Friday, June 17, 2022 — Edition: #7254
Get a Load of This Sheet!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Kevin Spacey was granted bail after appearing in a London court Thursday to face sexual assault charges. He “strenuously denies” the allegations, and intends to disprove them, his lawyer said at the preliminary hearing. Spacey faces 5 separate counts from alleged incidents that took place in the U.K. between 2005 and 2013. He was surrounded by a mob of reporters, photographers, and TV cameras as he entered London’s Westminster Magistrates Court. He will remain free on unconditional bail until a July 14 hearing, where he will formally plead. The actor had previously said in a statement that he would “voluntarily appear” in court and was “confident” that he could prove his innocence.
★ It’s the one where ‘Chandler’ finished his book. Matthew Perry announced that he has finished his memoir via an Instagram post showing a stack of typed pages. The caption reads, “My ego doesn’t like that I have to stop writing about myself. But the book is now done. So that’s that.” The “Friends” actor revealed in February that he was working on the book, titled “Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing”. The publisher, Macmillan division Flatiron Books, said Perry would be detailing some behind-the-scenes stories from the sitcom and his struggle with addiction using his “trademark humor.” Perry’s memoir is set to be released Nov. 1. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/vzrn6mkr
★ Jerry Seinfeld has recruited an all-star cast for his first live-action feature film as director, and the project has a very unconventional story. “Unfrosted: The Pop-Tart Story” focuses on Kellogg’s and Post’s race to create a toaster pastry. Melissa McCarthy, Amy Schumer, Hugh Grant, and James Marsden are just a few of the actors joining Seinfeld on the quest to create the Pop-Tart. Unfrosted is set in 1963, when Post made a huge mistake by announcing it had created a way to keep moist food from spoiling by using foil long before they had the product ready to sell. Kellogg’s managed to get its own version, Pop-Tarts, in stores quickly. Unfrosted also features Max Greenfield, Tom Lennon, Adrian Martinez, Bobby Moynihan, Christian Slater, and Sarah Cooper. Seinfeld co-wrote the script and is co-producing. No release date yet.
★ Bryan Cranston nearly wiped out the cast of “The Office” when he directed an episode. The “Breaking Bad” star helmed the episode called ‘Work Bus’, which the actors renamed ‘Death Bus’ after an air-conditioning unit was found to have been pumping exhaust fumes into the vehicle where the cast was working. On “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert”, Cranston explained: “Jenna Fischer actually saved everyone’s life. She said, ‘I smell exhaust, it’s coming inside the bus. And I’m saying, ‘Jenna…that’s not (possible) … we have air conditioning.’ And she goes, ‘No, it’s coming in!’” He then stood on a chair to take a sniff from the air-conditioning unit and realized it was actually pumping in fumes from the bus’ exhaust pipe. He added: “I got nice and dizzy, then realized, ‘Oh my God, we could have all been dead’. It would have been one hell of an episode.”
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Martin Lawrence
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Tracee Ellis Ross, D.J. Demers
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Adam Sandler, Post Malone, James Patterson, Joe Russo (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Nicolas Cage, Aaron Paul, Robert Winston (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Emma Thompson, Keke Palmer, guest co-host Alyssa Farah Griffin
• “The Talk” (CBS): Gloria Estefan, Andy Garcia, Adria Arjona, Diego Boneta
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Vanessa Williams, Dr. Aziza Glass
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Fun moments from Season 19, Heidi Klum, Michelle Obama, Shin Lim
• “The Wendy Williams Show” (Check local listings): Series finale. Vanessa Williams, Lilli Cooper, Suzy Nakamura
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Joel McHale
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Drew’s Crew team of experts gives a couple a transformational makeover (R)
• “Dateline NBC” (NBC): Amber Heard sits down with NBC News’ Savannah Guthrie in her first interview since the defamation trial brought by her ex-husband Johnny Depp.
• “Soul of a Nation Presents: Sound of Freedom — A Juneteenth Celebration” (ABC): Live performances and conversations with some of music’s biggest stars, including Ciara, Patti LaBelle, Jon Batiste, Marvin Sapp, Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis; Jimmie Allen hosts.
• “Transplant” (NBC): Bash draws on his war zone experience when extreme weather causes the hospital to lose power.
• “Would I Lie to You?” (CW): Guests Jena Friedman, Nyambi Nyambi, Ali Wentworth and Fisher Stevens
• “Expedition Unknown” (DSC): Josh Gates goes on a search for aviation’s most famous lost plane; just before Lindbergh made history, 2 rivals attempted a Paris to New York transatlantic flight.
