November 27, 2008

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Thursday, November 27, 2008        Edition: #3910
Sweet Sheet!

A video message on behalf of 38,000 UK musicians has been sent to British Prime Minister Gordon Brown urging him to extend copyright protection as they risk losing their income under current laws (instead of 50 years, session musicians want royalties for – huh? – 95 years!) . . . Atlantic, a unit of Warner Music Group, says it has reached a milestone that no other major record label has hit – physical sales of music in the US have now been eclipsed by digital products, such as downloads and ring tones (a watershed moment – get ready to say so long to CDs!) . . . Reports say that “Twilight” stars Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson are getting quite the pay bump, from $2 million each for the first movie to $12 million for the already-in-the-works sequel (nice to have your retirement taken care of at ages 18 & 22 respectively) . . . And Jessica Simpson has reportedly had another ‘Chicken Of the Sea’ moment wile shopping recently at a Beverly Hills Niketown, asking the sales help where the Adidas sweat pants were kept (uh, probably at the Adidas store, hon’).

• “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” (ABC) – Charles Schulz may be gone but his posthumous bankroll keeps on building as the “Peanuts” gang gathers around Charlie Brown’s ping-pong table for an unusual feast in this seasonal special.
• Jesse McCartney – He debuts his next single “How Do You Sleep?” during halftime of the 69th annual “Thanksgiving Day Classic” in Detroit, which features the 10-1 ticked-off Tennessee Titans vs the 0-11 punching bag Detroit Lions.
• Jonas Bros – Today they perform during halftime of the Thanksgiving Day NFL game in Dallas, in which the Cowboys host the Seattle Seahawks.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (CTV) – Pop singer-turned-country artist Jewel (“Perfectly Clear”) is a guest.
• “Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade” (NBC) – The big lineup in NYC includes David Archuleta, James Taylor, Miley Cyrus, Trace Adkins, and … Kermit the Frog.
• Mario – The R&B singer (“C’mon”) is in Philly to perform for the Philadelphia Thanksgiving Day Parade and for the Philadelphia-Arizona NFL night game as the Eagles host Thanksgiving football for the first time since 1940.
• “Survivor: Gabon” (CBS/Global) – It’s the annual recap show that airs on US Thanksgiving featuring ‘unseen footage, including secret scenes and audition footage’.

• Coldplay – Jay-Z will be supporting them on their 2009 stadium tour, opening the show at their 3 massive concerts in September, scheduled for Manchester, Glasgow, and London.
• Fall Out Boy – Pete Wentz says he & baby mama Ashlee Simpson-Wentz thought about the name ‘Bronx’ for a while before inflicting it on their new son, then added the name ‘Mowgli’ because they’re both fans of “The Jungle Book”. (Hey, the kid could have been named “The Cat In the Hat”.)
• Guns N’ Roses – “Chinese Democracy” is topping iTunes album charts in Austria, Belgium, Finland, France, Germany, Ireland, Italy, Japan, Luxembourg, New Zealand, Sweden, and Switzerland. But it’s a battle of egos in Canada & the USA where Kanye West is preventing GNR from topping the overall iTunes album chart. (Cage match! Kanye vs Axl!)
• John Mayer – He’s listed as #11 on “Details” magazine’s annual ‘Power 40′ list for being a ‘press whore’. The mag claims he’s a, quote, ‘starlet-wooing Lothario who kisses and tells’.
• The Killers – They kick off a North American arena tour January 17th in Denver CO that will stop off in at least 13 other cities including Toronto.
• Nickelback – Their North American tour in support of their new album “Dark Horse” begins February 25th in Nashville TN and hits major arenas in more than 30 cities across North America, including Toronto, Hamilton, Winnipeg, Saskatoon, Calgary, and Edmonton.
• Toby Keith – His holiday parody song, “War on Christmas”, is now available on iTunes. Keith performed the song on the TV special “A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All” last Sunday. A portion of proceeds go to the charity organization Feeding America.
• U2 – They pushed back the release of their new album from late 2008 to next year because the project needed 2 more songs, according to the boss of their label. (Uh, wasn’t Bono talking about having too much material to sort through a while back?)

