Monday, June 2, 2008 Edition: #3788
Ahhhh, It’s Your Daily Bovine Colonic!
WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• A massive fire raged on a back lot at Universal Studios in Hollywood early SUNDAY, devouring several movie sets, including mock ‘New York’ and ‘New England’ streets. There were no immediate reports of injuries. (Some exec likely frantically ordered “Roll cameras, we can use this!”)
• Despite several media reports that 32-year-old actress Angelina Jolie has given birth to twin girls via C-section at a Catholic clinic in Aix-en-Provence, France her rep insists that Brangelina’s buns are still in the oven. Some reports even had names for the babes: ‘Isla Marchéline’ and ‘Amélie Jane’. (Not weird enough to be true Hollywood names.)
• Meantime, Jolie has confirmed she’s ended her long rift with her 69-year-old actor-father Jon Voight. She had shut him out of her life since 2002 when he publicly suggested she had ‘severe emotional problems’. Now, she says, they’ll try to get to know each other ‘as friends’ in the coming years. (BS translation: don’t ever mention that you’re my father again.)
– “Sydney Morning Herald”
• Britain’s 25-year-old Prince William may be royal but he’s not shirking military duty. He’s heading out to sea for a 2-month deployment with the British Navy, during which he’ll assist with hurricane relief and counter-narcotics patrol aboard the HMS Iron Duke. The prince will undergo special training before joining the ship’s crew … in the Caribbean. (Ah, so it’s a cruise then?)
• Pete Wentz is now admitting that he lied when asked a few months ago if now-wife Ashlee Simpson-Wentz was knocked up, but said he didn’t know what to say because he’s a (Fall Out) boy. He claims they wanted to wait until after the first trimester and get a clean bill of health from doctors before confirming anything, just like any other couple.
• 48-year-old music mogul Simon Fuller (19 Entertainment CEO, “American Idol” and “So You Think You Can Dance” creator, manager of David & Victoria Beckham, Claudia Schiffer, Spice Girls and others) has wed his longtime girlfriend, interior designer Natalie Swanston, in a small ceremony in Los Angeles. The multi-millionaire provided the 80 wedding guests with accommodation at the luxurious 5-star Auberge Du Soleil, costing $5,000 apiece per night. (To save you the math … that’s 400-grand.)
• Country singer Mindy McCready has been questioned by the FBI in its perjury investigation of Roger Clemens. FBI agents have reportedly interviewed her in an effort to determine whether the baseball star lied when he told congressional investigators he’d never taken performance-enhancing drugs. McCready has effectively confirmed reports that she & Clemens were involved in a relationship that began in 1991, when she was underage.
– “New York Daily News”
• A Heath Ledger Scholarship is being launched to help wannabe Australian actors follow in the late star’s footsteps. Australians in Film has established a fund, which it will present each year to a young up-and-coming performer with aspirations of Hollywood stardom. (Just footing the gigantic bill for airfare to get there would be a kick-start.)
• Not-working-much Hollywood actress Sharon Stone (“Basic Instinct” and, most recently, “Basic Instinct”) has apparently fallen victim to the credit crunch, putting her luxurious Los Angeles mansion up for sale … at a loss. She bought the hovel for $5.5 million in 2006 but has been forced to list it at a half-million less. The 50-year-old actress is just one of a number of Hollywood stars said to be affected by the market slowdown.
– “Daily Star”
• It’s true! Former “American Idol” runner-up Clay Aiken is going to be a baby daddy. Music producer David Foster has confirmed that his sister, music producer Jaymes Foster (who looks more like a guy than Clay), is carrying Aiken’s mini-me and is due THIS AUGUST. (Who would of thought there could ever be another immaculate conception?)
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – The Pussycat Dolls steam up the stage.
• “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC) – The Raconteurs are the musical guest.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – ‘70s disco queen Donna Summer performs.
• Save the Planet Invitational Golf Tournament – Participants in this inaugural event hosted by longtime PGA Tour golfer Peter Jacobsen in Myrtle Beach SC include Velvet Revolver bassist Duff McKagan; Tom Hamilton & Joey Kramer of Aerosmith; Robin Zander & Rick Nielsen of Cheap Trick; and Frank Beard of ZZ Top.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – The latest Hollywood fad seems to be going to rehab for problems other than drugs & alcohol abuse. 60-year-old Steven Tyler claims his recent rehab stint had nothing to do with his old vices, instead blaming it on … foot surgery. He contends she simply needed ‘a safe environment’ where he could have physical therapy to ‘get back on his feet’.
