June 4, 2008

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Wednesday, June 4, 2008        Edition: #3790
You Really Know Your Sheet!

Mick Jagger has paid tribute to rock ‘n roll pioneer Bo Diddley who passed away MONDAY at age 79, calling him one of the leading influences on the Rolling Stones . . . Here’s one way Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie afford their lifestyle – the bidding war over the first magazine photos of their expected twin girls has now reportedly surpassed $15 million . . . Stealing a page from Sarah Jessica Parker, “Sex & The City’s” Kristin Davis is set to front her own fashion line that will launch THIS FALL in Belk department stores . . . Meantime, her co-star Cynthia Nixon reveals that her life partner Christine Marinoni hates wearing feminine clothes and won’t even walk around in women’s shoes (nuthin’ sexier than a girl in gum boots!) . . . A new “Vanity Fair” article alleges Bill Clinton has been having affairs with women while on the road campaigning for wife Hillary, possibly including actress Gina Gershon (this IS surprising – she’s so C-list!) . . . ‘Batman’ actor Christian Bale tells “Details” magazine he narrowly avoided death on the set of “The Dark Knight“ when a helicopter’s blades missed him by just feet, but he didn’t realize how close it was until he saw the crew’s shocked expressions . . . And 35-year-old “Grey’s Anatomy” star TR Knight (‘Dr George O’Malley’) says he’s not considering marrying his partner even though California’s same-sex marriage laws have changed, because he only met 19-year-old Mark Cornelsen earlier THIS YEAR (cradle robber!).

• “Chopper Challenge” (CMT) – For the first time the motorcycle-building reality show will incorporate a band into a project. South African post-grunge act Seether’s image and logo will appear on the custom bike, and 3 of their tunes will air during the show.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – New country act Lady Antebellum performs “Love Don’t Live Here”.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC) – Coldplay promotes “Viva La Vida”.
• Kelsey Grammar – The 53-year-old TV star is scheduled to return to his Hawaii home after being hospitalized for a mild heart attack suffered while paddle-boarding SATURDAY. He’s now said to be ‘resting comfortably’.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – THIS MORNING Jewel promotes her new country album “Perfectly Clear”. TONIGHT she’s on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• R Kelly – His legal team is scheduled to begin its defense at his ongoing trial in Chicago. The prosecution has rested its case after 27-year-old Lisa Van Allen testified she’d been involved in several ‘encounters’ with Kelly and the alleged underage victim.
• “She’s Got the Look” (TV Land) – Beauty has no age limit in this new competition featuring models over 35.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC) – NERD (“Spaz”) is the musical guest.

• Black Eyed Peas – YESTERDAY they performed a private concert for about 700 people in Shanghai to help support Red Cross relief efforts for the victims of the recent China earthquake.
• Coldplay – A collaboration with Kylie Minogue on a song called “Lunar” was dropped from their new album “Viva La Vida”, purportedly because it was ‘too sexy’. (BS translation: associating with a middle-aged disco diva would make us look even lamer than we already are.)
• Leona Lewis – The 23-year-old Brit singer says she’ll never been caught for DUI or pictured falling out of a nightclub drunk because she hates the taste of booze. The clean-cut “Bleeding Love” hitmaker also says she won’t be wear mini-skirts or low-cut tops. And she also denies she’s engaged to her long-time boyfriend, insisting she is too young to settle down.
• Peter Gabriel – The classic rocker has just launched a new website called ‘The Filter’, which promises to sort through the infinite audio & video material available online to recommend selections custom-fitted to users who fill out a questionnaire.
NET: http://thefilter.com/

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘BlackBerry Prayer’ – The head-down, slightly hunched position that is characteristic of someone using a BlackBerry or similar device. (On the plus side, it makes them easier to slap upside the head when they’re not looking.)
• ‘Guerrilla Gardening’ – The illicit cultivation of someone else’s land, often abandoned lots or untended government land. Scattering seeds is the easiest way … you don’t even have to stop moving to do it, according to the how-to manual “On Guerrilla Gardening” by Richard Reynolds.
• ‘Microboredom’ – A term coined by cellphone maker Motorola to describe the ever-smaller slices of free time from which new mobile technologies offers an escape. (Cuz life’s just not worth living in those brief periods when you aren’t staring at some sort of screen.)