• “NHL Playoffs” (CBC, SN, ABC): Finals game #2: Tampa Bay @ Colorado
• “The Black Pack: Excellence” (CW): Taye Diggs, Ne-Yo and Eric Bellinger celebrate Juneteenth with musical and dance performances; singer Tank; Jordin Sparks performs; a tribute to Sammy Davis Jr.
• “Brandon Leake: A Family Affair” (CW): Featuring 8 original poems written and performed by “America’s Got Talent” winner Brandon Leake, plus an intimate look at his life in Stockton, California.
• “NBA FINALS (ABC, TSN): Game #7 Boston @ Golden State (if necessary)
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Lady Gaga – Her decade-defining 2009 hit ‘Poker Face’ has now earned a spot in the billion YouTube views club. The avant-garde video is her 3rd to surpass a billion, following 2008’s ‘Bad Romance’, and 2018’s ‘Shallow’, from Gaga’s original soundtrack for “A Star Is Born”.
• Justin Bieber – is on the mend. On “Good Morning America” his wife Hailey gave an update on his battle with Ramsay Hunt syndrome, which caused paralysis to one side of his face. Quote: “He is getting better every single day. He’s feeling a lot better, and obviously it was just a very scary and random situation to happen, but he’s going to be totally OK.”
• Taylor Hawkins — The first wave of guests for the upcoming tribute concerts has been announced. Scheduled to play alongside the Foo Fighters either in London Sept. 3 or Sept. 27 in LA are: Liam Gallagher, Geddy Lee and Alex Lifeson, Brian May and Roger Taylor, Alanis Morissette, Chrissie Hynde Nikki Sixx, Miley Cyrus, Josh Homme, Joan Jett, Mark Ronson, Gene Simmons, Wolfgang Van Halen and more, plus an appearance by Dave Chappelle in LA.
• George Michael – 3 unreleased tunes by him have been unearthed the late Wham! star’s songwriting partner and best friend David Austin, and will be released soon. Auston also helped create the new biopic “George Michael Freedom Uncut”, which will be in UK cinemas for one night on June 22.
• Eurythmics, Mariah Carey and Steve Miller – were honored last night at the Songwriter’s Hall of Fame’s 51st induction ceremony. Other new inductees were: The Isley Brothers, Pharrell Williams and Chad Hugo of the Neptunes, Stevie Nicks collaborator Rick Nowels and Motown’s “Mickey” Stevenson.
• Rod Stewart & Elvis Costello — have laughed off their so-called feud. Costello had ranted to an audience about Stewart’s performance at the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee, saying: “We all have bad nights vocally, but…Sweet f’n Caroline?…How is it that nobody suggested Rod sing ‘You Wear It Well?’ Stewart’s Twitter reply: “My voice was rough cos of Covid…I thought it better it to make an appearance rather than let everyone down…By the way where’s your hair gone mate????? Sir Rod.” Back to Costello: “Dear Lord Stewart. You know I love you…the Queen would have loved ‘You Wear It Well’ or even ‘Hot Legs’. As to gigs, I had a stinker the other night in Liverpool. They come and go, like hair, which I keep sewn in my hat.”
• Kane Brown – is focusing on his country roots for his next album, but when it comes to collabs, nothing’s off the table. He’s been announced as one of EDM star Steve Aoki’s duet partners for his project “HiROQUEST”. Brown is part of an all-star, all-genre list of collaborators, also including Taking Back Sunday, Mod Sun, and “Cowboy DJ Rikstar,” Ricky Retro.
• Walker Hayes – You may or may not be surprised to hear this, but when he and his wife celebrated their recent 18th wedding anniversary, they both agreed it had to be at Applebee’s. And the best thing: Thanks to the success of ‘Fancy Like’, and the song’s Applebee’s shoutout, they got to pay for their meal using an Applebee’s Gold Card. LINK: https://www.instagram.com/p/Ceuad56pdlL/
• Brett Young — In honor of Father’s Day, he spoke of his favorite activities to do with his 2 daughters. He and his wife Taylor Mills Young share Rowan (11 months) and Presley (2). Young makes time every week to bring his oldest out for a daddy-daughter date at a local restaurant. He says they “just chat the whole time. She’s my little buddy.”
