June 30, 2008

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Monday, June 30, 2008        Edition: #3808
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!

• A European “Vogue” cover model has fallen to her death from her 9th-floor NYC apartment in an apparent suicide. 20-year-old Ruslana Korshunova, died around 2:30 pm SATURDAY after a fall from a building on Water Street in Manhattan’s Financial District. Originally from Kazakhstan, she had appeared in ads for Marc Jacobs, Nina Ricci, and DKNY. (Maybe she had the window open and a stiff breeze got hold of her 47 lbs?)
– Newsday.com
• Actress Taylor Momsen, who plays ‘Jenny Humphrey’ on “Gossip Girl” (CW/CTV), has just signed a contract with IMG Models, one of the top agencies. She’s all of 14. (The good news is … Marc Jacobs is now looking for a new model.)
– CosmoDaily
• 27-year-old actor Jake Gyllenhaal has quietly moved into 32-year-old actress-GF Reese Witherspoon’s $5-million Hollywood hovel and is said to have become part of her fiercely guarded family of 2. An insider blabs that marriage is definitely what the twosome are working toward. (He moved into HER house, so guess we know who wears the pants.)
– “Us Magazine”
• 38-year-old “Kill Bill” actress Uma Thurman is set to marry 45-year-old London-based Swiss millionaire Arpad ‘Arki’ Busson. The duo began dating LAST SUMMER after meeting at a private dinner party in Milan, Italy. He’s apparently sealed the deal with an 8-plus carat diamond engagement ring that – according to a gossip – she can’t fit it through the sleeve of her coat. (Careful dude, you’re wedding ‘The Bride’!)
– NYDailyNews.com
• Wed on the weekend: 37-year-old former “Saturday Night Live” star Chris Kattan & 31-year-old model Sunshine Tutt in an ‘environmentally friendly’ ceremony in Yosemite Valley CA. Among those on the scene: Will Ferrell, Tina Fey, and Jimmy Fallon. And former tennis star Chris Evert has wed former golf star Greg Norman in the Bahamas (both are 53), after wrecking their respective homes to get each other. Guests at the $2-million bash included “Today” show host Matt Lauer and has-been Canadian pop singer Corey Hart. (Who wore his sunglasses.)
– People.com
• Tim Kring, creator & executive producer of “Heroes” (NBC), says the upcoming 3rd season of the superhero series will take the show and its characters in ‘entirely new directions’, including ‘deep into the back-story’. (BS translation: we can’t think of anymore unlikely stunts for these mutant freaks to pull off, so we’re going back to the beginning of the thin premise.)
– SciFi.com
• Chris Noth (“Sex In the City’s” ‘Mr Big’) is leaving “Law & Order” (NBC) … again. He’ll be replaced on the spin-off series, “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” (USA/NBC), by actor Jeff Goldblum who will split starring duties with co-lead Vincent D’Onofrio. (Goldblum’s the perfect fit … like the series, he’s in the twilight of a mediocre career.)
– Yahoo! Buzz
• 21-year-old actress Lindsay Lohan’s looney dad, Michael Lohan, has just revealed she has a secret sister she never knew about. It seems the now 13-year-old girl was the result of a relationship with another woman while he was married – but at the time separated – from former wife Dina Lohan. The illegitimate daughter’s mom says Michael has written frequently but never visited or provided financial support and now it’s time for him to step up. (Oh no! This could really shake the stability of this cohesive family!)
– “OK! Magazine”

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Montréal electrofunk duo Chromeo is on.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Gavin DeGraw (“In Love With a Girl”) is a guest.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Coldplay (“Viva La Vida”) performs.

• Aerosmith – 60-year-old frontman Steven Tyler said he checked into rehab LAST MONTH to recover from foot surgery. But now he’s finally ‘fessed up he was actually fighting a dependency on pain pills & sleep meds prescribed post-surgery. Meantime, the videogame “Guitar Hero: Aerosmith” hit stores YESTERDAY.
• Alabama – Former lead vocalist Randy Owen is writing his autobiography, “Born Country”, to be published NOVEMBER 11th to coincide with the release of his first solo album, “One on One”.
• Amy Winehouse – She had quite the weekend, first slurring her way through a few tunes at London’s 90th birthday tribute concert for Nelson Mandela FRIDAY (at one point turning to a back-up singer for forgotten lyrics), then climbing off-stage into the mosh pit at the Glastonbury Festival SATURDAY to scuffle with a ‘fan’.
• DMX – His ‘rap sheet’ now runs several pages (volumes?). He’s been busted – yet again – this time on FRIDAY for ordering ‘30 powder and 15 weed’ … from an undercover Miami cop.
• Madonna – Reports say her director-hubby Guy Ritchie flew across the pond to NYC for the weekend in what’s thought to be a last-ditch effort to save their marriage.
• Sara Evans – LAST NIGHT she was a celeb contestant on TV game show “Million Dollar Password” (CBS).