In a sign of how difficult it is to sell new homes in Southern California right now, a San Diego developer is offering a ‘buy one, get one free’ deal, pairing up million-dollar-plus homes with less expensive ones. Michael Crews Development is offering new, 2,000-square-foot row-homes worth $400,000 in Escondido CA for nada IF you buy a Royal View Estate home in San Pasqual Valley, starting at $1.6 million. The developer promises it’s a straight-up deal: no prices have been increased and there are no hidden costs. (Except you’ll now be stuck with TWO houses you can’t unload.)
– “Los Angeles Times”

Guess what? So-called ‘experts’ are wrong a surprising amount of the time, according to research published in the “Journal of Political Science”. A study of 5,000 predictions from over 200 ‘experts’ found that only about half were correct. And of those who said they were ‘very sure’ of their predictions … only 45% were right. (As the old saying goes: an expert is just somebody from out of town with a briefcase.)
– Reuters

Forget about high-stress occupations, it’s the boring, humdrum job that can actually kill you. So says a study from the University of Texas School of Public Health. Researchers have found that workers in undemanding jobs, with little control over what they do, are 35% more likely to drop dead in a given 10-year period than workers in more challenging positions. Why? It seems to be the loss of control over your life. (Or maybe the desire to live it.)
– “Social Studies”

Dr Fredric J Baur, the guy who designed the Pringles potato chip can, has died in Cincinnati OH at age 89. He was so proud of his invention of the tube-shaped container for the stackable chips that he left instructions he be buried in one … and his family has honored the request. Part of his cremated remains have been buried in a Pringles can, while a regular urn contains the rest. (You’d think they could have sprung for the ‘3-Can Party Pack’.)
– “Cincinnati Enquirer”

• In Bucharest, Romania authorities are on the lookout for a busker who makes her living doing impromptu pole dances … on the subway. The well-dressed, attractive young woman apparently strips while playing the Tom Jones tune “You Can Leave Your Hat On” on a portable CD player, then takes her hat off … and passes it around. (Now THIS could encourage commuters to leave the car at home!)
• In Arvada CO police are seeking a pair of robbery suspects who commit their crimes while wearing … thongs on their heads. The idea seems to be to stun and/or amuse victims while they stage a hold-up. A police spokeswoman correctly suggests that if you’re looking for a disguise, there are certainly other kinds that would provide better coverage. (Granny panties perhaps?)
• In Sacramento CA a 22-year-old has been charged with multiple counts of fraud for allegedly opening some 58,000 fake brokerage accounts using false Social Security numbers and drivers license numbers under the names of … cartoon & comic book characters. Why do it? To steal the ‘micro-deposits’ ranging from a few cents to a few dollars that brokerage firms deposit into new accounts to verify users can access them. The scam seems to have netted about $50,000. (On the upside, Porky Pig is now worth a couple mill.)
• In Melbourne, Australia a pair of burglars who jimmied open a window to burglarize a house in the middle of the night quickly discovered they’d picked the wrong place. The joint was a grow-op and was teeming with cops who’d just busted down the front door in a drug raid. The startled burglars fled, but were caught a couple of days later. (Now they’re digging a tunnel from their cell … into the prison yard.)
• In Niagara Falls NY police are investigating what’s purported to be the accidental stabbing of a young woman. Her boyfriend claims that after they’d been ‘horsing around’ in the kitchen, his girlfriend ‘walked into a knife’ lying on a counter. (Four times … backwards.)

Highlights from a recent poll of employees about sick days …
• 56% admit they’ve taken time off due to a hangover. (“I can’t come in, I’ve got the 26-ounce flu.”)
• 52% of those under 30 say they’ve called in sick so they could stay in bed with their partner. 24% of over-50s have done the same thing. (“I can’t come in … something’s come up.”)
• 25% have invented a death in the family to get time off. (“I can’t come in, my grandmother died … again.”)
So what’s your most creative excuse for not going to work?
– CareerBuilder.com

• The historical popularity of JUNE weddings has been partly attributed to a practical consideration: If a couple got married in JUNE, the wife could get pregnant and still be able to work the fields at harvest time.
– Wedding-blog.net
• A 150-pound person burns 72 calories from folding laundry for 30 minutes and 36 calories from kissing for the same amount of time.
– HowStuffWorks.com


1971 [37] Noah Wyle, Hollywood CA, TV actor (‘Dr John Carter’ on “ER” 1994-2006)

1974 [34] Stefan Lessard, Anaheim CA, alt-rock bassist (Dave Matthews Band-“American Baby”, “Where Are You Going”)

1975 [33] Henry ‘Smilin Hank’ Burris Jr, Spiro OK, CFL quarterback (Calgary Stampeders)

1975 [33] Angelina Jolie, LA CA, movie actress (“Beowulf”, “Lara Croft: Tomb Raider”)/2000 Academy Award (“Girl, Interrupted”)/daughter of Academy Award-winning actor Jon Voight/actor Brad Pitt’s partner since 2005/mother to Maddox, Zahara, Shiloh, and Pax (and soon reportedly, twins Isla & Amelie)/Mrs Billy Bob Thornton (2000-03)  UP NEXT: Voices the role of ‘Master Tigress’ in the animated comedy “Kung Fu Panda”, opening FRIDAY.