SHOOTING THE BULL
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Lightyear” (PG, Animation-Adventure): While spending years attempting to return home, marooned Space Ranger Buzz Lightyear encounters an army of ruthless robots commanded by Zurg who are attempting to steal his fuel source. (Chris Evans, Keke Palmer, Peter Sohn, Taika Waititi)
• “Brian and Charles” (PG, Comedy, limited): After a particularly harsh winter Brian goes into a deep depression. Completely isolated, he does what any sane person would do when faced with such a melancholic situation. He builds a robot. (David Earl, Chris Hayward, Louise Brealey, Jamie Michie)
How about a “Jack and Coke” – in a can? Just in time for Father’s Day, the makers of Coca Cola and Jack Daniel’s whiskey have announced that they’re pairing their products into a canned, ready-to-drink beverage called the Jack & Coke cocktail. Calling their new “pre-mixed cocktail option” a retail variation of a classic mixed drink, Brown-Forman Corp. and The Coca-Cola Company said the Jack & Coke cans are coming to markets worldwide, with an initial launch planned for Mexico late this year.
(One question – how do you strain the Coke out?)
(I don’t care WHAT they’re calling it, they can’t fool me. That’s a Lemmy!)
THE NITTY-GRITTY ON BEING FIDDY (THREE):
At what age do people feel sexiest? Well, it might not be a coincidence that it’s the same age that J-Lo will turn next month. According to the perhaps surprising results of a poll by dating app OurTime, 53 is the age that more than half of people said they felt friskiest in the bedroom, while a whopping 41% said it was the age they felt most comfortable in their skin. Meanwhile, 4 in 10 respondents claimed 53 was a sweet spot because they had let go of worrying about how they came across to a potential partner, while still feeling confident about their looks. And, yes, Jennifer Lopez, who turns 53 on July 24 — appears to be happier than ever, enjoying a red-hot romance with Ben Affleck and flaunting her incredible physique whenever she gets the chance. Other 53-year-old celebs who seem to be similarly thriving include Jennifer Aniston, Renée Zellweger, Mariah Carey, Cate Blanchett and Naomi Watts. Among guys, Hugh Jackman, Paul Rudd, Dave Grohl and Terrence Howard are all 53. Oh, and Will Smith.
(Of course, these are all exceptional people. And by exceptional, I mean they’re all exceptions to the rule that by 53, most of us feel like a broken-down shell of our former selves, with pasty skin, to boot. What? Just me?)
(You want to know the other neat thing about being 53? That’s when you can lie most convincingly!)
NEWS OF THE WEIRD (Toilet humor edition):
(***Preview for content***)
➢ New Zealand has revealed plans to impose a carbon tax on farmers to tackle one of the country’s biggest sources of greenhouse gasses: barnyard animals that fart and burp too much. Proceeds from the new climate moo-vement will be directed into research, development, and advisory services to benefit the farmers that are forking out for the farts. The tax on agricultural emissions would make New Zealand the first country to make farmers pay for the gasses that their cows or sheep produce. New Zealand is home to 5 million people, compared to about 10 million cattle and 26 million sheep. (And I’ve got one dog that’d give them ALL a run for their money!)
➢ What would you do if you threw away a piece of garbage and the trash can let out a deep, carnal moan? Well, the town of Malmö, Sweden is hoping you’d . . . do it again. Civic-minded pedestrians who drop trash into one of 2 bins on the city’s Davidshallsbron bridge are rewarded with sexy feedback like “Oh, right there, yes!”, “Come back soon and do that again!” and “Mmm, a bit more to the left next time.” City council started the campaign to encourage people to be less dirty — with their litter, that is. (Local teens are reported to be hopelessly confused, because the concept sets up a deep conflict between their 2 most primal instincts — sex, and being messy!)
DID YOU KNOW?
General Motors is developing a car rental service that’s truly out of this world. The automaker has teamed up with Lockheed Martin to develop a line of Lunar Mobility Vehicles that will provide transportation for manned missions visiting the Moon. The collaboration aims to have the vehicles ready for the first manned Moon missions of the 21st century, scheduled for 2025. The vehicles are being designed with autonomous driving capability and will be able to carry humans or gear around the lunar surface. The vehicles will be sent to the Moon ahead of the mission, and made available for lease to any government-led expeditions there, either from the U.S. or other nations.