• 50 Cent – Investigators have found a 5-gallon gasoline container at the scene of a house fire where his ex-, Shaniqua Tompkins, and their 10-year-old son live. The rapper denies any involvement in the fire and is not a suspect. However, the incident remains under investigation.
• LeAnn Rimes – She’s been forced to cancel 2 stops on her tour with Kenny Chesney because of an inflamed vocal cord. But she plans to perform a headlining date TONIGHT in Boise ID, then rejoin Kenny’s tour TOMORROW in Portland OR.
• Nirvana – Courtney Love says she’s ‘suicidal’ after discovering the ashes of late husband Kurt Cobain have been stolen from her LA home. She kept them in a pink bag shaped like a teddy bear, along with a lock of his hair. She says it, plus thousands-of-dollars-worth of jewelry, are missing after thieves ransacked her home.
THE LIE HALF OF WOMEN TELL:
A poll of more than 5,000 women finds that fully half admit to lying about … their weight. Only 1-in-50 women surveyed is actually happy with the way her body looks. Fully 87% pick their ‘thighs’ as their most-hated body part. (The other half of women lie about their age.)
– “Grazia Magazine”
2008 GUYS’ CHOICE AWARDS:
SATURDAY “Bourne Ultimatum” star Matt Damon scooped 2 of the top honors at Spike-TV’s 2nd annual awards selected by men only, being named both ‘Guy Of the Year’ and ‘Best Ass Kicker’. “Iron Man” was named ‘Guy Movie Of the Year’. Cameron Diaz was presented with an award for a ‘Decade Of Hotness’ and her hit 1998 comedy “There’s Something About Mary” was inducted into the ‘Guy Movie Hall of Fame’. Other winners included “Transformers” star Megan Fox (‘Next Big Thing’); Jessica Biel (‘Hottest Girl’); and Harrison Ford (‘Brass Balls’).
– Worldwide Entertainment News Network
For a recent customs test at Tokyo, Japan’s Narita Airport, a quarter-pound of cannabis was placed in a randomly chosen suitcase on its way to the baggage hold. But after sniffer dogs failed to detect the cannabis, the officer involved could not remember which bag he’d put it in. Anyone finding the stash has been asked to contact officials. (Yeah, that’ll be happening.)
WEALTHIEST WOMEN IN SHOW BIZ 2008:
A new ranking of the richest female celebs and their estimated worth …
5. Mariah Carey … $226 million.
4. Celine Dion … $250 million.
3. Madonna … $325 million.
2. “Harry Potter” author JK Rowling … $1.1 billion.
1. Oprah Winfrey … $1.5 billion.
– “Forbes Magazine”
BEST AGE FOR IDEAS:
Researchers investigating the achievements of thousands of innovators have established that the age at which you are most likely to have your first big, original idea is … 29. That age represents the best combination of education and energy levels required for great ideas to emerge, according to a study by the National Bureau of Economic Research. The findings apply not only to science and engineering ideas, but also to artistic achievements. (So if you’re looking for a hot idea, find someone who still lives in mom & dad’s basement.)
– “Times of London”
GAINING INTEREST ON SLEEP:
Most of us suffer from chronic sleep deprivation. What’s known as ‘Sleep Debt’ is the difference between the amount of sleep we should be getting and the amount we actually get. The good news is that, like all debt, it can be repaid. Adding an extra hour-or-2 of sleep each night is the way to catch up. Ideally you should go to bed when tired, and allow your body to wake you in the morning … with no alarm clock. If you’re sleep deprived, you’ll naturally zone out for about 10 hours per night, then as you catch up your sleep time will gradually decrease. (We took a survey of the morning crew and most of us have a ‘sleep mortgage’ that won’t be repaid for 25 years.)
– “Scientific American“
TO UNHAVE & UNHOLD:
It’s “Weddings Month”, a happy time for many but a really tough time for brides (or grooms) who decide to call off a wedding. A few tips on how to nix the nuptials …
• Do it quickly and make it a clean break.
• Return the engagement ring and any engagement gifts.
• Don’t fight over mutual friends, keep the ones you had before the relationship.
• Don’t see your ex-fiancé again.
(But what do you say to mom? Every bride knows it’s not her wedding … it’s her mother’s!)
– “There Goes the Bride” by Rachel Safier
BS AMAZING FACT:
The only months to rank among the top 1,000 baby names LAST YEAR were ‘April’ (#310) and ‘August’ (#607). ‘June’ fell off the list in the 1990s after dropping steadily from its 1920s peak of #45.