1980 [28] JoJo Garza , San Angelo TX, Texican rock bassist (Los Lonely Boys-“My Way”, “Heaven”)/brother of band members Henry & Ringo Garza

1986 [22] Shane Kippel, Toronto ON, TV actor (‘Spinner’ on “Degrassi: The Next Generation” since 2001)

1990 [18] Zac Farro, Franklin TN, rock drummer (Paramore-“Misery Business”, “Crushcrushcrush”)

• “Cheese Day”, celebrated on the anniversary of the creation of the first Roquefort cheese, made from ewes’ milk and ripened in a cave near Roquefort, France in the year 1070. It’s the perfect excuse to indulge yourself with a slice of your favorite.

• “Clean Air Day Canada”, first proclaimed as part of “Canadian Environment Week” by the federal government in 1999. The keys to cleaner air include turning off energy-using equipment when it’s not in use, using public transportation, making our homes more energy efficient, and planting more trees. Environment Canada’s Website has other tips …
NET: http://tinyurl.com/5hsdy4

• “Old Maid’s Day”, a truly outdated observance initiated back in 1948 for unmarried women over age 35. Nowadays 35 is when a woman begins THINKING about having kids (and when a man begins thinking about DATING kids).

• “St Quirinus’ Day”, the patron saint against earaches, gout, and hemorrhoids. (He must have been a real pain!)

2004 [04] “Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban” opens in movie theaters (eventually grosses $796 million worldwide)  FACTOID: Author JK Rowling has okayed the creation of a Florida theme park based on the ‘Potter’ books, which is slated to open in 2009.

1800 [208] 1st US President to occupy the ‘White House’ moves in (John Adams)

1838 [170] 1st recorded ‘Baseball Game’ (by some accounts) is played in Beachville ON (contrary to that Abner Doubleday fable many buy into)

1937 [71] 1st ‘Shopping Cart’, invented by Oklahoma’s Sylvian Goldman (next day, 27 of them are found abandoned behind his apartment building, half with one wonky wheel)

1988 [20] World record for ‘Hackey-Sack’ (foot bag) set at 48,825 consecutive kicks

[Thurs] Personal Computer Day
[Thurs] UN World Environment Day
[Thurs-Sun] 37th CMA Music Festival
[Fri] Couple Appreciation Day
[Fri] Take a Kid Fishing Weekend
[Fri] “Kung Fu Panda”; “You Don’t Mess With The Zohan” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Chocolate Ice Cream Day
This Week Is … Business Etiquette Week
This Month Is … Celibacy Awareness Month


• Whyzit when you get a pay raise its just enough to increase your taxes but not enough to have any effect on your take-home pay?
• Whyzit we call them ‘oranges’ when half of them are yellow?
• Whyzit we say ‘eats like a bird’ when every day a bird eats its own weight in food?
• Whyzit Scandinavians keep writing O’s and then just crossing them out?
• Whyzit insurance seems to cover everything except what actually happens?

The average North American does this in the musical key of F Major. What is it …
a. Snore.
b. Honk the horn. [CORRECT. For some unknown reason, the majority of North American autos feature a horn that beeps in the key of F Major, according to “Amazing Facts”.]
c. Break wind.

If you could teach your partner to do one thing, what would it be?

Contestant must choose the correct option after being given 2 answers to a perplexing question, one a total bluff, the other the correct explanation. Today’s question: Why are the buttons on men’s and women’s clothes on opposite sides?
a. It’s all about identification. In olden times most clothing with buttons was made from neutral colored-muslin. The one way of distinguishing his vs hers when it came from the laundry was the positioning of the buttons.
b. It’s all about money. Buttons were originally expensive and only wealthy women who were dressed by servants had them. Since the maid faced the woman she was dressing, having the buttons on the left of the garment placed them on the maid’s right. [CORRECT]

I’m very deceptive. I’m even slower than I sound.

Today’s Question: In a survey of members of the sports media, professional hockey players rank #1 in THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Being most approachable.

Don’t wait for your ship to come in, swim out to it.

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