BS CHRONOMETER 06.17.22
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Work at Home Father’s Day”, honoring Dads who have chosen to work from home to provide a better family life or for more job satisfaction. (Or just so they don’t have to wear pants…)
• “National Flip Flop Day”, Flip flops go back further than you may think. They were depicted on ancient Egyptian murals around 4,000 B.C. However, there is evidence that they were worn up to 15,000 years ago, during the Stone Age. (And political “flip-flops” go back even further than that…)
• “Eat Your Vegetables Day”, an observance likely begun by somebody’s Mother somewhere. (Yesterday was “Fresh Veggies Day”, so today we should eat ’em from a can?)
• “World Day to Combat Desertification & Drought”, to promote awareness of international efforts to combat it. (I’m a waaay bigger fan of the much less well-known “Dessertification and Draught” day, which I celebrate every Saturday…)
• “Apple Strudel Day”, the oldest known recipe for apple strudel (Apfelstrudel) is from Austria. It was handwritten in 1696.
• “Global Garbage Man Day”, actually it was re-branded in 2019 as “Waste & Recycling Workers Week”. Whether they are “Garbage Men”, “Sanitation Specialists” or “Waste Management Professionals”, thank them today (after all, they’re the ones who know about all the empty bottles you hide at the bottom of your recycle bin…)
• “World Croc Day” (the reptile, not the shoe), part of a global awareness campaign to highlight the plight of endangered crocodiles and alligators around the world.
• “Autistic Pride Day”, an annual celebration of the ‘neuro-diversity’ of people on the autism spectrum that’s designed to shift views of autism from ‘disease’ to ‘difference’. LINK: https://autismsociety.org/
• “International Picnic Day”, It’s a pseudo-holiday for humans, but a regular working day for ants.
• “Panic Day”, when you’re encouraged to run around all day telling people you just can’t handle it anymore. In other words … just a regular day.
• “Go Fishing Day” which, if you can pull it off, would allow you to post a sign on your door saying ‘Gone Fishing’. Work, after all, is for people who don’t know how to fish.
• (Perhaps it’s NOT a coincidence that today is also…) “International Sushi Day”, the 14th annual observance conceived originally as a Facebook page. If you’re looking for an excuse to eat raw fish, this seems as good a day as any. NET: http://bit.ly/10Xizp
• “Splurge Day”, when we’re encouraged to go out and do something indulgent. If funds or guilt were no problem, what would you blow bucks on? (I’m not sure, but it would definitely involve bacon…)
• “Father’s Day”, celebrated on the 3rd Sunday in June in about 90 countries as a day to honor Dad and appreciate all he does. Many other countries celebrate a day for dad at other times in the year. The first observance of a “Father’s Day” was on July 5, 1908, in a church in Fairmont, West Virginia. (***See “How Dad Are You?”, below***)
• “Juneteenth”, officially “Juneteenth National Independence Day”, on the anniversary of the 1865 announcement of General Order No. 3, proclaiming freedom from slavery in Texas. This day celebrates the emancipation of all who had been enslaved in the US.
• “World Sauntering Day”, a day to ‘revive the art of Victorian sauntering, and ‘discourage jogging, lollygagging, sashaying, fast walking, and trotting’. It’s also “Martini Day”, can we stumble?
• “Martini Day”. Recipe for a very dry martini: Take 1 bottle of gin . . .
• “Eat an Oreo Day”, The Oreo has been the best-selling cookie in the US since its introduction in 1912. Available in over 100 countries, the perfection of an Oreo cookie is down to an exact science. The cookie-to-crème ratio of an original Oreo cookie is always, without fail, 71% to 29%.
• “Garfield the Cat Day”, honoring Jim Davis’ fat cat comic strip on the anniversary of its 1978 debut in newspapers. (Big fat hairy deal.)
