Monthly Planning Calendar in Tomorrow’s Issue!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY rapper Lloyd Banks from 50 Cent’s crew G-Unit releases his first solo recording, “The Hunger For More”, that’s packaged with the DVD “Groupie Love”, an instructional how-to video on the ins and outs of being a groupie (how thoughtful of him) . . . TONIGHT OutKast, Beyoncé, Lil’ John & Kanye West lead the nominations at the “2004 BET Awards” in Hollywood . . . “Star” magazine claims Britney Spears is aiming for a NOVEMBER wedding in either Los Angeles or Louisiana that will feature some 200 guests . . . How broke is she? Courtney Love is begging fans to save her cash-strapped Internet message board Kittyradio.com, by buying ‘Free Courtney’ T-shirts (her server shut her down for non-payment) . . . Word is Nicole Kidman & Tom Cruise, who divorced in 2002 after an 11-year marriage, are attempting to put their relationship back together during a vacation in Australia – for the sake of the children (famous last words) . . . Actress Meryl Streep has put her 5-story Greenwich Village townhouse on the market – for $12 million (she’s found a new high-rise pad elsewhere in NYC) . . . 48-year-old former Van Halen rocker David Lee Roth has quit music – to become a paramedic, and is currently living in a small NYC apartment while he trains as an EMS technician . . . Follicle-challenged Bruce Willis has reportedly consulted experts about a revolutionary new ‘hair cloning’ treatment which has so far only been tested on rodents (some might call him a rat) . . . TLC members Rozonda ‘Chilli’ Thomas & Tionne ‘T-Boz’ Watkins have signed a deal to develop a reality show that documents the search for a replacement for late member Lisa ‘Left Eye’ Lopes (wow, times must be tough!).
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Madonna – Word is she’s planning to tour holy sites in Israel in OCTOBER with a group of over a hundred students of Kabbalah.
• Jewel – She’s signed with ‘Instant Live’ to have souvenir CDs recorded live and sold immediately after concerts at select dates during her summer tour.
• Uncle Kracker – TODAY he does both “On Air With Ryan Seacrest” and ABC-TV’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.
• 3 Doors Down/Nickelback – TONIGHT the two bands join forces to kick off a 23-city tour in St Paul MN.
• Elton John – It was revealed a few years back that he spends more than a half-million bucks annually on flowers. Now he’s commissioned a horticultural expert to develop a flower to be named after him. It will be a special purple lupine.
• Avril Lavigne – TONIGHT she guests on “Late Late Show With Craig Kilborn” on CBS-TV.
• Whitney Houston – She’s axed her JULY 2nd outdoor concert in Berlin, Germany, blaming ‘bad weather’. Is she psychic?
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Cold Mountain” (Drama – VHS/DVD) – Based on the novel by Charles Frazier, Jude Law stars as a wounded Confederate soldier making the perilous journey back home during the waning days of the Civil War to reunite with his lover (Nicole Kidman). Renée Zellweger won the Oscar for ‘ Best Actress in a Supporting Role’ for her portrayal of mountain woman ‘Ruby’. Much of the film was shot on location in Romania.
• “You Got Served” (Musical Drama – DVD) – In order to achieve their dream of opening a recording studio, two friends (played by Marques Houston & Omarion) must first win their city’s dance contest, a fierce competition that pits them against a group of tough street dancers. Britney Spears’ fiancé Kevin Federline has a minor role as a dancer.
• “Barbershop 2: Back in Business” (Comedy – DVD) – Ice Cube returns in this sequel as the owner of a barber shop on the South Side of Chicago which is again threatened by a greedy developer, this time a mega-franchise barbershop opening right across the street. Queen Latifah joins the original supporting crew that includes Cedric the Entertainer, Sean Patrick Thomas and Eve.
• “The Perfect Score” (Crime Comedy – DVD): Scarlett Johansson is the most recognized actor in this story of 6 high school seniors who decide to break into the Princeton Testing Center so they can steal the answers to their upcoming SAT tests and all get perfect scores. One hitch with the plot – it’s impossible to actually steal a copy of the SATs because there are several versions. Everyone who takes it has different questions or the questions are in a different order.