A recent poll of women aged 18-39 has found that the majority are more comfortable talking to a girlfriend about shopping, health, family, and work troubles than the man in their life. They also share ‘secret information’, like suspicions of pregnancy or interest from a married man. But what won’t one woman tell another? She’d NEVER tell a friend her outfit looks bad, she’s gained weight, or she needs to discipline her children better. (Well, not to her face anyway.)
– PA News

How smart is your pooch? Now you can put your pup’s brain to the test with the new ‘Pooch IQ Kit’. After performing 15 ‘fun exercises’ with your dog, you simply tally up the score to get his IQ. One activity involves seeing whether your canine can remember where you’ve hidden a treat after being taken out of a room for 30 seconds. Rather than a serious test, the product is touted as a fun way to find out how smart Fido is. (Compared to humans … not very. Scientific studies suggest even the most intelligent dogs fail to even reach a human equivalent of 40 IQ.)
NET: http://poochiq.com
– “Cosmopolitan”

A few overly-creative food products that were yanked off the market after bombing big-time …
• ‘Garlic Cake’ – Gunderson & Rosario tries to invent a new Italian dessert. Icky!
• ‘Gerber’s Singles’ – Adult food in baby food jars.
• ‘Heinz Funky Fries’ – Chocolate-flavored or blue-colored french fries.
• ‘Kiss Your Ass Goodbye’ – Extra hot salsa with a name you don’t wanna picture while eating.
• ‘Maalox Whip’ – The yummy dessert topping that also controls diarrhea.
• ‘PMS Crunch’ – A chocolate snack targeted at women.
• ‘Thirsty Cat’ – Bottled water for pets. (Almost as stupid as bottled water for humans.)
– ”What Were They Thinking?” by Robert McMath

A new Australian study is investigating whether doing the tango helps … fight depression. University of New England researcher Rosa Pinniger suggests you really have to focus to perform the Argentine dance, and that concentration doesn’t allow other thoughts to invade the mind. She likens tango to meditation. While you’re doing it, she says, you can only be in the present. (Does any of this explain why judge Mary Murphy is always laughing so creepily on “So You Think You Can Dance”?)
– Australian Broadcasting Corporation

Just what the off-the-trail camper needs … the all-new ‘S— Box’. This lightweight portable cardboard toilet is made specifically for outdoor use (we certainly hope so). The box pops up from a convenient 14-inch flat pack to form a rigid, reusable, comfortable john. Each unit comes with 10 biodegradable waste bags. This crappy idea is a product of the inventive minds at London-based Brown Corporation. (By using the device aren’t you just delaying the inevitable?)
NET: http://www.thebrowncorporation.com
– “Curious Times”

Researchers at Harvard University have found that people who post photos of themselves frowning on social networks tend to cluster with other frowners, while smilers find themselves with smilers. (Seems misery really does love company … at least online.)
– Nature.com


1953 [55] Hal Lindes, Monterey CA, classic rock guitarist (Dire Straits-“Money For Nothing”, “Sultans of Swing”)/film composer

1959 [49] Vincent D’Onofrio, Brooklyn NY, TV actor (‘Detective Robert Goren’ on “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” since 2001)

1966 [42] Mike Tyson, Brooklyn NY, youngest-ever heavyweight boxing champion (age 20)/undisputed world boxing champ (WBA, IBF, WBC) from 1987-90/ex-con

1981 [27] Matt Kirk, Kingston ON, CFL defensive tackle (BC Lions since 2006)

1984 [24] Fantasia Barrino, High Point NC, R&B singer (“When I See U”)/Broadway actress (“The Color Purple”)/“American Idol 3“ winner (2004)

• “Meteor Day”, an annual observance encouraging us to look to the skies for a stunning meteor show. With a little luck and clear skies, you can see a meteor just about any night of the year. Meteors are made up of space dust and ice that enter Earth’s atmosphere.

• “Please Take My Children to Work Day”, the 6th annual event encouraging stay-at-home moms to take the day off, or at least part of it, by finding a relative, neighbor, friend, or babysitter to take care of the kids.
NET: http://www.mommasaid.net/pleasetakemychildren.aspx

• “Canada Day”, the annual celebration of Canada’s nationhood (1867) that was first established as a holiday in 1879. THIS YEAR’s Parliament Hill bash in Ottawa includes performances by Blue Rodeo, Paul Brandt, the RCMP Musical Ride, and the Snowbirds.
NET: http://ottawastart.com/canadaday.php

2004 [04] “Spider-Man 2“ opens in movie theaters (ensuring that Tobey Maguire never has to work again unless he wants to)

2006 [02] “Love” premieres at the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas, a new Cirque du Soleil show that combines the troupe’s signature high-flying acrobatics with classic Beatles tunes

1998 [10] Faith Hill gets a gold record for mega-hit single “This Kiss”

2001 [07] Official opening of the $11-million “Shania Twain Centre” in Timmins ON
NET: http://www.shaniatwaincentre.com