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943  Barry Manilow, Brooklyn NY, pop(?) singer (‘Mandy’, ‘Copacabana’, ‘I Write the Songs’)
1960  Thomas Haden Church, Woodland CA, movie actor (“Spider-Man 3”, “Sideways”)/TV actor (“Wings” 1990-95)
1963  Greg Kinnear, Logansport IN, movie actor (“Anchorman 2”, “Little Miss Sunshine”)
1966  Jason Patric, Queens NY, movie actor (“The Lost Boys”, “Speed 2”)/grandson of Jackie Gleason
1970  Will Forte, Alameda CA, TV actor (“The Last Man on Earth” 2015-18, “Saturday Night Live” 2002-12)/voice actor (“The Lego Movie” films)
1980  Venus Williams, Lynwood CA, pro tennis player (49 singles titles, $42.2 million in career winnings/former #1-rank, currently #571/older sister of Serena Williams
1982  Jodie Whittaker, Huddersfield England, TV actress (“Dr. Who” since 2017)
1983  Mickey Guyton, Arlington TX, country singer (‘Better Than You Left Me’, w/Dean Brody-‘Boys’)
1987  Kendrick Lamar, Compton CA, rapper-songwriter (f/The Wknd –‘Pray for Me’, ‘Humble’)
1997  KJ [Keneti James] Apa, Auckland New Zealand, TV actor (‘Archie Andrews’ on ‘Riverdale” since 2017)
SATURDAY- Paul McCartney (The Beatles) is 80; Isabella Rossellini (“Death Becomes Her”) is 70; Kim Dickens “Fear the Walking Dead”) is 57; Nathan Morris (Boyz II Men) is 51; Blake Shelton (‘Boys ’Round Here’) is 46; David Giuntoli “Grimm” is 42; Record exec [Scott] Scooter Braun is 41;  Richard Madden (“Game of Thrones”) 36; Jacob Anderson “Game of Thrones” is 32
SUNDAY- Phylicia Rashad (The Cosby Show”) is 74; Ann Wilson (Heart) is 72; Kathleen Turner (“Romancing the Stone”) is 68; Paula Abdul (“American Idol”) is 60; Boris Johnson (UK Prime Minister) is 58; Lara Spencer (“Good Morning America”) is 53; Hugh Dancy (“Law & Order” ) is 47; Zoe Saldana (“Avatar”) is 44; Macklemore (‘Thrift Shop’) is 39; Paul Dano (“There Will Be Blood”) is 38
TODAY IN SHOWBIZ . . .
2018  “The Incredibles 2” sets a box office record for an animated release, earning $180 million in its opening weekend
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2005  Coldplay’s “X&Y” album achieves #1 status in 22 countries
2008  Katy Perry’s major-label debut album, “One of the Boys”, is released, featuring the hit single ‘I Kissed a Girl’. It’s not her first album — in 2001 she released a gospel record under her real name, Katy Hudson
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2011  The first condemnation of discrimination against gays, lesbians, and transgender people is issued by the United Nations Human Rights Council
TODAY’S CHASE . . .
1994  O.J. Simpson doesn’t turn himself in on murder charges, and LA cops chase his Ford Bronco for 1½ hours. He eventually gives up (seen live on TV)
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ Earth is still cooling from its formation 4.5 billion years ago.
✓ The U.S. government gave Indiana University $1 million to study memes.
✓ No matter how cold it gets, gasoline will not freeze. (Neither will the price…)
✓ Peaches are members of the almond family.
✓ All Bran is only 87% bran.
✓ The brand “Northern Tissue’s” toilet paper slogan in 1935 was “Splinter-free”.
Best of BS . . .
BS IF FATHERS WERE REALLY IN CHARGE:
• Garbage would take itself out.
• Phones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
• Nodding and looking at your watch would be an acceptable response to “I love you”.
• Report card comments would be limited to “Nice hustle, you’ll get ’em next time!”
• If your wife really needed to talk to you in the middle of a game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the TV screen … during a time-out.
• A giant foam hand saying “You’re #1!” would be an acceptable anniversary gift.
-First published in BS in 2009
BS ‘HOW DAD ARE YOU?’
If any of these phrases are in your repertoire, you are definitely an inveterate and irredeemable Dad…
❑ “Guess it’s free then.” (When a cashier has trouble scanning an item)
❑ “Looks like we’ll have to amputate.” (When a kid has a minor injury)
❑ “Let’s rock and roll.” (When it’s time to leave)
❑ “No, your other right.” (When someone mistakes left for right)
❑ “What’s the damage?” (Before looking at the bill)
❑ “I was just resting my eyes.” (After falling asleep on the couch)
❑ “Guess they’ll let anyone in here.” (When seeing a friend in public)
❑ “It’s not heavy, it’s just awkward.” (When carrying something heavy)
❑ ”That’s not going anywhere.” (After tying something down)
❑ “Found it!’ (After pointing a stud finder at your chest)
BS WEB GOODIE:
Another Dad vid (sound up): https://tinyurl.com/y3bjvb4c
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Last Father’s Day, my son gave me something I always wanted: the keys to my car.
BS PHONE STARTER:
What is the best piece of advice you ever got from dear old Dad?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 25% of men say they turned into their father when they began doing THIS. What is it?
Answer: Dancing badly at parties and family gatherings
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It is admirable for a man to take his son fishing, but there is a special place in heaven for the father who takes his daughter shopping.