• Collectors may be interested in the new “Blazing Saddles 30th Anniversary Special Edition DVD”, featuring commentary from director Mel Brooks, a cast reunion documentary, and the classic campfire bean-eating scene – in Surround Sound! TODAY a release party at LA’s Saddle Ranch Chop House will feature ‘The World’s Largest Bowl of Baked Beans’, a 10-ft diameter, 3-ft-deep crock filled with 475 gallons of butt-bangers – in which contestants will dive for prizes.
ANOTHER REASON TO TURN-OFF:
New research by scientists at Italy’s University of Florence reveals that watching TV can block the sleep hormone melatonin in children. The study found a 30% increase in levels of the sleep-regulating hormone in children who had abstained from watching TV, video games and computers for a week. (Unfortunately, they all died of boredom.)
– “The Independent”
Not satisfied with fining the pants off radio stations for ‘indecency’, the Federal Communications Commission will next go after magazines and newspapers. In a little-noticed submission to the “Federal Register”, the FCC made clear its intention of levying fines against publications that use dashes or other characters in place of letters to print profanity.
YOU ARE WHAT YOU SEE:
A University of Michigan study says that people who work with a view of the outdoors are more enthusiastic about their jobs, more patient and generally more healthy. The research shows that lack of an outdoor view causes ‘Directed Attention Fatigue’ leading to irritability. (In other words, makes you DAFfy.)
ARE YOU ‘ON THE PHONE’?
Using a mobile phone can slash a man’s sperm count by almost a third, new research suggests. The study found that radiation from mobile phones appears to have a dramatic impact not only on numbers of sperm but also their swimming ability or ‘motility’. In both cases, levels were cut by about 30%. Reductions in sperm count and motility lower the chances of conception. (And you thought DRIVING while talking on the cell phone was bad!)
– “Lincolnshire Echo”
Just in time for the summer sizzle, here are a few tips on how to make your air conditioner more efficient …
1. Clean or replace the air filter once a month.
2. Direct the air vents upward (cool air falls).
3. Start it well before the hottest part of the day.
4. Weatherstrip doors and windows.
5. Don’t use appliances that produce heat during the hottest part of the day (dishwasher, oven, laundry equipment).
HURRAY! YOU CAN KEEP YOUR MONEY TODAY:
Interesting that in addition to it being “Election Day”, YESTERDAY was “Tax Freedom Day” in Canada, the day the Fraser Institute estimates we paid off our total tax bill for the year to all the various levels of government. All income before that went to taxes; all income from now on we get to blow on luxury items … like rent and food – at least the average Canadian can. To quickly work out your own personal Tax Freedom Day, go here …
BS BY THE NUMBERS:
85% of men never use the slit in their underwear.
71% of us eavesdrop.
58% have called into work sick when we weren’t.
50% admit to regularly sneaking food into movie theaters.
40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
39% of us peek in our host’s bathroom cabinet.
35% give to charity at least once a month.
29% of us ignore an RSVP.
21% of us don’t make our bed daily.
5% of us never make the bed.
– “Are You Normal?”
BS ALL-TIME MOVIE VILLAINS:
1. ‘Darth Vader’ – “Star Wars” series
2. ‘Hannibal Lecter’ – “The Silence of the Lambs”
3. The hillbillies – “Deliverance”
4. Writer ‘Jack Torrance’ – “The Shining”
5. ‘Freddy Krueger’ – “Nightmare on Elm Street” series
– “USA Today” online poll.
FOR THE RECORD:
Tattoo artist Greg Hines of Melton, Australia has inked his name into the record books by tattooing a person nonstop — for 40 hours. He beat the record of 33 hours by drilling 14 large tattoos of deceased friends, pets and landscapes onto the body of Damian Ovchynik. Hines says he was numb with excitement after completing the task and admits his customer was a little bit sore. (Has Amnesty International heard about this?)