1859 [149] 1st to cross Niagara Falls on a tightrope (French daredevil Emile Blondin)

1987 [21] Royal Canadian Mint introduces 80 million golden $1-coins into circulation to eventually replace paper dollars (they quickly become known as ‘loonies’)

1838 [170] 1st ‘Furniture Casters’ (and 1st ‘Office Chair Races’ are held)

1953 [55] 1st Chevrolet Corvette rolls off a short, makeshift assembly line in Flint MI (later purchased by a balding 49-year-old man of ‘limited size’, who is experiencing mid-life crisis)

1994 [14] 1st ‘Wedding via Video-Conference Telephone’

1994 [14] Temperature at Death Valley CA ties local record at 128 F

[July 1] Canada Day / International Joke Day / Build a Scarecrow Day / Financial Freedom Day / Frozen Yogurt Day / Motley Crue Fest begins (West Palm FL)
[July 2] “Hancock” opens in movie theaters
[July 3] Compliment Your Mirror Day / Dog Days of Summer Begin / Stay Out of the Sun Day
[July 3-Aug 15] Air Conditioning Appreciation Days
[July 4] Independence Day (USA) / Country Music Day / Sidewalk Egg Frying Day / Barbecue Day / Independence From Meat Day / Jonas Brothers tour begins (Toronto) / 13th World Wife Carrying Championships begin (Sonkajarvi, Finland) / Calgary Stampede begins
[July 5] Workaholics Day / 95th Tour de France begins
[July 6] Fried Chicken Day
[July 6-14] Running of the Bulls (Pamplona, Spain)
[July 7] Father-Daughter Take a Walk Together Day / Caricom Day (aka Caribbean Day)
[July 8] Video Games Day
[July 9] Intern Appreciation Day / Barn Day
[July 10] Don’t Step on a Bee Day / 26th Just For Laughs Comedy Festival begins (Montréal)
[July 11] Cheer Up the Lonely Day / Pet Photo Day / UN World Population Day / International Town Criers Day / 2nd generation iPhone goes on sale / “Hellboy II: The Golden Army” opens in movie theaters
[July 12] Swimming Pool Day / Orangemen’s Day / Pecan Pie Day
[July 13] National Ice Cream Day / Gruntled Workers Day / Embrace Your Geekness Day
[July 14] National Nude Day / Cow Appreciation Day / Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida” world tour begins (Los Angeles)
[July 15] 79th MLB All-Star Game (NY Yankee Stadium) / Respect Canada Day / Be a Dork Day / Canada’s National Parks Day / World premiere of “The Dark Knight” (NYC)
[July 16/18] Billy Joel closes NYC’s Shea Stadium
[July 17] 3rd “Rock Honors” air (VH1) / James Brown estate auction / Capital Ex begins (Edmonton)
[July 18] Stick Out Your Tongue Day / Get Out of the Doghouse Day / Full Moon of July (Buck Moon) / “The Dark Knight” opens in movie theaters
[July 20] Moon Day / Chess Day / Lollipop Day / Special Olympics Day
[July 21] Junk Food Day
[July 22] Rat Watcher’s Day / Miley Cyrus releases “Breakout” album
[July 23] Hot Enough For Ya? Day / Gorgeous Grandma Day
[July 24] Cousins Day / Virtual Love Day
[July 25] “The X-Files: I Want to Believe” opens in movie theaters
[July 26] All or Nothing Day / Aunt & Uncle Day
[July 27] Parents Day / Take Your Houseplants For a Walk Day / 2008 Baseball Hall of Fame Induction (Cooperstown NY)
[July 28] Accountants Day / Drive-Thru Day
[July 29] Lasagna Day
[July 30] Cheesecake Day                                 
[July 31] Mutts Day
[Aug 1] “The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor” opens in movie theaters
[Aug 8] Beijing Olympics Opening Ceremonies


A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Business card reads, ‘Sponsored by Shriners’ Burn Unit’.
• Highlight of his résumé is an honorary degree from the ‘Wile E Coyote Demolition Academy’.
• Has trouble launching the ol’ rocket in front of an audience.
• When the “1812 Overture” begins, pours milk over Rice Crispies.
• His grand finalé involves pork & beans and a Bic lighter.

• Lance Bass or Ryan Seacrest?
• ‘Kermit the Frog’ or ‘Gonzo’?
• Christopher Columbus or Ferdinand Magellan?
• ‘Batman’ or ‘Superman’?
• 50 Cent or Eminem?
• Dick Cheney or a Speedo?
• ‘He-Man’ or ‘GI Joe’?
• Fall Out Boy or Panic at the Disco!?
• Hugh Jackman or a rainbow?
– “Blender Magazine”

What’s the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist? A rock guitarist gets to play 3 chords in front of thousands of people.

What unusual job has you working on the holiday this week?

Today’s Question: During a 2-week vacation cruise, the average 70-year-old does THIS more often than the average 20-year-old.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Makes friends.

Drunk is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there.

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