happened to plain old strong wind?
☞ -wise: People add the suffix ”wise” onto words to make them have more weight. But it can sound ridiculous. You actually sound a lot worse, grammar-wise, if you tack on the word wise!
(***OK, radio people…there are dozens more…what are they?***)
DID YOU KNOW?
Lil Uzi Vert is set to become the first person to legally own an entire planet. The rapper, real name Symere Bysil Woods, is reportedly working on acquiring WASP-127b, a gas giant exoplanet larger than Jupiter. According to fellow artist Grimes (Elon Musk’s partner), the 26-year-old is now very close to owning the planet, which was discovered in 2016. In response to a tweet by Lil Uzi that claimed he is “still working” on buying it, Grimes wrote: “Documentation almost complete for @LILUZIVERT to legally claim wasp-127b – this is huge!” One possible problem: There is currently no legal framework for individuals to actually own planets.
BS CHRONOMETER 07.27.21
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1970  Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Rudkobing Denmark, TV actor (‘Jaime Lannister’ on “Game of Thrones” 2011-19)
1972  Maya Rudolph, Gainesville FL, TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 2000-07, 2012, 2015, 2021, “Maya & Marty” 2016) movie actress (“The Angry Birds Movie”, “Bridesmaids”)
1975  Alex Rodriguez (‘A-Rod’), NYC, former MLB player (NY Yankees/Seattle/Texas)/14-time All-Star/5-time HR leader/3-time AL MVP
1977  Jonathan Rhys Meyers (O’Keeffe), Dublin Ireland, TV actor (“Dracula” 2013-14, “The Tudors” 2007-10)/movie actor (“Mission: Impossible III”, “Bend It Like Beckham”)
1984  Taylor Schilling, Boston MA, TV actress (‘Piper Chapman’ on “Orange Is the New Black” 2013-19)
1993  Jordan Spieth, Dallas TX, pro golfer (US Masters winner, 2015, US Open winner, 2015; British Open winner, 2017)
1994  Winnie Harlow, Mississauga ON, model (gained prominence as a contestant on “America’s Next Top Model” in 2014 while having a form of the skin condition vitiligo)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bagpipe Appreciation Day”, celebrating the ancient musical instrument that’s viewed by some as an obnoxious, migraine-inducing tool of cacophonic destruction. (Good for funerals though)
Here is some pipin’ that we can get into: NET: https://tinyurl.com/m235meb3
…and even though bagpipes were NOT invented in Scotland, it’s also…
• “Scotch Day”, celebrating the malt (or grain) whisky that was originally exclusive to Scotland. All Scotch must be aged in oak barrels for at least 3 years. The first written mention of Scotch whisky is in the Exchequer Rolls (official records) of Scotland from 1495.
• “Korean War Veterans Armistice Day”, commemorating the 1953 negotiated cease-fire that ended the war on the Korean peninsula. During the 3 years of fierce struggle, over 600,000 Allied lives were lost.
• “Walk on Stilts Day”, celebrating the feat most often seen in parades and at the circus. Stilt-walking is an ancient art that only requires a pair of stout sticks and lots of practice. (And maybe some extra butt padding…)
• “Crème Brûlée Day”, saluting the yummy French dessert consisting of a rich custard base topped with a contrasting layer of hard caramel. It’s normally served at room temperature.
• “Chicken Finger Day”, first made and named in 1976 by the owners/operators of Spanky’s in Savannah, Georgia. One of the original owners continues to operate Spanky’s today and it is known as the “Home of the Original Chicken Finger”. (What did kids eat before the chicken finger was invented?)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Buffalo Soldiers Day
[Wed] Hamburger Day
[Thurs] International Tiger Day
[Thurs] Lasagna Day
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1940  Bugs Bunny, voiced by Mel Blanc, makes his debut in “A Wild Hare”
2003  Legendary comedian, movie actor, and TV host Bob Hope dies at age 100 at his home in Toluca Lake, California
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1983  Madonna releases her self-titled first album. While it doesn’t burn up the charts, and Rolling Stone calls her voice “irritating as hell”, it eventually spawns the hits ‘Holiday’, ‘Borderline’ and ‘Lucky Star’
1984  The Prince film “Purple Rain” is released. He plays as an upstart musician who clashes with his band. It parallels his life story, but is not strictly autobiographical
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1999  Tony Hawk becomes the first skateboarder to land a “900”
2012  Queen Elizabeth II opens the 30th Olympics in London, UK (with some help from 007)
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ The most-common dream is of falling, followed by being chased or attacked.
✓ Humans can smell over 10,000 different aromas.
✓ It takes 200 muscles to take one step.
✓ In 1500s England, beards were taxed according to their length.
✓ The world has been at peace only 8% of the time over the last 3,500 years.
✓ The inventor of revolving doors did so because he hated opening doors for women.
BS SIGNS IT’S TIME TO REPLACE YOUR OUTDOOR FURNITURE:
• Thieves clean out your house, but your lawn furniture mysteriously reappears on the porch the next morning.
• Your folding lawn chairs only fold when you sit in them.
• Your wife installs a “Break Glass in Case of Emergency” box on the front porch, containing a good-sized needle for digging out slivers.
• In your divorce settlement, you got to keep it.
• The ambulance just left with Aunt Gert, and now all you have to do is clean up the mess of broken chair parts on the front porch.
• It is so old, that it was made using absolutely no plastic.
• One of the chairs has the word “Titanic” printed on it.
Best of BS . . .
MORE BS AWKWARD OPENING LINES:
• Isn’t this bar great? It’s perfect for putting your drink on it.
• A lot of people think it’s weird that I carry my grandfather’s picture in my wallet, but I think it’s a great reminder of what he meant to me. Plus, the mortician did such a lovely job.
• Bet you can’t guess my name. It’s Steven!
• Listen, I bet my friend over there that I would come over and get your number. Please? If I lose, I have to buy his drinks all night.
• Want to see something cute? (Holds up a mirror.) Isn’t this just the cutest little mirror?
• I can never figure women out. One minute they’re ignoring you at a bar – the next, they’re calling for security.
-Stuff, first published in BS in 2017
TODAY’S SCOOP OF BS:
➠ Comic-Con San Diego is over. (Which means thousands of nerds have officially packed away their superhero costumes. Until next weekend.)
➠ Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck made their social media debut as a couple in a Leah Remini Instagram post. (If Ben has convinced J-lo that they are a couple, then he’s a better actor than I thought…)
➠ Former MLB cheater, Alex Rodriguez, is 46 today. (It’s not too late for a gift. He’s registered at Bed Bath & Beyond Self Pretentious!
➠ Prince George of Cambridge (8) shared a birthday with David Spade (57) last week. (George and Spade are very different, of course. One is an adorable little thing who is unjustifiably rich for accomplishing so very little. And the other is the Prince.)
➠ An old Looney Tune turns 81 today. (No, not Donald Trump, but Bugs Bunny! Trump and Bugs are totally different! One is a smart-ass hyper-active cartoon character always seen with something orange. The other is Bugs Bunny!)
BS WEB GOODIE:
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Please stop asking if I have kids. Those crappy drawings on the fridge are mine.
BS PHONE STARTER:
What common cliché do you find to be true . . . again and again?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: More than 50% of women say they do THIS much better than their husband. What is it?
Answer: Mow the lawn
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Motivation is what gets you in the door, habits are what make you stay.