THE BULL SHEET 06.29.04
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1944  Gary Busey, Goose Creek TX, movie actor (“Under Siege”, “Lethal Weapon”)
1949  Dan Dierdorf, Canton OH, CBS-TV NFL analyst/NFL Hall of Fame player (St Louis Cardinals)
1978  Todd Sansom, Stanardsville VA, country singer/guitarist (Marshall Dyllon-“You”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
THURSDAY’S “Canada Day Celebration” in Ottawa features concerts, fireworks, and general all around partying down. This year the theme is ‘Acadia: First Dialogues – The Meeting of Two Worlds’, celebrating the 400th anniversary of the founding of Acadia. The Snowbirds and performers Lillix, Tom Cochrane & Roch Voisine are among those helping to celebrate Canada’s 137th birthday.
PHONERS: 800.465.1867 (Capital Commission)
THURSDAY-Sunday the 49th “National Tom Sawyer Days” are on in Hannibal MO, home town of Mark Twain. Fence painting, frog jumping, and the annual selection of ‘Tom Sawyer’ and ‘Becky Thatcher’ are included.
PHONER: 573.221.2477 (Hannibal Visitors & Convention Bureau)
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1998  Aerosmith performs “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” (their biggest-ever hit) at Florida’s Kennedy Space Center for the world premiere of the movie “Armageddon”
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1994  Barbra Streisand’s Madison Square Garden performances become most successful concert stand in history, grossing $16 million
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1937  1st ‘snowmobile’, built by Armand Bombardier in Québec (originally called ‘Ski-dog’, later ‘Ski-do’)
1964  1st TV remote sold with a TV (Zenith Radio Corporation’s ‘Lazy Bones’ uses a cable that runs from the TV set to the viewer)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1990  Only time in MLB history TWO ‘complete game no-hitters’ are recorded on same day (Oakland’s Dave Stewart vs Toronto, LA Dodger Fernando Valenzuela vs St Louis)
COMING UP . . .
[Wed] “Spiderman 2″ opens worldwide
[Wed-July 11] Montréal Jazz Festival
[Thurs] Canada Day (no BS service)
[Mon] Independence Day holiday (no BS service)
[Sun] Groundbreaking for 1,776-foot ‘Ground Zero’ skyscraper in NYC
This Week Is . . . National Camping Week
This Month Is . . . National Rivers Month
SEXTROLOGY: WHO MAKES THE BEST LOVER?
• Aries man – Beneath his clean-cut appearance lies a hormonally-raging animal ready to take the sexual lead. He is known to treat women like either princesses or playthings. To turn him on call him ‘master’.
• Aries woman – A notoriously cool customer, she sees herself as the ‘catch of the century’.
Aries woman has strong physical needs for sex every day and craves instant gratification.
• Taurus man – He wants to be wanted and is attracted to dominant females who’ll treat him like a trophy. Strong and silent, he is the epitome of manhood, but always expects the woman to make the first move.
• Taurus woman – Feminine and beautiful, she longs for a man to play ‘Ken’ to her ever-adoring ‘Barbie’. She is wild in the bedroom in order to satisfy her man, unashamedly lusty and instinctive.
• Gemini man – Mercurial by nature, he works hard to make himself an exciting prospect. But sex must always be fun, so he thrives on experimentation. How to turn him on: dress up as a high-class call girl.
• Gemini woman – Acutely aware of her feminine wiles, she takes no sexual prisoners. Often feigns naivety, but can’t resist putting on a show in the bedroom.
• Cancer man – For this romantic hero, sex is an act of worshiping the woman. Notoriously courteous in bed, some are almost cloying, and are aroused by a woman’s dominance. A softie, he loves a cuddle.
• Cancer woman – A man’s woman who makes her lover feel like the big, strong protector because she sees him as her savior. Has a voracious sexual appetite and is a willing recipient of almost anything that is being dished out.
• Leo man – Passionate and caring, he can only perform if his heart is really in it. He prefers raw, natural, unadorned sex with no frills and, with his belief in his own superiority, the traditional male dominance role. Sexy secret: enjoys a head-to-toe massage.
• Leo woman – A fiercely energetic woman who, like the lioness, is a wildcat in the bedroom. She always battles with her lovers for dominance and plays cat and mouse with potential partners. How to turn her on: boast about your incredible stamina and she’ll try to match it.