Kinesiologists offer up some advice to office workers on avoiding neck and back pains …
• Adjust your chair so your feet are firmly on the floor. Keep moving; at the very least, shift your position every 20 minutes or so.
• Stretch. Ignore the funny looks from colleagues.
• If someone says, “Can I get you a coffee?” say, “No, sit down … I’ll get us some.” And don’t e-mail, text or phone anyone in the office … stand up and go talk to them.
• Don’t skip your lunch hour. Go outside for a brisk walk.
– “Daily Telegraph”

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … boys gossip too! While boys are more likely than girls to be physically aggressive, they’re just as capable of social aggression – such as gossiping and excluding others – as their female counterparts, according to researchers at the University of Arizona. (At least guys don’t go to the john in pairs to diss.)
• Scientists say … smoking makes you dumb. A 20-year study conducted by researchers at the University of Michigan reveals that long-term use of tobacco dims the speed and accuracy of a person’s thinking ability, and actually reduces IQ levels. (Hmm, remember all those pipe-smoking profs you had in college?)
– ANI Health & Science
• Scientists say … the average person now spends more time using media such as TV and the Internet than sleeping. Ball State University researchers have found that we spend 9 hours a day on average watching TV, using the Web, or talking on a cellphone. And fully a third of that time is devoted to using 2 or more media at the same time. (No wonder we’re fat.)
– BBC News

A female view of what constitutes good sex …
5. Timing
4. Variety
3. Technique
2. Communication
1. Commitment
– “Complete Woman Magazine”

A Belgian security company is offering to send out professional thieves to test stores’ security
systems. The Crime Control Company says its shoplifters are never caught and guarantees the return of all stolen goods afterwards. They fill in a report explaining how they did it, giving advice on how stores can improve security. (They also likely sketch out a map of security systems so they can come back at midnight and help themselves.)
– Reuters

Henry Owings new book, “The Rock Bible: Unholy Scripture For Fans & Bands”, contains a list of dos and don’ts for both established and aspiring rock stars. Among them …
• Do not name your band after another current band’s song or album. Come to think of it, don’t name your band after any song or album. Nobody cares about your ‘good’ taste.
• Turntables are not, nor have they ever been, a musical instrument.
• Using your computer onstage means you’re as likely to be checking your email as you are to be performing music.
• Never personally master your own recordings unless you really don’t want anyone to listen to them.
• Everybody thinks they’re funny. Most people aren’t … especially soundmen.
• Few singers are allowed to drape scarves on microphone stands. You are not one of them.
• Rhythm guitar players should always look like they want to be somewhere else.
• Those who figure they will play bass because it has 2 fewer strings than a guitar and is therefore easier to learn should probably just carry cases that hold guitars and basses.
• Singers who tell the audience to ‘Give it up for yourselves!’ should be attacked by hyenas.
• Never spend more time on your hair than you would eating a modest-sized meal.

Many of these dishes are not seen as odd in their areas of origin, but to the rest of us there is definitely something a tad off-putting about each …
10. Caterpillar Pretzels (Mexico)
9. Bee Larvae in Coconut Cream (Thailand)
8. Red Ant Chutney (India)
7. Stuffed Pig Rectum Sausage (France)
6. Fish Sperm Crepes (France)
5. Stuffed Dormice (Ancient Rome)
4. Uterus Sausage (Ancient Rome)
3. Stir-Fried Heart (China)
2. Stuffed Goat Kid (Saudi Arabia)
1. Brain Tacos (Italy)
– “List Universe”

• You’re born with 300 bones but by the time you become an adult, you only have 206.
• The average human body contains enough carbon to make 900 pencils, enough iron to make a 3-inch nail, and enough phosphorous for 2,200 match heads.