BS CHRONOMETER 06.02.08
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1941  Charlie Watts, Islington UK, rock drummer (Rolling Stones)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1989)
1952  Gary Bettman, Queens NY, NHL commissioner since 1993/former NBA executive
1955  Dana Carvey, Missoula MT, movie actor (“Wayne’s World”)/TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 1986-93) UP NEXT: His HBO special, “Squatting Monkeys Tell No Lies”, airs JUNE 14th.
1960  Kyle Petty, Randleman NC, NASCAR team owner/3rd-generation race car driver/Richard Petty’s son/Lee Petty’s grandson/father of late driver Adam Petty
1972  Wentworth Miller III, Chipping Norton UK, TV actor (‘Michael Scofield’ in “Prison Break” since 2005)
1977  Zachary Quinto, Pittsburgh PA, TV actor (‘Sylar’ on “Heroes”) COMING UP: Makes his feature film debut as ‘Spock’ in “Star Trek” (2009).
1980  Fabrizio Moretti, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, rock drummer (The Strokes- “Juicebox”, “Hard to Explain”)/actress Drew Barrymore’s ex-fiancé
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bubba Day”, honoring those formally named or just informally called ‘Bubba’. We’re betting most of ‘em live in Dixie. But hey, if it turns your crank you can even adopt the name for the day!
• “Festa della Repubblica” (‘Republic Day’) in Italy, which commemorates the birth of the Repubblica Italiana and the end of the monarchy.
• “Rocky Road Day”, which either has to do with a favorite flavor of ice cream or a career in radio.
• “Yell Fudge At the Cobras in North America Day”. To keep the poisonous snakes off the continent, you’re supposed to go outdoors at noon and yell ‘fudge!’ Hey, seems to be working.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2004  Ken Jennings begins a run of 74 consecutive wins on TV game show “Jeopardy!” (eventually wins $2.5 million in cash and prizes)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1800  1st ‘Small Pox Vaccination’ (Trinity NL)
1835  1st major ‘3-Ring Circus’ in America (no not Congress … PT Barnum)
1886  1st (& only) US President to marry in the White House (Grover Cleveland)
1896  Guglielmo Marconi patents 1st ‘Radio’ (hey, thanks for the gig, Gug!)
1952  Debut of Canadian television (test pattern on Channel 2 Montréal)
1953  1st ‘Televised Coronation’ of a monarch (Queen Elizabeth II is crowned in Westminster Abbey some 16 months after the death of her father, King George VI)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] “Canadian Idol 6” season premiere (CTV)
[Wed] Clean Air Day Canada
[Wed] Old Maid’s Day
[Thurs] Personal Computer Day
[Thurs] UN World Environment Day
[Thurs-Sun] 37th CMA Music Festival
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Business Etiquette Week / Headache Awareness Week / Sun Safety Week / World Dystonia Awareness Week
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR YOUR WIFE SAY:
• “You know, I’ve been complaining a lot lately. I don’t blame you for ignoring me.”
• “While you were in the bathroom, they faked the pick-‘n-roll and scored a trey from the point guard. But don’t worry. If our guys can hold ‘em off for 20 more seconds they’ll still cover.”
• “I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.”
• “That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I’m gonna go over and talk to her.”
• “I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one. What a wonderful birthday gift!”
• “Let’s just leave the toilet seat up at all times, then you don’t have to mess with it anymore.”
• “I’m so happy with my new hairstyle, I don’t think I’ll ever change it again.”
BS GUESS THE HUMMER:
Find the morning crew member who’s completely tone deaf. Play a secret song to him or her through headphones and have them ‘la la la’ along to it on-air. The listener who correctly guesses the tune first wins.
BS PHONE STARTER:
If the statement, ‘You Are What You Eat’ is true, what’s that make you?
BS WORD OF THE DAY:
In the interest of promoting more erudite language as well as general goofiness, here’s a truly weird word for you to toss around for the day (award callers for tying it in with whatever they’re talking about). What is the meaning of the word ‘feist’?
a. A small dog of uncertain ancestry, a mongrel.
b. A person of little worth or someone with a bad temper.
c. A silent fart.
It is now used to mean either of the first two definitions, but the true origin of the word is from the Middle English word ‘fisten’ which means to break wind … in the silent-but-deadly manner.
BS RANDOM JOKE:
You can tell the age of the man by the tilt of his belt.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 20% of us are jealous of THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A neighbor’s lawn.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Every minute you are angry wastes 60 happy seconds.