• Virgo man – A gentle giant, he is the ultimate caretaker in the bedroom with a startling empathy for women’s needs. He has a Svengali-streak and sees women as either Madonnas or hookers.
• Virgo woman – Pleasing a lover tops Virgo’s erotic agenda and she treats men like lord and master. Simultaneously sacred territory and sexy bombshell, she is driven to nurture men. She seeks partners with staying power.
• Libra man – Has a high-minded, ethereal approach to sex. Witty and charming, he talks women into bed. Sex must be beautiful and he indulges in lavish foreplay, determined to gratify a woman early on. An expert lover.
• Libra woman – Unconventional in relationships, some can favor casual sex and are wary of commitment. Fights against male adulation and traditional gender roles in bed, preferring the equality of giving and receiving pleasure. How to turn her on: arm-wrestle her into bed.
• Scorpio man – A severe individual, he is insular but lavishes attention on his lover. Most Scorpios enjoy experimenting and some are even turned on by kinky sex.
• Scorpio woman – Invented the term ‘hard-to-get’ but skillfully works her way into her lover’s psyche without lifting a finger. Highly-sexed and demanding, she sees herself as the ultimate prize. Woe betide he who doesn’t meet expectations.
• Sagittarius man – Wildly romantic, he has an untamed energy and sees his lovers as playmates and has incredible luck with the ladies. He wants experience with women of every kind.
• Sagittarius woman – A high achiever, some are obsessed with the idea of choosing only successful, charismatic partners. In bed, her modus operandi is to ’empower’ the man, turning him into putty in her hands.
• Capricorn man – An anachronism, he is deeply old-fashioned and is attracted to traditional, lady-wife types. Tries hard to repress his libido, but some will have fetishes, kinks and hang-ups.
• Capricorn woman – Naturally cautious, she never rushes into relationships and seeks a spiritual connection first. Has a wild fantasy life and invents dream lovers. A fairly conservative sexual character, she won’t be coerced into anything.
• Aquarius man – He seems sorted and self-sufficient but some Aquarian men have a notoriously skewed, even kinky side in bed. Thinks no woman is out of his league and many are emotionally detached from sex.
• Aquarius woman – She loathes over-dependent lovers but, as the zodiac’s cheerleader, is her partner’s biggest fan. A low-maintenance mate, hates formality and routine. Spontaneity is her big arousal and sex is pure physical pleasure.
• Pisces man – Beholden to nobody, this dreamer is his own boss and is drawn to raw, grounded women who are his polar opposite. Super-relaxed about sex, nothing embarrasses him and some Piscean men have a prolific number of partners, many of them one-night stands.
• Pisces woman – A walking, talking paradox, all virtue and all vice wrapped into one deceiving package. Insists on being treated like a princess in bed. Often finds sex dirty and can behave like a martyr, but secretly adores being adventurous.
– Condensed from the book “Sextrology: The Astrology of Sex & the Sexes” by Stella Starsky & Quinn Cox.
BS ‘WHICH CAME FIRST?’:
Air conditioners or window screens?
[Screens, but not by as much as you might think. The steel-mesh window screen as we know it was invented in 1862. WH Carrier developed the 1st air conditioning in 1902.]
CANADA WEEK TRIVIA, EH:
• In which year was “O Canada” officially proclaimed as Canada’s national anthem?
c. 1980 [CORRECT]
d. Never has been made official.
• Who designated red & white as Canada’s official colors?
a. King George V [CORRECT]
b. Prime Minister Lester Pearson
c. Prime Minister Louis St Laurent
d. Queen Elizabeth II
• What did the federal government outlaw in September 1972 for safety reasons?
a. Firecrackers. [CORRECT]
b. Open-wheeled go-carts.
c. Smoking in airplanes.
d. Expense accounts for politicians.
– “The Great Canadian Trivia Book”
BS BLATANT JOKE:
Practise safe eating – always use condiments.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If THIS item was hooked up to an EEG, the readings would be virtually the same as the brain waves of a healthy adult.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Jell-O.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Philosophy is very meaningful until you have to pay the rent.