1957 [51] Caroline Kennedy-Schlossberg, NYC, only survivor of family of 4 that included JFK, Jackie O, and JFK Jr

1968 [40] Michael Vartan, Boulogne-Billancourt, France, TV actor (“Alias” 2001-06)/movie actor (“Monster-in-Law”)

• “Freckle Pride Day”, a day to stand up for your spots. Join ‘em all together and you’d have a tan. Or maybe if you connect them they make a picture?

• “Pins & Needles Day”, a celebration of the fine art of sewing, needlework, cross-stitching, etc.

• “Thanksgiving Day” in America, a yearly tradition on the 4th Thursday of November.

• “What Do You Love About America Day”, a day to talk about what’s great about the good ol’ USA. Hmm, well let’s see …
– The way they claim every team that wins an American sports trophy is ‘world’ champion.
– When they politely respond to your ‘thank you’ with ‘uh huh’ instead of ‘you’re welcome’.
– The way they constantly lower their population by adhering to the ‘right to bear arms’.
– The attitude that if it didn’t happen in America, it didn’t happen.
– When they modestly chant U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A’ at international sports competitions.
(We’re only kidding … sorta.)

1952 [56] 1st ‘3-D movie’ premieres (“Bwana Devil”, starring Robert Stack)

1996 [12] Disney’s live-action version of “101 Dalmatians” opens in movie theaters, starring Glenn Close, Jeff Daniels, and Brit actor Hugh Laurie (who goes on to star in TV’s “House”)

2000 [08] Magician David Blaine begins 58-hour ‘endurance experience’ in 6-ton block of ice in NYC’s Times Square (culminates in ABC-TV special “David Blaine: Frozen in Time”)

1996 [12] R Kelly releases hit single “I Believe I Can Fly”

1997 [11] Funeral for suicide victim Michael Hutchence, lead singer of INXS (Sydney, Australia)

1983 [25] 1st ‘indoor Grey Cup’ (Toronto 18, BC 17 at BC Place)

1994 [14] 1st US-based team to appear in a Grey Cup (Baltimore loses 26-23 to BC)

2005 [03] 1st partial human face transplant is completed in Amiens, France

1966 [42] Highest-scoring NFL game (113 points: Washington Redskins 72, NY Giants 41)

[Fri] Buy Nothing Day
[Fri] Sinkie Day
[Fri] Flossing Day
[Fri] Salesperson’s Day
[Fri] 2008 Gemini Awards (Toronto)
[Fri] Stay Home Because You Are Well Day
[Sat] Electronic Greetings Day
[Sat] Square Dance Day
[Sun] International Computer Security Day
[Sun] “Britney: For the Record” (MTV)
This Week Is … Cookie Week
This Month Is … Pet Cancer Awareness Month

• ‘Tubal Ligation Guy’
• ‘Accountant Boy’
• ‘Minute Man’
• ‘Incredible Divorced Middle-Aged Alcoholic Toupee-Wearer’
• ‘Captain Iron Lung’
• ‘Aqua Velva Man’
• ‘Super Pants’
• ‘Facebook Friend’

What do you most worry about forgetting to do when leaving your home? (In a recent “Ladies’ Home Journal” survey of women about obsessive-compulsive behavior, leaving the iron, oven, or coffee maker on were among the top answers, as well as turning the alarm clock off.)  

So I’ve been working on my unauthorized autobiography …

There are at least 6 different names used for the long sandwich that contains cold cuts, lettuce, and so on. Name 3 of them. [It’s known variously as a ‘sub’, ‘grinder’, ‘hoagie’, ‘hero’, ‘poor boy’ and ‘bomber’.]

Two of these are facts, one is pure BS. But which one?
1. Ancient Egyptians never looked at the Moon, believing to do so brought bad luck. [BS]
2. In ancient Egypt, some people fed their statues every day.
3. Ancient Egyptians mummified cats and mice.

Today’s Question: Within 4 weeks of moving to a new house the majority of people do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Drive by their old house.

You will never be younger than you are today.

Monthly Planning Calendar in Tomorrow’s BS!

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